Bonnie

Jun 21 · Posted

39 and I don't know where I belong online anymore, honestly. The period tracking apps are full of people trying to conceive or celebrating their "cycle syncing" and I just... don't fit there. But then I stumble into menopause forums and feel like I've wandered into the wrong waiting room. Everyone's talking about things that feel years ahead of me and I quietly close the tab. Except my cycles have gone weird. Like, properly weird. Used to be clockwork. Now I'm writing things down on a notes app because I can't keep track in my head. Spotting when I didn't used to. One cycle 24 days, the next 34. Cramps in different places at different times. I mentioned it to my GP and she basically said "you're only 39" in that tone, you know the one. I'm not even sure I'm raising this properly when I go in. I sort of downplay it because I don't want to sound dramatic. But I think next time I need to actually show her the notes. Like, here, look, this is what changed in the last six months specifically. Not vague feelings. Dates and patterns. The rest of life is also just exhausting in a very practical way. Work is relentless and by 7pm I genuinely cannot think about cooking so it's whatever I can throw together fast. Pasta. Eggs. That sort of thing. Not complaining, just, I notice on the nights I've actually eaten a proper dinner I sleep less horribly. Might mean nothing. Anyway. Hi. Is this the right room? x