Amanda

Right, so I started doing three short walks this week. Not power walks, not fitness walks, just... walks. Ten minutes round the block after the school run, another one at lunch if I could manage it, one after tea. Nothing to write home about. And the weird thing is my mood has actually been slightly less grim? Like it hasn't fixed the joint ache or the weight or the sleep, not even close. But there's something about getting outside that just takes the edge off the worst of the afternoon low. I don't fully understand it. I'm not calling myself someone who exercises now. I'm really not. But I wanted to put this down because I keep waiting to feel ready to do something Proper and I think that's been the problem for about two years. Also trying to have something with protein after I get back, even if it's just a handful of nuts and some cheese, because I read somewhere that helps and I might as well. I do want to ask my GP about coming back to movement properly, whether there's anything to watch for with the joint pain specifically. Has anyone done that? Did they take you seriously or was it a bit "just move more" and that was that? x

Not going to pretend this is some big turning point because honestly it probably isn't. But I've done three short walks this week, like genuinely short, round the block and back, and something about it is... not nothing? My mood on those days was noticeably less awful. Didn't fix the joint ache. Didn't fix the sleep. Didn't make me feel like a person who Has Her Life Together. But there was something. I've been avoiding movement for months because everything felt like too much and also because I didn't want to accidentally become someone who talks about step counts at work. You know the type. I am not ready to be that person. I just wanted to feel slightly less like my body belongs to someone else. I've been having a boiled egg or some cheese after the walk, not for any clever reason, just because I was hungry and it seemed sensible. Whether that's doing anything I genuinely have no idea. I do want to ask my GP at some point whether there are things I should be careful about given the joint stuff, because some mornings my knees are grim and I don't want to quietly make that worse while thinking I'm being virtuous. Has anyone had that conversation with their doctor? Did they take it seriously or was it the usual "just move more" and out the door x

Okay so I am not becoming a fitness person. That is not what this is. I just needed to say that upfront because every time I've tried to "get back into exercise" in the past two years it turns into some whole thing and then I do it for nine days and stop and feel worse than before. What I have actually been doing is walking. Three times, not every day, just when I can slot it in. Round the block, sometimes to the end of the road and back, once to the corner shop for milk. Nothing that would impress anyone. But I have noticed something a bit odd which is that on the days I do it my mood is... not fixed, nothing is fixed, the joint aches are still there, I still slept terribly, I am still 49 and in the full swing of this whole situation. But there is something slightly less grim about the afternoon? Hard to explain. Like the edges are a little softer. I have also been trying to eat something with protein after, not in a disciplined way, just because someone on here mentioned it a while back and it stuck. Usually just eggs or some cheese and crackers because I am not making a whole thing of it. I do want to ask my GP about getting back to movement more generally because my knees have been doing something unpleasant on stairs and I don't want to make that worse. Has anyone gone to their GP specifically about exercise and joint stuff? Did they actually have useful things to say or was it the usual "try some gentle yoga" situation 🙄 Anyway. Walks. Three of them. Mood: marginally less awful. Knees: jury still out. x

Walks don't fix anything. I want to be clear about that. My knees still hurt, I'm still exhausted, I still cried on Tuesday for reasons I cannot fully explain. None of that has changed. But. I've done three this week, twenty minutes each, just around the estate, headphones in. And something is fractionally different in my head afterwards. Not better exactly. More like the volume gets turned down a bit. I come back still tired but slightly less like I'm being crushed. I'm 49 and I've spent the last year feeling like my body is doing something to me rather than with me, if that makes any sense. The walks feel like a tiny act of not just giving in. Which sounds dramatic for a stroll but here we are. I've been having a bit of protein when I get back, whatever's easy, Greek yoghurt, a handful of nuts, sometimes just a proper lunch that I'd otherwise skip. Probably coincidence but I've had fewer 3pm crashes this week. I do want to ask my GP at some point what exercise is actually safe given my joints because I don't want to make things worse. I keep putting it off because I feel like she'll think I'm being precious. She won't, probably. I just feel embarrassed about how far I've let things slide. Anyone else find the mood thing with walking is real even when nothing else improves? I want to know I'm not imagining it 😊

