Holly

Fifty-six, divorced two years ago, and I have somehow ended up with a date next Friday. An actual date. With a man I met at a quiz night who laughed at the same terrible joke I did. I should be pleased. I am pleased. I am also completely terrified and have spent three days catastrophising about whether my body will decide to do something humiliating at exactly the wrong moment. The dryness. The random flushes. The fact that I have not felt remotely like myself in, I don't know, eighteen months at least. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I've been writing things down beforehand because last time I went in I forgot half of what I wanted to say the second I sat down. This time I want to actually talk about the stuff I keep glossing over. The confidence. The intimacy worries. The bits that feel too private to say out loud but are genuinely affecting my life now that my life has, unexpectedly, started moving again. I've also started eating properly before evenings out rather than just having half a cereal bar and hoping for the best. Ridiculous that it took me this long to notice that crashing blood sugar does not make me feel sparkly and fun. It makes me feel anxious and pale and like I want to go home. Anyway. Just wanted to say it somewhere. We exist, us lot, starting over at an age nobody really writes the instruction manual for. x

56 and I have an actual date on Friday. A real one. With a man I met at a friend's birthday who seemed genuinely interested and I have no idea what to do with that information. The divorce was finalised two years ago and I have mostly been fine, getting on with things, repainting the spare room, joining a book club, all that reinvention stuff. But this is different. This is someone wanting to take me to a wine bar and look at me across a table. I've got a GP appointment booked for next week and I've been writing things down for it because I know myself, I'll get in there and forget everything. The dryness. The fact that my confidence has gone so strange, not depressed exactly, just... quieter than I used to be. How it affects intimacy, or the thought of intimacy. I want to actually say those words out loud to someone medical rather than hinting around them for ten minutes. So I'm going in with a list this time. For Friday I'm eating properly beforehand because I've noticed if I don't I flag by eight o'clock and become a slightly glazed version of myself. Nothing complicated, just something that actually sustains me rather than half a piece of toast and good intentions. I don't know where I'm going with this post. I think I just wanted to tell someone. It's terrifying and also a tiny bit exciting and I haven't felt that in a while. x

Fifty-six and back on the dating apps. I genuinely never thought I'd type that sentence. Divorce came through eighteen months ago and I spent most of last year just... existing. Keeping the house going, keeping myself going. Not much more than that. But something shifted a bit recently and a friend basically bullied me (lovingly) into signing up to one of the apps. So here I am. Had a first date last week. Actual dinner, not just a coffee. And the days beforehand I was in a complete state. Not about him particularly, just about my body being so unpredictable now. The dryness is something I've never had to think about before and suddenly it's this enormous thing in my head. The flushes. The way I can look completely fine and then feel like I'm radiating heat from my face for no reason. I kept thinking, how do I explain any of this to someone new? Do I even have to? Date was fine by the way. He was perfectly nice. Nothing earth-shattering but I got through it and I didn't die, so. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I've been writing things down beforehand because last time I felt so flustered I forgot half of what I wanted to say. I want to talk about the dryness properly this time. I've been embarrassed about mentioning it but I'm going to make myself. Also want to raise how much this is all affecting my confidence, because I don't think I've ever said that out loud to a doctor. That it's not just physical. It's this whole layer of feeling like my body is somehow working against me at the exact moment I'm trying to start again. Anyone else navigating this? Dating after a long marriage while your body is doing completely new and frankly inconvenient things? I could do with knowing I'm not the only one 😊 x

Right. So. Divorced two years ago and I have somehow, against all odds, agreed to go on an actual date next Saturday. A real one. With a man who seems nice and has all his own teeth as far as I can tell from his profile photo. I am 56. My body is doing things I cannot predict. Last week I got a hot flush in Waitrose so severe I had to stand next to the frozen peas for four minutes. FOUR MINUTES. This is the reality I am bringing to a wine bar in Guildford. I have a GP appointment booked for the week before (already writing down what I want to say because I always go blank the second I sit down, the private stuff especially, the stuff about dryness and how that whole area of my life has felt like it belongs to someone else for about eighteen months). I want to actually say it out loud this time instead of just mentioning my sleep and leaving. In the meantime I am trying to eat something proper before I go out rather than being so anxious I skip dinner and then have two glasses of wine on an empty stomach and cry in the Uber home. That has happened. I am not proud. Does it get less terrifying? Please tell me it gets less terrifying x

