Cerys

Thank you Polly, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Oh love, the appraisal thing is so painful to read because I know that exact feeling. The words are there and then they just aren't. I've started keeping a little notebook on my desk and I write the key words down before any meeting, just a handful, almost like a safety net. No idea if it looks odd to other people but honestly I don't care anymore. Good luck at the GP, I hope they actually listen. x

I love this approach. Not diagnosing, not catastrophising, just... noticing. I started doing something similar a few months back, writing little notes on my phone after meetings. Felt a bit odd at first but it actually helped me see patterns. Like it was always worse on the days I'd barely slept or skipped lunch. Anyway. Solidarity in the quiet logging. x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Bryony. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Oh love, the styling it out as dramatic effect, I do this constantly and I've almost convinced myself I'm just a thoughtful speaker now. I think there was a thread a few weeks back about exactly this, the word-finding thing specifically, and whether GPs take it seriously as a symptom. From what people were saying, writing it down the way you have, actual work examples, actual moments, seems to be what gets it heard rather than just saying you feel foggy. Which is such an effort when your brain is... foggy. Bit circular really. Hope the appointment comes through soon x

The thing about not knowing where tired ends and broken begins, I've been sitting with that exact feeling for about a year. I think what makes it feel different from burnout is that burnout is sort of evenly distributed? Whereas this is weirdly specific. Words go. Names go. I can still do the complex stuff, mostly, but then I'll forget what I walked into the kitchen for three times in a row. The notes idea is good. I've been writing mine in the margins of meeting notes which is chaotic but at least it's somewhere x

Oh I felt this so much. The word thing is the worst bit isn't it, because you can see the gap where the word should be and you just... stand there. I've started keeping a little note on my phone of the moments that felt significant, not obsessively, just so I have something concrete to show my GP rather than "I'm a bit foggy sometimes" which sounds like nothing. The writing it down idea is genuinely good. Also the protein lunch thing, I've been doing something similar after someone mentioned it recently and I think the 3pm wall is slightly less vertical? Slightly. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. That thing where you can see the shape of the thought but the actual words just aren't there... I described it to a friend as trying to read something through frosted glass and she looked at me blankly. You just described it better than I have in months. I've started writing bullet points before meetings too. It feels like cheating somehow, like I'm compensating for something I shouldn't need to compensate for. But then I remind myself that people prep for meetings all the time and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with them. It's just... different when you know why you're doing it. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. I'm 44 and the fog crept up on me the same way, so gradual I kept blaming the commute, or the kids, or just... life being a lot. The thing I found useful for the GP was writing down actual examples beforehand, like a little log, because of course in the appointment my mind went blank (ironic). Specific moments. Dates if you have them. It stops it sounding vague and tired and starts sounding like something worth investigating. The notes thing, by the way. I do that too. I've made peace with it as a system rather than a failure. Mostly. x

The floating mid-sentence thing, yes. I know exactly what you mean. It's not like forgetting, it's more like the word is just... not there, like a room you walk into and it's empty. I've started writing much more during meetings than I used to, partly to look engaged but honestly partly so I have something to anchor me if I drift. I don't know if it's peri or burnout either. Probably both, I suspect they feed each other somehow x

There's something about the phrase "a body that keeps surprising me" that I'm going to be thinking about for a while. I don't know if that's comforting or unsettling, probably both. But the logging idea, writing down the okay rather than only the not-okay, that feels like it retrains something. I might try it. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I'm 44 and I keep losing words mid-sentence in meetings, just... gone. I've been wondering the same thing, is it peri or am I just exhausted from everything. Honestly I think for me it's probably both at once which is not helpful to hear, sorry. But you're definitely not imagining it. x

The car park thing is real. I do it outside my own house too. Sometimes I just need a minute before I become mum and wife and all the rest of it again. I used to feel weird about it. Now I think it might be the only reason I'm still functioning. The hoodie detail is very on brand for teenagers everywhere. x

There was a thread about this a little while back, the whole 'worse before better' thing after switching, and loads of people said the same. A settling-in period that felt like it was going wrong but wasn't. Or sometimes was. Which isn't helpful I know. I just found it oddly comforting that it wasn't just me. Your note system sounds much better than my approach of just texting my sister at 3am x

I could have written this word for word, the bit about prepping for meetings like an exam especially. I used to just... think on my feet. Now I have a little notebook and I still lose the thread anyway. The log idea is something I've been meaning to do properly. I keep thinking I'll remember the moments but I don't, which is sort of the whole problem isn't it. Maybe writing it down the same day is the thing. x

