4d ago
Okay so I've been walking. Not like, training for anything. Just... walking. Three times this week I just put my shoes on and went around the block and came back. That's it. And I don't know how to explain this but my mood on those days was noticeably less terrible? Like nothing is fixed. My joints still ache, I'm still exhausted by 2pm, I still look at my reflection and feel like a stranger. But there's something about those 15 minutes where I'm not actively spiraling. I also did two of those beginner strength videos. The ones where the instructor is not screaming at you. I had to stop and rest more than I expected and honestly felt a little embarrassed even though I was alone in my living room, which is a whole thing I'm not going to unpack right now. I have a doctor's appt coming up and I want to ask about the fatigue piece specifically because I genuinely cannot tell if I'm hitting a real limit or if I'm just deconditioned or both. I don't want her to just tell me to exercise more without acknowledging that exercising when you feel like this is not the same as exercising when you feel normal. Those are different things. Anyway. The walks are helping something even if I can't name exactly what. Grabbing a real lunch after instead of just crackers. Small stuff. Posting this mostly so I don't talk myself out of continuing.