Yvonne

Ha, beans on toast solidarity right here. And yes to all of this, the dread that just sits there with absolutely no justification is the weirdest thing. I've started tracking my mood against the time of day and honestly it's almost clockwork some evenings. No idea what to do with that information yet but at least it feels less random. Good luck with the GP, hope they actually listen. x

Oh love, the brain empty thing is SO real. I've done exactly this, rehearsed the whole thing in the car and then sat down and said "I've just been a bit run down" like a complete muppet. Writing it down beforehand is the way. Genuinely think handing over a list changes the dynamic somehow, like it signals you mean business. Rooting for you next week 🤞 x

I could have written this word for word. I'm doing something similar this month, just tracking sleep and 3am wake-ups to see if there's any shift. It's so hard to know what's doing anything otherwise. Good luck, update us! x

Oh I could have written this word for word. I went in last spring, she said 'how are you sleeping' and I said 'not great' and somehow left with a leaflet about sleep hygiene. A leaflet! The voice memos thing is actually genius, I'm stealing that. You've got this, go in with the list and don't let her rush you. 🤞 x

The wine and coffee thing, yes. I've noticed evenings are so much worse if I've had both. I haven't started HRT yet so can't compare patch and gel but I'm watching this thread because I'll probably be asking the same question soon. The way you described your GP moving on before you could ask anything, that's so familiar it's almost funny. Almost. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The anxiety with no story attached to it is the strangest thing to try and describe to someone who hasn't felt it. Like your nervous system just decided to have a little panic without consulting you first. I'm 39 too and yes, everyone says stress, life, small children, work, pick one. Maybe. But this feels different and I think you're right to trust that. The tracking idea is so smart, I did something similar before my last GP appointment because I knew I'd walk in and say "I'm just a bit tired" and walk out with nothing. Keep going with it. Welcome x

Snap! I said to my GP "I just feel dread when I wake up and nothing has actually happened" and she did at least nod rather than look baffled. I think saying "no trigger" is actually the key phrase. It helped that I'd tracked it for a week first so I could say it happens most days around the same time. Still felt a bit daft saying it out loud though 😂 x

Snap! The 3am wide-awake-for-no-reason thing is so disorienting isn't it. For the GP bit, I'd say be really physical about it. Don't say 'I feel anxious', say 'my heart is racing when I wake, I can't get back to sleep, it's been happening three or four times a week for four months'. Specific and bodily. Much harder to just nod and refer. You're not being vague, you're describing real symptoms. x

Oh love, 4.47 IS a victory, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I've been doing exactly the same thing, writing down the slightly-less-terrible nights alongside the awful ones, because I figured my GP needs something to work with rather than me just sitting there going "I'm tired and weird". The wine thing is interesting too. I've been cutting it on weeknights and I honestly can't tell if it's helping or if I'm just less dehydrated. Either way, keep logging it. x

Oh I could have written this word for word, the phone face-down thing especially. I kept telling myself it was just stress too and maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but either way it's affecting your sleep and your days and that is a real thing worth talking to a GP about. You don't have to arrive with a diagnosis. Just describe exactly what you described here. "Waking at 3am, heart going a bit, brain spinning, exhausted by morning, been weeks" is not dramatic, that's information. x

Oh I could have written this word for word, the car park moment especially 😩 I have literally sat in my car afterwards going 'why did I say fine.' The written timeline sounds really smart. And the not-demanding-just-wanting-to-be-heard bit, that's it exactly isn't it. Hope she actually reads it. Rooting for you Thursday x

The 3am waking plus the anxiety plus the cycle changes, that combination is exactly what I went in with. I was also 39 and felt like I was making it up. I wrote it all out beforehand and just read it to her, which felt a bit odd but meant I didn't forget half of it when she was looking at me. You're not being dramatic. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word a few months ago. The blank brain thing is so real. I actually texted my sister from the car park afterwards going "why did I not say ANY of that". The thing that helped me was starting with the impact, not the symptom. So not "I'm not sleeping well" but "I have not had a full night's sleep in four weeks and it is affecting my work". GPs respond to function, I think. Fingers crossed for you x 🤞

