Anna

Oh I remember that half six feeling so well. It passed for me eventually but for a long time I thought I was just becoming a more anxious person and that was that. Turns out it wasn't just that. Wishing you a GP who actually engages with what you're describing. x

Right, so I'm a bit further along than you and I wish I'd asked sooner, honestly. I did eventually just say the words, dryness, rawness, discomfort, and my GP didn't even blink. They hear this constantly. The bit about local oestrogen, you can literally say that phrase, I've seen it mentioned and I'd like to know if it might help me. That's it. That's enough. You've got this. x

Same age, same situation, same thirty-something years. I put it off for months and then one evening I just said "can I tell you something awkward" and he said yes and I said "sex has been really painful and I've been pretending it isn't and I'm sorry." He was upset that I'd been pretending, not at me, if that makes sense. The pretending was the bit that bothered him. Wishing you luck with both conversations. You've already done the hard bit by naming it here. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about three years ago. The quiet drifting apart is the bit nobody talks about, is it. It's not a row, nobody's done anything wrong, it just... goes cold and you don't know how to warm it back up without making it into a whole thing. I will say, writing it down before my GP appointment was the thing that actually got me somewhere. I typed it out the night before because I knew I'd bottle it in the room. She read it and took it completely seriously. You're doing the right thing. x

I could have written this word for word, minus the date (not quite there yet). The zero desire then four normal days then zero again thing, I thought I was going mad. Took me ages to even say it to my GP. Writing it down beforehand honestly helped me get it out without going blank in the room. You're doing brilliantly. Pasta counts. x

Oh love, I know this one really well. I spent so long dreading the physical side of anything intimate that I nearly talked myself out of dating altogether. There was actually a thread about this a while back, the dryness and confidence piece especially, lots of people felt the same. You're not broken, you're just in a tricky patch. Wishing you a lovely Friday x

Oh love, this is not a small step. Three years of suffering quietly and you've sat down and named it all. That is enormous. I spent so long finding polite ways to describe pain that I basically described nothing at all. The notes app approach is genuinely useful, you can just hand your phone over if the words won't come. Really rooting for you Thursday. x

Snap! I put mine off for about eighteen months, which is frankly embarrassing to admit. The writing it down beforehand is such a good tip, someone mentioned something similar in a thread here a while back. GPs really are unfazed by all of it, it's just us who've built it up into this enormous thing in our heads. Small win is exactly right. Well done you. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I actually did write it down, almost exactly like you. I ended up saying to my GP "sex has become painful and I've been avoiding it because of that" and she just nodded and said there was a name for it. That was it. She wasn't embarrassed at all. I was the only one dissolving. You won't. The piece of paper is a brilliant idea, honestly. x

Oh love, the notes thing is so smart and I wish someone had told me to do that years ago. I went to my GP three times before I actually said the word 'dryness' out loud. Three times! Just sat there going 'I'm a bit run down' like some kind of Victorian lady with the vapours. Your instinct to write it down is exactly right. 'Raw' and 'dryness affecting everything' are actually really good descriptions, better than anything I managed. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I did the exact same thing at my first appointment, said something vague about 'changes' and then just smiled and nodded while she talked about something else entirely. Came home furious with myself. The notes idea is brilliant and I wish someone had told me years ago. You've basically just written the guide I needed at 54. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The deleting the list thing made me actually laugh because I did exactly that. Three times. On my notes app. Like the phone was going to grass me up. I did eventually talk to my GP and she was brilliant, but I'd been to two before her who basically shrugged. So it can be luck of the draw. Bring your list, read from it if you have to, don't let her rush you. You deserve to be heard. Rooting for you next week. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about four years ago. The way the appointment fills up with the "acceptable" symptoms and the real thing just sits there unsaid. I actually started saying "I need to flag something else before we run out of time" right at the beginning, almost before I'd sat down. Felt bold but it worked. She didn't bat an eyelid. You've already done the hard bit by writing it down. Take the paper in, hand it over, let her do the rest. You've earned this appointment. x

