Lydia

Snap! The going blank thing is so real, I've done it twice now. Someone in a thread here a while back mentioned asking "is there anything you'd want to track before our next conversation" and I thought that was a good one because it puts the ball back a bit. Also just saying out loud "I want to understand what's happening, not just be reassured" felt useful for me. x

The doom-spiraling on the internet thing made me laugh because same, completely same. I went to my GP last year feeling like I was going to have to justify myself and actually she was fine. I think framing it as "this is a significant change from what's been normal for me for years" rather than "my cycles are a bit off" helped. You've got the data. That's not dramatic, that's just evidence. Good luck with the appointment, hope she listens. x

Snap. I'm 44 and I felt so awkward the first time I mentioned it to my GP, like I was jumping the queue somehow. The writing things down idea is really good though. I've been doing something similar and it stops me going blank in the appointment and then coming home furious that I forgot to mention the actual important stuff. The 11pm googling is real too. I've had to start putting my phone in another room 😂 x

I could have written this word for word honestly. I'm 44 and I've been told "you're too young" so many times I've started to believe it myself, even though something is clearly shifting. The cycle thing especially, mine went from really regular to just... slightly unpredictable? Not dramatic enough to feel like a proper reason to go to the GP but enough to notice. The midnight googling is real. At least we're logging it and not just quietly losing our minds 😂 x

Ha, the meal planning person. I think about her sometimes. She had a laminated sheet on the fridge. Anyway. Eggs. I know that sounds too simple but a proper scrambled egg or a frittata with whatever's in the fridge, done in one pan, and somehow nobody complains. Also fish fingers are genuinely underrated for adults. No shame x

I'm a bit earlier in all this than you but the caffeine observation is something I keep coming back to. I cut back for a week and the 3am waking was slightly less awful. Slightly. Different experience here on the coffee front though, I don't think wine affects me as much as coffee does. Maybe it's just different for everyone. Hope the thread gives you some useful patch and gel stories x

Right so I've been rolling my eyes at the phone thing for about two years and this post is the one that's finally made me feel a bit embarrassed about that. The way you described tracking it and seeing the pattern yourself, rather than someone just telling you to do it, that's the difference I think. I need to actually look at my own data rather than dismissing it. Thank you for writing all of this out. x

Oh the 3am thing. I know that one so well. There's something about that specific hour that feels almost personal, like your brain has decided that is the slot for worrying about everything you've ever done wrong. The cycle variability is what made me start paying attention too. I kept thinking stress, work, not drinking enough water, all of it. Anything except the actual thing. The breakfast idea doesn't sound daft at all by the way. Small steadying things add up. x

I'm not at the dating stage at all but something about this post got me. The bit about moving before the world starts. I've been doing the same, just walking early, and it's the only time I feel like a coherent person lately. I think you're being really brave, the appointment prep thing especially. Saying the hard stuff out loud is genuinely hard. Hope the next steps feel manageable x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I'm 44 and I spent months thinking I was too young for any of this to be relevant. The period app thing is so real. I deleted two of them because the little flower icons and ovulation countdowns made me feel like I'd wandered into the wrong room. The notes on your phone idea is genuinely brilliant. I started doing something similar and it meant I could actually say specific things to my GP instead of just going "I feel a bit... off?" and trailing off. You are absolutely in the right place. x

Snap! I kept putting off the GP appointment for months because I thought I'd sound vague. In the end I just said my cycles had become unpredictable and I wanted to understand why. That was enough. She didn't look at me like I was wasting her time at all. I think we're so used to minimising ourselves. Your phone notes sound like exactly the right kind of evidence. x

Thank you Philippa, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Not a fraud at all. I was 42 when things started feeling off and I spent months convincing myself it was just running too hard or not sleeping enough or the kids being a lot. All of those were true as well, which made it confusing. The anxiety getting worse was the thing I kept explaining away as work. Still not sure where work ends and hormones begin honestly. But you're not imagining it. x

