Karen

Jun 21 · Posted

Nobody warned me it would just... stop. Not gradually, not with a memo, just gone. Three years into postmeno and intimacy has become this thing I dread rather than want, and I genuinely don't know when that shift happened. My husband hasn't said anything but I can feel us both tiptoeing around it and that's almost worse. I've got a GP appointment next week and I've been trying to write things down beforehand because last time I got in there and went completely blank. Sat there talking about my blood pressure for ten minutes and walked out having mentioned none of the actual reason I booked. So this time I've written "dryness, discomfort, no interest" on my phone notes. Just that. It looks so blunt staring back at me but at least it's there. I don't even know if there's something that can help or if this is just. it now. I've read a bit about local oestrogen on here and I want to ask about it without feeling like I'm being dramatic. Has anyone found a way to actually say it out loud to their GP without going bright red? Because I've managed to raise two kids and survive a redundancy but apparently asking about my own vagina is where I fall apart 😩

Jun 19 · Posted

I've been meaning to post this for a while because I made such a mess of my first GP appointment on this subject and I don't want anyone else to do the same. I went in and said something like 'things feel a bit different, intimate-wise' and then went completely blank when she looked at me. I came out with nothing useful and felt embarrassed for days. So before my next appointment I sat down and actually wrote things out. Not in vague language. Specific things. When the discomfort started. Whether it was constant or only at certain times. Whether I'd noticed anything with UTI-type symptoms even when tests came back clear. Whether my confidence had changed, not just physically but in how I felt about myself generally. Writing it down in plain language before I got into that room made an enormous difference. I didn't perform being fine. I handed over my notes and said 'I've written it here because I knew I'd forget.' She read them. We had an actual conversation. I also wrote down the question I actually wanted answered, which was whether local oestrogen was something worth discussing for my specific symptoms. Having it written meant I didn't bottle it. If any of this is familiar and you've been putting off the appointment, I'd just say: write it down first. The private stuff especially. You don't have to say it out loud if that's easier. x

Jun 16 · Replied

Community post

Thank you Rebecca, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 16 · Posted

55 and I genuinely thought I knew what was coming. Hot flushes, yes. The mood stuff, fine, I'd read about that. But nobody warned me that one day intimacy would just feel... different. Not bad necessarily, just unfamiliar. Like my body quietly changed the locks and forgot to tell me. My husband is lovely and patient and we don't really talk about it, which is probably the problem. I don't know how to start that conversation without making it sound like a complaint or a diagnosis. I've got a GP appointment in two weeks and I've actually been writing things down this time. Symptoms, when they happen, how they feel. Because every time I've tried to bring this stuff up in an appointment I go blank and come out having talked about my blood pressure instead. So this time I've got it written out. Dryness (there, I said it), discomfort, a UTI that wasn't actually a UTI, and the fact that I just don't feel like myself in that particular way anymore. Also separately trying to eat better, not for weight, just because when I eat well I feel more like a person who exists in her body rather than just tolerating it. Small thing but it seems to matter. Anyone else had to write themselves a script just to talk to their GP? 😩

Jun 13 · Replied

Community post

Thank you Anna, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 12 · Posted

Karen, 55. Nobody warned me it would just... stop. Not gradually. Not with some graceful winding down. One year things were fine and then they weren't and I genuinely thought something was wrong with me, or with us, or both. My husband hasn't said anything unkind but I can feel him being careful around me and honestly that almost makes it worse. I've finally written some things down to take to my GP because every time I've sat in that chair I've somehow talked about my sleep and my mood and then left without saying the actual thing. So this time I have it on my phone. Dryness. Discomfort. The fact that I'm avoiding something I used to want. That I feel like a stranger in my own body in this particular way. I've also been trying to eat properly again, not because I think a bowl of spinach is going to fix this, but because when I'm eating well I feel slightly more like myself, slightly more present. It helps with the brain fog at least. Has anyone actually managed to say all of this to their GP without going bright red and leaving half of it out? Because that is my current challenge and the appointment is Thursday. 😩

Jun 10 · Posted

Has anyone actually managed to say the words out loud to their GP without going bright red? I'm writing it down before my appointment so I don't bottle it again x

Jun 9 · Posted

Hi all. I've been lurking here for a few weeks and finally feel brave enough to post. I'm 55, postmenopause, and the thing I can't seem to say to anyone in real life is that intimacy has just... changed. Without warning really. It crept up on me and now I feel like a different person in that part of my life and I don't quite know how to explain it to my husband, let alone my GP. I've got an appointment next month and I'm actually writing things down beforehand because I know I'll go blank the moment I sit down in that room. Dryness is on the list. The discomfort. The fact that I keep getting what feels like a UTI but isn't. Just relieved this room exists honestly. Thanks for having me x