Leslie

55 and feeding a husband and two teenagers who would happily eat pasta and garlic bread every single night and honestly sometimes I just... give in. But I've been trying to quietly shift our dinners towards things with more protein without it becoming a whole announcement about mum's menopause diet. This week I did a big batch of chicken thighs on Sunday, roasted with whatever veg was lurking in the fridge, and it's genuinely carried us through three evenings in different forms. Monday it was just that. Tuesday I shredded the leftover chicken into a sort of quick curry. Wednesday I chucked the last of it into a wrap with some salad and called it a night. Nobody complained. Nobody even noticed I was doing anything differently which is exactly what I needed. The bit I wasn't expecting is that I'm not crashing at half three the way I was. I used to be absolutely useless by mid-afternoon, like someone had pulled a plug. I don't know if it's the breakfast I've been having (eggs most days now, sometimes with some smoked salmon if I'm feeling fancy) or the dinners or just... something shifting. I want to ask my GP about the energy crashes properly because they were getting bad enough that I was worried. Writing it down now because I want to be able to say when it started and what changed, otherwise I'll walk in there and forget everything. Also started doing a short walk after dinner. Ten minutes, sometimes fifteen if I'm not desperate to sit down. The dog is delighted. I feel a bit daft but it does seem to help with the bloating.

55 and cooking for a husband who wants chips with everything and a teenager who's decided she's basically vegetarian this week. trying to quietly shift what we eat without anyone noticing or complaining. the thing i've landed on lately is just... making the main bit of dinner higher protein and not fighting everyone on the sides. so like, a proper piece of salmon or chicken thighs or a big lentil thing, and then whatever else they want around it. i eat more of the protein bit, they eat more of the rest, nobody argues. it's not elegant but it's working-ish. but honestly what i'm actually here to ask about is the energy thing. 3pm hits and i am genuinely useless. not tired exactly, more like someone's pulled the plug. i'm starting to wonder if it's what i'm eating at lunch or if it's just, you know, this. i've got a GP appointment in a few weeks and i want to be able to describe it properly rather than just going in and saying "i feel a bit flat" like last time when she smiled and said stress. has anyone had bloodwork that actually picked something up around this? i don't know what to even ask for. also i've been doing a ten minute walk after dinner most nights, nothing dramatic, just round the block with the dog. it does seem to help me sleep a bit better. small thing but i'm keeping it up. x

Family dinners are killing me softly, honestly. I've got a husband who wants proper meals, a seventeen-year-old who eats everything in sight, and me trying to quietly sneak more protein in without turning every evening into a nutrition lecture nobody asked for. What I've landed on this week is just... making sure whatever I cook has something substantial in it. Chicken thighs, eggs in things, chickpeas bulking out the sauce. Nobody notices, I don't have to cook separately, and I don't feel like I've eaten a bowl of air by nine o'clock. The other thing, and this feels almost too simple, is I've started walking round the block after we eat. Ten minutes, sometimes twelve if I'm not freezing. Started because someone mentioned it on here and I thought why not. I don't know if it's doing anything enormous but I feel less like I want to immediately fall asleep on the sofa, which used to be my whole evening. The energy crashes are still there though. Mid-afternoon I basically become a different, worse person. I want to ask my GP about it properly, not just get told to sleep more and stress less (been there). Wondering if there's bloodwork worth pushing for. Anyone had useful conversations with their doctor about that kind of thing? x

Family dinners are doing my head in a bit at the moment. My husband wants pasta, my daughter wants "something quick", my son eats approximately four foods, and I'm sat there thinking I genuinely need more protein or I'm going to fall asleep at my desk by 2pm again. So I've started quietly adding things. Chicken thighs instead of mince in the bolognese. A big pot of lentil soup that I pretend is just soup but actually has enough in it to keep me upright until morning. Nobody has noticed. Nobody has complained. I'm calling that a win. The afternoon crashes are the thing I want to talk to my GP about because they've got worse this year and I can't tell if it's food or sleep or hormones or just being 55. Probably all four. But I'm keeping a rough note of when they hit and what I'd eaten beforehand, just so I've got something to show her that isn't me going in and saying "I'm just tired all the time" and getting sent away with nothing. The other thing that's helping, or I think it's helping, is a short walk after dinner. Not a proper march, just round the block, ten minutes, sometimes less. My husband started coming with me which I didn't expect and now it's become a thing. Possibly the nicest part of the day actually. x