Snap! The 3am brain that can list every symptom in forensic detail somehow vanishes the moment a GP looks at you 😂 The notes thing is genuinely such a good idea. I'd also say don't worry about sounding like you've diagnosed yourself off the internet, you're allowed to have done some reading. Good luck x

Snap! The brain-empty thing in the GP's chair is genuinely one of the most frustrating experiences. You've spent weeks rehearsing and then you're like, yes I'm fine, just a bit tired, bye. The notes are such a good idea, I did something similar before my last appointment and it really did help. I just read off my phone like I was presenting a report 😂 She took it much more seriously than when I tried to explain from memory. Fingers crossed for Thursday. x

Right, this is me too. I kept opening Instagram and coming away feeling like I needed to spend £200 before I was allowed to feel better. The list idea is really sensible actually, I might steal that for my GP appointment. She's not dismissive either but I don't think she knows what I'm seeing online. Feels like a different world. x

The decision fatigue thing. I never connected it to mornings but oh god. I stand in the kitchen at 6:30 basically paralysed and I thought I was just tired. Maybe I'm making it worse. Anyway. Really glad you're having a better week. And yes to writing it all down before the appointment, every time I don't I forget half of it the second I sit down in that room x

Oh this is exactly what I needed to read today. I'm 39 and genuinely terrified some mornings, like properly catastrophising at 3am. Knowing the dread has a shape and that shape eventually changes... that helps more than I can say. The list before the GP appointment tip is going straight into my notes. Thank you for coming back to tell us. x

Hi! You definitely belong here. I'm 39 and asking the same questions so you are not alone in feeling like you're too early or too dramatic or both at once. For the GP thing, I found saying "my cycles have changed and I'm exhausted in a way that feels different from before" landed better than trying to explain everything. Short and specific. Good luck x

Snap! 3am club, absolutely nobody asked to join it. The diary thing, yes. Brought a scrappy notes app screenshot to my GP and honestly I think it was the thing that stopped her saying "have you tried mindfulness" and actually listening. Cycles all over the place plus sleep plus anxiety plus the timing of it all, when it's written down it tells a story doesn't it. You're not just a person who worries now. You're 48 with irregular cycles and a brain that's been hijacked at 3am. That's a thing. x

Oh love, the 'sometimes' thing made me laugh because I did exactly the same. Sat there like a complete blank and said 'oh it varies' when it absolutely does not vary, it is every single night. The notes idea is genuinely brilliant. I've started doing something similar and it makes you feel slightly less like you're imagining it all. Fingers crossed for the appointment x

Is it just me or does everyone assume it's burnout first and peri second? I did that for about two years. Kept thinking if I just rested more or took some annual leave it would lift. It didn't. Not saying that's definitely what's happening for you but you're 53 and it's worth asking the question directly with your GP. x

Thank you Sally, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Not quite the same situation as you but I just wanted to say the bit about not being able to lift your granddaughter got me. That's not "just getting older", that's your quality of life. You deserve a proper conversation about it, not just the leftover five minutes at the end. Hope the list works and your GP actually listens x

Oh love, yes to all of this. The bit about hinting and then letting her move on because you always do that... I felt that. I've done it three times now. This time I'm going to try the same thing, write it at the top so I literally cannot skip past it. Rooting for you Thursday 🤞 x

The 3pm crash is so real. I've started keeping a small snack in my bag and it does seem to take the edge off the worst of the fog, though I can't tell if it's the food or just the act of stopping for two minutes. Either way. Good luck at the GP, I hope they actually listen. x