Holly, 56. Divorced two years ago and I've got a date on Friday. An actual date. With an actual man I met at a pub quiz who seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying and not just waiting for his turn to talk. And I am absolutely terrified. Not of him, particularly. More of... me. This body that I don't fully recognise anymore. The dryness that I've only half-addressed. The way my confidence just falls off a cliff at about 8pm when I'm tired. I keep thinking, what if I get there and I just feel invisible? What if I've forgotten how to do this? I've been making notes before my next GP appointment because there are things I need to actually say out loud to her rather than gloss over. The intimacy stuff. The confidence stuff. I always end up talking about the flushes and going quiet about everything else. Not this time. In the meantime I'm trying to eat something proper before I go out on Friday rather than arriving hungry and anxious and running on half a glass of wine. Last time I had a social thing I skipped dinner and felt dreadful by nine. Lesson learned. Anyway. Just wanted to say it somewhere. Nervous but going. 🤞

Right. I've been lurking here for a while and I think I just need to actually write this out because it's been rattling around in my head and I can't talk to my friends about it without feeling like I'm being ridiculous. I'm 56, divorced two years ago after a very long marriage, and I have recently, tentatively, started dating again. Which is terrifying. Not in a dramatic way, just in a very quiet, constant, oh god what am I doing kind of way. The thing is, my body is doing its own thing at the same time. Hot flushes at inconvenient moments. Dryness that I am not going to describe in detail but that makes the idea of intimacy feel complicated in a way it never used to. A confidence that comes and goes like bad signal. Some days I feel quite good about myself, I put on something I like, I go for a walk, I think, actually, I'm alright. Other days I look in the mirror and feel completely invisible, like menopause has made me disappear from the world a bit. I had a date last week. He was perfectly nice. We had a drink, we talked, it was fine. And the whole time I was sitting there I was half present and half doing this internal running commentary: are you flushing right now, is your face red, does he find you attractive, do you even care if he does, what would happen if this went further, what would you even do. I haven't talked to my GP about the confidence stuff. I've mentioned the flushes and the physical bits but not the way it's affecting how I feel about being seen. I think I need to, actually. I'm going to write it down before my next appointment so I don't bottle it when I'm in the room. I don't really have a question. I think I just wanted to say it somewhere. Does anyone else feel like they're trying to start again while simultaneously not quite recognising themselves? Because that's where I am. x

So I switched to the patch back in early spring because the gel was just not fitting into my mornings anymore. Kept forgetting it, kept rushing, kept feeling like I was managing a whole extra project before coffee. The first couple weeks on the patch were fine, mostly. One afternoon where I felt genuinely strange and irritable in a way I could not pin on anything, and I was checking the edge of the patch every time I got out of the shower like it was a parking meter. By week five something shifted. I stopped waking up at odd hours feeling overheated and annoyed at the ceiling. I still have hot flushes during the day, not gone, but shorter. The bigger thing is that I finished two books last month, which sounds small but I had not been able to stay with a story for more than a few pages without drifting. My garden is also getting more attention because I am actually sleeping enough to want to be outside. I have a follow-up in six weeks and I am keeping a little notes document because I know myself and I will walk in there and say everything is fine when I have forgotten half of it.

what changed after I switched, and what didn't

I want to write this out while it's still fresh because I kept searching for real accounts before I made the change and mostly found either horror stories or people who said it fixed everything. I switched about eight weeks ago after two years of irregular cycles and a lot of disrupted sleep. The first month was uneven. I had a week where I felt more like myself than I had in a long time, followed by a week where I was so tired I cried in the Target parking lot for no particular reason. I did not read too much into either. The sleep is genuinely better now. Not every night, but most nights I get a stretch that feels like actual rest. The joint pain in my knees is still there in the mornings. I had hoped that might shift and it hasn't much. My mood is more stable in a way that's hard to describe except to say that I feel less like I'm managing myself constantly. What I didn't expect was how long it would take to trust the improvement. I kept waiting for it to reverse. It mostly hasn't.

