Catherine

I think there was a thread about this recently actually, the whole 'how do I describe vague symptoms without sounding like I'm just stressed' thing. What struck me reading it was how many of us minimise it before we even get in the room. You've been waking at 3am for months. That's not vague. That's a pattern. Say that. Say months, say heart racing, say exhausted by evening. That's not pathetic, that's data. x

There's something quite calming about just... picking one thing and waiting, isn't there. I think I've been so desperate to fix everything at once that I've made it impossible to know what's actually working. This is a good reminder honestly.

I'm not on HRT yet so can't help with the patch vs gel bit, but the flush counting thing really resonates. I've been doing something similar with my cycle and it's made me feel so much less vague when I try to describe things. Like having actual evidence rather than just a feeling. Hope you get some useful answers here x

I'm a bit younger and not quite at the HRT stage yet but the appointment anxiety you're describing, that I completely recognise. You go in with everything prepared and then something about the room just... deflates it. I hope you manage to ask the real questions this time. You deserve actual answers. x

Oh love, the notes app thing is not mad at all. I do exactly this. I started because I knew I'd sit down in front of my GP and just go blank and say 'yeah it's been a bit heavy I suppose' and she'd nod and that would be that. Writing it down felt a bit obsessive at first but honestly it's the only reason I came out of my last appointment with anything useful. The tiredness you're describing, that bone-deep thing where sleep doesn't actually help, I kept mentioning that too. It's easy to forget to say it when you're trying to describe the bleeding. x

There was a thread about GP appointment prep a little while back with some really useful suggestions in it, worth a search if you haven't seen it. Your instinct to write everything down sounds right to me. I've found that when I turn up with something on paper it changes the whole tone of the appointment, like it signals that I'm not going to be easily fobbed off this time.

I could have written this word for word, the going blank bit especially. I'd get in the room and suddenly it all seemed... fine? Normal? Like my brain just smoothed it over. Writing it down beforehand really helped me, not a list of questions exactly but more like a little timeline. Day one: this. Day two: this. How it affected work. How tired I was by the end of the week. Somehow seeing it written out made it feel real again, not just vague complaining. Good luck next week x

The spare clothes thing. Yes. I found myself standing in Boots last autumn buying emergency supplies like I was sixteen and I just thought... this is not fine actually. The exhaustion sort of creeps up doesn't it, you adjust your expectations down so gradually you don't notice until you're basically running on fumes. Glad you found this place.

That thing you said about tiredness sitting in your actual bones. that's exactly it isn't it. I've been trying to describe that to people for months and nobody quite gets it. The notes, the dates, the preparation, and still leaving empty-handed. It's a lot. You're not alone in this. x

There's something almost reassuring about your post, which sounds odd but I mean it kindly. I've been going round in circles with the supplement thing for months and I think I've been treating it like a problem I can buy my way out of. The bit about just wanting a normal person's normal experience... yes. Exactly that. Eggs at breakfast is something I can actually do without a founder telling me why. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. 43 here, also south east, also absolutely floored by how quickly it changed. I spent ages worrying I'd sound dramatic at the GP too. What helped me was just writing things down beforehand, like actually noting the days, how heavy, how tired, whether I had to change plans. Not to perform it, just so I didn't go blank in the room and come out with nothing. You don't sound dramatic at all. This is real. x

Just popping back to say thank you, especially A.A.. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

I'm only 43 and not quite where you are yet but I read this and thought, I do this too. The fobbing myself off before the GP even gets a chance to. Writing it down here first is such a good idea. I might steal that. Hope the appointment goes well x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The irregular cycles, the flooding, the fatigue column... I started a similar notes thing and then found myself adding little side notes like 'wore dark trousers, did not leave desk between 10 and 2' and I thought, this is my life now, I am logging my own survival tactics. Which is funny and also a bit grim. The lentil soup made me smile. I've become a person who keeps emergency cereal bars in my bag. We adapt, I suppose. Good luck with the appointment x

The weight going up without obvious reason is so hard to explain to anyone, including GPs. I've been doing porridge made with milk rather than water just to get a bit more in, and then a boiled egg on the side if I have time. Cheap and it does feel different to just toast. Though I'll be honest some mornings it's still just toast and I've made my peace with that. x

Hello and welcome. The six months thing really resonates. I keep thinking back to what felt like a sort of before and after, and it's strange how quickly the before becomes hard to remember. Anyway. You're in good company here x

