Elaine

I remember feeling so desperate to try everything at once, it's exhausting and you end up none the wiser. One thing and a notebook is honestly underrated. There was a thread somewhere recently about tracking sleep that had some good ideas too, might be worth a search. Wishing you a better night's sleep very soon. x

That 2am quiet dread. Yes. I remember that so clearly and yet somehow it's already going a bit fuzzy at the edges which I suppose is a good sign but also slightly unnerving. I'm really glad you posted this. I needed to read it today actually. Still in the thick of it myself but "it might not be where you were forever" is going in my notes. Thank you. x

I could have written this word for word, the nodding along at the end thing especially. I used to leave appointments and then remember the actual question I wanted to ask when I was halfway to the car park. Writing it down beforehand really does help, even just having it there on your phone means you don't have to rely on your brain to produce it under pressure. Which mine absolutely cannot do anymore 😂 Hope it goes well x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Patricia. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The frightened phase is such a good way to put it. I remember lying awake thinking something was genuinely wrong with me beyond the usual stuff, like something else on top of everything else. And not being able to imagine feeling normal again is exactly it. I didn't believe people when they said it could shift. But it can. It did for me too, slowly, and not in a straight line. Thank you for coming back to say this. It matters more than you know. x

Oh love, cautiously better is exactly the right phrase isn't it. I remember being almost scared to admit things were improving in case I spoke too soon. You're among people who get it here. Glad you're with us x

I remember being where you were four weeks ago and honestly I didn't think I'd come out the other side of it either. Something about reading this at 7am with my tea is making me feel quite emotional. The bit about writing things down for your appointment, yes. I used to go in and just go blank and then walk out feeling like I'd wasted everyone's time. Glad you're having a steadier week. x

Oh love, the jacket potato is your friend. Truly. Or a big pot of soup from a carton with good bread. I remember those years and I think I kept a stash of good quality ready meals in the freezer just for the nights when I could feel the edge coming. No shame in it whatsoever. You are doing brilliantly just by feeding everyone x

This is exactly the kind of thing I wish someone had told me to do at the start. Sleeping past 4am sounds small but honestly when you've been waking at 2 and lying there catastrophising for hours, it's enormous. I started logging walks too and there's something about seeing it written down that makes it feel real. Keep going. x

Oh this is so familiar. I used to sit in front of my GP and just... go blank. Eight weeks of genuinely terrible sleep and I'd say "not too bad" like some kind of reflex. I think there's something about being in that room that makes you want to seem fine. I started doing something similar a few months back, quite scrappy notes but they really did help. My GP actually paused and said it was useful to see it laid out like that. Small thing but it made me feel less like I was making it all up. Really glad your appointment went well. x

Oh I remember feeling exactly like this. I think there was a thread a while back about how to phrase things at GP appointments and the consensus was pretty much what others are saying here, name the tests, frame it as ruling things out, don't apologise for asking. You're two years postmenopausal and your body has changed, that's a completely legitimate reason to want some answers. Really hope they take you seriously x

I can't help with US brands but I just wanted to say I remember feeling exactly this desperate about sleep and it does get better. Took me a while to find what helped but I did get there. Rooting for you x

The falling off a cliff description is so accurate it's almost funny. I remember that phase really well and it went on for ages before I started putting things together. I think the breakfast thing is genuinely worth pursuing, not as a diet, just as information. The GP question, I think asking for a hormone panel alongside the usual bloods is completely reasonable at our age, you're not being dramatic, you're being thorough. x

I remember this stage so clearly and how frightening it was in the dark. The not having the right word for it is the worst part somehow. I used to say it felt like my heart was hiccuping and my GP actually wrote that down which made me feel less silly. Two years on and things are so much calmer, just wanted to say that because I wish someone had said it to me then. You're being really sensible about this. x

I could have written this word for word, the frightened bit especially. I remember sitting in my kitchen at 4am about two years ago thinking something was genuinely wrong with me and nobody was going to find it. The not being frightened anymore is bigger than the flushes improving, I think. Or at least it was for me. Hope Thursday goes well. x

I could have written this word for word, the frightening early bit especially. I remember thinking this is just what I am now and that felt so final. It isn't final. You've reminded me of that today, which I needed. The diary thing, I keep meaning to start one properly. Maybe this is the nudge. Thank you for coming back to post. x

