Bridget

Oh love, the 'I say fine' thing. I do exactly the same. Husband asks, kids ask, and I just... fine. And then I come somewhere like this and the whole truth comes out. I think there's something about not wanting to be the person whose knees are the main character. But they are, aren't they. They really are. Hope the appointment goes well. x

Hello, just wanted to say I remember this stage and it's genuinely disorienting. The anxiety that has no reason is one of the things that frightened me most because I kept thinking I was going mad, or that something was wrong with me that wasn't hormonal at all. I'm a few years further along now and it did get better for me, though everyone's different. Your instinct to track things and go in prepared is a good one. GPs vary so much on this, but having something written down does seem to help. Wishing you a kind appointment. x

Different experience here, slightly, just to add, I found magnesium took a few weeks before I noticed much, so if week one feels like nothing I'd stick with it a bit longer before writing it off. But the tracking idea is spot on. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The bit about convincing yourself it was always fine. That happened to me and I'm so glad you've got your notes to look back at. I wish I'd kept mine. The follow-up sounds like it'll be a good one if you go in that honestly. x

Oh this took me right back. I spent a small fortune in my late forties on things that did absolutely nothing I could measure, or maybe they did something and I just couldn't tell because everything was happening at once. What I wish someone had said to me then is what you've already figured out: sort the basics first, go slowly, and yes, absolutely take the list to your GP. That's not anxious, that's just sensible. You sound like you're approaching this really thoughtfully. x

There's something about having an actual number, isn't there. The vague worry sits differently to a real result. Mine wasn't a DEXA, different thing, but I remember that feeling of oh, so this is real. The sardines made me smile. I've been doing the same, finding the foods that feel like they're doing something. Walking every day is no small thing either. x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Patricia. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Oh love, the sleep hygiene leaflet. I got that too. And the one about cutting down on caffeine after 2pm. I know they mean well but. Anyway. The notes are a really good idea, and honestly just saying "I'd like to discuss HRT" is a complete sentence. You don't have to justify it or apologise for having read things. You're 52, you know your own body. Wishing you well for Thursday, do come back and tell us how it went x

There was a thread about this a little while back actually, a few people talking about what shifted their mornings. The thing that came up a lot was just having something with a bit of protein before ten, nothing complicated. I do the same boiled egg or yoghurt most days now, it's become a bit of a habit without feeling like a regime. And yes, go to the GP with your notes. You deserve to be listened to properly. x

57 here and a couple of years further along than you. I remember that phase so clearly, the sitting somewhere ordinary and just falling apart. What you said about making a proper dinner and actually noticing you enjoyed it, that's not small at all. That's everything. The fatigue does tend to be the last thing to shift in my experience, but it does shift. Keep the notes going for your next appointment. x

Thank you for posting this. I'm 57 and I remember being exactly where you were describing, that specific frightened feeling that you can't quite explain to anyone because it sounds like "just hormones" but it really isn't, is it. The breakfast anchor thing made me smile. I have the same thing, same bowl, same time, and it does something. Steadies the start of the day somehow. Brain fog is still my thing too. Wishing you a really good follow-up next month. x

Eggs. I know that sounds boring but honestly, a big scrambled egg situation with whatever cheese is in the fridge and some bread on the side and I'm done. My lot used to turn their noses up and now they just accept it as a Thursday thing. There was a thread somewhere on here recently about protein at dinner and eggs kept coming up. Cheap as anything too x

Snap on the cautiously better. 57 here, post-meno, and I still hold my breath a bit when I say things are improving. Something about not wanting to tempt fate I suppose. Anyway, welcome. Nice to have you here x

Snap on the breakfast thing. I've had the same porridge with seeds every single morning for about eight months now. People think it sounds boring and I'm like, that's the whole point. My brain doesn't have to do anything before 8am. Good luck with your follow-up. Hope she listens properly. x

Hello. Just wanted to say I remember feeling exactly like this years ago, that sense of "is this real or am I just not coping". It's real. The fact that you've started writing things down is genuinely the best thing you can do before a GP appointment. They can't argue with a pattern. Go. x

The 'woke up someone else' line. Yes. That's it exactly. I didn't have surgical menopause but I remember that disorientation, the feeling that no one had quite described your specific version of this. The notes on your phone are wise. I used to write mine on the back of receipts which was less wise. Bring everything to that appointment, even the things that feel too small or too strange to mention. They're not. x

