Rebecca

Honestly the going-blank thing is so frustrating isn't it. I've started texting myself a one-sentence opener on the way there, just so I have something to read if my mind goes. Something like "I want to talk about whether this could be perimenopause and whether HRT might help my sleep". Sounds obvious but having it written down means I can just read it if I freeze. Good luck, really hope she listens x

The husband looking at you waiting for a reason you can't name... yep. Mine does the same thing and I've run out of ways to explain that there isn't one. Hope the GP appointment goes well. Writing it down beforehand is genuinely the best advice I never followed until recently. x

Oh love, first of all well done for posting this, genuinely. I was exactly the same, sat in the waiting room basically rehearsing a script and then completely blanking the moment the GP looked at me. What helped me was just leading with the physical stuff, the discomfort, the UTI-type symptoms, because somehow that felt easier to say than the other bits. Once the GP was engaged the rest kind of followed. You are absolutely using the right words by the way. x

Snap. The hiding the lubricant thing made me actually laugh because I did the exact same, shoved it behind a load of paracetamol like some kind of shameful secret. I'm 49! Why are we like this 😂 The bit about not connecting it to perimenopause for ages really resonates too. I genuinely thought I'd just gone off it and that was that. Took me ages to find the right words for the tissue sensitivity part. Good luck with your appointment, and well done for writing it down beforehand. x

I could have written this word for word, the sitting with results and not quite knowing how to feel bit. I think sometimes we need the concrete thing to actually start doing the concrete thing. Your list of questions sounds really thorough. The daily walking is probably doing more than you think too. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The going quiet bit especially. I ended up saying something really clunky to my partner like "I need to tell you something and it's embarrassing but it's not about you" and that framing actually helped. Taking the "am I not attracted to you anymore" panic off the table first seemed to let him actually listen. Thirty-one years means he wants to know. He just needs you to open the door a tiny bit. You can do this. x

The biscuit thing made me laugh out loud and then feel a bit tearful because YES. I said "vaginal dryness" to my GP like I was reading from a leaflet, very flat, very clinical, and it actually helped to make it sound boring and medical rather than personal? Like I was describing someone else's problem. She didn't even blink. The list is a really good idea. Take the list in. x

The rewriting in slightly less mortifying language made me laugh because YES. I did the same thing. Ended up with something so clinical it barely made sense. But having it written is the thing. You're not going to forget a single symptom now, which is exactly what used to happen to me the second I sat down in that room. Go you. x

Snap! The going blank thing is SO real. I'm articulate at work, I talk for a living basically, and I still sat in that chair and said 'I've just been feeling a bit... off' like some kind of useless witness to my own symptoms 😂 Writing it down first is such a good shout. Especially the UTI-type stuff, I never know how to bring that up without it sounding like a different appointment entirely.

Oh love, this made me smile so much. I sat in the car park for ten minutes before my appointment last spring working up the nerve. The list thing is genius, I wish I'd done that instead of just sitting there going "so anyway... um... it's just... you know." She was lovely too in the end. Completely matter of fact. Why do we dread it so much?? Proud of you. x

Oh love, a year alone with this. That bit really got me. I did the same thing, just quietly assumed something was wrong with me personally rather than, you know, my entire hormonal landscape shifting without telling me. The phone notes thing is genuinely smart. I went in to my GP once and said "everything's fine" because she asked and I panicked. Completely wasted the appointment. Never again. You're not being dramatic at all. x

Yes, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to get there. I kept convincing myself it wasn't bad enough to mention, like there was some threshold I hadn't crossed yet. There wasn't a threshold. I just needed to say it out loud. The disconnection thing you described, that not feeling like your body is yours anymore, I felt that so much. It's real and it matters and it's worth fighting your corner for at that appointment. Hope she listens properly. x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Anna. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The thing where you go in with the real reason and come out having discussed something completely irrelevant. I did it three times before I finally just texted my GP through the app instead of saying it face to face. Not glamorous either but it worked. Whatever gets it said. Good luck this week, rooting for you x

