Ailsa

Jun 21 · Posted

Right, bear with me because this is a bit all over the place. So I've started seeing someone. Casually. He's nice. And I am absolutely terrified, not of him, but of my own body doing something wildly unpredictable at the exact wrong moment. Hot flush in the middle of a restaurant. Dryness that makes me feel about a hundred years old. The anxiety that just descends with no warning and turns me into a person I don't recognise. I'm 58. I did not expect to be dating at 58. I also did not expect my body to feel this unreliable at 58, and yet here we both are. The thing that's actually been helping a bit is walking, weirdly. Not as a cure, just. I feel more like myself when I've moved. More solid in my own skin somehow. I've started doing it in the evenings before I see him and it takes the edge off the anxiety at least. I've also been making proper little meals for myself beforehand, so I'm not arriving starving and jangled. Stupid small thing but it helps. I do need to talk to my GP about some of the more private stuff. The dryness especially. I keep putting it off because saying it out loud to someone feels enormous. But I'm going to write it down before I go so I don't bottle it and just talk about my blood pressure for ten minutes instead. Anyone else navigating this? The dating bit AND the body bit at the same time? x

Jun 15 · Replied

Community post

Thank you peri_erica, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 14 · Posted

58 and back in the dating pool after 22 years married. I want someone to find that funny with me because honestly it is both hilarious and absolutely terrifying. The body stuff is the bit nobody warned me about. Like I can't always predict what a day is going to feel like. Some evenings I feel good, get dressed, think yes actually, and then other evenings I'm clammy and uncomfortable and the last thing I want is to sit across a restaurant table from a stranger pretending everything is fine. I cancelled a date last month because of a flush that started at 5pm and just did not stop. Texted him something vague. He didn't reply after that. Which is fine. Probably fine. I've started going out for a walk most mornings, nothing dramatic, just round the park and back. It genuinely seems to settle something in me. Not a cure, not a transformation, just a bit more level. I notice the evenings after a walk day are slightly easier to face. Also been cooking properly for one which I'm slowly making peace with. A bowl of something warm before I go out seems to help more than arriving hungry and anxious. I've got a GP appointment coming and I want to actually talk about the unpredictability side, not just the physical symptoms in isolation but the confidence piece, the way it affects whether I feel like a person who can do this. Has anyone managed to have that conversation without it getting brushed off? x

Jun 11 · Posted

Met someone. Through a friend, not an app, which honestly felt less terrifying. We've been out twice and he's perfectly lovely and I have spent the entire time absolutely convinced my body is going to humiliate me in some spectacular way. I'm 58. I know that. I'm not pretending I'm 38. But there's this gap between knowing your age and actually being at ease in your own skin when someone new is paying attention to you, and I am very much living in that gap right now. The walking has been helping, genuinely. I started going out most mornings about six weeks ago, nothing dramatic, just round the park and back, and something about it has made me feel slightly less like a stranger in my own body. Not a cure for anything, just... grounding, I suppose. The bit I haven't sorted is what to do about the physical stuff. The dryness especially. I saw my GP last year and sort of glossed over it because I felt silly, which is ridiculous, she's a doctor, but there we are. I need to go back and actually say the words. I've been writing down what I want to mention so I don't bottle it again. Anyway. Second date went well. Third one is next week. Terrified. Excited. Mainly terrified. x

Jun 9 · Posted

Right. So. I've been seeing someone. Casually, early days, very much not making a thing of it. He's lovely. That's not the problem. The problem is that the last time I was dating I was 34 and my body was, broadly speaking, cooperative. Now I'm 58 and there are things going on that I am absolutely not ready to explain to a man I've known for six weeks. The dryness especially. I've been managing it quietly but the idea of it becoming relevant is giving me a level of anxiety I wasn't expecting. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I want to talk about some of this but I don't quite know how to start. Private stuff. The kind you minimise because you've been minimising it so long you've almost convinced yourself it's fine. On the days I get out for a walk along the canal I feel more like myself. More solid, somehow. I've started doing it most mornings and it's become the bit of the day I actually look forward to. Porridge after, which sounds desperately unglamorous but there we go. Just nice to know other women are navigating this. That's all really.

Jun 8 · Posted

Right. 58, divorced two years ago, and I have somehow ended up on a dating app. I know. I KNOW. Met someone nice. We've been out three times. He wants to cook for me at his next week and I've said yes and now I'm absolutely terrified. It's not him. He seems genuinely lovely. It's me. My body feels like a stranger's at the moment. The flushes, the dryness (which I have not told a single soul about in real life, so hello strangers on the internet), the way I can go from feeling fine to feeling completely unlike myself in the space of an hour. How do you navigate intimacy when you genuinely don't know what your body is going to do? I've been walking every morning, just 30 or 40 minutes, partly because someone here mentioned it helps with the anxiety and partly because I needed somewhere to put all this nervous energy. It does help, I think. I feel less like I'm vibrating slightly. I've also started eating properly again. Nothing fancy. Scrambled eggs. Soup. Things that don't require me to cook for one and feel sad about it. Small dignified meals, I've decided to call them. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I want to actually say the private stuff this time. The dryness. The confidence hit. The way my brain is doing this thing where it tells me I'm too old and too changed to be wanted. I've written it down so I don't lose my nerve in the room. Anyway. Dinner. Next week. Wish me luck. x