Julie

Just wanted to say well done for booking it, genuinely. Three months is nothing, I put mine off for much longer and I wish I hadn't. The notes idea is really sensible. I always think if you can show a pattern over time it's harder to be dismissed than if you just describe how you feel on one day. Hope she listens properly x

Oh this is so familiar. I went through a patch where I was basically useless from about half two onwards and I kept thinking I was just lazy or something. The diary idea is really good, I did something similar before an appointment and I think it helped the GP take it seriously rather than just... nodding and moving on. Your lentil soup with eggs sounds genuinely lovely by the way, not Instagram-worthy is my favourite kind of food right now. x

Oh the period tracker apps, I remember that. They really aren't built for us are they. I'm 59 now and well out the other side but I remember feeling exactly like you do, like I was too young to be in the right place and too something to be in the wrong one. The notes idea is lovely. I wish I'd done that earlier, I had no idea what was happening month to month. x

The "not normal tired" thing, yes. Exactly that. Mine used to hit around two and I'd be useless for the rest of the afternoon. I started having cottage cheese on oatcakes a few mornings a week when I don't want eggs and it's surprisingly filling without being a whole production. Also good luck with the GP, the noting-it-down approach is a good one, I think it helps them take it seriously rather than just nodding and moving on. x

I could have written this word for word, the part about walking after dinner especially. I felt a bit silly at first, ten minutes round the block, the neighbours probably think I've taken up very slow jogging. But the bloating does ease off doesn't it. There's something about it. And the batch cooking thing, I do a version of this on Sundays and it just makes the whole week feel less frantic somehow. Hope the GP appointment goes well x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. I kept thinking I needed to do something big and sweeping and then just... didn't. The afternoon crash thing is what got me too, I'd be fine and then suddenly completely useless around 3 or 4. I think there was a thread about this a while back actually, lots of people noticing the same pattern. Anyway. I think what you're doing sounds really sensible. Just watching. No drama. x

Oh this made me smile. I've been noticing the same thing lately, sort of accidentally. Had some leftover chicken at lunch last week and just... didn't crash at 3pm the way I usually do. Didn't connect the dots until I read this. Maybe there's something in it. x

Not coincidence I reckon. I started doing the same thing a few months back, sort of by accident because I had leftover eggs and couldn't be bothered with the toaster. The difference in my afternoons was noticeable enough that I kept going. It's one of those things that sounds too simple to be real but... here we are. x

Oh this takes me back. I remember that exact feeling of thinking perimenopause was something that happened to other people, older people. It isn't. The irregular cycles were my first clue too, though I ignored them for a while. Glad you found this place. x

Oh love, the fishcakes sound brilliant and that 4pm slump is so real, I used to think I was just lazy but it's something else entirely isn't it. The after-dinner walk thing I've been doing too, just pottering really, and I do think it helps even if I can't explain why. On the GP stuff, I just wrote mine a little list beforehand, ferritin and B12 are both things I mentioned and she didn't bat an eyelid. Worth asking. x

Hello Dawn, so glad you said hello. The indifferent family thing made me laugh because yes, that. You put real effort in and they just sort of... eat it and leave. There was a thread a little while back about dinners that feel easy but actually do something useful energy-wise, worth having a look if you can find it. The evening walks sound lovely too. x

That question about whether what you're experiencing is even comparable to what the research covers... I think about that kind of thing a lot actually. Like who are these studies really describing. I went through mine more gradually and I still felt like I was reading about a stranger. You keeping notes is such a good instinct. Write that question down tonight before you forget it again. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. I noticed the same thing sort of by accident, I had a proper lunch one day because there were leftovers from the night before and I thought oh, so that's what functioning feels like. I've been trying to do the cook-once thing too, it's not perfect but it helps. The tracking idea is really good, I keep meaning to do that before my next GP visit. x

The protein breakfast thing, yes. I started doing eggs most mornings a few months back, partly because someone mentioned it in a thread on here recently, and I do think my energy holds better through the morning. I used to just have toast and wonder why I was flagging by eleven. It's such a small thing but it adds up. And the gym thing, I keep circling back to wanting to start weights but feeling daft about it. Maybe this is the nudge I needed.