Snap. The bit about silently accommodating it rather than saying anything. Yes. That was me for ages and I was so angry at myself for it afterwards because it wasn't protecting anyone, it was just making me feel worse on my own. So glad you've got the appointment and the list. Honestly the list is everything. And the conversation with your husband this weekend, even if it comes out a bit messy, will probably feel like putting something down you've been carrying for too long. You've got this. Really. x

Oh love, yes. Absolutely yes. I spent about forty minutes before my last appointment basically rehearsing sentences in the car park like I was going in for a job interview. "Dryness and pain" kept coming out as "a bit of discomfort" the moment I opened my mouth. In the end I just read off my phone notes because my brain went blank the second I sat down. The underlined "ask about local oestrogen" is doing a lot of heavy lifting and I mean that as a compliment. Good luck Thursday, you've got this. x

Oh love, the writing it down thing is genuinely the only reason I got anywhere with my GP. I did exactly the same, typed it all out on my phone the night before and just handed it over and said 'I can't say this out loud without crying so can you just read it'. She was brilliant actually. The dryness, the UTI that wasn't a UTI, all of it, she knew exactly what I meant. You're doing the right thing. Good luck with the appointment, I really hope she listens x

I get this too and I'm not even sure what's causing it. I assumed it was just the general chaos of my body at the moment. The blood sugar angle makes sense to me though, and the breakfast thing tracks with what I've noticed as well. Not that I've been consistent enough to prove anything. Reassuring that it's not just me feeling like that in the afternoons though. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The gradual thing is what got me too. I kept thinking I was imagining it or being dramatic. Writing things down before the GP is such a good idea. I started doing a little notes list on my phone because I always go completely blank the moment I sit down in that room. You are absolutely not alone in this x

Right, firstly, well done for booking the appointment and for writing this down here. Both of those things are harder than they sound. The "I'll just say I'm fine" thing is so real. I've done it so many times. Printing out what you've written, or even just having your phone notes open, genuinely helps because your brain goes completely blank the second you sit down. And the food thing, yes, more protein has made a noticeable difference to my afternoon energy too. Not a fix for everything but it's something you can actually control which feels nice when everything else is a bit chaotic. x

Snap! I did exactly this a few months back. Wrote it all out the night before because I knew I'd just go blank the second I sat down. Having it on my phone meant I could just read from it which felt a bit weird but also kind of freed me up? The GP didn't bat an eyelid about the dryness stuff at all. Wishing you a really straightforward appointment x

I'm not really a breakfast person but I've started having a couple of oatcakes with peanut butter just to get something in before I leave the house. Genuinely takes about ninety seconds. Not glamorous but it stops me eating half a packet of biscuits at my desk by ten. x

Oh love, the canceling on a friend thing hit me. I've been doing that too and I always feel worse after I cancel, not better. You said yes and that matters. x

Oh love, the staring at the word you've written thing is SO real. I sat with 'intimacy' on my notepad for about three minutes before crossing it out and writing 'sex life (or lack of)' which felt marginally less terrifying somehow 😂. The list is a brilliant idea. Take it in with you. You've already done the hard part just by writing it down. x

Right there with you on this. The "transition" language drives me a bit mad even in regular peri, but surgical must make it feel completely irrelevant. Writing actual dates down before an appointment is such a good idea, I always go in and my brain just empties. Rooting for you next week 🤞 x

Oh love, I did exactly this a few months ago. Sat there with a blank notes app for about twenty minutes. In the end I just wrote "intimacy is painful and I am avoiding it" and made myself leave it there. Brutal to read back but it got the conversation started. The GP was so much more matter-of-fact about it than I expected. You are absolutely doing the right thing putting it on the list. x

Oh love, this is HUGE. I did the exact same thing last year because I knew the second she asked how I was I'd say 'fine' and walk out with nothing. Having it written down meant I actually said the dryness word out loud to another human being for the first time. Ridiculous that it feels brave, but it absolutely is. Well done you. x

Oh this made me a bit emotional actually. The "it gets quieter, not silent" line. I'm going to hold onto that. I'm 49 and still very much mid-muddle, but hearing from someone further along who's still curious and still advocating for herself at the GP... that means a lot. Also the strength training thing keeps coming up doesn't it. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something 😂 x