Jun 20 · Liked post

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Right. GP on Thursday and I am absolutely not going in there and going blank again. Last time I sat down and she asked how I was and I said 'fine, bit tired' and walked out having achieved nothing. I was furious with myself for about a week. So this time I've actually written things down. Like, properly. Dates, what woke me, how bad the 3am thing was, whether I managed to get back to sleep or just lay there catastrophising until 6. I've gone back through my phone notes (I send myself voice memos at stupid o'clock apparently, I found four I didn't remember recording). I've written down when the anxiety spikes with no obvious reason, because that one is hard to explain out loud without sounding like I'm just a bit stressed about work. I'm also going to mention the postmeno bit because I think she forgets I'm past periods now and I want to actually ask about HRT and sleep specifically. I've read enough on here to know that's worth raising. The evening walks have helped a tiny bit honestly. Not fixed anything. But I come home slightly less wired, which means I'm not lying there replaying emails at midnight quite as much. Wish me luck for Thursday. I am going in with my list and I am not apologising for it 🤞

Jun 20 · Liked post

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Can I just ask, without anyone trying to sell me a whole programme, what do you actually eat for breakfast that keeps you going past 10am? Because I am 46 and something has shifted in the last year or so and I genuinely cannot work out what changed first, the weight or the tiredness or the not being able to face food before 8 and then being ravenous by half nine. I keep reading about protein at breakfast and I do believe it, I just cannot face eggs every single morning and I am also not spending a fiver a day on fancy yoghurts. We are a family of four and the food budget is what it is. What I have managed: Greek yoghurt with a spoonful of peanut butter stirred in if I buy the big cheap tub. Sometimes I hard boil a batch of eggs on a Sunday and eat one cold with some crackers which sounds grim but honestly it works. Cottage cheese on toast has grown on me and I never thought I would say that. The thing is none of this is a diet. I am not doing a diet. I have done enough diets. I just want things that are filling and not expensive and do not require me to think very hard at seven in the morning. Also, slight side note, I want to write down what my weight has been doing over the last year before my next GP appointment because I feel like I have put on about a stone without really changing anything and I want to be able to say that clearly rather than just shrugging when she asks. Has anyone done that, just kept a rough note for doctor prep? Did it actually help the conversation? x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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Okay so I'm not calling this a plan because every time I call it a plan I quit by Wednesday. I'm just... logging it. This week I'm eating actual protein at breakfast instead of grabbing whatever, taking a 10 minute walk after dinner, and writing down how I feel around 3pm. That's it. No overhaul, no new app, no cutting anything out. I've had some brutal afternoon crashes lately and I want to see if there's a pattern before I bring it up with my OBGYN. Just collecting data. Will report back 😂

Jun 19 · Liked post

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I've been meaning to post this for a while because I made such a mess of my first GP appointment on this subject and I don't want anyone else to do the same. I went in and said something like 'things feel a bit different, intimate-wise' and then went completely blank when she looked at me. I came out with nothing useful and felt embarrassed for days. So before my next appointment I sat down and actually wrote things out. Not in vague language. Specific things. When the discomfort started. Whether it was constant or only at certain times. Whether I'd noticed anything with UTI-type symptoms even when tests came back clear. Whether my confidence had changed, not just physically but in how I felt about myself generally. Writing it down in plain language before I got into that room made an enormous difference. I didn't perform being fine. I handed over my notes and said 'I've written it here because I knew I'd forget.' She read them. We had an actual conversation. I also wrote down the question I actually wanted answered, which was whether local oestrogen was something worth discussing for my specific symptoms. Having it written meant I didn't bottle it. If any of this is familiar and you've been putting off the appointment, I'd just say: write it down first. The private stuff especially. You don't have to say it out loud if that's easier. x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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Right, rant incoming, sorry in advance. Saw my GP last month about the flushes. Told her I was waking up soaked through twice, sometimes three times a night, that I'd had to start keeping a change of clothes next to the bed like some kind of sweaty Girl Guide. She said "it could be stress" and referred me for a blood test that apparently tells her nothing useful at this stage anyway. Sent me off with a leaflet. I've got another appointment booked and I am NOT leaving without a proper conversation this time. I've been writing stuff down, flush times, how bad the sleep disruption is, how it's affecting my concentration at work, because I figure if I turn up with actual evidence she can't just wave me out the door again. What I genuinely don't know is how to ask about HRT without sounding like I've already diagnosed myself off the internet (I have, but still). Like, is there a way to ask about patches versus gel without her getting defensive? I don't mind which form I end up on, I just want to know what the options even are. Does anyone else find GPs weirdly cagey about explaining the difference? Also on a completely unrelated note I've started eating a lot of cold cucumber and yoghurt things for lunch because hot food at my desk is now genuinely unbearable 😂 if nothing else perimenopause is improving my salad intake. Any tips for the appointment gratefully received x