Oh I could have written this word for word. The word-finding thing is the one that gets me most, because it's so visible. I lost 'adjacent' in a meeting last month and just said 'sort of near to' and hoped nobody noticed. They probably didn't. I noticed. The log you're keeping for your GP sounds really sensible actually. I've been trying to do something similar, specific moments rather than a vague 'I feel foggy', because I think that's the only way to make it land properly. Good luck with the appointment x

Oh I know exactly what you mean about it being a different kind of losing words. It's not tired-fuzzy. It's more like the word just isn't there at all, like a shelf with a gap on it. I've started writing things down in meetings just so I don't have to retrieve them mid-sentence. No idea if it's hormones but it started around the same time as other stuff for me so I'm fairly sure it's connected. Hope your GP listens. x

The losing your nerve the moment you walk in thing... yes. Every time. I've started writing my actual opening sentence down so I don't spend the first two minutes apologising for being there. Something like 'I want to discuss palpitations and I'd like to talk about monitoring options' and then just hand over the notes. Good luck x

Oh love, the notebook thing. I started doing exactly that and then forgot where I'd put the notebook, which felt like a cruel joke. I'm 44 and already terrified of what 51 looks like if this carries on. The kind face from the junior colleague is SO much worse than impatience somehow, you're right. Bringing actual examples to your GP sounds really sensible. I might steal that idea. x

Oh this. I've started doing this too, just quietly noting when a word lands right. Like it matters. Because it does. Said 'infrastructure' in a meeting last week without that horrible pause and I genuinely had to stop myself grinning. Log every single one. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I'm 44 and I keep thinking it's just tiredness or the commute or the teenagers but then I'll be mid-sentence in a meeting and just... blank. Like the word has physically left the building. I've started doing the same thing with the notes app and I do feel a bit like I'm bluffing my way through. The saving examples for the GP thing is such a good idea though, I keep meaning to do that properly rather than just going in and going "I feel a bit foggy sometimes" and then not being taken seriously x

Oh love, "performing competence rather than just having it" is exactly it. I've been trying to find that phrase for months and you just handed it to me. I started writing things down too, little notes after meetings, not because I'm losing it but because I want to be able to show someone what this actually looks like. It's not vague. It's specific and it's frightening and you're not imagining it x

Oh this hit me hard. I lost 'contingency' in a meeting last month and just sort of waved my hand and said 'you know, the backup thing' like I was twelve. The kind colleague face is SO much worse than laughing, you're right. I've started writing a few words down before big meetings, just to have them there as a kind of anchor. Probably doesn't look professional but it helps a bit. The list for the GP is such a good idea. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The trailing off mid-sentence thing. I do it in normal conversations too, not just meetings, and there's this horrible moment where you can see the other person waiting and you just... can't find the end of what you were saying. I've started writing the first word of each point I want to make before I speak in any group setting. It feels a bit odd but it works, sort of. The fraud feeling afterwards is the worst part isn't it. Like you've been found out somehow, even though you haven't. x

Oh I love this so much. "Attempting is the right word" is going to stay with me. And the thing about keeping notes so you can actually describe it properly at your appointment, that's so smart, I always go in and just say "yeah fine" and forget everything I meant to say. Feeling slightly ridiculous AND doing something. Both true. Both fine. x

The tiredness you describe, the marathon after three days no sleep thing, yes. That's not normal tired. I kept telling myself I just needed to manage my time better, which is honestly quite funny in retrospect. Glad you posted rather than just lurking. x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Polly. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Steph. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Oh the specific examples thing is so smart. I've been thinking about doing something similar before my next GP appointment because 'I feel foggy' just sounds so... vague, doesn't it. Like they could easily put it down to stress or not sleeping. But 'I stood in a meeting and could not retrieve a word I have used my entire working life' is something else entirely. That's a data point. I might steal your approach if that's okay. The 3pm wall is very real here too. x

I've been down the same Instagram spiral and I think what gets me is that everyone sounds so certain, you know? Like they've cracked it. And then you look at the next post and someone's certain about something completely different. The list idea is something I keep meaning to do properly. You've reminded me to actually do it before my next appointment rather than just thinking about it for another three months. x

The dissolving word thing... yes. It's such a strange sensation, like reaching for something that was just there. I've been doing the three bullets before meetings too, almost without realising I'd started doing it. I think what you said about sleep is interesting, I keep noticing the same pattern but then staying up anyway which is its own kind of madness. Hope the GP appointment goes well, I'd be curious what they say x

