11 Jun
Okay so here's where I'm at. 48, perimenopause, newly single after 14 years, and I went on an actual date last Saturday. I spent the whole week beforehand doing this thing where I'd look in the mirror and just... catalogue everything that's changed. The softer belly. The skin that doesn't quite bounce back. The way I sweat now at completely random moments. And I kept thinking, how do I show up for this man when I barely recognize myself? But here's what happened. I put on the dress I bought on impulse six months ago and never wore. I walked three miles that morning because movement is the one thing that makes me feel like I'm IN my body instead of just stranded in it. I ate something real beforehand so I wasn't running on anxiety and half a granola bar. And I was... fine? Like actually present. Not performing confidence I don't have, not pretending the hot flashes aren't real, just showing up as this slightly flustered, kind of funny, genuinely interesting 48-year-old woman. He texted the next day. I don't know what any of it means yet. But I'm writing this down because I want to remember that I didn't have to pretend. That part felt important. Also I need to actually talk to my doctor about the dryness situation before this goes any further because THAT is a whole other conversation I am not ready to have with a stranger 😅