I could have written this word for word. There's something about seeing it all in a list that makes it feel more real and less like you're catastrophising, which is funny because you'd think it would be the other way round. I kept adding little time stamps and then reading it back thinking, oh, that is actually quite a lot. Hope the GP appointment goes well whenever it is. 🤞 x

Oh love, welcome. And yes. The 28-day thing just... stopped being reliable for me around 43 and I kept assuming it was stress or a fluke. It took me ages to join up the anxious weeks with where I was in my cycle. The tracking really does help, even if the pattern feels random at first. You're not being dramatic. You're paying attention. x

Snap! I started doing something similar a few weeks ago after someone mentioned energy dips in a thread here. Proper breakfast does seem to shift something for me, though I can't tell if it's the food or just the act of slowing down for ten minutes before the chaos starts. Either way, rooting for your experiment 😂 x

The podcast thing. I'm sorry but honestly. Eight years on and still being shrugged at. That's just not good enough is it. I'm much earlier in all of this than you but I'm already keeping a little notes document on my phone, symptoms, questions, things I've read, so when I finally get in front of a GP I don't go blank and come out having said none of the things I meant to say. Might be worth doing something similar before your appointment? Just so you've got it there in black and white and they can see you mean business x

Thank you Philippa, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Oh this is so familiar. I started doing exactly the same thing, a notes doc on my phone, because no app was built for whatever this is. Mine went from 25 days to 42 days at one point and Clue just kept confidently telling me I was late. I am not late, Clue. I am just different now. I haven't found a perfect app honestly. I tried a couple that were aimed at peri but they still wanted me to anchor to something regular. The notes doc thing feels scrappy but I think it might actually be the right tool for this stage, when the whole point is that there is no pattern yet. x

Oh this is so real. My current go-to is a big tray of roasted veg and whatever protein I can throw alongside it. One tray, one oven, minimal thinking. The teenagers will pick at it and complain but they will eat it. That's all I'm aiming for on those nights honestly x

Snap. 42 is not too young, honestly. My mum was in full perimenopause at 44 and I kept thinking that wasn't relevant to me until suddenly it very much was. The thing about eating something proper in the morning, I noticed that too, the days I skip it I'm a different person by 11am. Might be nothing, like you say. But also might be your body telling you something worth listening to. Good luck with the GP. Just show them the notes if words fail you, that's what I did. x

Snap. 44 here and this is basically my last six months summarised. The caffeine sensitivity crept up on me too, I thought I was just getting older and more anxious generally. It took me ages to connect it to anything hormonal because I kept assuming peri was something that happened to women in their late 40s. Turns out not always. The notes app thing is genuinely useful, I started doing something similar after a thread here a few weeks back. Even just having dates written down felt like proof I wasn't catastrophising x

Oh I could have written this word for word. Sunday afternoons used to feel like a gift and now there's this... flatness that creeps in around 4pm and I can't shake it. Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. And yet. I've been trying to notice if it lines up with where I am in my cycle and I think it might? But I'm not tracking carefully enough either so I can't be sure I'm not just pattern-matching because I want an explanation. Either way, you're not imagining it x

Oh love, the midnight googling followed by talking yourself out of it. I know that cycle so well. I think the thing is, you're not going in saying "I have perimenopause", you're going in saying "things have changed and I'm struggling". That's just honest. The writing down you're already doing is genuinely useful, more useful than you probably think. x

Oh love, the Tesco car park thing. I did that at Sainsbury's last month and just sat there feeling like a complete stranger to myself. The free text notes idea is genuinely brilliant for GP prep. I've been doing something similar in the notes app on my phone, just scrappy little timestamps, but it adds up. You're not being dramatic. You're building evidence. That matters. x

I love that you're writing this down. I'm not on patches but I've been keeping notes on my phone about sleep and how I feel week to week and it's the only way I can actually see any kind of pattern. It also stops me convincing myself everything is fine when it isn't, or catastrophising when it is fine. The red wine thing is a genuine loss and I'm sorry x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about eighteen months ago. The anxiety that's just... there, not attached to anything real, that was the thing that finally made me think okay this isn't just stress. I kept dismissing myself too. The thing about writing it down is genuinely so useful, I did the same and it meant I wasn't just waffling when I finally went in. You're not being dramatic. 43 is not too young, that's the bit that kept tripping me up too x