58 here and yes, absolutely this. I still have things to figure out, nobody warned me about that either, but the white-knuckle phase does end. And the bit about still asking questions even when the obvious symptoms ease, so important. I stopped advocating for myself for a while because I thought I was through it. I wasn't, quite. Keep the list habit going. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about three years ago. The notes thing is exactly right, do not go in without them. I actually handed mine to the GP rather than reading them out, because I knew my voice would go. She just read it, nodded, and we got on with it. No dissolving required. For my husband I ended up saying something like "this is a physical thing that's happening to my body, it's not about you, and I need you to know that before I can explain the rest." He didn't fully get it at first but he got enough. That was enough to start. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about three years ago. The quietly dreading it part especially. That's exactly how it was for me and I couldn't have named it either. The list is a brilliant idea. I did the same thing for my GP appointment and it genuinely changed everything because otherwise I would have sat there talking about my knee or something completely irrelevant. GSM is real, it has a name, it has treatments, and you are absolutely not falling apart. Good luck this weekend and next week. We're all rooting for you x

Oh love, the cholesterol conversation instead of the real one. I have done this exact thing. Twice. Once I spent the whole appointment talking about my mum's medical history when she wasn't even the patient. The notes on your phone idea is genuinely what worked for me in the end. I just held it up and said "I've written it down because I knew I'd bottle it" and my GP was completely fine. You've got this x

So glad you pressed post instead of closing the app again. That lonely feeling you described, that's real and it's more common than anyone talks about. I felt it for a good year before I finally said something out loud, to my GP first and then my husband. Neither conversation was as awful as I'd built it up to be. The notes idea is brilliant. Take them in, read from them if you have to. No shame in it whatsoever x

Writing it all down before you go in is such good advice, I wish someone had told me that years ago. I used to come out thinking, oh I forgot to mention the worst bit. The capitals for HRT made me smile, that's exactly the right energy. You deserve to be heard x

I could have written this word for word, minus the hysterectomy, but the bit about trying to describe your experience to someone who just doesn't have the reference point... yes. Absolutely yes. What helped me at appointments was writing one sentence at the top of my notes that basically set the scene before anything else. Like a little preamble. "This started suddenly, not gradually, here is the date." Stops them jumping straight to the standard questions. Good luck with the six weeks, hope they actually listen. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The pulling away bit, the not wanting to make it a whole thing, the burning that lingers. I know exactly what you mean. I did the same thing you're doing, wrote it all down beforehand, because I knew I'd walk in and say I was fine. It really helped. Ask specifically about local oestrogen, use those words, and if she hesitates, ask her to explain why not. You deserve a proper conversation, not a pat on the head. So glad you said it here first. x

Snap! I went through almost exactly this before I finally said something. The libido thing felt hardest to say out loud, way harder than the physical stuff. What helped me was framing it as 'I've lost interest in intimacy and I'd like to understand why' rather than anything more personal. Felt a bit clinical but got the conversation started. Rooting for you next week. x

Oh love, the crying in the car park afterwards is SO real. I did that twice before I finally just handed my GP a piece of paper and let her read it. Honestly felt ridiculous but she was completely matter of fact about it, asked a couple of questions and we were onto local oestrogen options within five minutes. Five minutes! After years of me not saying a word. You've got this x

I could have written this word for word, minus the divorce (long marriage here, different set of confusions). The bit about a body that keeps surprising you, yes. Exactly that. The logging idea is lovely. Not pressure, just noticing. x

I could have written this word for word. The kindness from my husband was the hardest part too, honestly. There was a thread here recently about how to actually phrase it to the GP without dying of embarrassment and someone suggested just handing over the written list rather than saying it out loud. That's what I did. It worked. You've got this. x

