Wendy

Thank you Philippa, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

I feel this so much. I'm 43 and I've been hovering around the edges of spaces like this for months wondering if I qualify. The cycles going weird was what made me think something was actually shifting. I mentioned it to my GP and got a very similar response, just a blood test and not much else. I didn't know what to push for either. Your notes idea sounds really grounding actually, something to hold onto x

Oh I could have written this word for word, honestly. That in-between feeling is so disorienting. I'm 43 and I've been doing exactly the same thing, notes in my phone, trying to work out if what I'm noticing is actually new or if I just never paid attention before. The wired then flat thing really resonates. I kept thinking it was just work stress but it keeps happening on roughly the same schedule each month which feels... significant? Maybe. I don't know. Keeping notes felt like the only thing I could actually do while I waited to feel certain enough to say something out loud. x

Not on HRT so I can't really weigh in on the specifics. But the thing about writing down symptoms because you keep underestimating them, I do this too, or I try to. It's strange how something can feel constant and then you go to describe it and your mind just goes blank. Watching this thread with interest x

Oh I could have written this word for word, the going blank thing especially. What helped me was writing it all down beforehand, like actually on paper, and then just handing it over if I froze. I also wrote "my cycles have changed significantly since [date]" at the top so it felt like a fact rather than a complaint. You're not being dramatic. A 19-day cycle is a thing. x

Snap on the tampons. I had the same thing, bought loads in a big shop and then had a 19-day cycle and used half the box in a week and I just stood in the bathroom thinking what is happening to my body. I don't have any useful advice for the appointment but I just wanted to say you are absolutely not catastrophizing. Something has shifted. That's real. x

I'm 43 and genuinely not sure I belong here yet either, so hello from the same boat. The cycle thing is so disorienting isn't it, you stop being able to predict anything and the apps are just... not built for this. I haven't quite managed the GP conversation yet but following this thread closely for courage. x

I could have written this word for word, almost. The 2009 thoughts at 3am, yes, absolutely yes. There was something similar discussed in a thread here recently actually, the way the phone isn't just the light but the mental load of it, all that half-processed information sitting in your head. I haven't managed three nights in a row yet. You've made me want to try properly. x

43 here and I still don't know if I belong in this space either, so you're not alone in that weird in-between feeling. My cycles went haywire last year and I kept assuming it was stress. maybe it was. maybe it wasn't. probably both. The notes app approach is what I do too, just dates and a rough "felt awful the week before" or whatever. Feels less clinical than an app and I'm more likely to actually do it. Good luck with the GP appointment, hope she actually listens this time x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. Not the divorce part but that feeling of going into a GP appointment and somehow coming out having said nothing real. I've started writing things down too, just fragments, because otherwise I edit myself in the room and then walk home annoyed. The detachment thing you mentioned, that weirdly resonates. I keep wondering if it's peri or just everything being a lot at once. Probably both. Hope the appointment goes well x

Oh this really resonates. I'm 43 and I've been going round in circles with the same question, is this just... life? Or is something actually shifting? The cycle thing is what made me start paying closer attention too. Mine used to be so predictable and now I genuinely don't know. The word-forgetting mid-sentence is the one that unsettles me most, I'll be talking and just... lose the thread completely. Anyway I don't have answers but I wanted you to know you don't sound too young for this at all. x

Oh this is so familiar. The ambient anxiety thing is exactly how I'd describe it too, like there's no object to it, it's just... present. I'm 43 and still not sure what's happening but I did go to my GP and just sort of said 'things feel different in a way I can't explain and my cycles are changing, can we talk about it?' She didn't laugh at me. That was my main fear if I'm honest. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. I'm only 43 but the tiredness some days is just... a lot. And I keep thinking I should be doing more, then feeling guilty for not doing more, then being too tired to do anything. The bit about needing permission really got me. I think I feel that too and I didn't have words for it until just now. The egg on toast thing is very sensible by the way. x

Snap! Mine went from regular to completely unpredictable around 42. I kept telling myself it was just a busy patch. I think I was in denial for about a year honestly. The snapping at the kids and then feeling awful about it... I know that feeling so well. You're not imagining it. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The period apps are maddening, aren't they. I kept getting little prompts about ovulation windows and I just... no. The exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix is the thing that got me. I kept thinking I just needed an earlier night and then I'd have an earlier night and still feel like I'd been hit by something. I don't have a fix for the GP thing but I'm watching this thread. x