Just wanted to say it does get better for a lot of people, I'm a bit further along and the fog lifted more than I expected it to. I remember being where you are and thinking this was just me now, permanently. It wasn't. Definitely go to the GP and be specific, the work examples really do help them understand the scale of it. Wishing you well with the appointment x

Oh this made me laugh and also feel very seen. The feral mum over the sink is basically a stage of life nobody puts in the books. I think for me it got a bit better when I started being a bit more deliberate about what I ate at breakfast, so by the time dinner came around I wasn't already running on empty. But Sunday is its own thing. It just is. x

The wine thing is interesting, I noticed the same pattern years before I worked out what was going on. Not saying it fixes anything, just that the connection was real for me too. And yes, I had to push a bit to be heard about sleep. The notes helped. I think just walking in with something written down signals that you mean it. Wishing you a good appointment x

Oh this made me well up a bit, not going to lie. The bathroom floor at 3am is such a specific kind of lonely and I remember it so clearly. The bit about your mood feeling recognisably yours again... that's exactly it isn't it. That's the whole thing. So glad things are quieter. The breakfast routine thing is interesting too, I sort of fell into something similar without really meaning to. Something about the predictability of it. Good luck with the GP next month, take those notes in and don't let them rush you. x

Oh I recognise this so much. The walks thing is real, I noticed the same, just a short one round the block and something in my head settles a bit. Doesn't cure anything but it's not nothing either. The fatigue question you want to ask your doctor is such a good one and I think writing it down the way you have here is honestly half the battle. You've already articulated it more clearly than I ever managed in an appointment. x

Snap on the desperation. I went through a phase of sleeping on a damp towel which is as glamorous as it sounds. I did eventually try a cooling mattress topper, not a US brand, but the principle worked for me. The ones with actual water circulation seemed to get better reviews than the foam ones from what I read at the time x

Snap on the protein thing. I sort of stumbled into having the same breakfast every morning, eggs mostly, partly out of laziness and partly because I read something vague about it and thought why not. Whether it's done anything I honestly couldn't say but I've kept doing it because the routine itself feels calming somehow. Which is probably its own thing. Anyway. Good luck Thursday, hope she actually asks the right questions x

I'm a bit further along than you and I just want to say, taking that list to the GP was one of the best things I did. It felt a bit over the top at the time, like I was being dramatic, but it meant the appointment was actually useful rather than me just trailing off and saying 'I don't know, I just feel a bit off'. The small things you're doing sound really sensible. x

Snap on the crying over sleep. I did the same, embarrassingly, about two years ago when I finally got a full night. Just sat there in the dark being quietly ridiculous about it. It does shift. Not all at once and not in a straight line but it shifts. You've written this so carefully too, not making promises, just saying what happened for you. That's exactly right. x

There's something about "no dramatic conclusions, just noticing things" that I really needed to read today. I keep waiting to have a proper plan before I do anything and then doing nothing. The quiet walk, the quiet lentils. That's actually something. x

Snap! 38 feels young from where I'm sitting at 57 but honestly I've spoken to women who started even earlier and the shock of it is the same whatever the age. The frightened bit is real. What I'd say, just from my own experience, is that the not-a-straight-line thing you mentioned doesn't really change, you just get better at reading the wobbles without panicking. Or at least I did eventually. Glad you're through the worst x

I could have written this word for word, about eighteen months ago. That frightened feeling, the not knowing if it would ever lift. It does shift. Not all at once, and not in a straight line, but it does. The bit about not knowing what caused what really resonates, I still can't fully unpick it and honestly I've stopped trying. Just glad you had a better week. Write it all down. x

Snap. The repeatable breakfast thing. I landed on the same thing almost by accident a while back and it's one of those quiet changes that doesn't feel dramatic but somehow holds the morning together. I think it's underrated. Good luck with the follow-up, and well done for paying attention to what's actually changed rather than just hoping for the best x

The in-between is such a strange place to be, isn't it. Not bad enough to feel like a crisis, not good enough to relax. I remember that phase. The evening walk thing was something I stumbled into almost by accident and it became the bit of the day I actually looked forward to. Nothing heroic, like you said. Just out and back. Sending you a lot of goodwill for this week x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Elaine. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Oh this made me laugh out loud. I do this constantly. Boiled an egg last week, got distracted by a hot flush, came back and couldn't remember if I'd eaten it or not. Logged it anyway. Logging things feels like the one thing I can actually do when my brain has gone completely elsewhere. x