Jun 20 · Liked post

Community post

48 and I've been tracking my cycles for about four months because they started doing things I didn't expect. Shorter, then longer, then a 19-day one that made me think I'd miscounted. I have an appointment next month and I want to actually ask useful questions instead of just nodding along. Does anyone have a list of things they brought up that made the conversation feel productive? I tend to either over-explain or go blank. ETA: I'm not sure if I want bloodwork or just answers. Both maybe. I just want to not feel like I'm being dramatic about a thing that is clearly a thing.

Jun 20 · Liked post

Community post

Hello everyone. I've been lurking here for a few weeks and I finally feel brave enough to ask this because I genuinely don't know how to handle it. I have a GP appointment coming up and I really want to talk about dryness and some discomfort I've been having, but every time I rehearse it in my head I just... freeze. I'm 59 and I've been with my husband for over thirty years and I still can't seem to say it out loud to a doctor without wanting to disappear into the floor. Which is ridiculous, I know. It's not just dryness either. There's a sort of rawness that comes and goes, and a couple of times I've had what felt like a UTI but the test came back clear, which apparently can be a thing? I read something about that here last week actually. And the libido piece, well. I don't even know where to start with that one. My husband is kind about it but I can tell it's affecting us and I hate that. I've been writing things down so I don't bottle it when I'm actually in the room. Things like: when it started, how often it bothers me, what it feels like, the UTI-type symptoms. I want to ask about local oestrogen because I've seen it mentioned here a lot, but I don't even know if I'm using the right words or whether my GP will just brush past it. Has anyone found a way to bring this up that doesn't feel mortifying? Or even just a way of framing it so the GP takes it seriously? I'd be so grateful. x

Jun 19 · Liked post

Community post

Right so I got my DEXA results back last week and I've been sitting with them ever since trying to work out how I feel. Osteopenia. Not osteoporosis, the GP was keen to point out. But also not fine. And I think I needed to hear something concrete because I've been vaguely worrying about my bones for about two years and doing absolutely nothing about it. I'm 57, been postmenopausal since 53, on HRT the whole time. I genuinely thought that meant I was sorted on the bone front. Apparently it's more complicated than that, which my GP did explain but I'm not sure I fully took in at the time. So now I've got a list of questions for my next appointment. Things like: what does this score actually mean for fracture risk over the next decade, when do I need another scan, is my current HRT doing what we hoped, and is there anything else I should be doing alongside it. Meanwhile I've started walking every day. Not dramatically far. Just actually doing it instead of meaning to. And I've been thinking about food differently since the scan, more calcium-rich stuff, sardines, fortified oat milk, cheese (genuinely delighted that cheese is on the right side of this), and trying to get outside for the vitamin D even when it's grim out. I don't know. It's not a crisis. But the scan made it real in a way that the vague worry never did. Anyone else had a DEXA that kind of woke them up a bit? x

Jun 19 · Liked post

Community post

Right, I need to say this somewhere because I genuinely cannot say it out loud yet. I didn't know this could happen. I knew about hot flushes and mood stuff. Nobody told me that intimacy could just... change. That it could start to feel uncomfortable and then I'd quietly start avoiding it and my husband would think it was him and I wouldn't know how to explain that it isn't, because I don't really have the words for it. I've got a GP appointment in two weeks and I've been trying to write it down so I don't go in there and say "I'm fine" like I always do. It feels embarrassing even writing it privately. But I'm tired of pretending it isn't happening. x

Jun 19 · Liked post

Community post

Honestly asking because I can't work it out anymore. Is it peri or is it burnout? Or both? Because I've been managing a team for four years and I've never once lost a word mid-sentence in a meeting. Now it happens at least twice a week and I just stand there going 'the... the thing... you know the document' while everyone waits. I'm 51, periods all over the place, so the peri bit is probably true. But I'm also exhausted in a way that feels more like I've been running on empty since 2020 than anything hormonal. What I've started doing, and I have no idea if it's helping yet, is actually eating a proper lunch with some protein in it instead of grabbing a cereal bar at my desk at 2pm. The 3pm blank-brain feeling was genuinely affecting my afternoon calls. A colleague mentioned it offhand and I thought fine, worth trying. Chicken, eggs, whatever's easy. A couple of weeks in and the afternoon crashes might be slightly less brutal? Hard to say. I'm seeing my GP next month and I want to be able to say something concrete rather than 'I feel a bit foggy'. So I've started writing down when it happens at work, what kind of slip it was, whether I'd slept badly. Building a picture. Not sure what she'll say but I'd rather go in with something than nothing. Does anyone else find it hard to separate the two? The burnout and the hormones feel so tangled up I can't tell where one ends. x

