Clare

Oh this resonates. I was so worried about sounding vague at my GP that I basically over-explained and still felt fobbed off. Your approach of specific written examples sounds so much better. The word thing is real and it's awful and you are absolutely not imagining it. There was a thread about GP prep somewhere recently that had some good tips too if you can find it. Fingers crossed for a good appointment x

Snap on the notes thing. I started keeping a rough diary before my last GP appointment and it was the first time I felt like I had something concrete to show rather than just waving my hands around saying "I feel terrible but I can't really explain it". Really glad you're going into your follow-up prepared. Hope it goes well. x

Oh love, the relief cry is so real. I did exactly the same when I finally got a referral for something, just stood in the kitchen going "oh thank god someone is taking this seriously" while my mum looked at me like I'd lost the plot. The notebook idea is genuinely brilliant. I wish I'd done that before my GP appointments instead of just saying "it's a lot" and waving my hands around uselessly. From what I remember someone mentioning in a thread a few weeks back, the Holter monitor is absolutely worth asking about by name. And yes, push for thyroid. It doesn't always get checked automatically and it's worth being specific. You've done the hard bit already. x

The quietly stopping and both pretending it's fine part really got me. That's so recognisable it hurts a bit. I haven't managed the GP conversation yet if I'm honest, so I'm reading this thread closely. But I just wanted to say you're not alone in the silence, and I think getting it on paper like you have is already braver than you're giving yourself credit for. x

Oh love, this is everything. The wardrobe spiral before a date is SO real, I've done that and I wasn't even going anywhere exciting. But "present" is such a good word for it. Not performing. Just showing up as the actual person you are right now. That's genuinely hard to do and you did it. The scrambled eggs are a perfect ending honestly 😊 x

Right so I've been on the patch about eight months. Summer was... mixed. I started sticking it on my lower back rather than my stomach and it stayed on much better, less sweat there I think. The gel sounds appealing but I liked not having to remember a daily thing, the patch is twice a week and that suits my chaotic brain. Your diary idea is really good, I wish I'd done that before my first appointment 🙄 x

Rooting for you so much. The 'fobbed off with that's just how it is' thing is infuriating and I'm sorry you've had that before. Having the list means you can push back if it happens again. You've done the hard bit already honestly. x

Right so I had a slightly different experience, my first GP was a bit dismissive at 44 and told me it was probably stress. Which, fine, maybe. But I went back six months later with my written list and saw someone else and it was completely different. So just flagging, if you don't get taken seriously first time, it's worth trying again or asking to see someone else. You know your own body. x

Oh love, the two weeks thing is so important and I'm glad you're writing it down because that IS your story and it matters. The slow creep narrative doesn't fit everyone and doctors don't always know what to do when it doesn't fit the textbook. Your question about speed of onset is a really good one, take it in writing if you can, I've found that helps me not bottle it when I'm actually in the room. Rooting for you at that follow-up. x

Oh love, the leaflet. THE LEAFLET. I got one too. I genuinely think they have a drawer full of them for anyone who dares mention the flushes. Your notes idea is brilliant, I did exactly the same thing before my second appointment and it really did help. I just framed it as 'I've been keeping track so I can describe it properly' rather than 'I have diagnosed myself on the internet' and she seemed to take it better. Good luck, rooting for you x

Hi! Listening is completely underrated honestly. Sometimes just being in a space where people actually understand is enough. Hope the cautiously better keeps going 🤞 x

Oh I could have written this word for word, the dog thing especially 😂 I was on gel for about six months and genuinely spent half my time convinced I was doing it wrong. Switched to the patch last autumn and yes, it does feel more... set and forget? I still get the 3am ones though. Not as savage but still there. Someone mentioned in a thread recently that it can take a good few months to really settle, which I found oddly reassuring. Your flush diary sounds very sensible, I keep meaning to do the same. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. I used to go into appointments with a whole list in my head and then come out having only mentioned the flushes because that felt like the "main" one. The palpitations especially, I kept thinking oh I'll mention those next time and then next time came and went. Writing it down really does help. I started just bullet pointing everything, no order, no explanation, just the things. Handed it to my GP and said this is what's been going on. Felt a bit daft but honestly it was the first appointment where I felt like she actually saw the whole picture. Hope you get somewhere with it. x

