S.K.

Jun 21 · Posted

OK so I'm going to try to write this out properly because I keep starting and stopping and I think the act of actually putting it somewhere might help me see a pattern. Or at least feel less like I'm going mad alone at 11pm with a phone screen. I'm 39. I know. I know that's what everyone says when they see that number in a menopause-adjacent space. Too young. But my cycles have been doing something weird for about eight months now and I can't find a good explanation that isn't either "you're just stressed" or a TikTok rabbit hole that ends with me convinced I have seventeen things wrong with me simultaneously. What's actually changed, as best I can note it down: Cycles used to be 28 days, reliable, boring in the best way. Now they're anywhere from 24 to 35. Not every month is off but enough that I've stopped trusting the app I've used for years. The app is very cheerful and unhelpful about this. Anxiety. This is the one that's got me. I've had anxiety before, situational stuff, but this feels different. It arrives without a reason. Like my nervous system decided to send out an alert and forgot to attach the email. It's worst in the week before my period but it's also just... around. Background hum. Brain fog. I'm a project manager. My entire job is keeping track of things. Last Tuesday I forgot what I was saying mid-sentence in a meeting. Not a long sentence. A short one. My colleague was kind about it and that almost made it worse. Fatigue that isn't fixed by sleep. I'm getting seven hours most nights, which for me with two kids under ten is genuinely an achievement, and I still feel like I'm wading through something thick by 3pm. So here's what I'm doing, not because I've read it somewhere and decided it's The Answer, just because I need to feel like I'm doing something useful while I wait for my GP appointment (six weeks, because of course it is): I'm writing down cycle dates and any symptoms that feel notable. Nothing fancy. Just a note in my phone with the date and a few words. Started three weeks ago so it's not much yet but it's something. I'm trying to go to bed at the same time every night, even at weekends, which is genuinely painful because that's the only quiet time I get and I resent giving it up. But I'm trying it for a month. I'm noting caffeine because someone on here mentioned it last week and it made me realise I've quietly crept up to three coffees a day without noticing, which is probably not helping the anxiety situation. I'm not calling any of this a plan. A plan implies I know what I'm doing. I don't. I'm just collecting information so that when I sit in front of my GP I can say "here is what has changed since last year" rather than "I don't know, I just feel a bit off" and get sent away with a leaflet about mindfulness. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone who's a bit further down the road? I'm not looking for someone to tell me what's wrong with me. I just want to know if anyone else has sat in this exact uncertain middle place and what they wished they'd tracked or asked earlier. Thanks for having me in this corner of the community. It's the first place I've found where 39 doesn't feel completely out of place x

Jun 17 · Replied

Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Susan. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 17 · Posted

right so i'm 39 and i feel like i'm slowly losing my mind but in a very boring, administrative way. cycles are all over the place. i'm tired in a way that sleep doesn't fix. i googled it at midnight again last night and ended up on a forum for women in their 50s which, fine, maybe that's where i belong now?? i don't know. i feel too young to be here but my body clearly didn't get that memo. not even sure what i'm asking. just needed to say it somewhere x

Jun 13 · Replied

Community post

Thank you Wendy, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 13 · Posted

ok so tiny win but I need to tell someone. I was in bed by 10:30 last night. not scrolling, not googling symptoms, actually in bed. and I slept until 6. I cannot remember the last time that happened on a weekday. I've been trying to notice what's different when I do sleep vs when I don't and last night I'd had no coffee after 2pm and I'd eaten an actual dinner instead of finishing the kids' leftovers at 9. probably means nothing. but I'm writing it down anyway 🤞 x

Jun 11 · Posted

Right so this is embarrassing to celebrate but. I ate actual breakfast before leaving the house three days in a row this week. Not just a coffee. And the 11am wall where I usually want to cry at my inbox was... less bad? Could be nothing. Could be the fact I slept slightly better. Could be that work was quieter. No idea. But I'm noting it because I never note the okayish days, only the disasters. Tiny thing. Still counts I think. x