Jun 21 · Liked post

Community post

Right. GP on Thursday and I am absolutely not going in there and going blank again. Last time I sat down and she asked how I was and I said 'fine, bit tired' and walked out having achieved nothing. I was furious with myself for about a week. So this time I've actually written things down. Like, properly. Dates, what woke me, how bad the 3am thing was, whether I managed to get back to sleep or just lay there catastrophising until 6. I've gone back through my phone notes (I send myself voice memos at stupid o'clock apparently, I found four I didn't remember recording). I've written down when the anxiety spikes with no obvious reason, because that one is hard to explain out loud without sounding like I'm just a bit stressed about work. I'm also going to mention the postmeno bit because I think she forgets I'm past periods now and I want to actually ask about HRT and sleep specifically. I've read enough on here to know that's worth raising. The evening walks have helped a tiny bit honestly. Not fixed anything. But I come home slightly less wired, which means I'm not lying there replaying emails at midnight quite as much. Wish me luck for Thursday. I am going in with my list and I am not apologising for it 🤞

Jun 21 · Liked post

Community post

39 and I don't know where I belong online anymore, honestly. The period tracking apps are full of people trying to conceive or celebrating their "cycle syncing" and I just... don't fit there. But then I stumble into menopause forums and feel like I've wandered into the wrong waiting room. Everyone's talking about things that feel years ahead of me and I quietly close the tab. Except my cycles have gone weird. Like, properly weird. Used to be clockwork. Now I'm writing things down on a notes app because I can't keep track in my head. Spotting when I didn't used to. One cycle 24 days, the next 34. Cramps in different places at different times. I mentioned it to my GP and she basically said "you're only 39" in that tone, you know the one. I'm not even sure I'm raising this properly when I go in. I sort of downplay it because I don't want to sound dramatic. But I think next time I need to actually show her the notes. Like, here, look, this is what changed in the last six months specifically. Not vague feelings. Dates and patterns. The rest of life is also just exhausting in a very practical way. Work is relentless and by 7pm I genuinely cannot think about cooking so it's whatever I can throw together fast. Pasta. Eggs. That sort of thing. Not complaining, just, I notice on the nights I've actually eaten a proper dinner I sleep less horribly. Might mean nothing. Anyway. Hi. Is this the right room? x

Jun 20 · Liked post

Community post

52 and I have finally booked a GP appointment for next week, which sounds like nothing but has taken me about three months to actually do. The problem is every time I get in that room my brain just... empties. I'll have spent the whole drive there running through what I want to say and then she asks "so what's brought you in today" and I say something like "oh just a bit tired I suppose" and that's it, appointment over, nothing changes. So this time I'm writing it all down beforehand. Properly. I've been keeping a note on my phone this week, just jotting when I wake (it's almost always between 3 and 4, almost to the minute, it's uncanny), how I feel when I eventually get up, whether the anxiety is bad. Nothing fancy, just a rough log so I have something to show her rather than relying on my absolutely useless memory. I want to ask about HRT specifically and whether it can help with sleep, because that's genuinely the thing that's wrecking me most right now. Not the other stuff, the sleep. I've read a bit about oestrogen and sleep cycles and I don't want to go in sounding like I've self-diagnosed off the internet but I also don't want to be fobbed off with "have you tried sleep hygiene" again. Has anyone managed to have a useful conversation with their GP about HRT and sleep specifically? What actually worked to get them to take it seriously? x

Jun 20 · Liked post

Community post

Okay so I have my GP appointment on Thursday and I am absolutely terrified I am going to walk in there and forget everything and walk out with a leaflet about mindfulness again. That happened last time. I sat down, she looked a bit distracted, I said I was getting hot flushes and not sleeping, and she said have I tried keeping a sleep diary and that was it. I was in there four minutes. So this time I have written things down. Properly. How many flushes in a day (usually five or six, sometimes more), that I am waking up drenched twice a night at least, that I feel like my heart is racing when the flush hits. I have even noted that it is affecting my work because I can't concentrate on anything by about 2pm. I want to ask her about HRT properly this time, not just be fobbed off. But I genuinely don't know where to start with the different forms. There seem to be patches, gels, all sorts. I'm not expecting her to hand me a personalised plan on the spot but I just want to understand what the options even are, so I can have an actual conversation rather than nodding along and leaving none the wiser. Has anyone gone in with a list and actually had it help? Did asking specific questions make a difference or does it just depend entirely on which GP you get? x

