11 Jun
Met someone. Through a friend, not an app, which honestly felt less terrifying. We've been out twice and he's perfectly lovely and I have spent the entire time absolutely convinced my body is going to humiliate me in some spectacular way. I'm 58. I know that. I'm not pretending I'm 38. But there's this gap between knowing your age and actually being at ease in your own skin when someone new is paying attention to you, and I am very much living in that gap right now. The walking has been helping, genuinely. I started going out most mornings about six weeks ago, nothing dramatic, just round the park and back, and something about it has made me feel slightly less like a stranger in my own body. Not a cure for anything, just... grounding, I suppose. The bit I haven't sorted is what to do about the physical stuff. The dryness especially. I saw my GP last year and sort of glossed over it because I felt silly, which is ridiculous, she's a doctor, but there we are. I need to go back and actually say the words. I've been writing down what I want to mention so I don't bottle it again. Anyway. Second date went well. Third one is next week. Terrified. Excited. Mainly terrified. x