Writing it down is the right call, I think. I started doing that too, just noting that I went, not what I did or how it went. Just that I showed up. It helps somehow. Well done you. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. I'm 44 and I keep thinking it's just... the commute, the kids, the general weight of everything. But then I'll lose a word that I've used a thousand times and it feels different from tired. Like something's gone briefly offline rather than just slow. I don't know if that distinction is useful but it's the one I've been trying to articulate to myself. Whether it's a dimmer switch or an actual flicker. Haven't quite worked out how to say it to a GP yet either so I'll be watching this thread. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. I'm 44 and I keep thinking it's just because I've got too much on, but then I lose a completely ordinary word, something I've said a thousand times, and I just stand there. It's unsettling in a way that's hard to explain to people who haven't had it. The preparing evidence thing doesn't sound mad at all. It sounds like the only sensible way to actually be heard x

yes to the photos. I started doing it because I couldn't trust my own memory of what it looked like before, brain fog makes everything feel uncertain. and then you see them together and it's like, oh. oh no. but also at least I know. there's something about having the actual evidence that makes it feel less like you're going quietly mad. x

Oh love, the 3am heart thing is so unsettling isn't it. I've had it too, that awful jolting awake and then lying there running through every possible worst case. The sleep diary idea is really good, I keep meaning to do something similar. I think just having it written down so you're not second-guessing yourself before the GP appointment is such a sensible move. Good luck with it x

Oh I could have written this word for word. That specific horror of knowing you know something and just... not being able to reach it. I've started keeping a little notes app log of the moments, not obsessively, just a line or two, date and what happened. Partly for the GP but partly because it helps me feel less like I'm imagining it. The 3am waking is so bound up in all of it for me too. x

I could have written this word for word, well, minus the decade of postmeno and the retirement, but the sleep and the feeling of never quite getting proper guidance. The walking group thing resonates too, I keep thinking I should find something like that, just to have somewhere to be that isn't work or home. The porridge with seeds made me smile. Decisions before 8am are genuinely beyond me right now as well. Good luck with the GP review, worth pushing for a proper conversation. x

Snap. The not noticing when you have done the thing is so real. I've been trying to write one small thing down at the end of the day that actually went okay and it feels a bit silly but it does help somehow. Round the block counts. Definitely counts. x

The word gap in meetings is the one that got me. I'm in a fairly senior role and I started writing down every time it happened, just a quick note in my phone, because I thought if I went to the GP I needed proof somehow. Which is a bit sad when I think about it. But it did help. Someone mentioned in a thread here recently about framing it to the GP as a change from your baseline, not just a vague complaint. That felt useful. x

Oh this made me smile. I remember the first meeting where I didn't have to secretly check my phone notes mid-sentence and just felt... present. It's such a specific relief, isn't it. Like being yourself again for an hour. Really glad for you. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The 3pm static is exactly what it feels like, that's the right word for it. I've been writing things down too and there's something a bit grief-y about it, like you're mourning a version of yourself that just... talked. Fluently. Without notes. The GP diary is such a good idea. I kept saying "I'm not quite right" and that meant nothing. Dates and specifics feel different somehow. Hope she listens this time. x

I could have written this word for word. I went through a phase of just... forgetting to eat lunch entirely which is obviously not ideal. What I've landed on is keeping a bag of pre-cooked puy lentils in the fridge (the ones from Merchant Gourmet or similar) and just throwing them on whatever's there. Cucumber, leftover roast veg, a bit of cheese. It sounds chaotic but it works. x

I could have written this word for word. I'm 44 and still trying to get anyone to take it seriously. The log idea is something I've been doing too, almost like building a case, which feels a bit mad but also... necessary? My GP did at least listen when I framed it as affecting my work rather than just "feeling foggy". Still got told to try mindfulness first which was, yeah. x

Oh this is such a win, please don't minimise it. The loo cry is completely valid, I've done exactly that after a meeting where I just... held it together. The bullet points thing is something I started doing too, almost by accident, and it genuinely changed something. Not having to hold the whole thing in my head at once. Like giving my brain one less job. I still feel a bit self-conscious having notes in front of me but honestly nobody cares as much as we think they do. And the lunch thing, yes. I noticed the same around 3pm, that horrible hollow running-on-nothing feeling. Small things really do add up. Today was a proper win x

Oh this is so good and I'm so glad you wrote it down. The cheat sheet thing, I do this too and I always feel slightly ridiculous, like I'm smuggling revision notes into an exam I've been sitting for twenty years. But it works? Or it helps. And I think you're right that we can't always unpick which bit helped, which is maddening when you're trying to work out what's actually going on with your brain. I've been trying to notice the okay days too. It's harder than it sounds. x