Oh love, yes and honestly I wish someone had just told me straight years ago instead of me faffing about with whatever was cheapest. Replens did nothing for me personally, felt a bit like applying wallpaper paste if I'm honest 😂. Yes WB was a revelation. Still not a miracle but SO much better. Ask your GP to prescribe rather than buying, it adds up otherwise x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I sat in my GP's waiting room last year with my little list in my notes app, absolutely convinced I'd say "all fine thanks" and walk out. What helped me was literally reading the first line off my phone rather than saying it out loud cold. Something like "I've written a few things down because I knew I'd go blank" and she just nodded and waited. That was it. The door opened and I didn't have to find the words from scratch. You've already done the hard bit by writing it down. Take the list in. You're allowed to. x

Oh love, this is me two years ago almost word for word. I did exactly this, wrote it all down on a scrap of paper and nearly stuffed it back in my bag the second I sat down. I didn't. And I'm so glad. The notepad is the right call. Keep it in your hand if you have to. The recurring UTI thing that isn't a UTI, the dryness, the pain, all of it is connected and your GP needs to hear it. You are not making a fuss. You are describing real symptoms. Good luck Thursday. I'll be rooting for you x

Oh love, the going red just thinking about saying it out loud thing is so real. I rehearsed the word in my car before my appointment like an absolute loon. But I got it out, and she didn't blink. Wrote a referral on the spot. You've done the hard part already by writing it down, honestly. Good luck Thursday. x

Stephanie, same age as you and this is so familiar it's almost uncanny. The fake UTIs were what finally made me go. Twice in three months, antibiotics both times, and then a third time the GP said there was no infection and I had to actually say the words. It was mortifying for about thirty seconds and then she was completely matter of fact about it. The notes app thing is exactly right. Take it in, read from it if you have to. Nobody's going to judge you. x

Oh love, the itching!! Nobody mentioned that to me either. I genuinely thought I was losing my mind for a bit. And yes to the papery skin thing, it crept up so slowly I didn't notice until I looked at my hands one day and thought, whose hands are those. The notes idea is brilliant, I did something similar before my last GP appointment and it made such a difference to actually being heard. Also very much with you on the £65 serum scepticism. Lesson learned the expensive way 😂 x

Thank you Sarah, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Oh love, the weird politeness. I know exactly what you mean and it's such a specific kind of sad, isn't it. Like you're both being very considerate of a problem neither of you is naming. For the GP I actually wrote "painful friction during sex" on my little list. Blunt but it got the point across without me having to say it out loud while going puce. She didn't blink. They've heard it all, even when it doesn't feel like it. You've got this. x

Snap. Thirty years of marriage here and I had the exact same moment of thinking I was just... worn out, or that something had gone wrong with me specifically. It hadn't. Writing it here first is brave, honestly. And the notes idea is brilliant. I wish I'd done that before my first GP appointment instead of going blank and saying 'a bit uncomfortable' when what I meant was 'it's affecting everything'. You've got this. x

Oh Karen, I could have written this word for word. The careful husband thing is SO much harder than if he'd just said something, isn't it. I did exactly what you're doing, wrote it all down on my phone before my appointment. Dryness, discomfort, avoiding, the whole lot. And I just handed the GP my phone and said "I can't say this out loud but it's all there". She was completely unfazed. You've got this. Thursday is going to be fine. x

Oh love, this is such good advice. I did almost exactly the same thing last year. Sat there twice making vague noises about "things feeling different" and left both times with nothing. The list was the thing that changed it for me too. I actually slid it across the desk without saying a word and my GP just read it and got on with it. No drama at all. Wishing you all the luck with this appointment x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about three years ago. The notes app thing is actually brilliant, I did exactly that. When I finally got into the room I just said "I'm going to read something because I'll go blank otherwise" and slid my phone across. My GP didn't even blink. The phrase that seemed to land was "dryness and discomfort during sex" said plainly, like a fact. Not apologetically. Just a fact. You deserve to be heard on this, you really do. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about two years ago. The deleting and retyping, the going bright red, the husband who knows but doesn't quite know. I actually said to my GP "I've written it down because I can't say it out loud" and she just nodded like she'd heard it a hundred times that week. Which she probably had. You're not alone in this, not even slightly. Good luck Friday. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about five years ago. The 'bracing for it' thing is so real and so hard to explain to someone who hasn't felt it. What helped me most with my husband was actually just saying exactly that, that I wasn't pulling away from him, something had changed physically and I was still figuring it out myself. He didn't need the full picture to feel reassured. And your GP list sounds exactly right. Write down the libido thing. Don't cross it out. They've heard it a thousand times, even if it doesn't feel that way. x