I could have written this word for word, the bit about preparing for the GP and not just saying "yes fine" and walking out. I did that for two years. Two years of walking out relieved and then sitting in the car thinking, wait, I didn't say the thing. Write it all down beforehand, exactly as you have. It genuinely changes the appointment. Really glad you're getting some proper sleep at last. The chunks matter so much. x

I could have written this word for word, except I'm a couple of years further on and can say from the other side, yes, it really does get better. Not perfectly, not all at once. But it does. The bit about dinner rang so true for me. I sort of accidentally started eating properly again and I think it mattered more than I realised at the time. Wishing you more of those four-good-nights weeks. x

I love this kind of post actually. No big announcement, just quietly noticing what's slightly working. The protein thing after a walk, I do something similar, not because I'm being disciplined about it, just because it became a habit and now it feels odd not to. And the stretching before bed, even a few minutes, I think it matters more than it looks like it does. Definitely have the joint pain conversation with your GP though. It came up in a thread here recently and quite a few people had found it really useful to go in with specific questions rather than just a vague complaint. x

Oh love, the bread. I know exactly what you mean. Not the bread itself, just everything landing at once in the wrong aisle. I cried at a petrol station once, can't even remember why now. The first GP I saw gave me something similar, very gentle, very useless. Second one was different and that made all the difference. Five hours in a row is genuinely worth texting people about. Glad you came back to say something other than a complaint. So am I x

Oh, the word thing. I remember standing in the kitchen trying to say 'colander' and just pointing at it for about thirty seconds while my daughter stared at me. It does get better, I want to say that gently. Not overnight and not without some proper conversations with a GP, but it does. Bring your list. Don't let them brush past the work stuff x

Snap. I did this for about two years before I finally said something out loud. To anyone. Even my GP. The smiling through it takes more out of you than the flush itself I think. You're allowed to be fed up. Genuinely. x

Oh I caved on one of those about a year ago. The gel mat type, not the fancy electric one. Honestly? First two weeks I thought it was a miracle. Then it sort of... stopped feeling as cold? Or maybe I just got used to it. Still use it though. Still better than nothing and the pillow flip at 3am is a special kind of misery so anything that delays that is worth it to me. Got mine from John Lewis in the end, arrived in two days. x

I could have written this word for word a few months back. That feeling of recognising yourself again, it sneaks up on you doesn't it. Knees and all. Brilliant work. x

Oh love, six whole hours. I used to dream of that. The flush by the kettle is just... a rite of passage at this point isn't it. I still get them occasionally even now, but they're so much milder than they were. There's a kind of grim comedy to all of it. Hang in there x

Thank you for posting this. I'm a bit further along than you and I just want to say the shorter bad stretches thing is real. They do get shorter. I don't know what combination of things did it for me either, I genuinely couldn't unpick it, but something shifted and then kept shifting. Hang in there. x

Oh love, the wrong waiting room is such a perfect description of this stage. I remember it well. Looking back I think I spent about three years in that gap, old enough to feel something shifting, young enough that nobody took it seriously. The anxiety that has no object is one of the things I wish someone had named for me earlier. The notes will help. Bring them. Doctors respond to evidence. Wishing you a GP who actually listens x

Hello and welcome. 57 here, a bit further down the road, and posts like yours are exactly why I still hang around. The strength work thing made me smile, I resisted it for so long and then one day just started and thought, oh. Oh this is the thing. Sleep still being a work in progress at eight months is very normal in my experience, it was the last thing to settle for me. Glad you found your way here. x

Fourteen or fifteen a day. That's a lot to be carrying around. I remember thinking mine were manageable and then actually counting and feeling quite sad about how much energy I was spending on just... getting through the day. I used patches for a while and honestly the main thing I remember is that swimming and sweating could loosen them, which was annoying in summer. Gel felt simpler eventually. But I think it's quite personal, some people swear by patches. The cold melon thing made me smile, I went through a phase of keeping a damp flannel in the freezer, whatever works 😊

Eight weeks is still early and you're already noticing a pattern. That's really something. I remember being so desperate for someone to just confirm it wasn't permanent. Nobody could promise me that obviously but reading things like this post back then would have helped enormously. The notes for your GP are a really good idea. She'll be able to actually engage with something concrete rather than a general "how are you feeling" conversation. Wishing you a good Thursday. x

Oh love, yes. Putting it somewhere women might understand is exactly right. I do this too, little notes to myself that don't quite make sense to anyone else but hold the shape of what happened. The frightened feeling at the beginning is worth keeping hold of actually, not to dwell, just so you can see how far the ground has shifted. Glad you're tracking it x