Oh love, the counting thing is so grim isn't it. I did the same before my last review and just sat there looking at my little tally chart thinking, no wonder I'm exhausted. Anyway, patch vs gel, since you're asking for absolutely no reason whatsoever 😂 I've been on the gel for a few months now and honestly I quite like it, feels like I have a bit more control over things. A friend swore by her patch but kept having to tape it back on in summer. Neither is obviously right, I think it genuinely just varies person to person. Also the cold salad thing is a genuinely underrated coping strategy and I will not hear otherwise x

Oh love, I could have written parts of this. Not the dating bit (still married, for my sins 😂) but that feeling of your body suddenly being this unpredictable stranger you're having to manage in public. The flushes at the worst possible moment. The way you look fine and feel like a furnace. Completely get it. Really glad the date was okay. And yes, please do mention the dryness to your GP. I was embarrassed too and then felt ridiculous afterwards because she was completely matter of fact about it. Write it all down, take the list in, don't let them rush you. You've got this. x

Snap! The writing a list thing has genuinely changed my GP appointments. I used to walk in, forget half of it, walk out feeling fobbed off, and then remember everything in the car park. Having it written down meant she actually had to respond to each point. Glad you're on the other side and still looking out for the rest of us. x

Oh love, well done for booking it, that first step is genuinely the hardest part. What you're already writing down sounds really solid. The one thing I'd add from my own experience is noting the impact on the next day in as much concrete detail as you can. Not just 'tired' but 'couldn't concentrate at work', 'snapped at my kids', 'couldn't drive safely', that kind of thing. GPs respond to function, I found. When I stopped saying I was tired and started saying I couldn't do my job properly, something shifted. Good luck next week. x

Oh love, the 'you're only 45' thing makes my blood boil. I got almost exactly the same dismissal at 47 and I also sat there nodding like an idiot. Writing it down is genuinely the best thing you can do. When I finally went in with actual numbers, sleep impact, the lot, it felt harder to brush off. The 3am heart thumping is so classic peri and so terrifying when you don't know what it is. Good luck Friday, you've got this. x

Oh love, you are not daft at all, the notes are the whole thing. I did exactly this last year after being fobbed off twice. Walked in with a list, slightly apologised for it, and the GP said she wished more patients did it. The counting of flushes especially, it makes it real and documented rather than just "I feel a bit off". Fingers crossed for Thursday, you deserve an actual conversation not a leaflet 🤞 x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The look. I know the look. Mine actually said "women your age often just feel a bit tired" and I nearly fell off the chair. Writing it all down beforehand genuinely helped me though, I brought a little printed list and I think it stopped me crumbling (your word is perfect, that's exactly what happens). And yes, asking about patches vs gel is completely reasonable, I asked the same thing and got an actual useful answer for once. Fingers so crossed for your new GP appointment 🤞 x

Oh love, the 3am heart thing is absolutely grim isn't it. I've been there, lying completely still trying to decide if I'm dying or just perimenopausal. Spoiler: usually the second one. But you are completely right to push for proper investigation. I asked for an ECG at my GP appointment and they did it there and then, no drama. Your log sounds really smart, bring it. x

Oh love, the flush counting is such a good idea and I wish I'd done it before my first appointment. I went in with a vague 'loads, loads, definitely loads' and got the raised eyebrow. I'm on a patch now and the first couple of weeks were a bit nothing, honestly. Not worse, not better, just... waiting. Then around week three something quietly shifted. Still get them but they're shorter. That's my experience anyway, yours could be completely different. Good luck with the appointment x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. Three patches in two years here and every review my GP sort of shuffles things around without really explaining why. I've started doing the same as you, little notes on my phone, nothing fancy. The first few weeks after a switch were always rough for me sleep-wise and then it would slowly get better. Or I'd just get used to being tired. Hard to tell 🙄 Cold pasta salad solidarity from me x