I'm only 39 and already feel bits of this creeping in, so reading your post made me feel less like I was imagining things. The Instagram noise is so exhausting on top of everything else. Really hope your GP appointment goes well. Writing it down sounds like such a smart move x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Alison. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Oh this is so good, thank you for posting it. I have an appointment coming up and I always walk out thinking 'why didn't I mention the word thing' or 'I forgot to say how often it actually happens'. The wine and the 3am connection is interesting too because I've been half suspecting that myself but hadn't written it down properly. Going to do exactly this. x

Oh love, the golden retriever line made me laugh out loud. Mine is exactly the same, just drops off the moment his head hits the pillow, it's genuinely offensive. The tracking thing is not fooling yourself at all. I did something similar before my GP appointment and it was the only reason I didn't come out with nothing. Seeing it written down also made me feel slightly less like I was imagining it? Keep going x

Oh love, the podcast suggestion 😂 yes brilliant, that'll sort the cortisol spike at 3am, cheers. I had exactly this conversation with my GP a few months back and what helped was saying "it's not that I can't fall asleep, it's that something wakes me and then I can't settle again" because apparently that distinction actually means something to them. Also mentioned it was happening most nights not occasionally. She listened much more carefully after that. The evening walk sounds like a good shout too, I've been doing similar x

Snap! 3am, fully alert, heart going, lying there thinking about nothing and everything at once. That is so familiar it's almost funny. I'm only 39 and I've had the same "is it peri or is life just chaos" conversation with myself approximately forty times. The wine thing tracks for me too, weeknight glass definitely makes my nights messier. The notes idea is genuinely smart. Walk in with dates and patterns and she can't just say "let's see how it goes" again x

Right, so I'm 39 and this could be me in a year or two honestly. The thing about being held together with sellotape, I feel that already. I think you were absolutely right to post. Someone mentioned in a thread recently that perimenopause can start earlier than most people expect and that GPs often don't flag it until later. Worth going back and being really specific about the cycle changes. x

Oh love, the 'stopped waiting to feel motivated' is genuinely the most useful thing I've read all week. I've been waiting to feel ready for about six months. Maybe I should just put my shoes on. Also the GP question, I've been trying to figure out how to frame the same thing. Watching this thread with interest x

Oh love, the 'oh just a bit tired' thing is SO real. I did exactly that last spring and walked out having mentioned precisely none of the actual symptoms I'd been stockpiling for three weeks. The phone notes are a brilliant plan. Honestly if you need to just hand her the screen, do it. No shame at all. Rooting for you Thursday 🤞 x

Hi, I'm younger than most of you but I have the same 3pm thing and honestly the toast-then-nothing-then-sandwich pattern is me exactly, I just hadn't joined the dots. Watching this thread with interest. Also now very interested in the prawn stir fry idea 😂 x

Right, slightly different experience here but I wanted to say the notes idea is something I've started doing for any appointment where I know I'll go blank. It genuinely changes how the conversation goes. Also 58 and writing about your sex life on the internet is honestly brave, and I think more of us need to do it. x

Ha, I love 'not a plan, not a protocol, just a thing'. That's exactly the right energy for it. I tried something similar with sleep tracking and honestly just the act of writing it down made me take it more seriously. And the crackers at 4pm thing is absolutely a symptom in itself, not just a habit. Here we are indeed. x

Oh I completely get the 'what if seeing the data makes it worse' fear, that's very real. I borrowed a friend's Fitbit for two weeks before my GP appointment and honestly the main thing it gave me was a timestamp. Like, yes, I am waking at 3.17am, here is the proof, I'm not imagining it. My GP didn't really engage with the app graphs but having written down 'woke at 3, couldn't get back to sleep for 90 mins, happened 11 out of 14 nights' felt much more solid than just saying 'I sleep badly sometimes'. Whether you need a fancy ring for that is another question though x

Snap on the 3am brain spiral, it is absolutely grim isn't it. And yes to preparing, I wrote notes before mine too because I knew I'd walk in, feel vaguely fine in the moment, and say "oh I'm just a bit tired" and walk out with nothing. Having it written down meant I could just hand over my phone almost. Good luck next week, really glad you kept it. x

