7 Jun
Right so I'm writing this down before I talk myself out of it, because I usually only record the disasters. I had a meeting this morning. Proper one, with my manager and two people from another team, the kind where I normally spend the whole time internally panicking about losing my thread mid-sentence or going completely blank on a word that I absolutely know. Last week I forgot the word "threshold" in front of everyone and just said "the... the level where things tip" and then went red and moved on. Mortifying. But today I wrote myself a little cheat sheet before I went in. Not a script, just bullet points of the things I wanted to say, with a couple of key words jotted next to each one. It felt a bit daft honestly, like I was back at school preparing for an oral exam. But I kept it on my notepad in front of me and I just... got through it. Said what I needed to say. Didn't lose the thread. I also ate an actual lunch with some protein in it at 12:30 instead of grabbing biscuits at 3pm when my brain had already given up. I don't know which thing helped or whether it was just a good brain day, which is the annoying thing about trying to notice patterns. Could be either. Could be both. Could be neither and tomorrow I'll be back to staring at a Teams call wondering what my own name is. But I'm noting it because I've been so focused on all the ways my brain is letting me down lately that I forget to notice when something goes okay. Small thing. Still counts. x