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The separate menopause plate thing, yes. Absolutely not. I did something similar last winter, slow cooker chicken thighs are just better aren't they, I don't know why I ever bought breasts. On the diary for the GP, I did take one in, it felt a bit awkward handing it over but she did refer back to it when she was looking at my results so I think it helped her see the pattern rather than me just saying I'm exhausted and getting a leaflet about sleep hygiene. Worth doing I reckon. x

Yes to all of this. I spent so long thinking the answer was less food and more willpower and I just got more tired and more miserable. It took me ages to stop seeing food as the enemy. Still working on it if I'm honest. But yeah, those posts are not made for us. x

Oh I love this. No big plan, just one small thing and actually paying attention to how you feel. I did something similar a few months back, noticed I was raiding the biscuit tin at half three every single day and realised it started with my cereal breakfast. Eggs changed that for me, not completely but noticeably. Hope your 4pm log is looking good x

Oh this takes me back. I'm post-meno now and have been on a patch for a few years but I remember that first appointment and feeling like I had to justify myself. The numbers thing is smart. My first few weeks on the patch were a bit up and down, I think I expected it to be immediate and it wasn't, but a few months in it had genuinely changed things. Lighter evenings helped me too, though I never quite figured out if it was the food or just going to bed less full. Anyway. You sound really prepared. x

The glamour of it all 😩 I remember the first time I stood in Sainsbury's genuinely reading the back of a packet of Greek yogurt thinking about protein and feeling like a completely different person to who I was five years ago. Not in a bad way really, just... different. The 9pm crash is so real. Roast veg and chicken thighs is a good dinner though, you're doing better than you think x

Oh love, the sausage roll husband, I feel that in my bones. Mine thinks a handful of peanuts counts as a balanced meal. For the GP appointment, I'd write down the time the crash hits, what you'd eaten beforehand and roughly when, and how long it lasts. My GP actually found that useful when I stopped saying "tired" and started saying "2pm, can't string a sentence together, lasts about an hour". It felt a bit obsessive keeping notes but honestly it changed the conversation completely. Good luck with it x

I've been in almost exactly this position. I kept letting the weight thing slide to the end of appointments too, and then running out of time, and then kicking myself on the way home. When I finally did ask, I said something like "I'd like to check my thyroid and blood sugar, I've been reading that these can shift after menopause" and she ordered the bloods without any fuss. I don't know if that wording helps but it felt less like I was complaining and more like I had a reason, if that makes sense x

Oh love, yes. That hollow wobbly thing is exactly it, I've never quite found the words for it but that's it. Mine tends to hit around 3 and I used to think I was just tired but it's different, isn't it. More unsettling somehow. I've been doing the egg breakfast thing too, not every day, I'm not that organised, but when I do manage it the afternoon does feel more even. Not fixed. Just less dramatic. x

Oh I know this feeling so well. Not tired, just... emptied out somehow. Sunday afternoons used to be my favourite part of the week and now they just sort of dissolve. I started eating something with a bit of protein around 2ish and it does seem to help me get through to teatime without that weird hollow flatness. Not a cure, just something I noticed. x

The toast-and-hoping-for-the-best phase... I was there for years. What shifted for me was just adding something alongside rather than replacing anything. A couple of eggs scrambled, or even just a small pot of cottage cheese which I know sounds grim but with a bit of fruit it's actually fine. Not exciting but it works. The weight thing is so confusing at this stage, I still don't fully understand what happened to my body. x

Oh love, that tired you're describing, the kind that's there before you've even started, I know that so well. It's not laziness and it's not attitude and it's exhausting having to explain that. The breakfast thing made a difference for me too, I keep forgetting and then remembering again when I feel awful. Good luck at the GP. I hope they hear you properly this time x

Oh I love this so much. Not a plan with a name. Just... noticing. That is exactly what I wish I'd done years ago instead of downloading another app and giving up by Wednesday. The 4pm thing is so real. I used to think I was just greedy or tired or both. It took me ages to connect it to what I'd had at breakfast. Or not had, really. Keep writing it down. Even if it's scrappy. Even if you miss a day. The pattern does start to show up and it's genuinely interesting when it does. x