Reading this at nearly midnight and just feeling very seen by the bit about not knowing how to bring things up. I do that with everything at the moment, talk myself out of mentioning the thing that's actually bothering me most. Hope the GP appointment goes well and you get the proper conversation this time x

Oh the 'six months' thing. Yes. I kept thinking I just needed to eat better or sleep more or stress less and then eventually I thought, no, something has actually shifted. Glad you're here and talking about it. That's the first bit x

Oh I love the accountability post idea. I might steal that actually. I've been meaning to sort my breakfast out for about three months and somehow writing it down somewhere public feels more real than just thinking it at myself in the kitchen. The in-between is exhausting in its own quiet way, isn't it. Not dramatic enough to feel like a reason, just sort of... grey. Sending you good thoughts for the week x

Oh Wendy, I could have written this word for word about eighteen months ago. The anxiety with nothing to point at is the thing that got me too. Lying there at 2am just... waiting for something to be wrong. And the periods going rogue. I kept thinking I was being dramatic, that it was just a busy patch. It wasn't. The fact that you've noticed something has shifted matters. That noticing is real. The notes app thing is genuinely such a good idea, I wish I'd done it sooner. x

Oh this really got me. The hiding in the bathroom thing. I do that too and I always thought it was just... me being a bit fragile? But reading your post I wonder if I should actually look back at when it happens because I bet there's a pattern there as well. I've been meaning to track things properly for months and just haven't. You've nudged me. Thank you for sharing something small, the small things are often the most useful x

Snap! The 3am heart hammering thing is so specific and so awful, isn't it. Like your body just decides it's time to panic about everything you've ever done or might do. I started keeping notes a while back too, partly just to feel like I had something to show the GP rather than turning up and saying "I feel weird." The pattern thing does help. Glad you got a proper sleep. x

The wifi and the wet towel 😂 I laughed because I recognised it so completely. That surge that's completely out of proportion to the thing that caused it. I kept thinking I'd become a terrible person. Took me a while to connect it to cycles at all. You are not alone in any of this. x

Oh this made me smile. 'Arbitrary' is a good one to hold onto. I've been doing something similar, just a rough notes app thing, and it's surprising how much you start to see when you write it down. Not a cure, just... a bit less chaotic feeling. Which honestly counts for a lot right now. x

The six weeks of nothing and thinking you're pregnant thing... yes. That happened to me at 43 and it was such a strange mix of relief and confusion when it wasn't. Like your body just quietly changed the rules without telling you. I think the tracking is really smart. I started doing something similar and it helped me feel less like I was going mad, just having it written down somewhere. The caffeine and sleep link you've spotted, that's interesting, I've noticed something similar but haven't been as disciplined about logging it. You're not second-guessing nothing, you're noticing real things. x

Oh this really resonated with me. I started doing something similar a few months back and that moment of recognition, seeing the dip coming instead of being ambushed by it, it's hard to explain how much it matters. Like you're finally a witness to your own life rather than just a victim of it. Still can't always tell if it's peri or just everything being relentless, but at least I have something to point at now. Keep going with it x

The burnout versus peri question is one I go round and round on too. I'm 44 and I genuinely cannot tell if I'm perimenopausal or just running on empty. Probably both, maybe? Someone mentioned in a thread a while back that the two things can make each other worse, which was both helpful and deeply unhelpful. Your instinct to write things down sounds right though. Even just for yourself, to see if there's a pattern. x

Snap. I'm 44 and I spent about six months going round in circles with exactly this, is it peri or is it just... everything. The thing that helped me was writing down what had *changed* rather than what I felt, because my GP could dismiss 'tired and anxious' as life, but she couldn't really dismiss 'my cycle has gone from 28 days to anywhere between 22 and 37 in the space of a year'. That felt like evidence rather than feelings, if that makes sense. You're not being dramatic. Not even slightly. x