Jun 19 · Liked post

Community post

38 and I've finally booked a GP appointment for next week and I am already panicking about it. Not about what she'll say. About the fact that the second I sit down in that room my brain will go completely blank and I'll come out having described literally nothing useful and she'll send me home with "have you tried sleep hygiene" and I'll want to cry in the car park. So I've started writing things down this week. Like actually logging what happens each night because otherwise I genuinely cannot tell you when it started or how often it happens. Three weeks ago I would have said "oh it's occasional" but looking at what I've written? It's been almost every single night since the beginning of the month. I wake up at around 3am, heart going, completely wired, and then I lie there for an hour or two catastrophising about things that don't even feel real in the morning. I'm going to take the notes in with me. Printed out. Because I know myself and I know I'll hand her a vague wave of my hand and say "yeah just a bit anxious I suppose" and that'll be that. Does anyone have advice on what to actually say? Like the specific words that make a GP take this seriously rather than just nod and move on x

Jun 19 · Liked post

Community post

Right so this is a bit of a milestone for me and I'm writing it here because I need to mark it somewhere. I have an appointment with my GP next Thursday. And for the first time in about three years of quietly suffering through what I can only describe as my body becoming a completely alien thing, I have actually written down the symptoms I'm too embarrassed to say out loud in a six-minute appointment. Dryness. Real, uncomfortable, sometimes honestly painful dryness. The fact that intimacy has changed in a way I haven't known how to explain to my husband, let alone a doctor. The UTI-like feelings that come and go. The way I've sort of just... quietly stopped wanting things I used to want, and told myself that was fine, that was just getting older. I wrote it all down on a notes app last night. Took me about twenty minutes because I kept deleting sentences and rewriting them in slightly less mortifying language. But it's there now. I've even got a question about local oestrogen because I read something in a thread here a few weeks ago and it stuck with me. I don't know if anything will come of Thursday. I've been fobbed off before with 'that's just how it is' and I've smiled and nodded and gone home and cried a bit. But having it written down feels like I'm taking myself seriously, even if nobody else does yet. Small step. Enormous for me personally. Just wanted to say it somewhere. x

Jun 19 · Liked post

Community post

I've been meaning to post this for a while because I made such a mess of my first GP appointment on this subject and I don't want anyone else to do the same. I went in and said something like 'things feel a bit different, intimate-wise' and then went completely blank when she looked at me. I came out with nothing useful and felt embarrassed for days. So before my next appointment I sat down and actually wrote things out. Not in vague language. Specific things. When the discomfort started. Whether it was constant or only at certain times. Whether I'd noticed anything with UTI-type symptoms even when tests came back clear. Whether my confidence had changed, not just physically but in how I felt about myself generally. Writing it down in plain language before I got into that room made an enormous difference. I didn't perform being fine. I handed over my notes and said 'I've written it here because I knew I'd forget.' She read them. We had an actual conversation. I also wrote down the question I actually wanted answered, which was whether local oestrogen was something worth discussing for my specific symptoms. Having it written meant I didn't bottle it. If any of this is familiar and you've been putting off the appointment, I'd just say: write it down first. The private stuff especially. You don't have to say it out loud if that's easier. x

Jun 18 · Liked post

Community post

Hi. First post. I'm Shazia, 58, been married a long time, and something shifted in the last year or so that I genuinely didn't see coming. Intimacy just sort of... stopped feeling like something I wanted, and then it started feeling uncomfortable, and I didn't say anything to anyone including my husband because honestly where do you even begin. I found this room and sat with it for a while before posting. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I'm trying to work out how to say any of this out loud without going bright red and changing the subject. Writing it down here feels like a start. Glad this place exists x