Jun 18 · Liked post

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42 and somehow I have ended up with seven different supplement pots on my kitchen counter and I genuinely don't know how that happened. Every time I see something on Instagram I think oh maybe that's the missing piece and I buy it and then nothing changes and I just have more pots. So I've stopped. Cleared the counter. Going back to basics for a bit, eating actual proper food first, more protein, more veg, not glamorous but I haven't been doing that consistently so it feels dishonest to keep adding pills on top of a patchy diet. If I'm still struggling in a few weeks I was thinking of just trying one thing, probably magnesium because it keeps coming up, but ONE thing and actually paying attention to whether my sleep shifts at all. Writing it down so it's not just vibes. Also want to ask my GP about interactions before I add anything, I'm not on HRT yet but conversations are happening and I don't want to just casually mention six supplements at the last minute. Does anyone else bring a list to their appointment? Does it help or do they just gloss over it? x

Jun 17 · Liked post

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Has anyone tracked how many nights of broken sleep they listed before their GP took it seriously? Wondering what level of detail actually moved things forward.

Jun 17 · Liked post

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Sixty now and I keep seeing posts from women in their early forties who are absolutely terrified, and I just want to say... you come out the other side. Not perfectly. Not without things to still figure out. But you do come out. I'm seven years past my last period. Still have rubbish nights sometimes, still get the joint stiffness that makes me feel about ninety when I stand up too fast. But here's the thing nobody told me at 46 when I was a wreck: the sheer panic does lift. That particular flavour of dread goes. What I've found helps me now, not prescribing anything, just what works for me, is getting to the gym twice a week for some weights work. I started really gently and honestly felt a bit daft at first but my back is so much better for it. And I eat proper protein at breakfast, eggs mostly, nothing fancy, just stopped skipping it like I used to. Those two things changed my energy more than I expected. I also finally asked my GP about ongoing symptoms properly. Wrote a list beforehand, because I used to just forget everything the minute I walked in. She actually took it seriously and we talked about long term bone health which I'd never really asked about before. You're not done with this conversation just because the flushes have eased. That's the bit I wish someone had told me. Keep asking questions. You're allowed. x

Jun 16 · Liked post

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44 and had a full hysterectomy eight months ago and can I just say... nothing I read prepared me for this. All the menopause content out there is about the gradual thing, the years of irregular cycles, the slow creep. I went to sleep one person and woke up someone else. Hot flashes started in the hospital. In the actual hospital. I didn't even have time to google what was happening before it was already happening. I've been keeping notes on my phone because my follow-up is next month and I genuinely cannot hold it all in my head. Sleep is the big one right now. I'll fall asleep fine and then boom, 2am, soaked, wide awake, heart going. I started writing down the time it happens and roughly how bad and whether I'd eaten protein that day because someone in another group mentioned it and honestly I'll try anything at this point. No conclusions yet. Just data. The thing I keep bumping up against is that I don't fit the story. I'm not perimenopausal, I'm not 'going through the change' in the way people picture it. It was surgical. It was sudden. And when I try to explain that to people who mean well, their eyes kind of glaze over because the script they have doesn't match what I'm describing. Anyone else feel like they're living in a category that doesn't have a name yet? And if you've been through a surgical menopause follow-up, what did you actually ask your doctor? I have a list forming but I feel like I'm missing something obvious.

Jun 16 · Liked post

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53 and I cannot work out if I'm falling apart or just stressed. Every night, without fail, eyes wide open somewhere between 3 and 4am. Mind going like a washing machine. Nothing specific, just this low hum of dread about absolutely nothing. Or everything. Hard to say. I've been trying to write it down when it happens because I kept turning up to conversations with my GP and going completely blank. Last time she asked how often it was happening and I said "sometimes" like an absolute potato. It's not sometimes. It's most nights. I just couldn't pull the number out of my head in that room. So now I've got a little notes thing going on my phone. Date, what time I woke, how I felt in the morning, anything worth mentioning. It's only been a week but I'm already looking at it thinking... oh. This is actually a pattern isn't it. Not just a bad run. Also cutting back on wine on weeknights because honestly I think it was making the waking worse even if it helped me drop off. Swapping for a cup of something warm and feeling very middle aged about it. Don't know if this is peri or just life being a lot. Probably both. Appointment booked for next month and I'm going in with actual dates this time. x

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Hello wise ladies. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I want to actually ask about the weight stuff this time instead of letting it slide to the end and then bottling it. I've been postmenopausal for about two years now and the weight around my middle just keeps doing its own thing no matter what I eat, and I'm exhausted by it honestly. I'm not on any particular diet, I really don't want to start another one, but I do wonder if there's something going on with my blood sugar or thyroid that I should be asking about. Has anyone specifically asked their GP for bloodwork around energy and weight and had it taken seriously? I want to go in with the right words so I don't come out with a leaflet about eating less. Any experience gratefully received x

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Okay so I'm doing this thing where I write down one moment each day where I felt okay in my own skin. Not great, not hot, just... okay. Because I realized I only ever notice the bad moments and then assume that's all there is. This week: wore the red top I've been avoiding. Walked to the coffee place instead of driving. Said yes to drinks with a friend I've been canceling on for months. Not calling it a comeback. Just logging it. Divorced two years ago and I'm still figuring out who I am in this body that keeps surprising me. But I'm writing the okay moments down now. That feels like something.