Oh love, the standing in Boots doing phone maths is SO real. I did that for months before I finally wrote anything down. The thing that helped me with the GP was just going in with the list and saying "I want to describe what's changed, can I just read it out" and she actually seemed relieved I had it organised. Also the toast thing is not random at all, I noticed something similar with breakfast and anxiety and I have no idea if it's connected but I'm not stopping either. You're not imagining it. x

Oh I could have written this word for word, honestly. I'm 44 and I spent about six months telling myself it was just stress, just the kids, just not sleeping enough, just the coffee. And maybe it is some of those things. But the 4am anxiety is so specific, isn't it. It doesn't feel like normal worry. It feels like something switched on without permission. The tracking thing you're doing sounds really sensible actually. I started doing something similar and it helped me feel less like I was making it up. You absolutely belong here x

Yes, keep noting it. I think I dismissed so many small things for so long because individually they seemed like nothing. But when you start writing them down they start to look like something. The breakfast thing... I've had similar. Protein especially seems to help me get through to lunch without feeling like I'm running on fumes. x

Hi, welcome. I think a lot of us have sat in that exact in-between space and not known what to call it. I'm 44 and I spent a long time feeling like I was probably just tired and overreacting. The thing about tracking breakfast is interesting, I started noticing food and sleep patterns before I could name anything else, and it did eventually give me enough to say something more specific to my GP. Keep going with the notes. x

I recognise that hovering feeling so much. 44 here and I spent ages reading without posting because I wasn't sure I qualified somehow. The thing about the coffee and Thursday is interesting actually, I started noticing similar patterns with sleep and how my mood crashed mid-cycle, and writing it down made it feel real in a way that helped me trust what I was experiencing. I think you do fit here, the uncertainty is kind of the whole point of this bit isn't it. Hope the GP appointment goes better than the last one x

Oh I really needed to read this today. I do exactly that thing where I only register the failure, never the small win. And you had a mum morning AND a deadline AND a teenager with urgent paperwork that definitely couldn't wait until after lunch... and you still went. That's not tiny at all, that's actually quite impressive. Going to try and do the same tomorrow. x

The preemptively apologising thing... yes. I do this constantly. Walk in already half-convinced I'm making a fuss. You're not. Irregular cycles, anxiety, brain fog, all of that is worth taking seriously. Writing it down is a good move. Hope the GP is one of the good ones x

Oh I could have written this, the waking up warm and anxious but not exactly a hot flush, just... off. I went down a rabbit hole of sleep stuff a while back and honestly the thing that helped me most was just keeping the room cooler, which sounds obvious but I kept thinking it wasn't that. Re the gel masks, I tried one and found it a bit heavy on my face but a friend swears by hers so maybe just personal preference x

I do this and then lie awake feeling vaguely guilty about not buying any of it, which is sort of the opposite of helpful. There was a thread here recently about just tracking sleep without changing anything first, which I thought was quite a sane starting point. Anyway. You're not alone in this particular 11pm spiral x

Oh love, yes absolutely bring it up. I kept thinking mine was too vague to mention and then I spent about six months googling at 2am instead. Irregular cycles at 46 is exactly the kind of thing a GP should hear, even if you can't quite put your finger on what's changed. Write down what you've noticed beforehand so you don't go blank in the room. You're not being dramatic at all x

Oh you don't sound dramatic at all, I asked almost exactly this a few months ago and felt so silly going in. I ended up asking for FSH, LH, thyroid, iron and vitamin D. The GP was actually fine about it, I think framing it as 'I want to rule things out' helped rather than saying I thought it was perimenopause. Though honestly the results just confused me more 😂 but at least it was a starting point x