I could have written this word for word, the losing my nerve bit especially. I do the same thing, walk in with a list in my head and walk out having said absolutely none of it because she looked busy and I felt like I was being dramatic. You're not being dramatic. Pain is pain. The fact you've connected the UTI thing yourself is actually really useful, write that bit down too, the timeline of it. Wishing you all the luck for Thursday, genuinely. Come back and tell us how it went? x

Snap on the mood thing, it's the one thing that actually moves the needle for me too and I can't scientifically explain it either. For the GP, I found being quite blunt worked, something like 'I want to rule out anything that needs treating rather than just managing.' It felt a bit assertive but it stopped the conversation ending too quickly x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The thinness of the skin caught me completely off guard. I kept thinking I was just tired or not drinking enough water or whatever excuse I could find before I started actually paying attention. The protein rabbit hole is real, someone mentioned it in a thread here a few weeks back and I ended up reading about it for an embarrassing amount of time. No conclusions, just... noticing things differently now. Good luck at the GP x

I could have written this word for word. The blank mind thing, the blood pressure, coming out having said nothing useful. I started bringing a list and it changed everything. And the husband conversation, god. We did the quiet stopping thing too for ages. I ended up just showing him what I'd written for the GP. Felt less scary than saying it. Thinking of you Thursday. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The guilt about dreading it, the snapping about completely unrelated things, the husband thinking he's done something wrong when he absolutely hasn't. It's such a lonely place to be in when you don't have the words yet. The notes app idea is genuinely brilliant. I did something similar and it was the only reason I actually said anything useful in my appointment instead of just nodding along and leaving with nothing. You've already done the hardest bit by writing it down. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The creeping in, the not saying anything, the politeness that wasn't there before. It's such a strange grief for something that's still technically there. I haven't done the GP bit yet (working up to it, she says, eighteen months later 🙄) but the writing it down idea is a good one. Someone mentioned in a thread here recently that handing the list over rather than reading it out loud takes some of the heat off. Might try that. Good luck next week, really rooting for you x

Oh love, the going blank in the GP's office is SO real. I once came out having discussed my hay fever and nothing else. Nothing. Hay fever. The partner conversation bit, I found it helped to frame it as something happening to me rather than something about us, if that makes sense. Like, I said to mine, my body's changed and I'm trying to sort it out, I just wanted you to know. Not a complaint. Just information. He was much less weird about it than I expected. Sending you a lot of solidarity. x

Snap! I've left two appointments having talked about everything except the actual thing. The notes on your phone idea is genius, genuinely. I'm stealing that for mine next month. And the bit about feeling like a stranger in your own body... yes. Exactly that. Good luck Thursday, rooting for you 🤞 x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The 'broken' feeling is so real and so unfair, because nobody tells you this is a thing that just... happens. Writing it down before the appointment is exactly the right call. I did the same and it genuinely changed what I got out of the consultation. Say the word 'painful', say it affects your confidence, say it's changed your relationship. Don't soften it. You deserve to be heard properly. x

I could have written this word for word. The waiting for them to ask the right question!! I've done that so many times. Writing it down is such a good idea, I'm going to steal this for my next appointment. The shame of it is so real and so unnecessary but knowing that doesn't make it easier in the moment does it. Good luck, rooting for you x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Anna. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Snap! The "finding something urgent to do in the kitchen" is SO real. I've reorganised my spice rack twice avoiding a similar conversation. The notes thing is genuinely clever though, I always freeze in appointments and come out having mentioned nothing useful. Rooting for you with the GP and with the chat. x

Snap! The deleting and retyping thing is SO real. I've found that just saying "I've got some symptoms I find embarrassing to talk about" at the very start of the appointment kind of... breaks the seal? Like once it's out the GP usually takes over and asks the questions for you. Also the UTI-type feelings that come back negative on tests, there was a thread about that recently here, you're definitely not the only one. Rooting for you Friday. x

