went to the GP finally

I went on Tuesday. I had been putting it off since spring, partly because I was busy with my mother's situation and partly because I kept deciding it was not urgent enough. I had a list on a piece of paper, not my phone, because I knew I would not read it off a screen in the room. Weight, sleep, the low mood that has been sitting just under everything since last year, joint stiffness in the mornings. She did not dismiss any of it. That was the part I had not anticipated needing. We talked through what I had already tried, which was not much beyond the obvious things. She mentioned a few options and said the decision did not have to happen that day, which was the right thing to say. I left with a blood test form and a follow-up in six weeks. Nothing is decided. I stood in the car park for a few minutes before I drove home and I could not have told you what I was feeling. Not relief exactly. Something more like the moment before a thing starts.