Felicity

54 and genuinely cannot work out whether I'm burning out or whether this is perimenopause or whether those two things are even separate anymore. I've been in this job fifteen years. I know it inside out. And yet last Thursday I sat in a quarterly review and I could not retrieve the word "procurement". Just... gone. Sat there nodding while my brain frantically searched the filing cabinet and came back empty. Eventually said "the buying side of things" like a person who has never worked in an office before. I've started keeping a notes doc open in every meeting, partly to actually record things, partly because writing slows me down enough that I don't lose the thread of what I was saying mid-sentence. It's helping a tiny bit. Or maybe I'm just coping better at hiding it, hard to say. The thing I keep turning over is this: I've also been working ridiculous hours for about two years, my sleep is a mess, and I've got two teenagers who treat the house like a hotel. Any one of those things could explain the fog. But something about this feels different from normal tiredness. Sharper somehow. More like a gap than a blur. I've got a GP appointment in a few weeks and I want to go in with something useful to say rather than just "I feel a bit dim at work lately". Does anyone have examples of how they described the cognitive stuff to their doctor in a way that was actually taken seriously? I've heard so many stories of being fobbed off and I'd rather go in prepared. Also started eating a proper lunch at my desk instead of just grazing on whatever's in the kitchen. No idea if it's doing anything yet but the 3pm crash has been marginally less catastrophic this week so I'm noting it. Anyone else in this limbo of not knowing what's causing what? x

54 and honestly I cannot tell if this is perimenopause, burnout, or just... being 54 in a job that never stops. I used to be the person in the room who remembered everything. Every action point, every name, every thread of a conversation. Now I'm sitting in senior leadership meetings writing notes like a first-year graduate, not because I'm being thorough, but because if I don't write it down the second it's said it is simply gone. Had a moment last week where I lost the word 'provisional'. I knew the concept perfectly, I knew what I was trying to say, my mouth just... produced nothing. Stood there in front of my director. Smiled. Said 'the, um, not-final version'. Wanted to dissolve into the carpet. The notes thing has become a bit of a coping mechanism I suppose. I do a scrappy bullet list during every meeting now and I type it up properly straight after while it's still vaguely in my head. It does help. But it also makes me feel like I'm compensating for something I can't name yet. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I want to actually describe the work impact properly, not just say 'I'm a bit foggy sometimes' and get fobbed off. So I've started jotting down specific examples. The word that disappeared. The meeting I had to re-read the minutes for twice before it clicked. Whether I'd slept badly the night before, what I'd eaten, that sort of thing. I'm also doing a protein-heavy lunch most days now, less because I read it somewhere, more because the afternoon used to be completely unworkable and this seems to dull the crash slightly. Seems. I genuinely don't know. Is anyone else in this position where you can't tell if you need a hormone conversation or a career break or just a month of proper sleep? I feel like I'm trying to solve a puzzle with half the pieces missing and no idea what the picture is supposed to look like.

Right so I'm writing this down before I talk myself out of it, because I usually only record the disasters. I had a meeting this morning. Proper one, with my manager and two people from another team, the kind where I normally spend the whole time internally panicking about losing my thread mid-sentence or going completely blank on a word that I absolutely know. Last week I forgot the word "threshold" in front of everyone and just said "the... the level where things tip" and then went red and moved on. Mortifying. But today I wrote myself a little cheat sheet before I went in. Not a script, just bullet points of the things I wanted to say, with a couple of key words jotted next to each one. It felt a bit daft honestly, like I was back at school preparing for an oral exam. But I kept it on my notepad in front of me and I just... got through it. Said what I needed to say. Didn't lose the thread. I also ate an actual lunch with some protein in it at 12:30 instead of grabbing biscuits at 3pm when my brain had already given up. I don't know which thing helped or whether it was just a good brain day, which is the annoying thing about trying to notice patterns. Could be either. Could be both. Could be neither and tomorrow I'll be back to staring at a Teams call wondering what my own name is. But I'm noting it because I've been so focused on all the ways my brain is letting me down lately that I forget to notice when something goes okay. Small thing. Still counts. x

