Stephanie
MemberMum, worker, note-taker. 58, Birmingham. Trying to make sense of menopause without pretending I am fine.
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Activity (7)
Jun 21 · Posted
There wasn't a moment where I thought, right, something has shifted. It was more like... gradually noticing I was dreading something I used to enjoy. And then avoiding it. And then feeling guilty for avoiding it. My husband hasn't said anything but I can feel the distance and I don't know if it's in my head or not. The thing that's got me is how quickly it changed. A year ago this wasn't even on my radar. Now I'm lying there thinking about whether it's going to hurt and that's not exactly a recipe for anything nice is it. I've started writing things down before my GP appointment because every time I sit in that chair my brain just goes blank and I come out having talked about my blood pressure. So I've got a list. Dryness. Discomfort. Not wanting to. The anxiety before. I've never written those words down in a row before and seeing them on paper was... a lot actually. I don't know what she'll say. I'm half expecting to be told it's just part of getting older. But I'm going anyway. 58 and finally saying it out loud, even if only to a notepad first. x
Jun 19 · Replied
Community post
Just popping back to say thank you, especially Greta. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.
Jun 18 · Replied
Community post
Thank you Anna, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.
Jun 18 · Posted
58 and I genuinely didn't see it coming. That's the thing nobody warned me about. Not the dryness itself, not what it would do to me and my husband of 29 years. One day intimacy was just... ours. Comfortable. And then it wasn't, and I didn't know why, and I was too embarrassed to say anything to him or to anyone. I've started keeping a few notes on my phone. Nothing fancy. Just writing down what I'm actually experiencing so I don't go blank when I'm sitting in front of my GP and she asks how things are. Because every time I've tried to say it out loud the words fall apart. "Discomfort" sounds too mild. "Pain" sounds dramatic. I'm trying to find the right language before I even get there. I've also been paying attention to what I eat because I read somewhere that energy and confidence are connected in ways I hadn't thought about and honestly anything that makes me feel a bit more like myself is worth noting. Whether that's actually doing anything I have no idea but it gives me something to focus on that isn't just dread. Anyway. I suppose I'm posting this because I needed somewhere to put it. 29 years together and I felt completely alone with this for the best part of a year. That seems wrong. x
Jun 18 · Posted
There wasn't a conversation. There wasn't a moment where someone sat me down and said, by the way, this part of your life is about to quietly disappear. It just... did. Me and my husband have been together 28 years and I genuinely cannot pinpoint when things shifted but at some point I started dreading something I used to want. The dryness is part of it but it's also something harder to name. A kind of disconnection. Like my body stopped being mine in that way. I've got a GP appointment next week and I've been writing things down beforehand because I know I'll go blank the second I sit in that chair. Things like: pain, discomfort, not wanting to be touched, UTI feelings that aren't UTIs. It took me three attempts to write the list because I kept deleting it like someone was going to read my phone. I don't know what I'm hoping for. Maybe just that she doesn't look at me like it's all in my head. I'm 58, not ancient, and I'd quite like to feel like myself again. Has anyone actually talked to their GP about this stuff and been heard? x
Jun 13 · Posted
Stephanie, 58. Don't quite know how to put this so I'll just say it. Me and my husband have been together 31 years. We have always been fine in that department. Not fireworks every night obviously, but fine. Good, even. And then somewhere in the last two years it just... shifted. And I don't mean we argued or drifted apart emotionally. I mean physically something changed in me without anyone sending me a memo about it. It's uncomfortable now. Sometimes it's actually sore. I started dreading it and then feeling guilty for dreading it and then snapping at him about completely unrelated things because I didn't know how to explain what was going on. He thinks I've gone off him. I haven't. I genuinely haven't. I've been writing things down in the notes app on my phone because I have a GP appointment next week and I know if I don't write it I will sit in that chair and say "I'm fine, just a bit tired" like I always do. So I've got: dryness, soreness, that strange burning feeling after, the UTI symptoms that turned out not to be a UTI twice this year. Written it all out. Feels mortifying to read back but it's true. Has anyone actually managed to talk to their GP about this without wanting to disappear through the floor? I'm 58 not 18, I know that, but somehow this feels harder to say out loud than anything else I've dealt with. x
Jun 6 · Posted
58 and I genuinely did not see it coming. That's the thing nobody warned me about. Not the dryness itself, not the way it would just quietly change everything between me and my husband without either of us having a conversation about it. One day it was fine and then it... wasn't. And we've been married 31 years so you'd think talking about it would be easy. It really isn't. I've started writing things down before my GP appointment next week because I know I'll sit in that chair and suddenly forget every single symptom the moment she looks at me. I always do. So I've got a little list in my notes app. Dryness. Discomfort. The way I've started avoiding rather than saying anything. The UTI-type feelings that keep coming and going even though the tests come back clear. I don't know how to say "I think I've lost interest in sex" to my GP without going bright red but I'm going to try. I've also been trying to eat better, not for any dramatic reason, just because I noticed I feel more like myself on days when I've actually had a proper meal with some protein in it. Less flat. More like I exist. Small thing but I'm clinging to it. Anyone else had to find the words for this at the doctor? x
