12 Jun
Okay so this is embarrassing to even type but. I went for a walk yesterday. Just around the block, maybe 15 minutes, nothing. And I came home in a genuinely better mood than I left in. Not fixed. Still tired, still achey, still dreading the pile of stuff on my desk. But like... less underwater? I don't know how to explain it. I've been so stuck in this loop where I know I should move more and then I don't and then I feel worse and then moving feels even more impossible. The gym thing is completely off the table for me right now. I walked past one last month and just the music pumping through the door made me want to lie down on the sidewalk. That is not where I am. What I've been doing instead is the dumbest, most un-impressive thing: short walk after lunch when I can. That's it. Some days I skip it. But when I do go, something shifts a little. Not the fatigue, that's still there. Not the weight, obviously. But the mood thing is real and I'm going to keep paying attention to it. Also started doing like ten minutes of slow stretching before bed because my hips have been so stiff in the mornings it's genuinely alarming. Again, nothing dramatic. But I sleep a little better on the nights I do it vs. the nights I don't, and that feels worth something. I do want to ask my doctor at my next appointment about the fatigue piece specifically. Like, is this a safe level of tired to be exercising through, or am I pushing against something that needs addressing first? I genuinely don't know and I don't want to make things worse by forcing it.