Oh I know that hollow feeling exactly. It's not sleepy, it's more like someone's pulled the plug out. I've been doing the protein breakfast thing for a few weeks now and I think there's something in it, though I'm also the sort of person who could convince herself anything is working if she wants it to badly enough 😄 Definitely bring it up at your GP appointment. "A switch gets flicked" is actually a really good description, use that. You're not moaning. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The three proper dinners a week idea is something I've been doing too and it does help, even just having one less decision to make in the evening. For the GP, I found it helped to write down the specific things I'd noticed, weight shift over a couple of years, energy dips, and then just hand them the list. It felt less like I was reciting something I'd read online and more like I was reporting my own experience. Which is all it is, really. Good luck with the appointment. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The 3pm thing has been going on for me for about two years and I kept putting it down to not sleeping well, which is also true, so it's hard to unpick. But I've started noticing it's worse on the days I've had something light at lunch, a sandwich, a bit of toast, and better when there's actual substance in it. Lentil soup with an egg is a proper lunch, that's not nothing. I think you're onto something. Good luck at the GP, hope they actually engage with you this time. x

Oh this is so familiar. The finishing off the kids' leftovers thing, I did that for years without noticing it was basically my dinner. Anyway, the GP question, I think I just wrote down beforehand: tiredness, weight round the middle, anything worth checking? And then I mentioned it had been going on a few months. She ordered thyroid and a few other things without me having to push too hard. Good luck with it x

Oh I really felt this. The feeding everyone else while trying to quietly look after yourself thing is exhausting isn't it. I do a big pot of lentil and chorizo soup most weeks, it's cheap, the protein is actually decent, and nobody clocks that it's vaguely good for you. Husband thinks it's just dinner. Also the writing it all down before the GP thing is so smart, I wish I'd done that instead of just going in and going blank. Good luck with the appointment x

I remember that feeling so well from a few years back. The word would be right there and then just... not. I used to call it "the gap". I'm a bit further along now and it did ease for me, though I know that's not everyone's experience. Sending you a lot of solidarity. The writing things down idea is really wise x

Yes to all of this. I haven't had a DEXA yet but reading your post I'm thinking I probably should ask about it. The bit about suddenly it being a present thing rather than a future worry really landed. And the sardines, I'm slowly making peace with them too, tinned in olive oil are slightly more tolerable I find. x

Oh love, the two dinners thing. I did that for about six months and it nearly broke me. What actually helped us was leaning into things like chilli, bolognese, fish pie, stuff where the protein is already in there and nobody notices or cares. I bulk cook on a Sunday now which I know sounds like extra work but it genuinely isn't by Wednesday when I'm running on fumes. The 3pm crash is so real by the way, I used to think I was just lazy. Worth writing it down exactly as you have here for your GP, this is not vague at all. x

The evening walk thing is interesting isn't it. I started doing something similar almost by accident, just needed to get out of the kitchen, and then realised I actually felt better afterwards. Not dramatically better but just... less heavy. I think there was a thread on here recently about bloodwork and what's worth asking for. Thyroid came up a lot. Worth a look before your appointment x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The stone and a half that just... appeared. And the photo thing, I did exactly that, scrolling back trying to find a before, which is a bit grim when you think about it. The sneaking lentils in is genius. My lot have been eating them for months and nobody has said a word. x

Right there with you. I went through a phase of trying every plan going and I think I just ended up more confused than when I started, and more tired, and somehow also more guilty about eating a biscuit. Which is mad when you think about it. I don't follow any particular thing now, I just try to eat something decent in the morning and not skip lunch. Some days that's enough. x

Oh love, the 4pm bus thing. I know it so well. I used to think I was just tired from work but looking back I think it was blood sugar just falling off a cliff every afternoon. The eggs thing is interesting because I noticed something similar, not dramatic but just... steadier? Hard to explain. On the GP question, I'd absolutely mention the 18 months thing. That's actually quite specific when you say it like that. Not vague at all. I wish I'd gone in with a timeline instead of just shrugging and saying I felt off. x

Oh love, yes. I did eventually bring it up with my GP and I'm so glad I did, because I'd been dismissing it as just 'being 59' for ages. The trick for me was exactly what you're doing, writing it down beforehand. I actually handed the note over and said 'I always forget to mention this'. She ordered a full blood panel including thyroid and fasting glucose and it was genuinely useful to have actual numbers. Worth asking specifically for that rather than just saying tired. Good luck with it x

