T.F.

Jun 20 · Replied

Community post

Thank you Anna, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 20 · Posted

Okay so I've been sitting with this for a while and I finally need to put it somewhere. My husband and I have been together for nineteen years. We've been through a lot. And I feel like somewhere in the last year and a half, intimacy just quietly... stopped. Not because either of us decided that. It just got painful for me, and then I started dreading it, and then I started avoiding it, and now there's this weird distance between us that neither of us is naming out loud. I didn't connect it to menopause for the longest time. I thought I was just tired, or stressed, or maybe this is just what long marriages become. It wasn't until I fell down a rabbit hole at midnight that I even found the words for what was happening. Dryness, yes, but also this kind of tissue sensitivity that makes everything feel wrong. I've been too embarrassed to say any of this to my OBGYN even though I know she would not judge me. I have an appointment next month and I'm genuinely trying to write it down beforehand so I don't just say "I'm fine" when she asks. I bought a lubricant a few months ago and hid it like it was contraband. I'm 48 years old. Why am I hiding it. I guess I just wanted to say this out loud in a place where someone might actually get it. My husband is kind and patient and I don't think he knows how lost I feel about this. That conversation feels huge and I don't know how to start it. If anyone has been here, I'd really just like to know I'm not the only one. ETA: not looking for anyone to fix it, just needed to say it.

Jun 12 · Posted

Okay so I have to share this because I've been quietly struggling for a while and didn't think things could feel better. I finally had an honest conversation with my husband about what's been happening with my body. Not the vague "I'm just not feeling like myself" version. The real version. And he just... listened. Didn't try to fix it, didn't make it weird. Just sat with me. I know that's not a medical solution. I know there's still a lot I need to figure out and I have a list of questions saved for my OBGYN. But feeling less alone in my own marriage about this? That was huge for me today. ETA: for anyone nervous to have that conversation, I'm not saying it'll go perfectly. Mine almost didn't start. I just wrote some notes first so I could actually say what I meant.

Jun 9 · Posted

Okay so I want to tell you all about the most unexpected villain in my menopause story. Not the hot flashes. Not the 3am wake-ups where I lie there cataloguing every regret since 2009. Not even the meno belly that arrived uninvited and apparently has a lease. No. It's the thing nobody at any point in my entire life mentioned was going to happen to my body. The dryness. The total, bewildering, where-did-everything-go dryness. And with it, the way intimacy just quietly... changed. Without asking me. Without sending a memo. My husband and I have been together for nineteen years and suddenly I felt like I was navigating something completely unfamiliar in a body I thought I knew. I didn't say anything to him for months. I didn't say anything to my OBGYN either, because I sat in that office and when she got to the "any other concerns" part of the visit I said "nope, all good" like a complete liar. Because how do you even start that sentence. I've been writing things down now. Actual notes in my phone. Private symptoms I keep skipping out loud. I'm going to try to actually say them at my next appointment instead of performing wellness at a medical professional. Anyway. If anyone else has felt like intimacy changed without warning and didn't know how to name it, I just want you to know you're not alone and also that I apparently needed nineteen months and a notes app to get here. 😂

Jun 8 · Posted

Okay so this is minor but I'm logging it anyway because I only ever seem to notice the hard days. I finally talked to my husband. Not the whole conversation, not even close. But I said "things have changed for me physically and I need us to slow down and figure it out together" and he just... listened. Didn't make it weird. Didn't push. That's it. That's the win. I've been dreading that conversation for probably six months. I kept thinking I'd wait until I had answers, until I'd seen my OBGYN, until I had something concrete to say. But I didn't need answers. I just needed to say it out loud to the person it affects. Still have the appointment next week. Still have a whole list of things I want to ask about. But today felt like a step forward and I wanted to put it somewhere. 💙

Jun 7 · Replied

Community post

Thank you Anna, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 7 · Posted

Okay so I finally had an appointment where I actually said the words out loud. Dryness. Discomfort during sex. The UTI feeling that wasn't a UTI. I had been just... not saying it for probably two years because I felt weird bringing it up and honestly wasn't sure it counted as a medical thing. What helped me was writing it all down beforehand, just in a notes app, not even organized, just the symptoms and roughly when they started. I read from my phone in the office and it was so much easier than trying to remember in the moment. Sharing in case it's useful for anyone else who freezes up the second they're in the room. I'm still figuring out next steps but at least it's on the record now.