Oh love, the pale trousers thing. I felt that in my soul. I've started doing exactly the same thing with a calendar and honestly it's been the most useful thing I've done in ages, not because it fixes anything but because it stops me second-guessing myself in the appointment. I wrote down the fatigue too, like specifically "couldn't drive after school run" or "fell asleep on the sofa at 7pm" because I think that lands differently than just saying tired. The lentil soup thing made me smile in a sad way. We're all out here quietly managing aren't we. x

Oh love, I don't have the same experience as you but I just wanted to say that the bit about translating your experience into language that doesn't fit really got to me. That feeling of having to explain yourself from scratch every single time is so exhausting. The notes document sounds genuinely clever. I might steal that idea for my GP appointments actually, I always leave feeling like I forgot the important bit x

I could have written this word for word, almost. The unpredictability is the thing that gets me most, I think. Like I can cope with heavy if I can at least plan around it but when it just... arrives on a random Tuesday with no warning. I've started keeping a notes app log which sounds very organised but it's mostly just panicked one-word entries at 2pm. On the bloodwork question, I asked my GP specifically about ferritin separately from the standard blood count because apparently they don't always include it automatically. Worth mentioning that directly rather than just asking generally about iron. Someone mentioned this in a thread here recently too I think x

This is the post I didn't know I needed to read today. I'm 43 and still in the thick of irregular periods and exhaustion and I think I'd somehow assumed it would all just... resolve itself neatly at some point. The bit about writing things down before GP appointments, I do this now too, because I genuinely forget everything the moment I sit down under those lights. Sixty and still asking questions. Honestly that's reassuring rather than daunting. Thank you for this. x

The bit about not sitting straight down after eating, I read something about that recently and then promptly sat straight down after eating for the next two weeks. You've reminded me. Ten minutes is manageable. I can do ten minutes. x

Oh this made me smile. I'm only 43 and I still feel completely lost in gyms, so I think the awkwardness might just be... the gym, honestly. The fact that you went back is the whole thing. And texting your daughter about lifting more is definitely news, send it. x

There's something so strange about standing in that aisle as a grown adult and feeling like you're fifteen again isn't there. I've started doing the calendar thing too, not very consistently if I'm honest, some months are just a blur. But even a patchy record is better than nothing I think. The GP can only work with what you give them. Hope the appointment goes well. x

The spare clothes in the bag. God. There's something about that specific thing that just, I don't know, it hits differently than all the other stuff somehow. Like it's the moment where your body is making logistical demands on you that you never agreed to. I've started keeping notes in my phone, just little timestamps and observations, nothing fancy, and it helped me feel slightly less like the whole thing was chaos even when it still was. Sounds like you're going in as prepared as you can be. That matters. x

Oh love, the cardigan round the waist. I have done exactly this and it took me straight back to being a teenager and it's just... not where you expect to be at 42 is it. I started keeping notes before my GP appointment last year and honestly the thing that felt most useful was writing down the impact, not just the dates. Like 'couldn't leave the house' or 'left a meeting' rather than just 'heavy'. The exhaustion too, I wrote down actual times I fell asleep or had to cancel things. It felt a bit dramatic writing it out but I think that's what made it real on paper. You're doing the right thing going in prepared x

Oh love, the spare trousers thing. I have a whole system now, different bags for different days, and I still got caught out on the tube last month. The unpredictability is the worst part I think, you can't plan around something that has no pattern anymore. The notes thing really helped me too, I just used the back of an old diary but having something written down meant I didn't freeze when the GP asked me questions. Iron and ferritin definitely worth asking for, I was surprised how much the numbers actually explained. Good luck next week. x

The thing about sitting in the car really got me. I've done that. Not even able to explain why, just... not ready to go in. I think we forget those moments count as information. I started keeping a rough notes page on my phone, just whatever I noticed that day, and when I read it back before my appointment I was actually surprised how much had been happening. You already know more than you think you do. Good luck with it x

Oh this is so familiar. The headache excuse. I've used that one so many times. I started keeping notes too, not in any organised way, just a notes app on my phone with dates and a few words. But when I actually looked back at it before my GP appointment it was genuinely useful because I'd completely forgotten how bad February was. The tiredness thing, yes. It's a different kind of tired. Like your body is just done. x

