Jane
Member49, Bristol. Keeping notes because my brain drops every useful detail the second I see the GP.
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Activity (6)
May 27 · Replied
What I wrote down before my appointment
There is something about seeing it written out that makes it feel real rather than just a feeling you have been carrying around. I kept a rough notes app log for a while and it was messy but it still helped. The ordinary details ended up being the ones worth having.
May 27 · Posted
joint pain and whether it shifts through the day
My hips have been the main thing lately, not constant, more like they decide at random that today is going to be difficult. I notice it most when I have been sitting for a while and then stand, or sometimes halfway up the stairs for no particular reason. I am curious whether anyone found it changed depending on time of day, or activity, or anything they could actually point to. I have been trying to notice a pattern but I am not sure I am tracking the right things.
May 26 · Replied
The pattern I noticed
There is something about putting it on paper that makes it feel less like a vague complaint and more like actual information. I have noticed that too, with a few things. The pattern only becomes visible once you stop trying to hold it in your head.
May 26 · Posted
changing the dose and what followed
My prescription was adjusted about six weeks ago, a higher dose of the estrogen, and I kept meaning to write something down about it but kept not doing it. So here it is now, a bit late. The first couple of weeks felt strange in a way I found hard to name. Not bad, just unfamiliar, like wearing someone else's coat that is almost your size. My joints were still stiff in the mornings but I noticed I was moving more freely by mid-afternoon, which had not been happening before. The thing that surprised me most was something to do with my daughter. She was home for a weekend and we had a conversation that would normally have left me feeling scraped out, the kind where she is fine but I am not, and I was just... present in it. Not detached, present. I do not know if that is the dose or something else shifting. Libido is a complicated subject and I will not try to summarise it in a paragraph. Something is different there too, not resolved, just different. I have a review booked and I am going to try to be honest in it rather than cheerful.
May 25 · Replied
What I am tracking this week
I started doing something similar after I sat in front of a GP and just said 'fine, mostly' when I was absolutely not fine. The notes made me realise how patchy everything actually was. Libido especially, because that one I kept dismissing as just life, just tired, just whatever. Writing it down made it harder to wave away.
May 25 · Posted
looking back at the last couple of years
My youngest moved out properly in September, not the trial run he did two years ago but the actual version with a lease and furniture he bought himself. And I have been thinking, not constantly but in patches, about how the last two years have felt and what I would say about them if someone asked. The honest answer is that I am not sure the two things, him leaving and everything else that has been happening in my body, are entirely separate in my memory. They got tangled. The joint pain started around the same time. The low libido, which I kept not mentioning to anyone, also started around then. I do not know how much of the heaviness I felt was grief about the house being quieter and how much was something more physical. Probably both. Probably neither explanation is complete on its own. I read somewhere that women often describe this period as a loss of self and I understand what that means but I also think it is slightly too dramatic for what I actually experienced. It was more like a loss of assumption. Things I had assumed about my body, my energy, my interest in things, stopped being reliable. That is unsettling rather than devastating. Or it was for me. I am not at a conclusion about any of it. My son is fine. I am mostly fine. The joint pain in my hip is better than it was six months ago. Some things resolve and some things just become familiar.
Posts (3)
joint pain and whether it shifts through the day
My hips have been the main thing lately, not constant, more like they decide at random that today is going to be difficult. I notice it most when I have been sitting for a while and then stand, or sometimes halfway up the stairs for no particular reason. I am curious whether anyone found it changed depending on time of day, or activity, or anything they could actually point to. I have been trying to notice a pattern but I am not sure I am tracking the right things.
changing the dose and what followed
My prescription was adjusted about six weeks ago, a higher dose of the estrogen, and I kept meaning to write something down about it but kept not doing it. So here it is now, a bit late. The first couple of weeks felt strange in a way I found hard to name. Not bad, just unfamiliar, like wearing someone else's coat that is almost your size. My joints were still stiff in the mornings but I noticed I was moving more freely by mid-afternoon, which had not been happening before. The thing that surprised me most was something to do with my daughter. She was home for a weekend and we had a conversation that would normally have left me feeling scraped out, the kind where she is fine but I am not, and I was just... present in it. Not detached, present. I do not know if that is the dose or something else shifting. Libido is a complicated subject and I will not try to summarise it in a paragraph. Something is different there too, not resolved, just different. I have a review booked and I am going to try to be honest in it rather than cheerful.
looking back at the last couple of years
My youngest moved out properly in September, not the trial run he did two years ago but the actual version with a lease and furniture he bought himself. And I have been thinking, not constantly but in patches, about how the last two years have felt and what I would say about them if someone asked. The honest answer is that I am not sure the two things, him leaving and everything else that has been happening in my body, are entirely separate in my memory. They got tangled. The joint pain started around the same time. The low libido, which I kept not mentioning to anyone, also started around then. I do not know how much of the heaviness I felt was grief about the house being quieter and how much was something more physical. Probably both. Probably neither explanation is complete on its own. I read somewhere that women often describe this period as a loss of self and I understand what that means but I also think it is slightly too dramatic for what I actually experienced. It was more like a loss of assumption. Things I had assumed about my body, my energy, my interest in things, stopped being reliable. That is unsettling rather than devastating. Or it was for me. I am not at a conclusion about any of it. My son is fine. I am mostly fine. The joint pain in my hip is better than it was six months ago. Some things resolve and some things just become familiar.
Likes & Replies (3)
May 27 · Replied to What I wrote down before my appointment
There is something about seeing it written out that makes it feel real rather than just a feeling you have been carrying around. I kept a rough notes app log for a while and it was messy but it still helped. The ordinary details ended up being the ones worth having.
May 26 · Replied to The pattern I noticed
There is something about putting it on paper that makes it feel less like a vague complaint and more like actual information. I have noticed that too, with a few things. The pattern only becomes visible once you stop trying to hold it in your head.
May 25 · Replied to What I am tracking this week
I started doing something similar after I sat in front of a GP and just said 'fine, mostly' when I was absolutely not fine. The notes made me realise how patchy everything actually was. Libido especially, because that one I kept dismissing as just life, just tired, just whatever. Writing it down made it harder to wave away.
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Comments (3)
Just popping back to say thank you, especially Nicola. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.
The adhesion thing is real. I used to press mine down for about thirty seconds after showering and it helped, though I was never sure if it was the pressure or just the waiting. Four weeks is still early for the anxiety piece, I think. Mine took longer to shift, if it shifted at all. The joint pain was the thing that moved first for me, which I had not expected.
There is something about putting it on paper that makes it feel less like a vague complaint and more like actual information. I have noticed that too, with a few things. The pattern only becomes visible once you stop trying to hold it in your head.