Geraldine

The rabbit hole about bones is what got me too. My GP said something similar and I ended up reading for about three evenings straight, then just decided to go and do something rather than keep reading. I'm not heroic about it either, just consistent-ish. The weird feeling does fade. And honestly the barbell bloke probably didn't even notice you, they rarely do. x

Oh I remember this stage so well. The drive there going over everything and then sitting down and going completely blank. What helped me in the end was just handing over my notes straight away, before she even asked what brought me in. Took the pressure off having to start from scratch. Sleep was the thing that finally got me taken seriously too. Wishing you a good appointment x

Oh this really got me. That phrase "quiet dread" is exactly it, isn't it. Not dramatic, just relentless and low. I'm so glad you kept notes because I think you're right that we gaslight ourselves once things start to ease. The five week shift thing rings true for me too, it wasn't a switch, more like one morning I realised I hadn't been awake at 3am for a few nights running and I almost didn't trust it. Thank you for writing this down. x

Oh this takes me back. I was 47 when mine started going all over the place and I genuinely thought I'd have more warning, like some kind of official letter from my body saying right, we're starting now. There was a thread here recently about how to talk to GPs about cycle changes without feeling dismissed, might be worth a search. Your notes doc is honestly more useful than you think. Bring it. x

I love this kind of small quiet win. I've been doing something similar and honestly I stopped trying to explain why it works and just kept doing it. There was a thread somewhere recently about blood sugar and afternoons and it made me feel less like I was imagining things. Enjoy your eggs 😊 x

Not a fraud. Not even close. I spent two years thinking I was just tired and anxious and a bit overwhelmed and it turns out I was all of those things AND in perimenopause, which was sort of both reassuring and annoying. The eating before noon thing, I noticed that too actually. Something about a proper breakfast changed the mid-morning slump for me, though I couldn't tell you exactly why. Hope the GP appointment goes well when you get there. x

The 3am anxiety vibrating thing, yes. I remember that so well. It's such a specific feeling and it took me ages to connect it to anything hormonal because it just felt like... dread? For no reason? Anyway. Your notes are a really good idea. I wish I'd done that earlier. And the breakfast thing, it's not obvious at all until you see it written down. x

There was actually a thread about easy dinners a little while back with some good ideas in it, worth a search. But my honest answer is a big pot of pasta, olive oil, garlic, parmesan. Five ingredients, one pot, fifteen minutes. My lot have never once complained about it and I've been making it for years. Sometimes simple is just the right answer x

Thank you for writing this down. I mean it. I've been having a better few weeks myself and I keep thinking I should say something but I don't quite know how to without sounding like I'm making promises I can't keep. You've done it perfectly. The stranger in your own kitchen line. Yes. That's it exactly. So glad you're finding your way back. x

Oh this is so lovely to read. The 3am Googling is... yes. I did exactly that and it made everything so much worse, you end up convinced you're dying of seventeen different things. The notes idea is something I started too, not every day but most days, and you're right that seeing a pattern is different to just feeling the chaos. Still got the fog here as well. Going to mention it at my next appointment. Glad you're on the other side of the worst of it. x

Oh this made me well up a bit, not going to lie. The Tesco car park thing, I've been there, different car park but same energy. That specific kind of crying where you can't even explain it to yourself. Sleep was the thing that undid me too. I remember thinking, I can deal with the hot flushes, I've dealt with worse, but the not sleeping made everything else feel unsurvivable somehow. So glad something has shifted for you. The evening walking thing, I've noticed that too, nothing dramatic, just helps. x

Hi and welcome. A rough few years and then cautiously better... that's such a familiar shape to it. Glad you're on the other side, even if it still feels tentative. x

I could have written this word for word, the bit about not being able to point at one thing. I think that's actually how it works for a lot of us, it's not one switch, it's more like... several small dials all turning slightly at the same time. The breakfast routine thing resonates too. I started doing something similar without really meaning to and I think my brain just likes knowing what's coming before 9am. Anyway. Thank you for posting this. It does help. x

Oh this made me properly well up a bit. The breakfast thing is so real. I started doing something similar after someone mentioned it on here a while back and I thought it sounded too simple to matter. It does matter though. Removing that one tiny decision just... quiets something. Good luck Thursday. Write everything down, even the stuff that feels too small to mention. x

Oh love, this made me smile so much. The jazz night, the stool, all of it. And writing it down before your GP appointment, I did exactly the same thing, sat in the car beforehand and read it off my phone because I knew I'd just say "I'm fine" otherwise. The walking thing is real. I don't know how it works but it does something. I'm the same, can't explain it scientifically but I'm just... less brittle. He texted. You don't have to decide anything tonight. Just sit with it for a bit. x

