14 Jun
44 and my ovaries are just... gone. Like, medically gone, not gradually winding down the way every article and podcast assumes. So when I try to use any of those "track your cycle to spot patterns" tools I just stare at them because there is no cycle. There is just: before surgery, and then this. The symptom diary I started is helping a little but I had to basically build my own format because everything out there is designed for someone whose body is doing a slow fade. Mine did a hard stop. I'm logging hot flashes, sleep quality, and what my mood actually felt like (not just "good" or "bad", like actually what flavor of bad) because I have a follow-up coming and I refuse to sit there and say "I don't know, it's been fine I guess." Food is weird right now. My appetite comes and goes and when it's gone it's really gone. I've been making myself eat something with protein even when nothing sounds good because I noticed I bottom out hard by afternoon if I don't. Eggs, Greek yogurt, whatever. Nothing exciting. My list for the appointment is getting long. Mostly questions about what "normal" even means for surgical menopause specifically, not the general menopause stuff, because I keep getting handed information that doesn't quite fit. Anyone else had to push for that distinction? Would really like to know I'm not the only one rebuilding the map from scratch.