Oh this is such a good tip. I used to go in saying "loads, really bad" too and then leave feeling like I hadn't explained myself properly at all. The coffee and wine column is genius actually, I'd never have thought to track that. Might steal this whole idea before my next review. So glad she actually listened. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The forgetting-everything-the-moment-she-looks-at-me thing is SO real. I've started texting myself a list the night before so I can just read off my phone if my brain goes blank. Less embarrassing than it sounds. Good luck, you've clearly done the prep, don't let her rush you x

Oh love, the going blank the second you sit down thing is SO real. I've started texting myself bullet points on the way there so I have something to read off my phone if my brain just empties. Which it does, reliably, every single time 😂 Glad something has shifted for you. That frightened feeling is a lot to carry x

The thing about letting the appointment drift is so real, I do this every single time. I go in with three things in my head and come out having talked about none of them. Writing it down and actually handing the list over when you sit down apparently helps, someone mentioned that in a thread here a little while back. Haven't been brave enough to try it yet but you've reminded me I should x

Oh this is so familiar. The Tuesday evening thing made me laugh because I had exactly the same pattern with mine, I called it the patch cliff. Like your body just knows the levels are dropping and decides to remind you loudly. I switched to gel about six weeks ago and honestly the main thing I noticed was the evenings felt more... even? Hard to describe. Less of that cliff edge feeling. Sleep is still not perfect but the 2am soak situation has calmed down a bit for me. The cold tea thing is genuinely genius by the way. I've been doing big batches of cold pasta and pretending it's a lifestyle choice. It is not. x

The palpitations at night are so scary aren't they. I had a phase of that and genuinely thought I needed A&E. Nobody had told me it could be this. Really glad you posted, I'm still in the middle bit and it helps to hear someone say it gets less terrifying. Holding onto that. x

Oh I feel this so much. I'm not chairing anything quite as high stakes but I lost the word for "spreadsheet" in a meeting last week. Just gone. I said "the, you know, the grid thing" and moved on hoping nobody noticed. They definitely noticed. The GP point is so real, I spent ages trying to explain brain fog to mine and got nowhere until I started saying things like "I forgot how to do a task I've done weekly for three years" rather than just "my memory isn't great". Specifics really do help. x

Oh love, the 3am googling spiral is genuinely its own special kind of torture isn't it 😩 I had exactly this, the skipping thudding thing, couldn't describe it either. I went in with a list and asked about the Holter monitor by name, like the comment above says. My GP actually seemed relieved I knew what I wanted rather than just looking panicked. The flush-palpitation combo is so common in perimenopause but that doesn't mean it should be dismissed. You're doing everything right. x

Oh I love that you're keeping a diary, I went blank every single time my GP asked too, it's like being put on the spot in school. I was on the patch for about four months and then switched to gel and honestly the flushes did feel different. Less... sudden? Hard to describe. Could be total coincidence but I don't think it was. Salads for dinner is very much my life right now as well 😂 x

Oh love, I could have written parts of this. Not the dating bit (still firmly married and moaning about it 😂) but the mirror thing, absolutely. There are days I genuinely do not know who that tired person is. And yes to your GP question. Every time I go I end up talking about the flushes and the sleep and forget to mention that I've basically lost my confidence entirely. It feels harder to say out loud somehow. Like it sounds dramatic. It isn't. Please do say it. x

Love this post. The tracking notes for your appointment is such a good shout, I always go in and completely blank on what's actually been happening. The 3pm crash is something I recognise too, though for me it comes with a sort of low-level grumpiness that my family have learned to work around 🙄 Hope the week goes well x

Oh love, eight months! I did eleven so I am not judging, I am saluting you. The diary is a brilliant idea. What I wish I'd done is write down the impact stuff alongside the symptoms. Not just "woke up three times" but "couldn't concentrate at work the next day", "snapped at my mum for no reason", "cried in the car park". The functional fallout seemed to land harder with my GP than the numbers did. Sleep destruction is absolutely a valid thing to lead with. Good luck with it x

Oh love, the 1am, 3am, 5am cycle is so grim isn't it. I used to describe mine as 'a lot' and got absolutely nowhere. Started writing them down and suddenly I was a credible patient apparently. 😂 Fingers crossed the appointment goes well, and don't let them fob you off. You've got the evidence now. x