Jun 20 · Liked post

Community post

Stood in the middle of a presentation last Tuesday and completely lost the thread. Not just the word, the actual thread of what I was saying. Just... gone. I could see my manager's face doing that polite waiting thing and I wanted to disappear through the floor. I've been a comms manager for twelve years. Twelve years. I don't lose threads. I'm 51 and I genuinely don't know if this is perimenopause or if I'm just exhausted or both, but something has shifted and it's starting to scare me a bit. I used to be the one people came to when they needed something explained clearly. Now I'm standing there grasping at words like they're soap in the bath. The only thing that's helped even slightly is keeping a proper sleep cutoff. I used to answer emails until 11pm because that's just how the job is. I've been trying to stop at half nine and actually get horizontal by ten. On the nights I manage it I'm not fixed but I'm... less underwater the next day. That's genuinely the best I can say for it. Also been experimenting with what I eat around 3pm because the afternoon crash is when the fog is worst. Used to grab whatever biscuits were in the kitchen. Now I'm trying to have something with a bit more substance before the crash hits rather than after. Still working out what actually makes a difference vs what I just hope is making a difference. When I finally see my GP I want to be able to describe this properly, the work stuff specifically, not just "I feel tired". Has anyone found a good way to explain cognitive slips to their doctor without sounding like you're being dramatic? Because I'm not being dramatic. This is my livelihood and it's wobbling. x

Jun 20 · Liked post

Community post

Right so I have cracked the code on my 3pm crash and the answer is: I was basically running on a cereal bar and optimism until dinner. Started having actual protein at breakfast a few weeks ago, eggs or Greek yoghurt or leftover chicken (yes, cold chicken at 7am, no I'm not sorry), and the biscuit tin is significantly less haunted now. Not a miracle, not a diet, just me noticing a pattern and going oh. OHHH. Reporting back from the kitchen, as ever 😂 x

Jun 19 · Liked post

Community post

58 and I am sitting here with a piece of paper trying to work out how to describe what has been happening down there to a GP I have seen maybe twice. How do you even start that sentence. "It hurts" feels too vague. "Sex is painful" feels too exposing. "Dryness" sounds like I'm talking about a biscuit. I've been writing things down because I know if I don't I'll walk in and say I'm fine and come out with nothing. So far my list says: discomfort, that UTI feeling that never quite turns into a UTI, and the fact that I stopped wanting to try because the anticipation of pain is worse than the pain itself. My husband hasn't said anything. Neither have I. We've both just quietly stopped and I think we're both pretending that's fine and it isn't. Does anyone have actual words they used with their GP? Not looking for a script, just. I don't know. Proof that someone said it out loud and didn't dissolve.

Jun 19 · Liked post

Community post

ate actual protein at lunch instead of crackers and made it to 5pm without wanting to cry. noting this. 🎉

Jun 18 · Liked post

Community post

Hi all. I've been wondering whether to bring up my afternoon energy crashes at my next GP appointment or whether they'll just tell me to sleep more and send me on my way. I'm 53, postmenopause, and around 3pm most days I just... fall off a cliff. Can barely string a sentence together. I've started wondering if it's blood sugar related but I genuinely don't know what to ask for or whether it's even worth mentioning alongside everything else. Has anyone actually had bloodwork done for this kind of thing and found it useful? I don't want to go in with a massive list and get fobbed off, but I also don't want to leave without asking the right questions. I'm trying to write things down beforehand this time instead of going blank the moment I sit down. Any experience of what's worth tracking before an appointment would be really helpful. x

Jun 18 · Liked post

Community post

I want to write this down while I still remember it because I usually only notice the bad days. This week I did three evening walks. Not long ones, maybe fifteen minutes each, just round the block after dinner before I sat back down in front of the television. I wasn't expecting anything from it. I'd read something here a while back, someone mentioned it helped with the post-dinner slump, and I thought fine, it's free, I'll try it. And the evenings were just... calmer. I don't want to make big claims because I've been here before where I think I've cracked something and then Thursday happens and it all falls apart. But I slept a bit better on two of the nights and I didn't have that wired-tired thing where I'm exhausted but my brain won't stop. I'm writing it down here so I can look back at it when I inevitably forget. The other thing I did was actually cook a proper dinner on Sunday and portion some of it out for two other nights. Nothing fancy, just a traybake with chicken and whatever vegetables needed using up. It meant on Tuesday when I got in late from visiting my mum I didn't just stand in the kitchen eating crackers over the sink, which is what normally happens. I'm 58 and I've spent a lot of years either dieting properly or not at all and I'm so tired of both of those things. I'm not trying to lose weight this time, I'm just trying to feel less like I'm running on empty by Wednesday. These two small things didn't fix anything but they made the week slightly more manageable and that feels worth noting. That's all really. Just wanted to say it somewhere x