Oh love, the sleep thing. I'm only 43 and already it's the main event, I can't imagine still navigating it a decade on and I don't mean that in a dismissive way at all, more like, it's just relentless isn't it. The walking group sounds genuinely lovely. And I completely get the same breakfast every day logic, I've started doing the same with lunches on heavy days, one less thing. Hope the GP review goes well, worth asking everything you want to ask. x

The paper towel thing... I've been there. There's something so strange about being a grown adult with responsibilities and finding yourself doing something you last did at fifteen. I started carrying a little kit in my bag, spare everything, because the unpredictability is the worst part, you can't plan for it. I wrote down the fatigue too before my appointment, not just the bleeding. The GP seemed to sit up a bit more when I described the cognitive stuff as affecting my work. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The thing about writing it down making it real really got me. I kept a notes app for a while and then kept not looking at it because I didn't want to see the pattern written out in front of me. But I think you're right that the GP needs the actual detail, not the edited highlights we give them when we're trying not to seem dramatic. The anxiety bit isn't embarrassing, by the way. It's just part of the same mess x

Oh this is genuinely such a good idea and I'm annoyed I've never done it properly. I always go in thinking I'll remember everything and then she asks how I'm doing and my mind just... empties. Completely. I end up saying 'fine, just a bit tired' and walking out having mentioned none of the actual things. Writing it down beforehand and handing it over feels almost radical doesn't it. Saving this as a reminder to actually do it next time. x

The spare clothes thing got me. I've been doing that for months and I still feel faintly ridiculous about it, like I'm thirteen again. But reading you write it down so matter-of-factly made me think maybe it's just... practical. Just a thing we do. Anyway. Really glad the appointment went well. There's something about having the dates written down that makes it feel real, doesn't it, like you're allowed to take up space with it. x

Oh love, the bit about watching yourself from slightly outside. That's such an accurate way of putting it and it's quietly frightening when you're someone who's always been switched on. I had a similar thing with my GP, felt completely dismissed, went home and cried in the car. Second appointment I brought written notes and it was a different conversation entirely. Worth trying if you can face going back. x

Oh love, that gave me a little lift just reading it. I've been lurking in this room for a bit and these moments feel so hard won, don't they. Really lovely to hear. x

The fatigue diary is clever. I went in once with nothing written down and came out with a leaflet about sleep hygiene, which I still think about with a sort of hollow laugh. The thing I wish I'd done is note the days around my cycle too, because it turned out there was a pattern I hadn't noticed. Anyway. You're going in prepared and that already puts you ahead x

Oh I could have written this, honestly. I started a rough cycle calendar about three months before my GP appointment, just noting when my period started, how heavy, and then a little note about how I felt that day. Nothing fancy, just the notes app on my phone. I think what helped was being able to say "this happened four times in twelve weeks" rather than "it's been bad lately". Concrete feels different somehow. Good luck with it x

Putting it somewhere women might understand is exactly it. I used to try explaining the night sweats and the waking to my partner and just got a sort of sympathetic blank look. A week of tracking sounds really sensible before the GP. Hope it gives you something useful to take in x

The GP bit really resonates. I always worry about sounding dramatic too. But I think you've already done the hard thing by naming it so clearly here. "It is affecting my work" is exactly the kind of thing to say to them, with examples. That's not dramatic, that's evidence. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The spare clothes thing gets me every time, that particular kind of humiliation that takes you right back to being a teenager except now you also have a commute and a meeting at nine. I have been keeping a little notes file on my phone, just jotting things down before I forget, and it does help to have something concrete before the GP. Glad you put it here x

Oh love, this made me well up a bit on the bus just now. The anxiety that comes out of nowhere, that horrible dread wave, I know it so well. Mine started on the commute, just sitting there and suddenly convinced something terrible was about to happen. Couldn't explain it to anyone. Reading that it's actually a perimenopause thing and not just me quietly unravelling was genuinely one of the most relieving moments of the last year. You standing on that doorstep feeling like yourself again. That's everything. Keep going x

Yes, and I didn't clock it for ages. The 'everything is slightly too much' feeling is a good description actually. I started eating something small around noon even when I wasn't hungry and the afternoons got quieter somehow. Not fixed, just quieter. Whether that's blood sugar or just having a reason to stop and sit down for ten minutes, I genuinely can't tell.

The two hours away from the house thing is doing a lot of work in that sentence and I think you know it. Not that the cold does not matter. Both can be true at once. I find that with my commute sometimes, the walk itself versus just the fact of being somewhere that is not home.