I've been leaning on build-your-own nights lately. Wraps or baked potatoes with a load of fillings in the middle of the table. Everyone makes their own, nobody can complain it's wrong, and I only wash up the serving bowls. It took me way too long to figure out that giving them the choice actually stops the moaning. Mostly. 😂

Oh I love this as a plan. Small and actual and doable. I've been wondering if my 3pm wall is blood sugar or hormones or just... existing. Might steal this and track it alongside my cycle notes. Let us know what you find 😊 x

Oh I could have written this word for word. The fertile window thing makes me want to throw my phone across the room. I'm 43, my cycle is doing whatever it likes, and the last thing I need is a little flower graphic asking if I'm ovulating. The notes app idea is actually really smart though. I started doing something similar after a particularly bad week and there's something about seeing it all written down that makes it feel real rather than just... noise in my head. You're not catastrophising. You're just paying attention x

Oh this is such a good idea, keeping a record before the GP. I keep meaning to do that and then I walk in and go blank. The phone thing is interesting too. I've been doing the exact same doom-scrolling at ridiculous hours, googling symptoms, which obviously makes the anxiety worse, which makes sleep worse. It's a whole loop isn't it. I might try the cheap clock thing. Did you find it weird at first, not having it there? x

I'm 43 and honestly not sure I belong here either so you're not alone in that feeling. But the cycle thing you described, that shift from clockwork to slightly unpredictable, that's what made me start paying attention. I'd been blaming everything on work and being tired and just... life. The GP appointment is worth it. I went in feeling like I was wasting everyone's time and actually came out feeling like I'd at least started a conversation. Good luck with it x

Snap. That tightening in the chest thing is so familiar. I kept thinking it was just dread about the week but actually I've started to notice it's worse at certain times of the month too. My cycles have gone a bit unpredictable this year and I wonder if the two things are connected. Haven't worked up the nerve to mention it to my GP yet. Feels a bit hard to explain without sounding dramatic x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Philippa. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Snap on the £9.99 one. Absolutely not. I tried a similar one and the free tier was basically useless, you couldn't even see a graph of your own cycle without upgrading. The free text note thing is what I do too, just in a notes app rather than a dedicated tracker. Messy but it works. Hope the GP appointment goes well, going in with dates really does seem to help x

I'm a bit earlier in all this than you and not on anything yet so I can't swap stories exactly but I just wanted to say the way you've approached this, writing things down, noticing patterns without jumping to conclusions, is making me think I should do the same before I eventually work up the nerve to go to my GP. The food thing you mentioned is interesting too. Not sure I belong in this thread but it felt rude not to say something x

I've been wondering about this too. I get something similar and I honestly can't tell if it's peri or just the fact that I'm running on empty most of the time. The hollow feeling is a good description. I've been trying to eat more at lunch rather than grabbing something small and forgetting about it, and it does seem to help a bit. Still not sure what's what but I don't feel quite as alone reading this.

Hi! I'm still in the 'is this actually perimenopause or just everything being a lot' phase myself so I'm not sure I have answers but I completely recognise that feeling of things shifting fast and not quite knowing what you're dealing with. Nice to not be figuring it out alone x

Thank you Lydia, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

I love this. And I don't mean that in a dismissive way, I mean it genuinely. The 2am waking thing, the anxiety that doesn't match anything, I keep thinking that about myself too, like why am I anxious, nothing is actually wrong. Anyway. You've nudged me. I've been sort of half-keeping notes on my phone but not properly. Going to start doing it properly before I work up the courage to go. x

I've been trying the same thing, more protein in the morning, and I think it does help although I'm never quite sure what's helping and what's just... life being slightly less chaotic that week. I do a lot of eggs when I can face it. Porridge with milk and a spoonful of peanut butter stirred in sounds weird but it works and my kids will actually eat it too which is a bonus. x

The bit about wanting to go in with actual examples rather than "I feel a bit fuzzy sometimes" really resonated. I've been putting off making that appointment partly because I don't know how to explain it without sounding like I'm being dramatic. But you've made me think maybe I should start writing things down as they happen, so I have something real to show. Thank you for that, genuinely x

Oh this made me smile. I do that thing too, finishing cold pasta off a child's plate at half nine and then wondering why I can't sleep. there's something in what you're saying about actually eating a proper meal at a proper time. I've been meaning to track this stuff properly but somehow never do. you've nudged me. well done you 🤞 x

I'm a bit younger and not quite at this stage yet but I found this really useful to read actually. I think I'd assumed bone density was something you worried about later, not now. The idea of going to a GP appointment with a proper written list is something I keep meaning to do and never quite manage. You've inspired me a bit. x