Jun 21 · Liked post

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41 and genuinely asking because I cannot figure this out: how do you actually know if something is working? I started magnesium about six weeks ago. Sleep is... maybe slightly better? Or maybe I'm just less stressed at work right now. Or maybe I finally stopped drinking coffee after 7pm. I have no idea which thing did what and it's driving me a bit mad. I've got a notes app where I've been scribbling stuff down each night but it's just a mess of "felt tired", "woke at 4", "anxious for no reason" with no real pattern I can see. I don't know what I was expecting, some kind of graph that would tell me THE ANSWER I suppose 😂 Also the cost thing. Magnesium, vitamin D, the protein powder I bought because someone on Instagram was very convincing, the fancy probiotic... I actually added it up last month and nearly choked. And I'm not even sure any of it is doing anything. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I want to ask about interactions because I'm not totally sure what I should or shouldn't mention. Do you just read out your whole supplement list? Does your GP actually engage with that or do they look at you like you've lost the plot? Honestly I think I'd be better off just focusing on eating enough protein and not skipping meals, which I know sounds obvious but apparently I need reminding. Less glamorous than a seventeen-step supplement routine but probably cheaper. Any of you found a way to actually track this stuff that isn't just vibes? x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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46 and I've started keeping my phone face-down at 3am because if I look at the time one more night I think I'll cry. It's been weeks of this. Wide awake, heart going a bit, brain immediately spinning about nothing and everything at once. By 5 I'm dozing again and then the alarm goes and I feel like I've been hit by something. The thing is I genuinely don't know if it's peri or just... life? Work is stressful, the kids are stressful, everything is a lot. So how do I walk into a GP appointment and say "I keep waking up at 3am" without sounding like I just need a holiday? I feel like they'll look at me and say exactly that. I've been trying to get out for a walk after dinner most evenings, even just twenty minutes round the block. Not sure if it's doing anything for the sleep yet but it stops me sitting on the sofa catastrophising which I suppose is something. Before I go to the GP I want to write things down because every time I've tried to explain this kind of thing in an appointment my mind goes completely blank and I come out having said nothing useful. Does anyone have advice on how to describe symptoms that feel vague and a bit all over the place without sounding like you're being dramatic? x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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47 and I keep going back and forth in my head between the patch and the gel. Not asking anyone to tell me which to pick, honestly I just want to hear what people's actual day-to-day is like with either. Like does the patch stay put in summer? Does the gel feel weird under clothes? My GP mentioned both in the same breath and then moved on before I could ask anything useful. Side thing: I've been writing down how many flushes I'm having each day because I kept underestimating when I tried to recall them at the appointment. Turns out it's more like 8 or 9 on a bad day, not the vague "quite a few" I kept saying. Sleep's a whole other chapter. Also quietly noting my caffeine and wine intake because both seem to make evenings worse. The coffee one is genuinely gutting. Anyway. Just curious about people's patch vs gel experiences, no pressure to give me a verdict on anything x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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52 and I've started writing things down before I even get to the waiting room because the last time I sat in front of my GP my mind just went completely blank. Like, I had been awake at 3am for six nights in a row and somehow when she asked how she could help I said "I've been a bit tired" and left with a leaflet on sleep hygiene. Not this time. I've got a notes app open on my phone that I've been adding to all week. Times I woke up, how long it took to get back to sleep, whether the sweating came before or after the waking (honestly still can't tell), how I felt by mid-afternoon. It looks a bit obsessive written out like that but I genuinely cannot hold this stuff in my head anymore. The thing I really want to ask about is HRT and whether it could help with the sleep specifically. I've read a bit and I know oestrogen is involved somehow but I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like I've diagnosed myself off the internet. Has anyone managed to steer a GP conversation towards that without being fobbed off? I keep rehearsing it in my head and then worrying I'll just go quiet again the second she looks at her screen. Appointment is Thursday. Fingers crossed x

Jun 18 · Liked post

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Hi all. 58, post-menopause, finally feeling cautiously better after a rough few years. Here to listen more than talk but glad to be here x

Jun 17 · Liked post

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right so i'm 39 and i feel like i'm slowly losing my mind but in a very boring, administrative way. cycles are all over the place. i'm tired in a way that sleep doesn't fix. i googled it at midnight again last night and ended up on a forum for women in their 50s which, fine, maybe that's where i belong now?? i don't know. i feel too young to be here but my body clearly didn't get that memo. not even sure what i'm asking. just needed to say it somewhere x