The word-finding thing. Yes. That small gap where the word should be. I described it to a friend and she looked at me blankly and I thought maybe I was imagining it. I'm not, and neither are you. I'm 44 and have been tracking for about four months now. The pattern only becomes visible when you write it down, which sounds obvious but it really isn't until you start. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. I kept thinking I was just stressed, or not sleeping enough, or eating badly, or all three at once. The cycle chaos was the thing that finally made me think maybe it's not just life being relentless. There was a thread about this a while back actually, lots of people saying the same, that irregular periods were the first clue and they'd completely missed it. You're not unhinged. Well. Maybe a bit. Same as the rest of us. 😂 x

I'm UK so can't help with the Midi vs Alloy question directly, but I've been reading about both because I find the whole telehealth model interesting. What strikes me is that the people who seem happiest with it say the provider actually engaged with their symptom history rather than just the numbers. Which sounds like exactly what you didn't get from your OB. I think your instinct to try that route is probably right.

The chemical anxiety before any reason exists. I've been trying to explain this to my husband for months and he keeps suggesting I take a bath. I'm 44 and I've been lurking in menopause spaces feeling like a fraud because I still have periods and they're not even that heavy. But the clustering, yes. When I look back at my notes the bad weeks do clump together in a way that doesn't match what's actually happening in my life. You're not catastrophising. You're noticing something. x

Yes to the list being calming. There's something about getting it out of your head and onto a screen that makes it feel more... real? Less like you're just moaning. I remember thinking, if I write it down and it still sounds like a lot, then maybe it is a lot. Which is kind of what happened. The irregular cycles thing is what finally made me take mine seriously. Anyway, you're not catastrophising. You're paying attention. Those are different things. x

Just wanted to say I hear you. There's something about these particular symptoms that makes them harder to say out loud than any of the others, I think because they feel so personal. Writing them down here is a brave thing even if it doesn't feel it x

Snap. I spent about six months convinced I was just tired from life being a lot. And maybe I was, but also... the anxiety that doesn't have a proper reason behind it is the thing that finally made me take it seriously. You don't have to have a diagnosis to go in. 'These things have changed and I'd like to understand why' is a completely reasonable thing to say to a GP. x

It's that thing where each symptom on its own sounds like nothing much, but together they start to make sense of each other. I felt the same going in, like I was being dramatic. But the clicky fingers, the hip ache, the cycle chaos, they do all seem to belong to the same chapter. You're not collecting random complaints, you're describing perimenopause. x

I think about this a lot actually. There's something quietly wearing about having to prove you've done your homework before a doctor will take you seriously. Like you have to earn the right to be heard. You clearly know your stuff. That should be an asset in the room, not something to be managed. x

I could have written this word for word, the bit about feeling like something was wrong in a deeper way. That's exactly it. The hot flushes feel manageable somehow, annoying but manageable. But the fog felt like losing myself a bit. I went for a run last month and noticed I was actually thinking clearly and I had to sit on a bench afterwards just to take it in. You needed to tell someone. I'm glad you did. x

Oh I could have written this. I went through a whole phase of forgetting tablets too, they just sort of disappear into the drawer don't they. I started using the spray a few months back, partly because it felt like less effort. I honestly can't tell you if it's the spray or just that I've been running more, but something has taken a small edge off the 3am wide-awake thing. The legs feel less restless too which I wasn't even expecting. I use a mid-range one, not the fanciest. x

I started noticing mine more after long drives, which made me think it was the stillness rather than the time of day specifically. Though I also wonder if tiredness plays into it, because the days when I am already worn down seem to be the days my hips make themselves known. I have not cracked it either.

I started tracking mine in a notes app just because I was curious whether running made it worse or better. Turned out worse on rest days, which felt backwards. I did eventually mention it to my GP and she asked how long it lasted, so that timing detail seemed to matter to her more than anything else.

Four out of seven is actually not nothing. I think about sleep improvement the same way I think about running in bad weather, some weeks you just collect the decent ones and don't ask too much of them. I've been on magnesium for about two months and my relationship with 2am is... unchanged. But I keep taking it too, for roughly the same reasons you describe.