Jun 18 · Liked post

Community post

ok so I have officially tried everything. not really but it feels like it this week alone I have: eaten porridge with protein powder in it (texture of wallpaper paste, 0/10), done a 10 minute walk after dinner in the rain because apparently that's A Thing now, stared at an instagram reel telling me to "eat like your hormones are watching" which I think means no fun ever, and spent 45 minutes reading about seed cycling which I still don't fully understand the walk was actually fine. I will admit that. I didn't want to go and then I went and I didn't hate it. that's as close to a wellness win as I'm getting this month the porridge though. I persevered for four days. four days of beige sludge before I admitted defeat and went back to toast. except now I feel guilty about the toast because apparently bread is basically poison after 45 and I'm 50 so presumably I should be composting myself the thing that gets me is the sheer volume of conflicting information. one person says eat more protein, another says cut carbs, another says cut carbs but only certain carbs, someone else says fasting, someone else says never fast, it's hormonal chaos. I just want to not crash at 3pm and maybe fit back into my work trousers. that's the whole brief. it's not complicated I'm genuinely trying to find one or two things that are doable for normal life, not a full personality overhaul. if anyone has cracked the afternoon energy thing without spending a fortune or becoming a different person I am all ears. sending solidarity to everyone else drowning in the instagram noise x

Jun 18 · Liked post

Community post

Right so I've been putting off writing this for weeks but here we go. I have a GP appointment next Thursday and I genuinely cannot decide how to start the conversation. The thing is every time I go in, I end up talking about the sleep and the hot flushes and the brain fog and by the time we've done all that the appointment is basically over and I've said nothing about the other stuff. The stuff that's actually affecting me and my husband more than I let on. I don't even have the right words for it. Like, how do you say "everything feels different and not in a good way and I'm not sure I recognise my own body anymore" without it sounding dramatic? I've been trying to write it down beforehand which helps a bit. I've seen people mention here that they literally hand their GP a list and I'm thinking I might actually do that this time because left to my own devices I will absolutely chicken out and just nod when she asks if everything else is fine. I've written "dryness, discomfort, not wanting to" on a piece of paper and then folded it up and put it in my bag. Progress I suppose. Has anyone actually managed to have this conversation with their GP without wanting to dissolve into the floor? Did they take it seriously? I'm on the NHS so I know time is short but I'm hoping if I go in with notes she'll understand I've thought about this and I'm not just being dramatic. I'm 49 and I feel like I've been quietly managing this for two years and I'm a bit tired of that now. Any words of wisdom gratefully received. Or just solidarity. Either works x

Jun 17 · Liked post

Community post

I don't really do posts like this but I need to put it somewhere. I've been married for twenty-eight years. We're fine. We're good, actually. But for the past eighteen months or so something has shifted and I haven't been able to say it plainly to anyone, including my husband, including my GP. The dryness is bad. It's been bad for a while. Intimacy has become something I quietly dread rather than something I want, and I hate that. I hate that it crept up on me without any warning and I hate that I've just been silently accommodating it rather than saying anything. My husband knows something is off but I haven't given him the actual words and I don't know why. Probably because saying it out loud makes it real and also because I was raised in a generation where you just got on with things and didn't discuss your body in any detail with anyone. I finally have a GP appointment next week. I've written down what I want to say because I know myself and I know I'll walk in there and talk about something else entirely if I don't have it written. I've got a list. Symptoms, how long, how it's affecting things. I read about something called GSM which I'd never heard of before and I'm going to ask about that specifically because having a name for it made me feel slightly less like I was just falling apart. I'm also going to try to talk to my husband this weekend. Properly. I've been putting it off and it's not fair on either of us. I don't know why I'm posting this. I think I just needed someone to know before I walk into that room. Thanks for being here x

