5d ago
Okay so. 48 and newly single and I genuinely thought the hard part was going to be the divorce. Turns out the hard part is standing in front of my mirror on a Friday night trying to convince myself I look fine when my body feels like a stranger's. Like... I know this body. I grew up in it. And now it has opinions I didn't ask for, sweats through my good shirt, and apparently does not care that I have a date. I've been walking every morning this week, not for weight or whatever, just because it's the one hour of the day where I feel like myself again. Something about moving before the world starts. I don't know. It helps. I made a note before my last appointment about the stuff I couldn't say out loud easily. The dryness. The thing where I feel zero desire and then suddenly feel like a normal person again for four days and then zero again. My doctor was actually great about it, didn't rush me, which I wasn't expecting. Still figuring out next steps but I felt less invisible after. The date went fine btw. I ate leftover pasta standing over the sink beforehand because apparently that's self-care now. 😂 Trying to feel attractive without faking it. Some days closer than others.