Jun 17 · Liked post

Community post

Has anyone tracked how many nights of broken sleep they listed before their GP took it seriously? Wondering what level of detail actually moved things forward.

Jun 17 · Liked post

Community post

Trying eggs at breakfast instead of toast and logging how I feel at 4pm. That's it. Not a diet. Just one change.

Jun 17 · Liked post

Community post

every instagram post telling me to eat less. i'm 39, exhausted, and i need actual fuel. not a calorie deficit. done.

Jun 16 · Liked post

Community post

Three in the morning again. Heart going absolutely mental, that weird fluttery thudding thing where you lie there convinced something is actually wrong. I sat up, put my hand on my chest, tried to breathe slowly, told myself it was probably hormones. Probably. That word is doing a lot of work at 3am. I've started writing down when it happens. Time, what I'd eaten or drunk, how the sleep had been before it woke me. Partly because I want to bring something useful to my GP rather than just saying "my heart does a thing sometimes" and getting a shrug. Partly because it stops me spiralling quite as badly if I'm doing something with the information instead of just lying there catastrophising. I've cut my coffee right back this week. Was on three or four mugs a day without really noticing. Now it's one in the morning and that's it. Don't know yet if it's making a difference but I'm noting it anyway. What I actually want to know before my appointment is what tests are reasonable to ask for. Like, can I ask for an ECG? A Holter monitor? Blood tests to rule things out? I don't want to walk in sounding like I've been on WebMD all night (even if I have, a bit) but I also don't want to leave without actually knowing what's going on inside my chest. Does anyone have experience pushing for proper investigation rather than just being told it's anxiety? x

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

Twenty-nine years married and I honestly thought I knew my own body. Then somewhere around eighteen months ago things just... shifted. Quietly. No fanfare. My husband hasn't said anything unkind, he wouldn't, but I can feel myself pulling away and I hate it. It's not him. It's that it hurts now sometimes, and I don't know how to explain that without making it into a whole thing. I've got a GP appointment booked for next Thursday and I've been trying to write down what I actually want to say, because I know I'll go in there and say "I'm fine, just a bit tired" like I always do. So I'm writing it here first, as practice I suppose. The dryness is real and it's affecting us. There's sometimes a burning sensation afterwards that can last a day or two. Intimacy feels different in a way I can't quite describe, like my body is somewhere else. My confidence has gone sideways in a way I didn't expect. I want to ask specifically about local oestrogen. I've read a bit and I want to know if that's something she'd consider. I want to not be fobbed off with "it's just your age" this time. Also, completely separately, I've been making more effort with food lately, just trying to eat things that don't leave me feeling foggy, more protein, less of the afternoon biscuits, and it genuinely seems to help my energy a bit. Not everything, but something. Anyway. That's more than I've said out loud to anyone. x

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

There is a Tesco bag in my work drawer with a spare pair of knickers, leggings, and a pad the size of a mattress. I am 43 years old. I have not needed a spare outfit since I was in year seven and had an accident on the coach to Alton Towers. I genuinely do not know how we got here. Six months ago my periods were completely normal. Now I am calculating whether I can survive a two-hour meeting without nipping out, and yesterday I had to walk to my car with my cardigan tied round my waist like it was 1994. The shame of it. I am a grown woman with a mortgage and a line manager. I have started keeping a little calendar on my phone, just marking the heavy days with a red dot, because I need something concrete to show my GP when I finally get in front of her. I keep thinking she will just say it's normal for my age and send me off, and I want to be able to say no look, here, this is eleven red dots in fourteen days, this is not nothing. The tiredness is the other thing I want to raise. Not tired like I need an early night. Tired like my bones are made of wet sand. I have been writing down when the really bad fatigue hits because I suspect it lines up with the heaviest bleeding but I haven't got enough data yet. On the heavy days I basically cannot cook. I have been living on tinned lentil soup and toast and I am absolutely fine with that for now. No shame in it. Anyone else keeping notes ahead of a GP appointment? What did you actually find useful to track? x