Snap! I'm 49 too and the crossing-out-and-rewriting thing is exactly what I do. I have a notes app on my phone full of things I've typed and deleted. Honestly the way you've described it here, 'something changed without asking my permission', that's the clearest way I've heard it put. Maybe just show him that. Sometimes someone else's words are easier than finding your own. Good luck with the GP next week, I really hope they take you seriously first time. x

I could have written this. The second-guessing in bad lighting is exactly where I've been for months. I haven't started photos yet but this has convinced me. And yes to writing things down before appointments, I always forget half of what I wanted to say the moment I sit down in front of the GP. x

Snap! I have an entire notes app folder that is basically 'things I cannot say out loud yet'. The uncomfortable-for-no-reason feeling is the one I struggled to name for ages. Like it's not dramatic enough to mention but it's just... there, all the time. Really glad you're tracking it. And yes to actual meals, I notice a difference on the days I eat properly, even if it's just toast with something on it rather than nothing at all. x

Slightly different experience here, I did track everything and my GP was still a bit dismissive the first time. Had to push for bloodwork. So just saying, if that happens, don't give up. Ask again, or ask to see someone else. Your notes are still worth having, they helped me remember what I'd actually said and what she'd actually said. Keep going x

The bit about not recognising yourself half the time really got me. That's such a precise description of it. I kept thinking I was just tired or stressed but there was something underneath that felt different. You're doing the right thing going back with notes. Concrete and specific is so much harder to brush off than "I just feel a bit off". Rooting for you x

Absolutely counts as on topic, we are whole people 😂. Sheet pan everything. Chicken thighs, any veg, bit of oil and seasoning, one tray in the oven. I genuinely do this twice a week at the moment. Teens moan slightly less than they used to which I'm taking as a win. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about a year ago. The 'crept up on me' is so accurate, isn't it. One day everything is fine and then suddenly it just... isn't, and you're sitting there thinking is this just me?? Writing things down before the GP is such a good idea. I took a little list in and honestly it saved me because the moment she looked at me I went completely blank. You're not alone in this. Not even slightly. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The brain-blank in the appointment is so real. I've started just saying at the start 'I've written some things down because I know I'll forget' and then reading off my phone. Feels a bit awkward for about ten seconds and then it's fine. The UTI-that-isn't is such a specific thing and I'm glad you named it here. You've got this. x

Ha the aggressively romantic packaging kills me. Like I just want something functional, not a mood board. I've had good results with a simple water-based one, nothing fancy. Also re the GP thing, there was a thread about this recently with some tips on how to actually say the words out loud without dying of embarrassment. Might be worth a search. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The not knowing how to even start the sentence with the GP is the hardest bit isn't it. I ended up writing it down beforehand because I knew I'd bottle it the moment I sat down. Writing it here counts too x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I kept bumping it down my list every single time. The fact it's on there now is genuinely a big deal, even if it doesn't feel like it. Hope the GP is one of the good ones. x

Snap. The 'changed without warning' bit is exactly it isn't it. I kept thinking I was imagining it or being dramatic. Writing it down privately first really helped me feel less embarrassed when I finally did bring it up. You don't have to have the whole conversation sorted before the appointment, just having the notes is enough. Glad you put it here x

Oh love, the list is absolutely the way to go. I used to do the thing where I'd mention the most alarming symptom and then run out of appointment. Now I go in with everything written down and I just hand it over. Much harder to be fobbed off when it's all there in front of them. You're not being dramatic, you're being thorough. x

Ha, I showed my husband a leaflet rather than actually saying anything. 26 years together and I handed him a piece of paper like we'd just met 😂 honestly though it worked fine, he was completely unfazed. Sometimes the worrying about saying it is so much worse than the actual saying it. Easier said than done I know. Solidarity x

Snap! Same miles, same route, completely wrecked afterwards now. I genuinely thought I was just getting lazy for a while which did not help my mood. Definitely not imagining it. There was a thread on here recently about exercise and perimenopause that had some really useful replies if you can find it x

Oh love, this made me properly smile. Those small wins feel massive when you've been dealing with it for weeks. Hip stuff out of nowhere is one of those symptoms nobody warns you about is it. Celebrate every single step. Literally x