Jun 17 · Liked post

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Sixty now and I keep seeing posts from women in their early forties who are absolutely terrified, and I just want to say... you come out the other side. Not perfectly. Not without things to still figure out. But you do come out. I'm seven years past my last period. Still have rubbish nights sometimes, still get the joint stiffness that makes me feel about ninety when I stand up too fast. But here's the thing nobody told me at 46 when I was a wreck: the sheer panic does lift. That particular flavour of dread goes. What I've found helps me now, not prescribing anything, just what works for me, is getting to the gym twice a week for some weights work. I started really gently and honestly felt a bit daft at first but my back is so much better for it. And I eat proper protein at breakfast, eggs mostly, nothing fancy, just stopped skipping it like I used to. Those two things changed my energy more than I expected. I also finally asked my GP about ongoing symptoms properly. Wrote a list beforehand, because I used to just forget everything the minute I walked in. She actually took it seriously and we talked about long term bone health which I'd never really asked about before. You're not done with this conversation just because the flushes have eased. That's the bit I wish someone had told me. Keep asking questions. You're allowed. x

Jun 16 · Liked post

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Philippa, 41. Not even sure this is the right place for me but I need to put this somewhere. I've spent the last year telling myself I'm just tired because of work, the kids, too much coffee, not enough sleep. Classic modern woman stuff, right? But something shifted around six months ago and I can't quite explain it. The anxiety is different. Not situational anymore, it's just... there when I wake up. A low hum of dread before I've even remembered what I'm supposed to be dreading. My cycles are all over the place. I used to be 28 days, clockwork. Now I'm getting 24, then 35, then 26. I didn't even notice for ages because who's counting at 41? I only spotted it when I started jotting things down in my notes app after a particularly grim fortnight. The caffeine thing is real too. I used to drink three coffees a day without thinking. Now one after 11am and I'm still wide awake at 1 in the morning, heart going, mind racing. That's new. That's definitely new. I've got a GP appointment next month (yes, one month, because that's where we are) and I genuinely don't know how to explain that nothing catastrophic has happened but I also don't feel like myself. I keep thinking she'll just say I'm stressed. Which, yes, I am stressed. But stressed doesn't explain the cycle thing, does it? Anyone else been in this weird in-between where you can't tell if your body is changing or your life is just too much? Would feel less like I'm making it up if so x

Jun 16 · Liked post

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Right so I don't even know how to start this because I'm not sure I belong here yet. I'm 43. My periods have gone a bit... weird. Not absent, not dramatic, just sort of off. Last month was 19 days, the month before was 35. I've started writing them down because otherwise I'd never remember and my GP always asks and I always just go blank. But here's the thing. I'm also just. knackered. Like properly bone-tired in a way that doesn't shift after a decent night. And anxious in this low-level hum way that I can't really explain to anyone without sounding like I need to get a grip. My husband thinks it's work. My mum thinks it's the kids. My brain thinks it's probably everything and also possibly nothing. I keep googling at midnight and ending up on perimenopause forums and thinking "that sounds like me" and then thinking "but you're being dramatic, loads of women feel like this at 43, this is just called being alive." Do I even ask the GP? And if I do, how do I ask without sounding like I've self-diagnosed off the internet at 1am? Because I kind of have. Also on a completely different note, does anyone else's weeknight cooking just completely fall apart by Wednesday? I used to actually make things. Now it's whatever requires the least decisions. That might be related to everything or might just be Wednesday. Hard to tell anymore. 😩

Jun 16 · Liked post

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45 and my GP looked at me like I'd asked for something wildly unreasonable when I mentioned HRT. I'd had maybe four flushes before I even sat down in the waiting room. Four! In forty minutes! She said "let's monitor it for now" which I have come to understand means "go away". I've got another appointment booked (different GP this time, fingers crossed) and I am actually writing things down beforehand this time. Flush count, when they happen, how bad the nights are. Because I went in last time and kind of... crumbled under the whole thing and forgot half of what I wanted to say. I also want to ask specifically about patches vs gel because I've read a bit and I don't fully understand the difference or whether one suits certain people better than others, and I want to hear it from a doctor rather than just google at midnight. Is that a reasonable thing to ask? Or will I just get the look again 🙄 Also been trying to avoid coffee after midday which I hate but the evening flushes do seem slightly less savage so. Silver linings I suppose. Anyway. Anyone prepped a list for their GP appointment and found it actually helped? x

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Okay so I'm doing this thing where I write down one moment each day where I felt okay in my own skin. Not great, not hot, just... okay. Because I realized I only ever notice the bad moments and then assume that's all there is. This week: wore the red top I've been avoiding. Walked to the coffee place instead of driving. Said yes to drinks with a friend I've been canceling on for months. Not calling it a comeback. Just logging it. Divorced two years ago and I'm still figuring out who I am in this body that keeps surprising me. But I'm writing the okay moments down now. That feels like something.