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

54 and honestly I cannot tell if this is perimenopause, burnout, or just... being 54 in a job that never stops. I used to be the person in the room who remembered everything. Every action point, every name, every thread of a conversation. Now I'm sitting in senior leadership meetings writing notes like a first-year graduate, not because I'm being thorough, but because if I don't write it down the second it's said it is simply gone. Had a moment last week where I lost the word 'provisional'. I knew the concept perfectly, I knew what I was trying to say, my mouth just... produced nothing. Stood there in front of my director. Smiled. Said 'the, um, not-final version'. Wanted to dissolve into the carpet. The notes thing has become a bit of a coping mechanism I suppose. I do a scrappy bullet list during every meeting now and I type it up properly straight after while it's still vaguely in my head. It does help. But it also makes me feel like I'm compensating for something I can't name yet. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I want to actually describe the work impact properly, not just say 'I'm a bit foggy sometimes' and get fobbed off. So I've started jotting down specific examples. The word that disappeared. The meeting I had to re-read the minutes for twice before it clicked. Whether I'd slept badly the night before, what I'd eaten, that sort of thing. I'm also doing a protein-heavy lunch most days now, less because I read it somewhere, more because the afternoon used to be completely unworkable and this seems to dull the crash slightly. Seems. I genuinely don't know. Is anyone else in this position where you can't tell if you need a hormone conversation or a career break or just a month of proper sleep? I feel like I'm trying to solve a puzzle with half the pieces missing and no idea what the picture is supposed to look like.

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

Hello wise ladies. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I want to actually ask about the weight stuff this time instead of letting it slide to the end and then bottling it. I've been postmenopausal for about two years now and the weight around my middle just keeps doing its own thing no matter what I eat, and I'm exhausted by it honestly. I'm not on any particular diet, I really don't want to start another one, but I do wonder if there's something going on with my blood sugar or thyroid that I should be asking about. Has anyone specifically asked their GP for bloodwork around energy and weight and had it taken seriously? I want to go in with the right words so I don't come out with a leaflet about eating less. Any experience gratefully received x

Jun 14 · Liked post

Community post

Geraldine, 50. I have my follow-up next Thursday and I've actually been looking forward to it for once, which is not a sentence I thought I'd be typing. Seven weeks ago I came home from the GP feeling like I was falling apart. Couldn't sleep, flushing every hour on the hour, crying at adverts. You know the drill. And now... I don't know. Something has shifted. Not everything, but enough that I noticed. The thing I keep wanting to tell my doctor is about the food and movement piece, because I think it matters and I'm not sure she'll ask. I started eating something with proper protein after my walks and weights sessions, just eggs or Greek yoghurt or whatever was in the fridge, nothing fancy. I don't know if that's done anything or if it's the HRT settling or both or neither. But my sleep has been genuinely better for about three weeks now and my mood is less like a weather system. I'm writing it all down before Thursday so I can actually say the useful bits out loud instead of going blank the second I sit down in that room. Still having flushes. Still tired by 3pm. But frightened? Not like I was. That's the bit I keep coming back to. x

Jun 14 · Liked post

Community post

Okay so I keep trying to explain this to people and nobody gets it. My surgery was August 14th. Hot flashes started August 15th. Like, I went to sleep one person and woke up someone else entirely. There was no perimenopause, no gradual anything, no time to adjust. Just. Gone. And every article I read, every podcast, all of it talks about "the transition" like it's this slow drift. I didn't drift anywhere. I got dropped. I have a follow-up with my specialist next week and I've been writing out a timeline, basically a document with dates, because I realized I kept saying "it started a few weeks after" when actually I can tell her exactly when. August 15th. I have it in my phone. I think having the actual dates matters more than I thought it would. Also someone here mentioned eating enough protein when appetite is off and I have been doing soft scrambled eggs and Greek yogurt because I genuinely cannot face much else right now and weirdly that has felt manageable. Anyone else feel like surgical menopause is almost a different category that just gets lumped in with everything else?

Jun 19 · Replied to Community post

Thank you Joan, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 12 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Lorna. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 8 · Replied to Community post

Thank you Nicola, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.