9 Jun
Okay so I almost didn't post this because it feels jinxy to say anything out loud when something is actually going okay for once. But I've been reading posts in here for a while and the ones that helped me most when I was in the really dark place were the ones where someone came back and said hey, it got a little better. So here I am. Background: I'm 53, fully in menopause, and about six weeks ago I was genuinely struggling to do anything physical. Not in a dramatic way. Just in the way where you look at the stairs and think about them for a second before you do them. Joint pain that made me feel about 80. Hot flashes wrecking my sleep. And this creeping embarrassment about how far I'd drifted from any kind of movement because I used to be pretty active and somehow I just... wasn't anymore. I didn't want to go to a gym because I didn't want to be the sweaty red-faced woman who doesn't know what she's doing next to the people who clearly do. That's just the truth. So I started stupidly small. Embarrassingly small. I started with ten minute walks. That's it. Not a workout. Not a program. Just outside, ten minutes, done. And I told myself that counted. Some days it was the only thing I did and I still wrote it down in my notes app as a win because I needed the evidence that I was doing something. After about two weeks of that I added one thing. I found a very basic beginner strength video online, no equipment, about fifteen minutes, and I did it twice in week three. I was sore in places I forgot existed. I ate some Greek yogurt and felt very proud of myself in a way that was probably disproportionate. Here's what I've noticed, and I want to be careful here because I'm not drawing conclusions, I'm just noting what I observed: my sleep has been slightly less terrible. Not fixed. Not cured. Just the edge taken off a little. I wake up less convinced that I will never feel human again. That's something. The joint pain is still there but it's a bit quieter on the days after I move. Could be coincidence. I'm tracking it. I do mobility stuff before bed now too, just some gentle stretching, maybe ten minutes. My OBGYN mentioned it at my last appointment and I ignored it for three months and then tried it and I'm annoyed it helps because I was very committed to being skeptical. I still don't feel like a fitness person. I'm not trying to become one. I just wanted to stop feeling like my body was something happening to me. Some days I still do feel that way. But some days I don't, and six weeks ago it was every day. If you're at the beginning of this and it feels impossible, I just wanted to say: stupidly small still counts. I wrote it all down and I'm glad I did. ETA: I had a protein bar after my walk this morning and I felt like a real athlete. The bar was very small. The walk was fifteen minutes. I'm counting it.