This is such a good thread. I had exactly this for months, that weird sick-but-not-sick dip, and I sort of assumed it was just stress or not sleeping well. Since I sorted my food out a bit, more protein at breakfast and trying not to skip lunch, it's genuinely improved. Still not perfect but it's not something I dread in the same way. Fingers crossed the pattern keeps holding for you x

This really resonated. I've been doing something similar without quite naming it to myself. Same breakfast, roughly same time, and I noticed the same thing about the fog. I kept thinking it was the HRT kicking in more, or the strength work, or just a better night. Probably all of it at once honestly. But you're right that it's worth noting the good days too. I spent so long only tracking the disasters. x

I've been thinking about these too actually. My nights have been so disrupted lately and I keep going down rabbit holes at midnight looking at reviews. Haven't pulled the trigger yet. Will be watching this thread with interest... x

"Got dropped" is exactly it, I've been trying to find words for someone I know who had surgical and kept being handed the standard leaflets. There was a thread here a little while back about preparing for specialist follow-ups and someone said almost the same thing about bringing exact dates rather than approximations. It does seem to change how seriously things get taken. Soft scrambled eggs and yogurt sounds like a very reasonable way to get through a difficult week. Thinking of you x

I could have written this word for word, almost. Not surgical in my case but the bit about the mood not feeling like yours... yes. That was the thing that scared me most, more than the hot flushes honestly. And starting from scratch at every appointment is just demoralising isn't it. The notes idea is really sensible. I do something similar now and it genuinely helps me feel less flustered in the room. Glad you said it out loud. x

Thank you Patricia, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

I love this post. The not making an announcement about it part especially. I find the moment I say I'm trying to eat more protein everyone in the house becomes weirdly invested in whether I'm doing it right, which is exhausting. The quiet approach is so much better. And the ten minutes outside after eating, yes. Even when I really don't want to go. x

I've been thinking about this post since I read it this morning. The bit about feeling like you were disappearing into yourself, I know exactly what that is. Exactly. I'm not fully out the other side but I had a better week recently too and I didn't quite trust it, kept waiting for it to fall apart. Maybe that's just where we are for a while. Glad you came back. x

Snap on the protein before 9am thing. I started doing something similar, nothing dramatic, just eggs or yoghurt before I left the house, and I honestly don't know if it's that or the HRT or just time but something has been a bit steadier lately. I think there's something in not needing it to be a whole programme. Just. small things. Anyway, glad you posted. 🤞 x

This is so relatable. I've nodded at so much advice in here and then done absolutely nothing with it for months. The breakfast thing, the walking, the notes, all of it I kept meaning to start. When I finally did just pick one small thing and actually do it rather than plan it, something shifted a bit. Not overnight, just... gradually. Anyway. Good luck. Come back and tell us how it goes x

The word-finding thing was one of the things that scared me most, honestly. I remember standing in a meeting and the word just... wasn't there. Like a drawer that should have something in it and it's empty. I kept a notes app log for a few weeks before my appointment and I think it helped me feel less like I was imagining it, even before I spoke to anyone. You're doing the right thing x

This made me a bit tearful actually. In a good way. I had a better week last week and I keep waiting for it to fall apart again, which I know isn't helpful, but it's hard to trust it. Reading that the edges softened rather than everything suddenly being fine, that feels more believable somehow. More like what I'm experiencing. Thank you for posting this x

I remember being exactly here. The not knowing how to start it. What I eventually said to my husband was something like, my body is doing things I don't have much control over right now and it's affecting us and I'm sorry and I'm dealing with it. He just said okay. That was it. Twenty-odd years in, they often just want to know it's not them. Which it isn't. x

Marissa this made me well up a bit, not going to lie. The 3am googling, the not recognising yourself. I could have written that word for word from about a year ago. I'm not fully out the other side but I'm somewhere better than I was and that feels enormous. The breakfast thing resonates too, I've started doing eggs most mornings almost without thinking about it. Something about having one thing that's just... steady. Thank you for coming back to say this. It matters. x

I've been lurking on this thread and this post just stopped me mid-scroll. The breakfast thing doesn't sound small to me at all actually. I think when everything feels chaotic, having one thing that's just... the same, every morning, it does something to your nervous system. Or at least it did for mine. I'm not sure I can explain it properly but I recognise what you're describing. Hope the appointment goes well x

There was a thread a while back about the gap that opens up in relationships when you can't explain what's happening to yourself, let alone to someone else. You've described it so well. The bit about your body changing the locks. That's it exactly. I think the conversation with him will go better than you're expecting, if he's kind enough not to push. Good luck with the GP. x

I could have written this word for word, the low-grade dread sitting on your chest in the morning especially. I'm a few months further along than you and I still have patches but they are patches now, not the whole landscape. The after-dinner walk thing is something I sort of stumbled into as well, nothing heroic, just round the block. Funny how the small unremarkable things add up. Thank you for writing this, it matters x

