I've been lurking for a few weeks without posting because honestly I didn't want to jinx anything. But I think I need to come back and say something because when I first found this kind of space I was absolutely terrified and I kept searching for posts from women who had come out the other side, and I couldn't always find them. So this is me trying to be that post for someone else. About eight weeks ago I was in a really dark place with it all. The hot flushes were relentless, I was waking up at 2am completely soaked and then lying there for two hours with my brain going at a hundred miles an hour, and the mood stuff was honestly frightening me. I didn't recognise myself. I snapped at my kids over nothing and then cried in the bathroom about it. I kept thinking something was seriously wrong with me beyond just hormones, like maybe this was just who I was now. I went back to my GP (second time, because the first time I felt a bit fobbed off if I'm honest) and this time I wrote things down beforehand. Actual examples. Dates, what happened, how long it had been going on. I think that made a difference because she took it more seriously and we had a proper conversation about next steps. I'm not going to go into the details of what I'm doing now because I don't want to come across like I'm telling anyone what they should try. Everyone's situation is different and what's worked for me might be completely wrong for someone else. What I will say is that I've been keeping very rough sleep and mood notes in my phone, nothing fancy, just a few words each morning, and being able to look back at the last eight weeks and see the shape of things has been really grounding. The bad weeks are still there in those notes but they're further apart. The hot flushes are still happening but they feel more manageable. I slept through until nearly 6am three nights this week. Three nights! I know that sounds small but a few months ago I would have wept with gratitude for that. I think the thing I want to say most is: if you are in the frightened early bit, the bit where you don't know what's happening to your body and you feel like you're losing yourself, please know that it does not necessarily stay that way. I'm not saying it's easy or quick or that everyone gets here at the same pace. I'm just saying I'm 46, I was in a really bad way, and right now, today, I feel more like myself than I have in over a year. Hang in there. It's worth fighting for. x