Melissa Harris

Jun 19 · Replied

Community post

Thank you peri_erica, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 18 · Posted

Okay so. Divorced fourteen months ago and I have a doctor's appointment next week and I genuinely don't know how to say half of what I need to say out loud to another human being. Like. How do you tell your OB that intimacy feels terrifying now, not because of him (my ex) but because my body has become this unpredictable stranger I don't fully recognize anymore? The dryness, the way I feel weirdly detached from myself some nights, the zero libido that I keep hoping is temporary. I've been jotting stuff down in my notes app for the appointment. Not organized, just fragments. "Tell her about the dryness. Tell her about the anxiety spike around dating. Tell her it's affecting how I see myself, not just physically." I figure if I write it I might actually say it instead of doing that thing where you get in the room and suddenly everything feels fine and you walk out having talked about nothing real. Also I've been cooking for one for over a year and I still make enough pasta for four people every single time. That has nothing to do with menopause but it feels related somehow. Like I'm still figuring out what my life is sized for now. Anyone been through this? The starting-over thing on top of the body-changing thing? It's a lot.

Jun 12 · Replied

Community post

Thank you peri_erica, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 11 · Posted

Okay so the divorce was finalized seven months ago and I have been sitting on a dating app profile that I wrote, hated, rewrote, hated more, and then just... left there. 49 years old and I genuinely do not know how to explain myself to a stranger anymore. Like what do I even say? "Loves long walks and is currently sweating through her third shirt of the day"? The thing I keep avoiding is talking to my doctor about the stuff that actually scares me about dating again. The physical stuff. The dryness, the zero libido, the fact that the idea of being intimate with someone new makes me want to close every app and go make pasta. I keep telling myself I'll bring it up at my next appointment and then I sit in that chair and talk about my cholesterol instead. I made a list this week. Actual bullet points on my phone of the things I want to say out loud to her, because if I don't write them down I will absolutely chicken out again. It felt embarrassing to type them but also kind of like, necessary? Like giving myself permission to admit this is real. Anyone else had to basically script their own appointment just to get through the door on this stuff? I can't be the only one eating dinner for one and quietly panicking about whether my body will ever feel like mine again.