Snap! The patch vs gel thing genuinely sent me round the bend before my appointment too. For what it's worth my own experience with patches was that they kept lifting at the edges in summer, sweaty nightmare, so I switched. But I know women who love them and would never go back. I think the question that actually moved things forward for me was asking what would happen if the first thing we tried didn't suit me, like is there a review built in? Felt less like a one-shot thing after that. Your wine sacrifice is noted and respected 😂 x

Oh this. The low hum of something being wrong, that's exactly it. I've been in that place and it's exhausting carrying it quietly. The conversation with your husband sounds like it might actually help, even just saying 'this is physical, it's not us'. That bit took me a while to get to but it mattered. Good luck Thursday, I really hope the GP listens properly. x

Snap! I kept a note on my phone for a bit but a proper notebook is better, you can actually see the pattern. Patch wise, I had one that kept lifting at the edges in warm weather, which was deeply annoying. Switched spots and it was better. Inner thigh was my least favourite, upper arm ended up being the winner for me. No real science to it, just trial and error. The cucumber thing made me laugh, my husband thinks I've lost the plot too so we're in good company 😂 x

Oh love, the perimenopause articles thing would drive me absolutely round the bend. Completely different situation and people just don't get that. The notes doc is such a good idea, I wish I'd done that before my appointments. I used to walk in and just... blank. Completely blank. For your follow-up, the thing I always wished I'd asked earlier was about the different forms things come in, not just whether to have something but what type and why that specific one for me. I felt like I got handed one option and that was that. Worth asking what the reasoning is behind whatever they suggest, I think. You sound really prepared though, honestly. x

Oh love, the frozen peas section of this post is genuinely beautiful writing. Also yes it does get less terrifying, or at least that's what I'm telling myself because I need it to be true. The GP prep sounds really sensible, and I think you saying the private stuff out loud this time is the most important bit of the whole post honestly. Rooting for you so hard next Saturday. Wear something you feel good in and eat the dinner 😊 x

Oh love, I could have written the bit about confidence falling off a cliff at 8pm. That is SO real. The tiredness just takes everything with it. Really glad you're going though, and the fact you're prepping your GP list properly this time, actually saying the intimacy stuff out loud, that takes guts. Hope Friday is lovely. x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The cold dinner thing is very real in this house. My husband now just silently puts a bowl of cold pasta in front of me and says nothing. Progress. I've been on patches for about six months. They do stay on in the shower, yes. I lost one to a hot bath early on but shower is fine. It feels completely normal now, I genuinely don't think about it. Hope the appointment goes well x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The patch change day thing is SO real. I missed one by two days once and spent the whole time thinking I was just falling apart, then realised. The sleep description thing for GPs is something I've been thinking about too. Last time I said I was exhausted and got referred for a thyroid test. I've started keeping a rough note on my phone, just a line each morning. Nothing fancy but it gives me something to actually say. Good luck with yours x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. Mine said the same thing last spring and I sat in the car park and cried. Eight flushes is not nothing, that's your whole day disrupted. Go back. You are allowed to push. x

The hip stretches before bed, yes. I started doing this almost by accident a few months ago and now it's just part of the routine. Nothing structured, same as you, just whatever feels tight. Sleep is still not great but there's something about it that helps me actually feel like I'm winding down rather than just lying there waiting for the night to happen to me 😂 x

Hi, slightly different experience here, I did say "brain fog" to my GP and actually got a reasonable response, but I think it helped that I'd also mentioned the hot flushes and sleep stuff at the same time so it felt like a pattern rather than one thing. Might be worth mentioning everything together if you can? Hope you get a good one x

Oh this made me a bit emotional actually. The "absent" thing, that's exactly how I'd describe it. Like you're just... not there. And then the spiral of wondering if it's the relationship. Horrible. You're not alone in any of this, and well done for writing the notes. Take them in, hand them over if you need to, don't let them fob you off. x

The 'bracing for it before it's even happened' thing, yes. That becomes its own problem on top of the physical stuff doesn't it. I found saying something really low-key to my husband, almost casual, worked better than building up to a big conversation. Something like 'things have changed a bit physically and I'm getting it looked at' took the pressure off both of us. Good luck next week. x