Ha, yes. I did the vague gesture thing in a Teams call last month and just said 'you know, that word' and then moved on hoping no one noticed. They definitely noticed. Tiny victories are still victories. Genuinely pleased for you x

I'm 43 and only just starting to wonder the same things, so I'm not sure I have answers but I wanted to say you don't sound like you're losing your mind at all. The thing about blaming work stress for years and then realising it might be something else entirely... that really landed with me. x

I haven't got to the partner conversation yet myself so I'm reading all these replies carefully. The thing you said about him being lovely making it harder, I felt that. Somehow it's easier to be annoyed than to be grateful and struggling at the same time? I don't know. Anyway you're not alone in this. x

I love this. I keep meaning to do the same and then the evening arrives and I'm just... done. But I think even scrappy notes are better than nothing? Like you said, not a plan, just a note. That feels manageable somehow. Looking forward to hearing what shows up x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The glazed husband eyes, the GP telling me it's probably stress, the internal screaming that something feels different. I'm 43 and I don't know if I'm perimenopausal or just completely overwhelmed by life but it feels like more than that. So glad you had a good night. And the circling it thing is lovely actually. x

Oh love, you are not daft at all. I haven't been in that exact situation but I think GPs genuinely hear this more than we imagine. I'd maybe just say it plainly, even if your voice wobbles a bit. They're supposed to help with all of it. Hope you get a good one x

Snap! Notes app is exactly what I use too, nothing fancy. And you're right, it doesn't sound small at all when you've been living in that fog of not knowing why you suddenly feel terrible on a Tuesday. I'm only a few weeks in so haven't spotted a proper pattern yet but this is encouraging. Hope the GP appointment goes well x

The bit about not wanting to sound like you've already decided they'll dismiss you... I feel that so much. I tie myself in knots before GP appointments trying to sound calm and reasonable when actually I'm terrified and exhausted. I don't have a solution for that really. Just wanted to say you're not alone in that particular mental gymnastics routine 😩

43 here and same question, genuinely. Some weeks I think yes this is definitely hormonal and other weeks I think no you're just tired and you've not had a proper meal since Tuesday. The fish fingers thing made me laugh because same. I've started writing down the dinner thing too, not because I think it's the whole answer but because it's one variable I can actually see. Good luck with the GP. Go back. "Normal at your age" is not a plan x

I'm 43 and honestly still not sure I belong in spaces like this, but your post made me want to say something because the toast for dinner thing got me. Some weeks that's just survival mode isn't it. I don't have a neat answer on the peri vs burnout question, I'm still working that out myself. But the cycle changes you described, that's not nothing. That's your body doing something different. Worth going back with your notes, I think. x

Oh love, I could have written the bit about watching beginner videos and ending up more confused. There's something about trying to find the 'right' way in that it just spirals doesn't it. Three walks sounds really good to me. And the protein thing, I've read similar, I don't know enough to say whether it's doing anything but it feels like a sensible idea. Hope the GP appointment is useful, fingers crossed she actually listens this time x

I love that you're tracking this. I keep meaning to do the same but then I'm already on my phone reading emails before I've even sat up properly, which probably says everything. The 11am crash is so real. Maybe this is the week I actually try it. x

Oh I felt this so much. The pastel ovulation apps, the 55-and-post-everything forums. I'm 43 and I've been doing exactly the same hovering. My cycles went a bit wobbly earlier this year and I kept thinking, well it's probably just stress, probably just the kids, probably just... everything. The breakfast thing you mentioned is interesting. I started noticing something similar but I haven't been consistent enough to call it a pattern yet. Glad you're here x

Snap! 43 here and my cycles went a bit haywire last year, 26 days then 35 then 29, and I kept thinking oh it's probably just stress or I'm not sleeping enough or whatever. I mentioned it almost as an afterthought at my GP appointment and she sort of glossed over it too. I think next time I'm going to be more direct, like actually lead with it rather than slip it in at the end. Your phone notes sound really useful though, I never thought to do that consistently. Might start x

Oh this is so me. I go in with this whole mental list and then the GP asks how I am and I just say fine, tired, you know, the usual. Writing it down is genuinely the thing. The 'I used to be fine and now I'm not' framing is really good actually. I might steal that for my own appointment. Good luck, hope they actually listen x