Posts (5)
There wasn't a moment where I thought, right, something has shifted. It was more like... gradually noticing I was dreading something I used to enjoy. And then avoiding it. And then feeling guilty for avoiding it. My husband hasn't said anything but I can feel the distance and I don't know if it's in my head or not. The thing that's got me is how quickly it changed. A year ago this wasn't even on my radar. Now I'm lying there thinking about whether it's going to hurt and that's not exactly a recipe for anything nice is it. I've started writing things down before my GP appointment because every time I sit in that chair my brain just goes blank and I come out having talked about my blood pressure. So I've got a list. Dryness. Discomfort. Not wanting to. The anxiety before. I've never written those words down in a row before and seeing them on paper was... a lot actually. I don't know what she'll say. I'm half expecting to be told it's just part of getting older. But I'm going anyway. 58 and finally saying it out loud, even if only to a notepad first. x
58 and I genuinely didn't see it coming. That's the thing nobody warned me about. Not the dryness itself, not what it would do to me and my husband of 29 years. One day intimacy was just... ours. Comfortable. And then it wasn't, and I didn't know why, and I was too embarrassed to say anything to him or to anyone. I've started keeping a few notes on my phone. Nothing fancy. Just writing down what I'm actually experiencing so I don't go blank when I'm sitting in front of my GP and she asks how things are. Because every time I've tried to say it out loud the words fall apart. "Discomfort" sounds too mild. "Pain" sounds dramatic. I'm trying to find the right language before I even get there. I've also been paying attention to what I eat because I read somewhere that energy and confidence are connected in ways I hadn't thought about and honestly anything that makes me feel a bit more like myself is worth noting. Whether that's actually doing anything I have no idea but it gives me something to focus on that isn't just dread. Anyway. I suppose I'm posting this because I needed somewhere to put it. 29 years together and I felt completely alone with this for the best part of a year. That seems wrong. x
There wasn't a conversation. There wasn't a moment where someone sat me down and said, by the way, this part of your life is about to quietly disappear. It just... did. Me and my husband have been together 28 years and I genuinely cannot pinpoint when things shifted but at some point I started dreading something I used to want. The dryness is part of it but it's also something harder to name. A kind of disconnection. Like my body stopped being mine in that way. I've got a GP appointment next week and I've been writing things down beforehand because I know I'll go blank the second I sit in that chair. Things like: pain, discomfort, not wanting to be touched, UTI feelings that aren't UTIs. It took me three attempts to write the list because I kept deleting it like someone was going to read my phone. I don't know what I'm hoping for. Maybe just that she doesn't look at me like it's all in my head. I'm 58, not ancient, and I'd quite like to feel like myself again. Has anyone actually talked to their GP about this stuff and been heard? x
Stephanie, 58. Don't quite know how to put this so I'll just say it. Me and my husband have been together 31 years. We have always been fine in that department. Not fireworks every night obviously, but fine. Good, even. And then somewhere in the last two years it just... shifted. And I don't mean we argued or drifted apart emotionally. I mean physically something changed in me without anyone sending me a memo about it. It's uncomfortable now. Sometimes it's actually sore. I started dreading it and then feeling guilty for dreading it and then snapping at him about completely unrelated things because I didn't know how to explain what was going on. He thinks I've gone off him. I haven't. I genuinely haven't. I've been writing things down in the notes app on my phone because I have a GP appointment next week and I know if I don't write it I will sit in that chair and say "I'm fine, just a bit tired" like I always do. So I've got: dryness, soreness, that strange burning feeling after, the UTI symptoms that turned out not to be a UTI twice this year. Written it all out. Feels mortifying to read back but it's true. Has anyone actually managed to talk to their GP about this without wanting to disappear through the floor? I'm 58 not 18, I know that, but somehow this feels harder to say out loud than anything else I've dealt with. x
58 and I genuinely did not see it coming. That's the thing nobody warned me about. Not the dryness itself, not the way it would just quietly change everything between me and my husband without either of us having a conversation about it. One day it was fine and then it... wasn't. And we've been married 31 years so you'd think talking about it would be easy. It really isn't. I've started writing things down before my GP appointment next week because I know I'll sit in that chair and suddenly forget every single symptom the moment she looks at me. I always do. So I've got a little list in my notes app. Dryness. Discomfort. The way I've started avoiding rather than saying anything. The UTI-type feelings that keep coming and going even though the tests come back clear. I don't know how to say "I think I've lost interest in sex" to my GP without going bright red but I'm going to try. I've also been trying to eat better, not for any dramatic reason, just because I noticed I feel more like myself on days when I've actually had a proper meal with some protein in it. Less flat. More like I exist. Small thing but I'm clinging to it. Anyone else had to find the words for this at the doctor? x
Likes & Replies (2)
Jun 19 · Replied to Community post
Just popping back to say thank you, especially Greta. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.
Jun 18 · Replied to Community post
Thank you Anna, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.
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Just popping back to say thank you, especially Greta. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.
Thank you Anna, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.