7 Jun
46 and wide awake at 3am again. Third time this week. I lie there and genuinely cannot tell if something is wrong with me or if I'm just... stressed? Both? Neither? My mind isn't racing about anything specific, it's just ON. Like someone left a light on in a room I can't get to. I've started going out for a walk after tea, nothing dramatic, just round the block and sometimes a bit further if the weather isn't grim. Honestly I started it because I read something vague about it helping sleep and I was desperate enough to try anything. Jury's still out but I don't hate it, which is something. The dinner thing has been easier than I expected. I stopped trying to cook proper meals at 8pm when I'm already exhausted and just... don't. Eggs. Soup from a tin. Whatever. My teenagers think I've given up. I think I've got realistic. The bit I'm dreading is the GP. Because how do you explain this? "I wake up at 3am and feel anxious but nothing has actually happened" sounds like I need a holiday, not a doctor. I'm going to write things down beforehand because the last time I went in for something like this I walked out having described none of it properly and cried in the car park. I need actual words on paper or I will say "I'm fine, just a bit tired" and she will agree with me and that will be that. Does this 3am thing sound familiar to anyone? I genuinely can't tell what my body is doing. x