The gap between 7 and 1 is doing a lot of heavy lifting there isn't it. I think that's what I kept missing for ages, it wasn't what I was eating exactly, it was the gap. I've started keeping a bit of cheese or some nuts around for about 11ish and it takes the edge off by lunchtime. For easy dinners, tinned fish on top of things is genuinely underrated. Sardines, mackerel, whatever's in the cupboard. Not glamorous but it works on a Tuesday x

I could have written this word for word when I started back. That feeling of being the oldest, the slowest, the most confused by the machines... it's a lot. But you went twice. That's the whole thing really, isn't it. x

The digestives in protest thing... yes. That's exactly it isn't it. I've been there so many times. I don't have a brilliant bar recommendation I'm afraid, I've been more of a handful of nuts and some cheese person for my 3pm moment which I know isn't very convenient if you're out and about. But I wanted to say the protein breakfast thing has genuinely shifted something for me too, slower to notice than I expected but it did seem to level things out a bit over time.

Oh love, I could have written this word for word a couple of years ago. The being-last-on-your-own-list thing is so real and so exhausting. Keep that appointment. The notes on your phone are a brilliant idea, I did something similar and it genuinely helped me not just sit there going blank when the GP asked how long it had been going on. You deserve to take up the whole appointment. x

Oh this is lovely, and I love that you wrote it down. I do the same thing, only notice when it's going wrong. The walk after dinner thing... I've been meaning to try this for ages. And the protein point is so real, I used to just do pasta because everyone was tired and then wonder why I felt terrible by half eight. Might actually try both this week. x

Oh I could have written this word for word, the pasta thing especially. Mine are the same. What I started doing is making a big batch of something like a chicken and chickpea tray bake and just... putting it on the table alongside the pasta. Nobody has to eat it but I do, and it means I'm not cooking twice. It sort of crept in that way. The afternoon crashes I still get but they're less bad since I stopped having toast at lunch. x

The YouTube thing at 11pm, yes. Every single time. You think you'll just have a quick look and then suddenly it's midnight and you've watched six videos and feel worse than before. Three walks and a boiled egg honestly sounds like a decent week to me. I think asking your GP for specifics about the joints is completely fair, not dramatic at all. She might surprise you. Worth having it written down so you don't forget in the room. x

Oh I love this. Please keep noting it down because this is exactly the kind of thing that gets lost. I did something similar a while back, proper breakfast instead of just coffee and whatever was left on the kids' plates, and I remember thinking the same thing, this isn't a diet, this is just... eating like I matter? Which sounds daft but there it is. The 3pm wall is real. I used to think I was just lazy or needed more willpower or something. Four o'clock three times in a week is not nothing. That is actually something x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Linda. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Oh this is a kind post to read on a Monday morning. I've been lurking in this room for a while and it's the combination-of-things thing that resonates. I keep trying to find the one answer and there probably isn't one, is there. Glad you're having better days. x

The chickpea thing made me smile because I remember the first time I did something similar and felt absurdly pleased with myself. There was a thread on here recently about hidden lentils in mince dishes which I found really useful. I keep coming back to the idea that the trick isn't a special meal, it's just quietly adjusting your own plate. Easier said than done on some nights but when it works it really does feel like a small triumph. x

Oh love, the half six wall is so real. I've been there so many times, staring into the fridge thinking I used to actually enjoy this. The quiet adjusting thing is exactly right I think. I started doing the same, just asking where's the protein, not making it a whole announcement. Chicken thighs are genuinely underrated. And yes, please do go to the GP about the energy, I kept putting it off and when I finally went it opened up a whole conversation about bloodwork I didn't know I needed. x

Oh I know that hollow feeling. It's not tiredness exactly is it, more like your whole system just sort of... pauses. I went through a phase of thinking it was sleep related and then thinking it was stress and then eventually someone mentioned blood sugar and it was like, oh. That might actually be it. I haven't sorted mine properly but I've noticed the mornings where I have something substantial I do get further into the day before it hits. Hope the GP actually listens this time. x

