53 and I cannot work out if I'm falling apart or just stressed. Every night, without fail, eyes wide open somewhere between 3 and 4am. Mind going like a washing machine. Nothing specific, just this low hum of dread about absolutely nothing. Or everything. Hard to say. I've been trying to write it down when it happens because I kept turning up to conversations with my GP and going completely blank. Last time she asked how often it was happening and I said "sometimes" like an absolute potato. It's not sometimes. It's most nights. I just couldn't pull the number out of my head in that room. So now I've got a little notes thing going on my phone. Date, what time I woke, how I felt in the morning, anything worth mentioning. It's only been a week but I'm already looking at it thinking... oh. This is actually a pattern isn't it. Not just a bad run. Also cutting back on wine on weeknights because honestly I think it was making the waking worse even if it helped me drop off. Swapping for a cup of something warm and feeling very middle aged about it. Don't know if this is peri or just life being a lot. Probably both. Appointment booked for next month and I'm going in with actual dates this time. x