12 Jun
44 and genuinely cannot work out if I'm falling apart or just knackered. Like, is this perimenopause or have I just been grinding for fifteen years and finally hit a wall?? The thing that's got me is the words. Not dramatic stuff, just... I'll be mid-sentence in a meeting and the word evaporates. Last Tuesday it was 'provisional'. I stood there saying 'the, um, the not-final version' while my manager looked at me. I wanted to die a little bit. I've started writing everything down before I go into any meeting now. Not notes exactly, more like a little script of the key words I might need so I can glance down if my brain does that horrible blank thing. It helps? Probably looks odd but I don't care anymore. I've got a GP appointment in a few weeks and I'm actually collecting examples now. Specific ones. Dates, what I forgot, what the situation was. Because I know if I just say 'I feel foggy' she'll tell me to sleep more and send me on my way. Whereas if I say 'on the 14th I couldn't retrieve a word I use weekly, in the 18th I forgot a colleague's name mid-introduction' that feels harder to dismiss. Anyone else doing this? The gathering-evidence thing? It feels a bit mad but also like the only way I'll be taken seriously x