Hilary

May 28 · Posted

six months on the new protocol, the boring version

Six months ago my doctor adjusted my HRT after I told her the anxiety had not really moved. I want to write the ordinary version of what happened because the dramatic versions are easier to find. The first month I kept waiting for something to shift and mostly felt impatient. I had one week where I was weirdly tearful in a way that felt chemical rather than situational, and then it passed. By month three I noticed I was finishing books again. Not every book, not quickly, but I was getting to the end of chapters without rereading the same paragraph four times. That sounds small. It was not small to me. The anxiety is quieter. Not gone. I still have bad weeks, usually around a stressful errand pile-up or when I have not slept enough. But the baseline hum has dropped. My libido is still not what it was years ago and I have made a kind of peace with that, or I am in the process of making peace with it, which is probably more accurate. The thing nobody told me is how long it takes to trust the change. I kept expecting it to reverse.

May 26 · Posted

six weeks on the patch, here is what actually happened

Six weeks ago I switched from the gel to the patch and I want to share what's happened because I kept looking for ordinary accounts before I changed. The first fortnight was mostly annoying. I was checking whether it had stayed on after every shower and I had one day where I felt wired and cross for no obvious reason. By week four my sleep had become less broken. Not perfect, but I stopped waking up hot and furious at myself. The main change is smaller than I expected: I can finish a thought at work. I still have joint stiffness in the mornings and my jeans are no kinder, but the fog has lifted enough that I trust my brain again. I have a review booked next month and I am writing down the boring details now because otherwise I forget them in the room.