Oh I could have written this word for word, the going blank thing is SO real. I've done it twice now, driven home and sat in the car going "why didn't I just SAY it". The notes app idea is genuinely brilliant and I'm stealing it immediately. And yes, broken sleep with that 3am dread with nothing attached to it is absolutely a thing, I've been reading about it loads lately and it comes up constantly. You are not imagining it and you are not being unreasonable. Good luck Thursday, you've got this x

Oh love, the going blank thing is so real. I sat down once and literally said 'I'm fine' before remembering that was the opposite of why I was there 😂 The list is essential. Really hope you get a GP who actually engages with it x

Oh the inconsistent notebook, yes. I had this beautiful journal with sections and everything and then just... stopped. Now I use a free habit app and just tick boxes, nothing to write, which suits me much better. On the GP thing, I did take a list and she was pretty honest that it wasn't really her area but she did flag one thing. Worth going in with it written down. x

Oh I needed to read this today, thank you for posting it. I've been in that exact place of looking at the stairs and just... pausing. The bit about writing it down as a win even when it was just the walk really got me. I think I need to start doing that. Genuinely. Going to try the ten minutes tomorrow. x

This is so good to read. I'm not quite where you are yet but posts like this genuinely help on the rubbish days. The protein breakfast thing keeps coming up, doesn't it, someone mentioned it in a thread last week too. I keep meaning to actually do it rather than just read about it 😂 x

Hi, yes, this is my life at 39 and I feel slightly mad for even being here but here I am. The period tracker thing made me laugh out loud, I deleted mine after it cheerfully told me I was in my fertile window at 11pm when I was lying awake for the third night running feeling like my skin was buzzing. You absolutely belong here. x

Oh love, the "slightly tired woman who needed to drink more water" made me laugh out loud and also want to cry a bit because SAME. You've done everything right here honestly. Written it down, tracked it, remembered the family history. Walk in there with your list and don't let yourself minimise it in the room. You know what you're experiencing. Fingers crossed for a good one tomorrow 🤞 x

Oh love, the 3am wake-up is its own special kind of fun isn't it. Wide awake, brain immediately listing every worry it has been saving up. I did a week of notes before my last GP chat and it genuinely helped me feel less like I was waffling. Glad you put it here, we absolutely understand x

Snap! The 3am wake-up with the heart doing its little drama is so specific isn't it, like your body set an alarm you never agreed to. I've been tracking mine for about a week now and honestly just having it written down made me feel less like I was imagining it. Your symptoms don't sound vague at all, they sound very peri to me. Fingers crossed your GP is a good one. x

Snap! The 3am alert thing is so weird isn't it, like someone just turned a light on in your head and forgot to tell you why. I've started keeping a scruffy little note on my phone when it happens, just time and how I felt, and it's actually been useful for spotting that it clusters around certain points in the month. Might be worth trying before your GP appointment so you've got something concrete to show them rather than 'I think it's been happening a lot'? Good luck, hope they actually listen. x

Oh I could have written this word for word, the going blank thing is SO real. I once walked out having talked entirely about my hay fever. Hay fever! When I'd been awake since 3am for a fortnight. The tracking is not obsessive, it's actually the best thing you can do. Numbers and patterns feel less like "a bit stressed" and more like "here is evidence". And 38 is not too young, there was a thread about this recently actually, loads of people here started noticing things in their late 30s. You're not being dramatic, you're just finally writing it down x

Being spoken to like you haven't done your homework. Yes. That's exactly it. You've named it perfectly. Sending solidarity from someone still at the beginning of all this who is already bracing herself 😊 x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I have the same chaotic shelf situation and the same complete inability to tell if any of it is doing a single thing. The one thing that genuinely seemed to help me sleep a bit better was magnesium glycinate at night. Not a cure, not a protocol, just... slightly less awful. That's all I've got 😂 x