I keep thinking about how much of our confidence at work is just... accumulated trust in our own brains. And when that starts slipping it's not just embarrassing, it's like the ground moves a bit. The 'it used to be effortless' thing really got me. That's exactly it. It's not that it's impossible now, it's the before and after that's so disorienting. I hope you find a GP who actually listens properly x

Oh love, the good bits vanishing faster than the bad ones. That is so real and it's such a cruel trick isn't it. I've started texting myself tiny wins mid-morning, just a sentence, because otherwise by afternoon I've completely rewritten the whole day as terrible. The walk sounds like it really did something. x

Oh this really resonates. I've been sitting with the same tangle, like, is it the job, is it my hormones, is it both feeding each other? I started writing down the moments where my brain just... stalls. Not to fix it yet, just to have something concrete. The not-knowing is its own kind of exhausting isn't it. Glad you put it here x

"Performing competence rather than just being competent" is such an exact description of it. That's the bit that's hardest to explain to anyone who hasn't felt it. Like you're doing an impression of your former self and hoping nobody notices the join. I've been taking notes in meetings for months now and honestly I think it just looks thorough from the outside. x

Oh this made me smile. I used one at a work thing and sort of hid it under the table. It helped, weirdly. Something about having a plan made me less anxious which maybe actually reduced the flushes a bit? Hard to say. Anyway, rooting for you. Hope it goes brilliantly x

Oh this really resonates. I went round and round on the same question for ages. What got me was noticing that the foggy patches seemed to cluster in a way that felt almost cyclical, if that makes sense? Like it wasn't random but it wasn't stress either. I never fully cracked it but paying attention the way you're describing, that felt like the start of something. The protein lunch thing is interesting too, I've been doing similar and can't tell what's what but at least I feel like I'm doing something rather than just waiting. x

I've been lurking on this thread and just wanted to say, yes. The dial-up brain description is exactly it. I'm 44 and I've started keeping a little note on my phone of the words that go missing, partly because I was worried I was imagining it and partly because I thought if I ever went to the GP I'd want to show her something concrete rather than just looking a bit vague in her office. It's a strange kind of grief isn't it, when the thing that used to feel effortless stops feeling effortless. Anyway. You're not imagining it x

The going from mildly curious to completely obsessed in four days thing... yes. That is a very specific experience and I relate to it more than I'd like. I haven't had a DEXA scan but you've made me think I should probably ask. I'm only 44 but my mum has osteoporosis and I keep meaning to mention it to my GP and then somehow not doing it. Adding it to the list now. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The burnout-or-peri question keeps me up at night, which is ironic because the not-sleeping is also the question. I'm 44 and I've been writing things down too, not in any organised way, more like scattered notes on my phone when something happens. The adjacent thing... I've had so many of those moments. Words just gone. Mid-email sometimes. I think the examples are worth mentioning, yes. All of them x

Oh love, the smiling pause. I have done that so many times. I actually started keeping a little running note on my phone, just a line when something slipped, date, what the situation was, what I was trying to say. Took it to my GP and I think it genuinely helped her take it seriously rather than just... nodding and moving on. Specific examples feel so much more concrete than trying to describe a feeling. You're not being dramatic at all. x

I could have written this word for word a few months ago. The no patience bit especially. I kept thinking I was just stressed from commuting and running myself ragged but it was more than that, something had shifted. Forty really is a strange threshold isn't it. Hang in there x

Oh I could have written this. The hip thing especially, that slow morning shuffle where you feel about ninety until you've been up for a bit. I used to put it down to running but I barely run now and it's the same. There was a thread about joint stuff a little while back and lots of people mentioned the oestrogen-inflammation connection. You're not imagining it and you're definitely not daft. x

Running is such a strange barometer for all of this isn't it. I notice it more on runs than anywhere else, when the fog is bad I lose track of where I am even on routes I've done hundreds of times. So a clear, noticing-the-blossom, remember-where-I'm-going run is genuinely significant. Pleased for you. x

Oh this made me smile. The magical thinking thing I completely understand, like if you say it too clearly the universe will hear you and take it back. I've had weeks like this and honestly I think the tracking thing is underrated, not because it fixes anything but because it makes you feel less like things are just happening to you. And the running. I fell off it too and I keep meaning to get back. You've nudged me a bit x

There's also something about standing versus sitting, I find. Packed tube, standing, forget it. A seat with a bit of space and I'm actually okay. Which is not always a choice but it's what I've clocked.