Snap. I'm 43 and I keep doing the same thing with the kitchen, the bedroom, the... honestly wherever I was going. I've started writing things on my hand like a child 😂. The cycle stuff is so unsettling isn't it, when something that used to just happen quietly in the background suddenly becomes this unpredictable thing. I don't have answers really. I'm still in the "is this just life" stage myself. But yeah. You're not alone in the midnight googling spiral, that much I can say x

Oh I could have written this word for word. The brain fog bit especially. I keep losing words mid-sentence and I used to be so sharp, it's genuinely unsettling. And the 4am thing. That low hum of dread is exactly the right description. I've been telling myself it's just a lot on at work but then I think... is it though. Your notes app idea is really sensible. I've been meaning to do something similar but haven't quite started. x

38 and already tracking this stuff, honestly that's so sensible. I'm 43 and only started properly paying attention this year. The breakfast thing is real though, I kept thinking I was just anxious or overwhelmed by 10am and it turns out I'd had nothing but coffee since 7. Small thing but it genuinely helped. Hope the GP appointment goes well when you get there x

Oh I could have written this. I kept thinking I was just tired or stressed or not eating well enough, and it took me ages to even consider that my cycle being all over the place might actually mean something. I started jotting things down in the notes app on my phone, nothing fancy, just dates and how I felt. Brought it to my GP and she actually seemed to find it useful? Still not sure what's going on with me but at least I felt like I had something concrete to show her rather than just... vibes. x

I'm a bit younger and not even sure I'm in peri yet but this word thing is happening to me too and reading this made me feel less like I'm just losing my mind quietly. I don't have GP advice, I'm still trying to figure out how to even start that conversation without sounding dramatic. But just, solidarity. And I hope someone in London can point you toward someone good x

The wrong waiting room. Yes. That is exactly it. I'm 43 and I feel like I'm hovering at the door of something I can't quite name yet. Too young to say the word out loud, too symptomatic to pretend everything's fine. The anxious feeling that arrives before any actual reason is something I've been trying to describe for ages and you just did it perfectly. I'm going to borrow that phrase for my own GP appointment I think. Hope yours goes well, please do come back and tell us how it went x

Is it weird that this makes me feel better and worse at the same time? Better because I thought it was just me being rubbish, worse because... oh. So this might actually be a thing. I've been blaming stress and bad sleep and just generally being 43 but reading this I'm wondering. The afternoon crash especially. That's very familiar. x

Oh you are absolutely not daft for being here. I came in at 42 feeling exactly the same way, like I was making a fuss about nothing. The anxiety that doesn't match your actual life is such a specific thing, isn't it? Like you look around and nothing is catastrophically wrong but your body is just... humming at the wrong frequency. I started writing things down too. Not in a dramatic way, just little notes on my phone. Brought them to the GP and it helped me feel less like I was waffling. x

I'm glad you put it here too. I've been lurking for a while and I think I needed to read this actually. I keep noticing things and then sort of... letting them drift. The idea of just noting it privately before deciding what to do with it feels more manageable somehow. Thank you for posting x

Oh this really resonates. I'm 43 and I've had that exact same feeling of being too young to say the word out loud at the GP. Like I'd be laughed out of the room. The thing about piecing it together from memory, yes, I've done that too and it's so frustrating when you can't quite pin down when things shifted. The notes page sounds like a really good anchor. Good luck with the appointment x

yes to all of this. I'm 43 and I feel the same weird in-between thing, like I don't quite fit the fertility apps anymore but I'm also not sure I'm allowed to call it perimenopause yet?? the 1am googling is so real. I ended up reading for two hours once and felt both terrified and weirdly relieved at the same time. you're not imagining it x

Oh I could have written this word for word, honestly. I'm 43 and the cycles going haywire was the first thing I noticed too, before anything else really. I kept thinking it was stress or that I'd miscounted or something. The bone-tired thing is so real and so hard to explain to anyone who hasn't felt it. I've started just jotting things down in my notes app when they happen, dates, how heavy, how I felt that week, just so I had something concrete to show my GP rather than going in and going blank. Good luck next week, I hope they actually listen x

Snap on the notes app that becomes a record of how rubbish everything has been. I started one too and then stopped looking at it because it was just... grim. I think what you said about changing three things at once is the actual problem though, not you being an idiot. It's genuinely hard to isolate anything. I've been trying to just pick one thing and write one line a day, not a full log, just like "slept okay / slept badly / felt foggy" and that's it. Less pressure. Not sure it's working but it feels more sustainable than the detailed diary I abandoned after four days 😂 x