Michelle

Jun 20 · Replied

Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Cerys. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 20 · Posted

Writing down every time I lose a word in a meeting. Just logging it. Not calling it anything yet. x

Jun 19 · Posted

53 and I am now That Person in meetings. The one with the notebook open before anyone else has sat down, writing everything as it happens because if I don't, it's just... gone. Completely gone. I used to be able to hold a whole project conversation in my head and recap it perfectly afterwards. Now I lose the thread mid-sentence and have to style it out like I was pausing for dramatic effect. Had a team catch-up on Tuesday and I had written "chase Sarah re: contracts" on a Post-it literally thirty seconds before I walked in. Did I look at the Post-it during the meeting? I did not. Found it in my pocket at 5pm. The afternoons are the worst. About 3 o'clock I hit this wall where my brain just refuses to cooperate. I've started keeping something with protein in my desk drawer for that exact window because I noticed I was worse on the days I'd just had a coffee and ignored lunch properly. Whether that's actually doing anything or I'm imagining it, genuinely can't tell, but I'm paying attention to it now. Sleep is the other thing. I've got quite strict with myself about what time I stop looking at my phone because I was getting these rubbish broken nights and turning up to work already behind before I'd even started. Two weeks of earlier wind-down and I think, THINK, the mornings are slightly less horrific. Maybe. What I actually want to ask my GP, when I eventually get the appointment, is whether this specific kind of fog, the word-finding thing, the mid-sentence blankness, is something they recognise as hormonal or whether I'm supposed to be ruling other things out first. I've written down three or four concrete examples from work to take with me because I know myself, I'll walk in there and say "I feel a bit fuzzy sometimes" and that will be the end of it. x

Jun 13 · Replied

Community post

Thank you Steph, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 13 · Posted

53 and I have genuinely started printing out my own meeting agendas just so I have something to anchor me. Not because I'm organised. Because if I don't have words in front of me I will lose my thread mid-sentence and just... trail off while six people stare at me. It happened on Tuesday. I was chairing. I chaired the same monthly catch-up I have chaired for four years and I forgot what we were supposed to be discussing next. Just gone. I covered it but my face went red and I spent the rest of the day feeling like a fraud. I've started keeping a little notebook open on my desk during calls too. Not minutes, just anchors. A word or two so if my brain skips I can look down and find my place again. It helps a bit. The afternoons are the worst. By three o'clock I'm running on nothing and I've been trying something this week, keeping some nuts and a bit of cheese at my desk instead of going for the biscuits in the kitchen, to see if that helps the 3pm slump. Early days. No conclusions yet. I do want to talk to my GP about whether this level of fog is hormonal or whether I've just quietly broken. I want to go in with actual examples rather than "I feel a bit fuzzy sometimes" because I know how that sounds. Has anyone managed to get their GP to take the cognitive stuff seriously? x

Jun 11 · Posted

53 and I've basically become a person who cannot function in a meeting without writing everything down as it happens. Not notes for later. Notes so I can finish my own sentence. I had a catch-up with my manager on Tuesday and I literally watched the word I needed just... dissolve. Stood there nodding like I knew what I was saying. I didn't. I recovered, probably, but I came home feeling genuinely embarrassed. What's actually helping is having a notepad open the whole time and jotting down three bullet points before any meeting starts, just to anchor myself. It's not elegant but it works better than hoping my brain shows up. Sleep is the other thing I'm paying attention to. I've started being quite firm about screens off at ten and it does seem to make the next day slightly less awful, though I couldn't tell you why yet. Still experimenting. The afternoons are brutal. I've been trying different snacks around 3pm because the crash is real and it hits right when I need to concentrate. Oatcakes with something on them seem to help more than the biscuits I was reaching for, but honestly I'm just guessing at this point. I want to ask my GP whether what I'm experiencing is hormone-related or just burnout or both. Does anyone know what to actually say to get them to take the cognitive stuff seriously? I feel like if I say "brain fog" I'll get a leaflet about mindfulness and shown the door.

Jun 10 · Posted

Hi all. I've been lurking for a while, reading through threads at odd hours when I can't sleep, and I keep thinking I'll post and then not quite doing it. So here I am finally doing it. I'm Michelle, 53, and I think I'm somewhere in menopause although I haven't had a totally clear conversation with my GP about exactly where I am yet. That's on my list. The thing that's brought me here, if I'm honest, is work. I'm a manager and I've always been someone who could hold a lot in my head at once, run a meeting, remember the details, find the right word. And over the last year or so I've noticed I can't quite do that the way I used to. I'll be mid-sentence in a meeting and the word just... isn't there. I've started keeping notes for things I never used to need to write down. I sit on the commute in the morning trying to mentally prepare for conversations that I would have just walked into before. I don't know if it's brain fog from hormones or burnout or just being 53 and tired. Probably some combination. But it's quietly frightening me and I haven't really said that out loud to anyone. I've got two teenagers at home so there's not a lot of quiet space to figure any of this out. I'm trying to be practical about it, writing things down, keeping track of when the fog is worse, whether it's connected to sleep or what I've eaten or where I am in... whatever this is. I don't know if that's helping yet but it feels better than doing nothing. I suppose I'm here to hear from women who've been through this and come out the other side still feeling competent. That would be really reassuring right now. Thanks for having me x