8 Jun
Hi all. I don't usually post about good things because honestly I mostly come here at 3am when I'm catastrophising and the house is quiet and I've convinced myself I'm dying. But this week something shifted slightly and I want to note it somewhere before my brain erases it, which it absolutely will. So background: I've been waking between 3 and 4am for about four months now. Sometimes I go back to sleep, sometimes I'm just... awake. Lying there. Heart going a bit fast for no reason. Brain doing that thing where it cycles through every mildly embarrassing thing I've said since 2009 and also the work presentation I have next Thursday and also whether I've booked the dentist for my youngest. You know the one. I've been trying to work out if this is anxiety or peri or just... life being a lot right now. Probably all three, honestly. But I've been keeping a rough note on my phone, nothing fancy, just a few words each morning about sleep and how I felt when I woke up. And I started noticing that the mornings I woke up feeling slightly less wrecked were the mornings after I'd eaten a proper breakfast the day before. Not even a special breakfast. Just something with actual protein in it rather than half a piece of toast grabbed while answering a school run question. So this week I made myself eat eggs or yogurt or something with a bit of substance before I opened my laptop. Every day. And I did not hit that horrible shaky wall at about half three in the afternoon that usually makes me want to cry into my keyboard. I still woke up at 3am on Tuesday. But I went back to sleep by 4, which felt like a miracle honestly. I'm not saying it's fixed anything. I'm not saying it's connected. My GP appointment is in three weeks and I'm going armed with my phone notes and a list of questions about whether any of this is hormonal because I genuinely don't know and I'm tired of not knowing. But I wanted to write this down somewhere that isn't just my notes app, because it felt worth saying out loud. If you're also doing the 3am thing and wondering if it's just you: it's not just you. That much I do know. x