15 Jun
58 and I have got an appointment booked for next week and I am genuinely sitting here trying to work out how to say it out loud to a stranger in a white coat. I wrote some things down last night. Actual words on actual paper. Dryness. Discomfort during sex. The way I now sort of brace myself. That my husband hasn't said anything but I know he notices me flinching and the distance that's crept in because of it. I never thought I'd be the woman who couldn't talk about her own body but here I am. I kept crossing out words and rewriting them. "Painful" felt too dramatic. "Uncomfortable" felt like I was minimising it. I've landed on "sharp soreness" which is accurate and somehow easier to hand over on a piece of paper than to actually say. I read somewhere that GPs respond better when you're specific so I've also written down roughly how long this has been going on (longer than I admitted to myself, honestly) and that it's affecting my relationship in ways that are hard to describe. I don't know what I'm hoping they'll say. I just know I can't keep pretending everything's fine when it isn't. Husband thinks I'm writing a shopping list. I am. Just not that kind of list. x