7d ago
56 and I have an actual date on Friday. A real one. With a man I met at a friend's birthday who seemed genuinely interested and I have no idea what to do with that information. The divorce was finalised two years ago and I have mostly been fine, getting on with things, repainting the spare room, joining a book club, all that reinvention stuff. But this is different. This is someone wanting to take me to a wine bar and look at me across a table. I've got a GP appointment booked for next week and I've been writing things down for it because I know myself, I'll get in there and forget everything. The dryness. The fact that my confidence has gone so strange, not depressed exactly, just... quieter than I used to be. How it affects intimacy, or the thought of intimacy. I want to actually say those words out loud to someone medical rather than hinting around them for ten minutes. So I'm going in with a list this time. For Friday I'm eating properly beforehand because I've noticed if I don't I flag by eight o'clock and become a slightly glazed version of myself. Nothing complicated, just something that actually sustains me rather than half a piece of toast and good intentions. I don't know where I'm going with this post. I think I just wanted to tell someone. It's terrifying and also a tiny bit exciting and I haven't felt that in a while. x