Oh love, that 3am frightened feeling. I remember it so well. The heart thing especially, I kept thinking something was actually wrong with me and it took ages to connect it to all of this. The bit about sleep coming back first really resonates, that was my experience too. Something about just getting rest again made everything else feel slightly survivable. So glad you're through the worst of it x

Oh I love this. The not calling it a protocol thing is so wise, honestly. I did the same thing last autumn, just quietly started eating eggs before I left the house and walking round the block after tea. Didn't tell anyone. Didn't name it. And somehow that was the thing that actually stuck. The 3pm crash is real, I still get it sometimes, but it did ease a bit once I sorted the morning. Rooting for you this week x

I remember sitting where you were eight weeks ago. Genuinely thought this was just me now. Fifty-something and done. Reading this on a Tuesday morning and it's given me a little lift, which I needed. The not knowing what shifted is real, isn't it. Could be ten things at once. But you noticed, and you're going to tell your doctor. That's so much more than I used to do. x

Oh this made me well up a bit, not going to lie. Three nights in a row. I remember when that felt like something I'd just never have again. I'm so glad you wrote it down. I do the same thing now, little notes on my phone, because I used to talk myself out of the good patches too. Like they didn't count somehow. They do count. You're right that things can shift. x

I could have written this word for word. The logging is the bit that gets me though, in a good way. At the start I was too frightened and foggy to even do that. The fact you ran AND logged AND ate the egg (even confusedly) is genuinely progress. Honestly. x

Oh this made me well up a bit, not going to lie. "Recognisably mine again" is exactly it, isn't it. That's the thing I kept trying to explain to people who hadn't been through it and couldn't quite find the words for. I remember being in that same place, reading posts like this and thinking, yes but will it actually happen for me. It did. Slowly and not in a straight line, but it did. So glad you wrote this x

Thank you Geraldine, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

I could have written this word for word about my first appointment. I remember sitting there and just... going completely blank. Everything I'd been meaning to say for months just evaporated. The list idea is such a simple thing but it changes the whole feeling of it somehow, like you're arriving as a participant rather than a patient if that makes sense. Eight months is a real journey. Wishing you a really good appointment. x

Oh this made me well up a bit. That image of you sitting in the car park, I know that car park. Not literally but I know it. I had my own version of it last spring and I kept thinking I'd somehow lost the thread of myself and couldn't find the end to pull. The breakfast thing doesn't sound daft at all actually. I've been doing something similar with my evenings, just a simple dinner I don't have to think about, and it does something to the whole day somehow. Like a small anchor. Really glad you posted this. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The frightened bit especially. I kept thinking something was really wrong with me, not just menopause wrong, wrong wrong. And the not recognising yourself thing... that was the hardest part to explain to anyone. I remember reading posts like this when I was at my lowest and filing them away as maybe, possibly, one day. So thank you for coming back and writing it. It does help. It really does x

Oh this is a lovely idea. I remember being so all over the place that I couldn't even tell if I'd slept or just... drifted. Writing it down helped me see there were actually some decent nights in there that I'd completely dismissed. Even just that was something. Hope the week surprises you x

Oh love. The smiling through it is the bit that gets me most. All that energy spent just keeping your face normal while your body is doing something completely unhinged. I used to come out of meetings absolutely wrung out and nobody knew why. You're not alone in this. Not even slightly. x

There's something about losing that version of yourself that actually hits harder than people expect, isn't there. I used to cook properly too, made it a whole thing at weekends. Now I'm very attached to my slow cooker. Chuck stuff in before noon, forget about it, house smells nice, teenagers think you've made an effort. You haven't really. x

I could have written this word for word. Not the better bit yet, I'm still in the middle of it, but the frightened stage. Yes. That's where I am. I've saved this post. Genuinely. Just to read back on the days when I can't remember that it's supposed to get better. Thank you for coming back to say something. You didn't have to do that. x

Oh this made me well up a bit. I know exactly what you mean about the superstition of saying it out loud. I've been the same. There was a morning a few weeks back where I got to 10am and realised I hadn't thought about how awful I felt, and I almost didn't dare notice it. The HRT settling thing rings true for me too. It's not a switch, is it. More like the fog just... gradually lifts without announcing itself. Really glad you wrote it down x

Oh love, this made me smile. That suspicious feeling when things get a bit better, like you daren't say it out loud in case you jinx it. I know that so well. The nights were the worst for me too, just lying there absolutely wrung out. The eating thing is real as well, I sort of stopped cooking properly without even noticing and then wondered why I felt so flat. Scribbling notes before your GP appointment is such a good idea, I wish I'd done that sooner instead of just going blank the moment I sat down. Rooting for you. x