Oh love, the scabies google at half eleven 😂 I did the same thing except I convinced myself it was some kind of nerve condition. Spent a week being absolutely certain. Nobody tells you about the itching, the dry skin, the weird patches. Nobody. The photos thing is smart, not embarrassing at all. I went in with a list once and my GP actually seemed relieved I'd done the work. Good luck with the appointment, hope she actually listens x

Oh love, YES. I did exactly this before my last appointment. Notebook, timestamps, the lot. My GP actually seemed a bit taken aback that I had it all written down but I genuinely think it changed the tone of the whole conversation. Fourteen in three days is not dramatic, that is just your life right now and you deserve to be taken seriously. Walk in there with that notebook held like a weapon. Rooting for you x

I could have written this word for word honestly. The teenagers, the pasta, standing in the kitchen wondering if today is the day they finally notice the lentils. They never notice the lentils 🙄 For the GP thing, I found it helped to say "it's not just tiredness, it's like a switch flips" and mention it happens at the same time every day. Patterns seem to get more attention than vague feelings. Fingers crossed for your appointment x

Crying in the car park after a GP appointment that went nowhere. Yes. Exactly that. I did that twice last year and felt so stupid about it but reading this I feel less alone. Thank you for taking the time to write this when you didn't have to. And four nights waking once instead of four times, that is huge, honestly. Well done you. x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about six months ago. The catch-22 thing is exhausting isn't it. I spent ages convinced moving would wreck me and rest would save me and neither was quite true. For the GP, honestly I wrote a few bullet points beforehand so I didn't get flustered and just accept a leaflet. Something like "I want to move more but joint pain is stopping me, can I get a physio referral" felt harder to dismiss than a vague "I want to exercise more." Might be worth a try. Your bedtime stretching sounds like it's already doing something, even if it feels small. 🤞 x

Oh love, the "um, at night, sometimes" thing is SO real 😂 I have genuinely sat in that chair and described my own symptoms like someone who'd heard about them second hand. The notes idea is brilliant. And honestly the caffeine thing is interesting, I noticed something similar but wasn't sure if I was imagining it. Good luck Thursday, go in with your list and don't let her rush you. You deserve actual answers not a vague shrug. 🤞 x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word. The leaflet thing actually made me laugh out loud because SAME. I did a list before my last appointment and honestly I think it changed everything. I included how many nights I'd had broken sleep in the previous two weeks, how it was affecting my mood (I wrote "crying in the car park after work" which felt dramatic but was true), and I actually handed it over and said "I'd like you to have this so I don't forget anything". He read it. Properly. The written-down-and-handed-over approach is underrated. Also your work context is really relevant, don't downplay that bit. x

Oh love, yes to the list, yes to all of it. I used to walk out of the GP's thinking 'why didn't I mention the sleep??' so now I literally read from my notes app like it's a shopping list and I do not apologise for it 😂 Five wake-ups is a solid, hard-to-dismiss fact. Say that number out loud in the room. Don't soften it. You've got this x

I could have written bits of this word for word, minus the surgery. The standard menopause conversation always feels like it was written for someone else's experience doesn't it. And the meal thing is so real, I kept forgetting to eat properly when I was at my worst and it just made everything spiral. Eggs, soup, toast. Honestly underestimated. Good luck with the follow-up, I really hope they actually engage with your questions rather than just nodding back at you. 😊 x

Honestly the "is this real or just a good week" question haunts me constantly. I've been trying to give things at least six weeks before deciding anything, because one slightly better morning means nothing but a run of them might. Might. GP-wise, yes, take the list. Mine was a bit blank-stare-y on the detail but she did look things up which I thought was fair enough. x

I could have written this word for word a few months back, that feeling of just lying there waiting for your brain to finally shut up. So pleased you got a proper night. And you're right, one night does matter, it's proof it's still possible. Sending it right back to you. x