Oh I recognise this so much. That 2pm signal-drops feeling is exactly it, you've described it better than I ever have. I did take it to my GP last year and she did run bloods, thyroid, iron, HbA1c for blood sugar, B12 as well I think. Nothing dramatic came back but it was worth doing just to rule things out. I'd say go in with your notes, the ones you've been keeping, because having actual patterns written down made mine take me more seriously than I expected. Don't just describe the symptom in the room, show her the pattern. That seemed to help. Good luck with it x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. I kept thinking once the flushes settled down everything else would sort itself out too. It didn't quite work like that did it. The 3am brain thing is something else. Mine tends to go straight to a conversation I had with a colleague about fifteen years ago that I handled badly. Every time. Sending solidarity from another 59 year old who is also supposedly past the worst of it x

Slightly different experience here, I was 48 before anyone used the word perimenopause with me and by then I'd been fobbed off twice. So I'd say go in with your notes and if she doesn't engage with the hormonal angle, ask specifically about perimenopause rather than waiting for her to raise it. Not to be discouraging, just, advocate for yourself a bit. You clearly know something has shifted. x

Oh love, the 'probably' from GPs is so maddening isn't it. You're clearly exhausted and they're hedging. I went through a long stretch of broken sleep too and I remember just nodding along at appointments because I was too tired to push back properly. The protein in the morning thing is real though, I noticed the same, less of that horrible mid-afternoon slump. Hope you get some proper answers soon x

I could have written this word for word, the bit about not being able to pinpoint when it started especially. It just sort of crept in didn't it. I've been thinking a lot about meals that feel like actual food rather than a concession to something, and honestly things like baked potatoes with beans and cheese, or a proper egg fried rice with frozen peas, have been doing it for us. Nothing fancy. And the evening walk thing, there's something about having a small ritual that belongs just to you that I think matters more than the steps. x

Oh this really resonated. The bit about standing at the fridge at half six going blank, that's me most evenings if I haven't thought ahead even slightly. I think there's something in just having three anchors for the week rather than trying to plan everything perfectly. And the energy thing, I've been down that road with bloodwork too, it's worth asking. Feels like so many of us are trying to work out what's just tiredness and what's actually something. Good luck with it. x

Oh I could have written this word for word. The 3 o'clock thing is so real and I spent ages thinking I was just lazy or not sleeping well enough. For me it did seem to link to lunch, specifically when I had something carby and not much else. I started adding a bit of protein to lunch too, not just breakfast, and it genuinely helped a bit. Not gone, but less like falling off a cliff. Worth mentioning to your GP even if it sounds vague, I did and it opened up a whole conversation about blood sugar and hormones that I hadn't expected. x

Snap on the dairy and green veg thing. I started being more deliberate about it a few months ago, not obsessively, just actually thinking about it rather than assuming I was probably fine. The vitamin D absorption in winter stuff is a rabbit hole isn't it. I went down it and came out slightly bewildered but more aware of what I was and wasn't getting. Good luck with the GP appointment, sounds like you're going in really prepared x

Oh, that low hum of dread. Yes. I remember standing at the kitchen sink convinced something awful was about to happen and not being able to say what. It's such a strange feeling, not like normal anxiety at all. I think I described it to my GP as feeling like I was waiting for bad news that never arrived. She actually paused when I said that. Worth trying to find your own words for it, the ones that feel most true. x

Oh love, I lurked for ages too before I said a word. There's something about finally typing it out that makes it feel real, isn't there. The night sweats were my first big clue as well, waking up absolutely drenched and thinking I'd somehow imagined the whole thing. You haven't made it up. Not even slightly. The follow-up is a good sign, just having it in the diary felt like progress to me at that stage. x

Food tracking never quite worked for me because so many other things were varying at the same time. Stress at work, whether I'd been outside, how much water I'd had. I kept thinking I'd found a pattern and then it would fall apart the next week. I'm not sure I ever landed on anything conclusive, which was frustrating but also maybe just honest.

A different kind of mess is genuinely something. I remember that phase, where the problem had shifted shape even if it had not gone. It took me a while to trust that shifting shape was actually movement. The mother question is its own thing entirely, isn't it. Mine still asks if I am eating enough.

The morning stiffness after sitting is so familiar. Mine was worst in that window between getting up and actually moving properly, like the joints needed convincing. Moving in the middle of the day helped me more than I expected it to, though it took a while to make it a habit rather than a guilt trip.

Four minutes is actually longer than it sounds when the water is cold enough. I tried something similar a few winters back, not a lido, just the sea near my sister's, and the scheduling problem is real. The best version of a thing is not always the version that fits your actual life.