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Anyone tried those cooling mattress pads? Hot flashes are winning lately and I'm desperate. US recs preferred, honest reviews only please 😩

Jun 14 · Liked post

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Okay so I have an appointment coming up and I'm genuinely stressed about going in there and blanking on everything. Like I KNOW it's been bad but when someone asks me to describe it I just say "really tired" and "kind of a lot" and then leave feeling like I said nothing useful. For anyone who's prepped for this kind of appointment before... what did you actually write down? I've started a little fatigue log, just jotting when I hit a wall during the day, but I don't know if that's even the kind of thing they want to hear. Or do I need numbers? Pad counts? Both? Also on the dinner front I have fully given up on cooking anything real on bad days. Scrambled eggs and whatever's in the freezer. If anyone has iron-rich ideas that don't require me to stand at a stove for forty minutes when I can barely stand period, I will take them. 😩 Just want to walk in there with something concrete for once instead of shrugging.

Jun 13 · Liked post

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38 felt like way too young to be googling 'am I dying or is this perimenopause at 3am with my heart banging and no sleep for four nights running. I was genuinely frightened. Like properly scared in a way I hadn't been since I was a teenager and didn't know what was happening to my body. I'm posting this because I remember scrolling through forums in that state and desperately wanting someone to say it gets less terrifying. So. It got less terrifying for me. Eight weeks on from starting HRT I've been keeping rough notes, nothing fancy, just a note on my phone most mornings saying how I slept and what my mood was doing. The pattern that emerged surprised me. Sleep came back first. Then mood started to follow. Not perfectly, not in a straight line, but the jagged awful edges have softened. I've also noticed that if I do any kind of strength work I feel genuinely better the next morning if I eat something with protein after rather than just collapsing on the sofa. That's just me, just what I've clocked. Got a follow-up appointment booked and I've written down what's improved so I can actually say it clearly instead of just crying with relief in the chair. Progress to report. That's new. If you're in the frightened bit right now, I see you. I was there eight weeks ago x

Jun 13 · Liked post

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Okay so I've been in this community for a while now and I've been in a weird in-between place lately. Not terrible, not great. The hot flashes are manageable most days since my OBGYN adjusted things back in the spring, but sleep is still hit or miss and my energy crashes hard around 3pm every single day without fail. So I'm trying something this week and I'm posting it here mostly to hold myself accountable because if I just think it in my head it will not happen lol. I'm going to eat actual protein at breakfast instead of just coffee and half a granola bar. I'm going to take a short walk after dinner, like 15-20 minutes, nothing heroic. And I'm going to write down how I sleep and how the afternoon crash feels each day. That's it. Three things. I'm not calling it a protocol or a program because the second I do that I will immediately resent it and quit. I'm also not saying any of this will work. I genuinely don't know. I've seen people mention the protein breakfast thing in here before and I keep nodding along and then eating nothing until noon like an idiot. So this is me actually trying it instead of just nodding. I'll report back. Probably with complaints. But also maybe with something useful. ETA: I'm keeping notes in my phone to bring to my follow-up next month. My OBGYN asked me to track what's improved and what still needs attention and honestly I've been bad at doing that. This week I'm actually doing it. Sending love to everyone in the in-between 💙

Jun 13 · Liked post

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44 and genuinely cannot work out if I'm falling apart or just knackered. Like, is this perimenopause or have I just been grinding for fifteen years and finally hit a wall?? The thing that's got me is the words. Not dramatic stuff, just... I'll be mid-sentence in a meeting and the word evaporates. Last Tuesday it was 'provisional'. I stood there saying 'the, um, the not-final version' while my manager looked at me. I wanted to die a little bit. I've started writing everything down before I go into any meeting now. Not notes exactly, more like a little script of the key words I might need so I can glance down if my brain does that horrible blank thing. It helps? Probably looks odd but I don't care anymore. I've got a GP appointment in a few weeks and I'm actually collecting examples now. Specific ones. Dates, what I forgot, what the situation was. Because I know if I just say 'I feel foggy' she'll tell me to sleep more and send me on my way. Whereas if I say 'on the 14th I couldn't retrieve a word I use weekly, in the 18th I forgot a colleague's name mid-introduction' that feels harder to dismiss. Anyone else doing this? The gathering-evidence thing? It feels a bit mad but also like the only way I'll be taken seriously x

