6d ago
Okay so. Divorced fourteen months ago and I have a doctor's appointment next week and I genuinely don't know how to say half of what I need to say out loud to another human being. Like. How do you tell your OB that intimacy feels terrifying now, not because of him (my ex) but because my body has become this unpredictable stranger I don't fully recognize anymore? The dryness, the way I feel weirdly detached from myself some nights, the zero libido that I keep hoping is temporary. I've been jotting stuff down in my notes app for the appointment. Not organized, just fragments. "Tell her about the dryness. Tell her about the anxiety spike around dating. Tell her it's affecting how I see myself, not just physically." I figure if I write it I might actually say it instead of doing that thing where you get in the room and suddenly everything feels fine and you walk out having talked about nothing real. Also I've been cooking for one for over a year and I still make enough pasta for four people every single time. That has nothing to do with menopause but it feels related somehow. Like I'm still figuring out what my life is sized for now. Anyone been through this? The starting-over thing on top of the body-changing thing? It's a lot.