Snap! The egg thing is so real. I've started doing protein after my walk and it genuinely helps my energy but I still stand in the kitchen sometimes with absolutely no idea what I came in for. At least you ran first. That counts. x

Oh this made me well up a bit, honestly. The Waitrose car park at 7am... I recognise that kind of lost. I had my own version in a Tesco car park last autumn and I thought I'd never feel normal again. The thing about writing notes and spotting your own patterns is so quietly clever. I've been doing something similar, nothing scientific, just scribbles. And yes, the protein after a walk thing, I noticed that too without really meaning to. So glad your daughter got to say that to you. x

This made me well up a bit, not going to lie. The car park thing. I've been there, sitting in the car not wanting to go back in anywhere. The notes idea is something I did too, eventually, and you're right that it shifts something. Not just for the GP, for you. You stop feeling like you're just falling apart and start feeling like you're actually tracking something. Really glad you're having better nights. x

Snap on the second GP making all the difference. I think a lot of us have that story, the first appointment where you leave feeling like you imagined it, then the second where someone actually looks at you. Still got my follow-up coming too and I'm keeping a little list of what still needs sorting. Anyway. Five consecutive hours. That's a win. Genuinely pleased for you x

That "more like myself" feeling is the one isn't it. I remember noticing it for the first time after a few weeks back moving again and it was such a relief. Like oh, there I am. Knees are just knees. You're doing brilliantly. x

I could have written this word for word. Presenting is hard enough without your internal thermostat losing the plot halfway through a slide. The professional mask is exhausting on top of everything else. I remember thinking, nobody in this room has any idea. Which is both a relief and somehow the loneliest feeling. x

Oh this really got me. The bathroom floor thing. I had my own version of that and I don't think you forget it, do you. The log idea is something I've been doing too, not formally, just a few words at the end of the day, and you're right that it starts to show you patterns you wouldn't have noticed otherwise. The dinner thing is interesting, I've noticed something similar with protein in the evenings, not claiming anything, just that it keeps coming up in my own scrawl. And the walking. Yes. It's yours. That's exactly what it is. So glad you wrote this down here x

The notes approach is such a good idea. I wish I'd done it properly back when I was in that phase. I used to go in and then forget half of what I meant to say the moment I sat down. Something about being in the room just... cleared my head of everything useful. Having it written down means you don't have to rely on your brain to perform on the day. Hope the appointment goes well x

This made me well up a bit if I'm honest. The 'I feel like I am disappearing' line. That's it exactly, isn't it. That's the thing that's so hard to explain to anyone who hasn't felt it. I had a better week last week and I keep poking at it suspiciously like it might not be real. So I understand the not quite trusting it yet. Writing it down feels more solid somehow. Like you're making it a fact. Hope the follow-up goes well. x

I could have written this word for word, the bit about not posting when things are okay. I do the same. Like if I say it I'll jinx it and wake up at 3am again feeling dreadful. But you're right to write it down. Six weeks ago feels very recent for me too and I needed to read this today. Thank you for being brave enough to say it's a bit better. That matters x

I could have written this word for word a few months ago. Not the same details but that sense of thinking the bad version was just permanent now. It isn't, is what I keep wanting to tell people. It isn't permanent. Glad you're having some better stretches. x

Snap! Hands especially, I used to think I was just getting old before I started joining the dots. Brought it up at a follow-up last year and my GP was actually really receptive, more than I expected. Writing it down beforehand made a difference I think, I had a rough note of which days were worse and whether it eased off as the morning went on. That kind of detail seemed to help rather than me just saying "my joints ache" and shrugging. Hope yours goes well, you deserve to actually get through the whole list this time. x

The protein after the walk thing, I've been doing something similar almost by accident, just eating a bit more intentionally after I move and it does feel... settling somehow. Can't tell you if it's doing anything real or if it's just the act of being a bit kind to yourself like you said. Maybe both. Glad you're having a better couple of weeks. x

I could have written this word for word, the frightened bit especially. Not just fed up, actually frightened. I remember thinking there was something else going on, something they'd missed. Really glad you pushed. And six hours in one go after all those broken nights... that's not a small thing at all. Thanks for posting this, genuinely x

Snap. I started keeping notes before GP appointments because I knew I'd blank the moment I sat down in that room. Eight weeks of changes is actually a lot to hold in your head. And the sleep being tangled up with the emotional memory of it, I know exactly what you mean by that. It's not just one thing is it. Hope the appointment goes well x

Oh love, yes! I kept one in my bag for ages. Honestly the date situation is exactly when you need it. Nothing kills confidence like a full flush mid-conversation so having something to quietly press to the back of your neck is a lifesaver. Go and have a lovely time. x

That thing about being less surprised by it, that landed. I think I spent years being ambushed by my own moods and treating the ambush as the main event. The first few therapy sessions always feel like filling out a very long form about yourself, which is exhausting in a particular way. Glad something shifted, even quietly.