Jun 12 · Liked post

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Okay so something I started doing that I wish I'd done sooner: I've been taking photos of my part line every few weeks, same lighting, same spot. Not fun to look at but it means I actually have a timeline to show my OBGYN instead of just saying "it feels thinner." Also started being more intentional about protein at breakfast. Eggs, Greek yogurt, that kind of thing. Not claiming it's doing anything dramatic but it feels like one thing I can actually control right now. ETA: the beauty product noise around this stuff is exhausting. I've stopped buying anything that promises "restoration."

Jun 12 · Liked post

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49 and I genuinely don't know how to start this conversation with my husband. We've been married twenty-two years. Twenty-two years. And I cannot find the words to explain that sex has become uncomfortable in a way I don't fully understand myself yet. It's not that I don't want to be close to him. It's more that something changed without asking my permission and now I'm sort of bracing for it before it's even happened, which probably doesn't help anything. He's not the problem. He's lovely actually. That almost makes it harder to say out loud. I've been writing a few things down before my GP appointment next week because I know I'll go blank the second I sit down. Dryness, discomfort, that sort of low-level UTI feeling that comes and goes. And the libido thing, which feels like the most embarrassing one to put on paper even though I know it shouldn't. I keep crossing it out and rewriting it. Has anyone here actually managed to bring this up with their partner in a way that felt okay? And did anyone find their GP took it seriously first time? I'm half expecting to be told it's just part of getting older and to get on with it. x

Jun 11 · Liked post

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Okay so the 3pm thing. Every single day, like clockwork, I just... go. Brain offline, eyes heavy, could put my head on my desk and sleep for a week. I've had this for months and kept blaming bad nights but honestly my sleep is no worse than it's been for two years so something else is going on. I started eating more protein at breakfast a few weeks back, mainly because someone mentioned it on here and I was desperate enough to try anything. Eggs, or sometimes Greek yoghurt with nuts if I'm rushing. I won't pretend it's fixed everything but the crashes feel slightly less catastrophic? Like I still flag but I'm not dissolving at my desk. Dinner I've been trying to do the same, a proper protein thing rather than just pasta and a vague hope. It's easier for one tbh, I can just have salmon or chicken thighs and some veg and not worry about feeding anyone else. My GP appointment is coming up and I really want to talk about the energy crashes properly this time rather than mentioning them at the end as an afterthought and getting a leaflet about sleep hygiene. Has anyone managed to get bloodwork done for this kind of thing? I don't even know what to ask for. I want to go in sounding like I know what I'm talking about for once x

Jun 11 · Liked post

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Right so I am doing something I never thought I would be doing at 58, which is going to a gym and lifting actual weights. I want to write it down here partly to track it and partly because if I tell someone it is real. Background: had a DEXA scan last year, GP said my bone density was lower than she would like, and something about that just clicked for me. I have had joint pain in my knees and wrists for a couple of years and I have mostly just... not mentioned it to anyone. Got on with it. But the bone scan felt like a proper wake-up call in a way that being tired and achy never did. So I found a class at a local leisure centre, nothing fancy, just a small group strength session on Tuesday mornings. I went twice in week one and felt completely out of place. Everyone seemed to know what they were doing and I dropped a weight on the mat and went bright red. Week two I went again anyway. Week three I noticed I was not watching the clock as much. I am also logging what I eat for protein because I read somewhere that muscle needs it and I thought, well, I can at least try to have eggs or yoghurt at breakfast rather than toast and hope. Not a diet. Just noticing. The joint pain in my knees is still there. I am not claiming anything has changed on that front yet. But I feel like I am doing something rather than just waiting to get worse, which is new. Also started taking vitamin D again after the GP mentioned it. Just noting it here so I remember when I started. Anyone else come to strength training late and felt like a complete beginner surrounded by people who seem to have been doing it forever? x

Jun 16 · Replied to Community post

Thank you Cerys, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.