Oh love, thirty-one years and you're sat wondering if you just don't fancy him anymore. What a horrible place to be in, and what a relief to finally have a name for it. GSM does sound like a network provider, you're right. Absolutely not the vibe. The notes for your GP are a brilliant idea, I wish I'd done that. And yes, tell him. He sounds like he deserves to know, and so do you. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I started doing exactly the same thing before my GP appointment, just noting down what was actually happening day to day because I knew I'd walk in and say 'fine, everything's fine' and walk out with nothing. The notes app is genuinely underrated. And yes, the uncomfortable-for-no-reason feeling is real and it's worth tracking. You're doing a good thing. x

Oh love, the bad lighting second-guessing is so real. I spent months convincing myself it was just the angle. It wasn't. Photos are a brilliant idea, wish I'd thought of it earlier. And the protein thing, I've been doing something similar, not expecting miracles but just... curious. Solidarity from me. x

Oh love, the notebook thing made me well up a bit because I did exactly the same before my last appointment. Literally wrote "the dryness, say the word dryness" as a reminder to myself not to bottle it. I did bottle it the first time. Second appointment I read it off the page like a shopping list and honestly the GP didn't even blink, just started talking through options straight away. The local oestrogen question is such a good one to ask specifically, I found naming it like that helped me feel less like I was confessing something. Good luck Thursday. You've got this. x

Not a small thing at all! Feeling more like yourself is genuinely the whole goal isn't it. My knees do the same on the stairs, I've started holding the bannister without shame. Well done you. x

So glad you posted. I'm 58 and a couple of years further along than you and I remember feeling exactly this, like I'd become a stranger to myself in that part of my life and had absolutely no idea how to explain it to anyone. The list idea is brilliant. I actually handed mine to the GP to read because I couldn't say it out loud without going red. She didn't bat an eyelid. They really have heard it all. Stick with it x

Oh love, the bus flush. I feel that so specifically. And yes to saying the actual thing at the GP because I spent about three appointments talking around the confidence and the intimacy stuff before I finally just read from a note I'd written on my phone. Embarrassing? A bit. Did it work? Yes. You've got this. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word a couple of years ago. My go-to became pasta with whatever was in the fridge, olive oil, garlic, parmesan if we had it. Teenagers ate it every time without complaint which honestly felt like a miracle. One pan, done. x

Oh love, this made me a bit emotional actually. Eight months is such a long time to carry something on your own. And handing over the paper, I think that's brilliant, not absurd at all. I'm the same age as you and I still find those words hard to say out loud to another human. Really glad she was good about it. Well done you x

Oh love, the notes on the phone thing is genuinely brilliant. I did exactly this before my GP appointment and it was the only reason I actually said the word 'dryness' out loud. My tip: read from the phone if you have to. Literally hand it over if you need to. You don't have to perform being fine. The GP has heard it all before, I promise. 🤞 x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about three years ago. What actually worked for me was saying it almost sideways, like "I've been reading that this is a really common thing in perimenopause and I think it might be what's going on with me." Somehow blaming hormones made it easier to say out loud without it feeling like a verdict on us. He was so much more understanding than I expected. You might be surprised. x

Oh love, the rose petal packaging. I know exactly what you mean. I've been using a plain gel from the pharmacy for a couple of years now, nothing glamorous, no five star reviews, just quietly gets on with it. And yes please do push for the local oestrogen conversation, it genuinely changed things for me and I wish I'd asked sooner rather than just nodding along like you said. x