Jun 16 · Liked post

Community post

42 and I have basically become a woman made entirely of Post-it notes. Every meeting I go into now, I've got a little notebook open on the table. Used to think people who did that were just being performative. Now I understand. If I don't write the word down the second it comes to me, it is gone. Not misplaced. Gone. Like it was never there. Had a one-to-one with my manager last week and she asked me to summarise the Q3 priorities and I just... sat there. Four seconds of absolute silence that felt like four minutes. I could see the shape of what I wanted to say, I just couldn't find the actual words. Eventually got there but honestly I wanted to cry in the car on the way home. I've started prepping a rough bullet list before any meeting that matters. Just three or four points so I've got something to anchor to if my brain decides to go offline mid-sentence. It does help. Not a cure, just a handrail. Also noticed the worst of it hits around 3pm. I've started keeping some mixed nuts and a bit of dark chocolate at my desk because the afternoon crash seems to make the fog so much worse and at least if I've eaten something I can half function until I get home. I want to talk to my GP about it but I feel a bit daft saying "I forgot a word in a meeting" like that's a medical complaint. Is that enough to bring up? Has anyone actually managed to explain the work impact in a way that got taken seriously? x

Jun 16 · Liked post

Community post

51 and something shifted this year that I can't quite explain. I've always been the one in meetings who remembers everything, who finishes other people's sentences, who catches the thing nobody wrote down. And now I'm the one who stops mid-sentence and just... floats there. Yesterday I completely lost the word 'procurement'. I work in procurement. I've worked in procurement for eleven years. I smiled and said 'sorry, brain's a bit slow today' and everyone laughed and moved on, but inside I was mortified. It's happening more and more and I'm starting to dread speaking up in front of senior people in case I just go blank. I've been wondering whether this is peri or whether I've just burned myself out, because honestly it could be either. Maybe both. I don't know. I started keeping a little note in my phone before meetings, just words I might need. Feels a bit ridiculous at 51 but it genuinely helps. Also trying to sort out my sleep because I read somewhere that's where memory consolidation happens and I've been getting about five broken hours which can't be helping. Has anyone actually gone to their GP and described it in work terms? Like specifically said 'this is affecting my job'? I feel like if I just say 'a bit forgetful' they'll tell me to drink more water. But if I said I nearly lost my thread presenting to the board last month, that feels more... real? I'm trying to frame it properly before I make an appointment x

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

Okay so I had my surgery in March and nobody prepared me for the fact that menopause would just... arrive. Like, overnight. I didn't get a slow build, no gradual changes, no years of perimenopause to adjust. I went to sleep one person and woke up someone who sweats through her sheets and cries at dog food commercials. And now every time I try to find info or connect with other women it's all about the slow fade into menopause and I'm sitting here like... that is not my story at all. I went from zero to full menopause in about 48 hours. It's disorienting in a way I don't have good words for yet. I have a specialist follow-up in two weeks and I've been writing down questions because I know I'll blank the second I sit down in that office. Mostly around what to expect given my specific surgery timeline, whether certain symptoms are normal at this stage of recovery, stuff like that. If anyone has navigated a post-surgical follow-up and has questions they wish they'd asked, I would genuinely love to hear them. Also on a completely different note, my appetite has been so weird since surgery. Everything sounds like too much. The only things that have felt okay are soft scrambled eggs and soup. Just noting that in case anyone else is in early recovery and wondering if that's normal.

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

Right so I've got a GP appointment next week and I've decided I'm actually going to write things down this time instead of sitting there going "oh it's fine, I'm fine, everything's fine" and then crying in the car park afterwards. I've been noting the dryness stuff, the times it's been uncomfortable, a couple of moments where I nearly said something to my husband and then didn't. Just bullet points on my phone. Nothing dramatic. I read somewhere on here (think it was a thread a few weeks back) that someone brought a list and the GP actually seemed to take them more seriously. I don't know if that's true but I'm trying it. Mostly I just want to ask about local oestrogen options without feeling like I have to justify why I'm bothered by this. Because I am bothered. Quite a lot actually. I just got very good at pretending otherwise. Anyone else do this before appointments? Does it help? x

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

Right, I've decided to actually write things down instead of just complaining about them. Sleep is still patchy even years after my last period and I want to bring something concrete to my GP rather than just "I'm tired". This week I'm noting what time I go up, whether I wake in the night and roughly how long for, and how I feel by mid-morning. Also jotting down whether I did my walk or any weights that day, because I have a hunch there's a connection but I genuinely don't know yet. Not calling it an experiment. Just writing things down. Will report back if I notice anything interesting. Anyone else still tracking sleep this far post-menopause? x