Oh love, this made me stop scrolling. I remember that feeling of thinking this is just it now, this is who I am forever. The bit about the GP appointment actually being heard, that landed. That alone can shift something, can't it. Really glad you posted this. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. That bit about not recognising yourself, thinking you were losing your mind. I remember that feeling so clearly and it's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been there. Reading posts from women a bit further along was what kept me going too. So thank you for posting. It matters more than you probably realise. x

Oh love, I remember that feeling so well. Sitting somewhere quiet afterward just... replaying it. It's such a specific kind of awful. I used to think I was just a bad-tempered person and it took me ages to connect it to everything else that was going on. The walk idea is a really good one. Something about moving before the evening starts just shifts something. And yes, please do push at that appointment. Write it all down beforehand, exactly what you've written here. Doctors need to see the whole picture not just the headline. x

Oh love, yes. I remember a week like this about a year into all of it and I genuinely didn't trust it. Kept waiting for the hot flushes to come roaring back. Sometimes I think our bodies just... have a quiet patch and we've lost the ability to accept it without suspicion. Which is fair enough really. Tell your GP everything, even the good bits. They need the full picture. Hope it keeps going for you x

Oh love, the list is such a good idea. I used to do exactly this, walk in with three things to raise and somehow only manage to talk about the one that felt most urgent in the moment. Joint stiffness kept getting bumped for me too. When I finally did mention it my GP didn't dismiss it at all, she said it was something she heard quite a lot from women at this stage. I'd written mine down with a rough sense of when it was worst, morning versus later in the day, and I think that helped her take it seriously rather than it just sounding vague. Good luck next week. x

I could have written this word for word, the 2am wired thing especially. That feeling of absolute certainty that something awful was coming. I remember it so clearly and I'm now a couple of years further along and I just want to say... yes. It does shift. Not all at once and not in a straight line but it shifts. Take those notes to your GP. That's exactly the right thing to do. x

Thank you Bridget, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Oh love, this made me well up a bit. The car park crying. I did that too, sat in my car for twenty minutes just feeling like nobody was going to help me and I had to figure it out alone. The pushing for a second opinion is the bit I always want to say to people and never quite know how to say it without it sounding like I'm telling them what to do. You've said it perfectly. Six hours straight is absolutely news. Celebrate it x

Ha, I could have written this word for word a couple of years ago. I used one at a work do and it genuinely helped, just having it there settled me down a bit even before I needed it. Dignity is overrated anyway. Hope the date is brilliant x

Oh this is lovely to read. I've been running for years too and there was a stretch last year where I'd get to the end of my road and just... stop. Couldn't hold the route in my head. Felt ridiculous. The fog lifting, even partially, even on one run, it matters. It really does. The blossom noticing especially. That's your brain coming back. x

I keep coming back to the phrase 'depleted system' because that's exactly what it is. I used to think I was just bad at evenings. But it's more like... the tank is empty by then and cooking from nothing requires a kind of creative energy I simply don't have left. The batch cooking thing crept up on me too. Started with just making extra soup. Now I have a whole Sunday rhythm and it's become oddly peaceful, the chopping and the big pot on the hob. Something about it feels like looking after yourself properly, which is maybe what our mums were doing all along. x

There's something about the moment after a run, when you're back but your head hasn't quite landed yet. I wonder sometimes if it's the transition, the body cooling down while the brain is still somewhere on the path. Five seconds of not-quite-there sounds about right for that liminal bit. Not alarming, just odd.

The finishing books thing. Yes. I had forgotten what it felt like to just move through a chapter without losing the thread halfway down the page. When it came back I didn't trust it either, kept testing it almost. Like pressing a bruise to see if it still hurt.

The quieter house variable is real and I think it does more work than people admit. I had a similar thing last autumn when my husband was away for two weeks and I felt noticeably more even, and I spent ages trying to work out if it was the magnesium I had started or just the absence of another person's noise. Never did figure it out.

Finishing a thought at work. That's the one. I spent about four months last year not quite trusting myself to hold an argument together in a meeting and it was quietly awful in a way that's hard to explain to anyone who hasn't had it. The jeans comment made me laugh though. Mine are similarly unmoved by any of this.