Oh love, this is exactly what I did before my appointment last year. I had a whole rambling notes app list and I just handed my phone to the GP and said "can you read this because I cannot say it out loud." She was completely unfazed. Two years of not mentioning it sounds very familiar, I think a lot of us do that. So glad it's on the record now. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word a couple of years ago. That feeling of intimacy just quietly shifting without anyone telling you it was going to, it's so disorienting. Writing it down before the GP appointment was honestly one of the best things I did, because the moment I was in that room I would have glossed over all of it. You're doing exactly the right thing. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. Took me about two years to actually say it out loud to my GP and even then I sort of... mumbled it at the floor. The embarrassment is real. But I'm so glad I eventually did because there IS stuff that helps. You are absolutely not alone in this. x

Oh love, I completely get this. 22 years with mine and I still typed it into Google rather than say it out loud to him. There's something about that word that just... sticks in your throat, isn't there. What helped me eventually was writing it down first. Like actually putting it on paper before the GP appointment. Somehow that made it feel less impossible to say. You are so not alone in this x

YES. I remember the first time I ran to the end of my road without my knees screaming and I nearly cried in the street. Enormous is exactly the right word. Hold onto that feeling x

Ha, 'rain stick thing' is genuinely the best description of brain fog I've ever read. I'm stealing it. And yes, a clear five miles where your head is just your head again, that is absolutely worth announcing. I remember the first run I had post-fog-lifting where I was just... thinking about normal things. Almost cried at a roundabout. Well done for going in with notes too, it really does change the whole appointment. x

Oh I could have written this word for word, except I'm 58 and I've been a batch cooker for three years now and I am completely at peace with it. Honestly the labelled containers are a gift to your future exhausted self. You've run, you've worked, you've flushed four times. Future You deserves a chickpea thing that just needs reheating. x

The log is a genuinely good idea. I walked into my last appointment and said 'yeah fine' and walked out having changed nothing, then spent the next two months annoyed at myself. The mood thing you describe, flat in a useful way, that's a phrase I'm going to borrow.

The appointment shift is the bit that got me. There is something about walking in with actual data versus just a feeling. My provider used to do a lot of sympathetic nodding and not much else. I might steal this.

The sustained attention thing is the one I remember most clearly. Before things settled for me, I could start a sentence at work and genuinely lose it halfway through. Not dramatic, just quietly awful. Three uninterrupted nights out of seven sounds modest but it is not modest at all.

Week five being the turning point tracks with what I experienced too, for what that is worth. The libido thing took much longer and I am still not sure I can separate out what is treatment and what is just having slightly more energy in general. Probably both. Probably neither. Who knows.

Not being worn out before you even sit down. That's a real shift, even if everything else looks the same from the outside. I remember noticing something similar and thinking I'd imagined it, then realising I'd just stopped bracing for the day before it started.

Mine was definitely worse in the morning, that first half hour after getting up was grim. By mid afternoon it usually settled. The sitting-then-standing thing I recognise completely, my knees would just sort of protest the whole idea of movement for a few seconds. I never found one clean pattern but morning was reliably worse than evening for me.

Yes, the pattern only shows up when you actually write the boring days down. I learned that the hard way after a month of only logging the dramatic ones and wondering why nothing made sense.

I had a similar thing when I picked running back up last autumn. Afternoons were the first thing I noticed too, before sleep or anything else. Probably does not matter why, you are right about that.

I did something similar for a while. Kept a notes app entry, nothing fancy. It did make conversations with my GP a lot less vague, which was the main thing I needed.

The mood thing is real though. I run partly because the alternative is being a nightmare to live with. Weight has done absolutely nothing useful in response to any exercise I have ever done, so I have mostly stopped expecting it to.

The angle-shift you're describing is something I hadn't thought about before. My mum is 84 and I do find myself noticing things differently now, like I have a bit more context for what she's dealing with than I used to. Reading without posting is completely fine, for what it's worth.

Not drenched is absolutely a win, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Three weeks in is still early days with the gel too. The notes app thing is smart, I wish I'd done that from the start instead of trying to reconstruct everything from memory when a doctor asked me questions.