5d ago
44 and genuinely can't work out if what's happening to my brain is perimenopause or just... five years of too much. My job involves a lot of talking. Presenting to senior people. Sounding like I know things. And lately I've been standing in front of a room and the word just goes. Not a complicated word either. Last week it was "procurement". I've said procurement about four hundred times in my career and it disappeared completely. I stood there and said "the buying people" and moved on like I'd meant to. I've started keeping a notes doc open in every meeting, not for the meeting, for me. Little prompts to myself. Names of people I know I'll blank on. Words I might need. It feels slightly mad but it's got me through a few things without anyone noticing, I think. The thing I genuinely don't know is whether this is hormonal or whether I'm just burnt out and need a holiday and some sleep. Both feel plausible. Both feel equally unfair. I've got a GP appointment in a few weeks and I'm trying to write down actual examples because I know I'll sit there and say "I'm just a bit fuzzy" and she'll say "aren't we all" and that'll be that. So I'm keeping a list. "Forgot the word procurement in a board meeting." "Called my manager by the wrong name twice." "Lost the thread of my own sentence mid-presentation." Has anyone else tried to figure out where burnout ends and peri begins? Because from the inside they look identical to me.