Oh love, the brain noise is so real. I read everything for weeks and walked into my appointment basically more confused than when I started. I went with the patch first and honestly the thing I hadn't anticipated was the adhesive. One of them just would not stay put in summer. Gel felt like more faff daily but I had more control over it, if that makes sense? Neither is wrong, they're just different. The flexibility thing people mention is real in my experience. Good luck Thursday, you've clearly done the groundwork x

Oh love, the notes app thing is genuinely brilliant and eleven in a day is NOT ridiculous, that's exactly the kind of evidence that's hard to argue with. I did the same before my last appointment, wrote down symptoms with rough times and honestly it changed the whole tone of the conversation. She couldn't just nod and move on. I also wrote two or three questions at the top so if I froze I could just read them out like a shopping list 😂 You've got this x

Oh love, I could have written this word for word about six months ago. The blank notepad, the "keep an eye on things", all of it. What helped me was writing three columns: symptoms, how often, how much it's affecting my sleep or work. Suddenly it looked serious on paper even though I'd been downplaying it in my head for ages. And yes absolutely ask about the forms, I asked mine to explain why she was suggesting what she was and it actually opened up a proper conversation. You've got this. x

Oh love, the duvet on, duvet off, duvet on cycle is genuinely its own special kind of torture isn't it. I've done the 2am kitchen sit more times than I can count. The fact you've got eleven weeks of actual evidence to take in is brilliant though. I always forget everything the second I sit down opposite a GP. Print it. Definitely print it. 😂 x

Oh love, the 2am fire check 😂 I have done exactly that. Sat bolt upright, sniffed the air, considered waking my husband, then realised it was just me being a human radiator again. The Teams flush is a particular kind of cruel isn't it. Keep building that case. The GP needs the receipts. x

Right so I started on patches and the edges did peel in the heat, which was annoying. Switched to gel and found it much easier to fit into my routine. The thing I'd say is worth writing down for your appointment is just asking them to talk you through both options practically, not just medically, because some GPs skip that bit entirely. Mine did first time round. New one was much better when I asked directly. Good luck with it, sounds like you're going in well prepared which makes such a difference x

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The 'she nodded and did basically nothing' bit especially. I've been fobbed off so many times describing things vaguely that I now go in with a list and I don't apologise for it. Re patches, I tried them and kept catching mine on towels and peeling the edge up by accident, which drove me mad. That's not a reason not to use them, just my experience. The gel suits me better because it fits into my morning routine. But genuinely both seem to work fine for people, it's just what fits your life x

Oh love, bring the notes. I brought a whole printed page to my last appointment and honestly it was the best thing I ever did. My GP actually seemed relieved I was organised. You are not strange at all, you are prepared. The detail about work being affected is really important, say that first if you can. Good luck x

I could have written this word for word honestly. Spent months thinking I was doing it wrong because my experience was nothing like the women in other threads. The cold food thing is interesting, I've been doing something similar without really naming it, just gravitating toward lighter stuff in the evening. Placebo or not, if it helps it helps 😊 x

I could have written this word for word. You sit there and the GP is just looking at you and you think, I seem completely fine right now, this is useless. The phone notes idea is genuinely brilliant. I wish I'd done that before my last appointment instead of just saying 'yeah it's been a lot' and watching her write almost nothing down. Bring that log, absolutely bring it x

Slightly different experience here, my GP did initially suggest the joint stuff might be unrelated and sent me for some bloods. Which were fine, and we ended up back at the hormonal conversation anyway. So just flagging it might take a bit of persistence. But the list definitely helped, she could see it wasn't just one vague complaint. Stick with it. x

Ha, I became my mum too and honestly? She was onto something. I used to mock the freezer containers. Now I practically kiss them on a Thursday evening when I've had a hot flush at work and commuted home in the rain and the last thing I can do is think. The mood thing is real. Removing that one stressor matters more than it should. x

Less mysterious is genuinely useful. I kept waiting for some big shift and it turns out the small legible ones are what actually help me function. Glad you wrote it plain.

Slight pushback here: I think sometimes we can find patterns in data we want to find. Six weeks is a start but it might not be enough to be sure. That is not to say the pattern isn't real, just that it might be worth another few weeks before you bring it in, so you feel confident in what you're presenting.