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

Okay so I'm doing this thing where I write down one moment each day where I felt okay in my own skin. Not great, not hot, just... okay. Because I realized I only ever notice the bad moments and then assume that's all there is. This week: wore the red top I've been avoiding. Walked to the coffee place instead of driving. Said yes to drinks with a friend I've been canceling on for months. Not calling it a comeback. Just logging it. Divorced two years ago and I'm still figuring out who I am in this body that keeps surprising me. But I'm writing the okay moments down now. That feels like something.

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

Patricia, 46, peri. Can I just ask what people are actually eating for breakfast because I am so bored of myself. I have been the same weight for two years and then suddenly in the last six months I have gone up about half a stone without changing anything obvious and I genuinely do not know what to tell my GP when she asks. Like, has anything changed? No? Sort of? I don't know how to explain it. Anyway. I am not looking for a diet. I really, really am not. I cannot face another thing that involves a spreadsheet or cutting out entire food groups or spending forty quid on protein powder that tastes like chalk. What I am actually trying is just having something with a bit more protein in the morning rather than toast and hoping for the best. Eggs when I have time, which is not always. Sometimes just a bit of leftover chicken on toast which sounds grim but actually keeps me going until lunch without wanting to eat my own hand. Trying to keep it cheap because we are not flush and I have two kids who also need feeding. If anyone has genuinely budget-friendly ideas that are not a complete faff I would be so grateful. Nothing fancy. Just real food that doesn't cost a fortune and doesn't require me to become a different person. x

Jun 14 · Liked post

Community post

Has anyone here actually compared the different lubricants available on the NHS? Asking for myself, obviously. Honest opinions only please, no need to be polite about it x

Jun 19 · Replied to Community post

Oh love, the pasta over the sink made me laugh out loud because YES. That is absolutely self-care. I'm 56 and two years out from my divorce and I remember that exact mirror moment, just standing there thinking whose body is this and why is it sweating. The morning walks are doing something real, I promise. Something about moving before anyone needs anything from you. Really glad your doctor was decent. That makes such a difference. x

Jun 18 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially peri_erica. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 18 · Replied to Community post

Oh love, yes. I didn't have surgery but I remember reading all those 'gradual transition over years' pieces and thinking they were describing someone else's life entirely. Your point about the research is so valid and honestly a really good thing to write down before your appointment. The notes on your phone idea is brilliant, I always forget everything the second I walk through the door. x

Jun 17 · Replied to Community post

Thank you peri_erica, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 14 · Replied to Community post

I had a slightly different experience, just to add another angle. My GP was actually quite receptive when I just described how it felt, even without a detailed log. So don't panic if you haven't captured every instance. But I think having specific examples can only help, especially if you've been fobbed off before. Hope the appointment goes well x

Jun 12 · Replied to Community post

Thank you peri_erica, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 11 · Replied to Community post

Oh love, this made me properly well up a bit. I'm 56 and two years out of my marriage and the mirror cataloguing thing... I did exactly that before my first date back. Every single line and soft bit. And then I wore the dress anyway and it was fine, it was more than fine actually. The walking beforehand is such a good call, I do that too, it's the only thing that gets me out of my head and back into myself. And yes, absolutely talk to your GP before things progress, I had that conversation and honestly it was so much less awkward than I'd built it up to be. He texted! That's the bit. He texted. x

Jun 11 · Replied to Community post

Is it just me or is the "is it the thing or just chance" question the most maddening part of all of this? I've been trying to do at least four to six weeks before drawing any conclusions, and even then I'm not sure. Take the list to your GP, I did and while she wasn't an expert on supplements she appreciated having it written down. Good luck with the appointment x

Jun 7 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially peri_erica. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 7 · Replied to Community post

Good luck next week. I remember sitting in that chair and just going completely blank, nodded along to things I didn't even agree with. The list is a good idea. And for what it's worth, 'this feels different from stress I've had before' is a really useful thing to actually say out loud in the room. Sounds obvious but I never managed it until the third appointment. x