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Patricia, 46, peri. Can I just ask what people are actually eating for breakfast because I am so bored of myself. I have been the same weight for two years and then suddenly in the last six months I have gone up about half a stone without changing anything obvious and I genuinely do not know what to tell my GP when she asks. Like, has anything changed? No? Sort of? I don't know how to explain it. Anyway. I am not looking for a diet. I really, really am not. I cannot face another thing that involves a spreadsheet or cutting out entire food groups or spending forty quid on protein powder that tastes like chalk. What I am actually trying is just having something with a bit more protein in the morning rather than toast and hoping for the best. Eggs when I have time, which is not always. Sometimes just a bit of leftover chicken on toast which sounds grim but actually keeps me going until lunch without wanting to eat my own hand. Trying to keep it cheap because we are not flush and I have two kids who also need feeding. If anyone has genuinely budget-friendly ideas that are not a complete faff I would be so grateful. Nothing fancy. Just real food that doesn't cost a fortune and doesn't require me to become a different person. x

Jun 13 · Liked post

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51 and I lost the word 'provisional' in a meeting today. Just... gone. I could see the concept, I knew what I meant, I even gestured vaguely at the air like that would help, and my colleague finished my sentence for me with this very kind look on her face that was somehow worse than if she'd laughed. I've been a project manager for nearly fifteen years. Words are basically my whole job. I don't know if this is peri or burnout or just... me now? But it's getting harder to pretend it's nothing. I came home and wrote down three specific moments from this week where my brain just dropped something mid-sentence or mid-thought. I'm going to take that list to my GP because I can't just say 'I feel a bit foggy' and expect to be taken seriously. I need actual examples. The only thing I've noticed that seems to help slightly is not skipping lunch. I've been grabbing something with a bit of protein in the afternoon when I feel that 3pm slump coming, and the worst crashes are less frequent. Could be coincidence. But I'm sleeping more deliberately too, actually going to bed before midnight instead of doom-scrolling until 1am, and the mornings feel fractionally less awful. Small things. I'm not fixed. But I wanted to write it down somewhere that people might actually understand what I mean. x

Jun 13 · Liked post

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Marissa, 55, postmeno. I want to say something to anyone who is where I was eighteen months ago, absolutely terrified, googling at 3am, convinced something was seriously wrong beyond just "the change". I was frightened in a way I hadn't been since my children were small. Frightened of my own body. I didn't recognise myself and I didn't know if I ever would again. I'm not going to tell you what fixed it because honestly I don't know exactly and I don't think my story is yours. But I will say: I sleep now. Mostly. Not perfectly, but I sleep. And my mood is... recognisably mine again. I've been keeping a few rough notes these past weeks, nothing fancy, just scribbling in my phone when I wake up. Sleep okay / sleep bad / mood okay / mood low. That's it. And looking back at the last two months the bad ones are genuinely becoming fewer. Breakfast has become weirdly important to me. Same thing most mornings. Eggs or Greek yoghurt, something with protein in it. I don't know why I find that comforting but I do. Routine when everything felt chaotic I suppose. I've got a GP follow-up next week and I'm trying to write down what's improved vs what's still not right. The sleep and the mood I'll report as better. The joint stiffness in the morning I'll flag because that hasn't shifted and I keep forgetting to mention it. Anyway. If you're in the frightened place right now: I see you. It does not stay that bad. That's all I came to say. x

Jun 11 · Liked post

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Okay so I started taking photos of my part every few weeks because I kept second-guessing myself. Like, is it actually thinner or am I just catastrophizing in bad lighting? Turns out, having the photos side by side is both useful and deeply unpleasant. It's definitely thinner at the front. I've been writing down roughly when I noticed changes and what else was going on at the time, just to have something concrete for my OBGYN because I always blank when she asks. Also started paying more attention to protein and healthy fats, not as a cure, just curious if it does anything over time. Tracking that too. We'll see. Anyone else doing the photo thing? Solidarity if so.

Jun 11 · Liked post

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Writing down sleep and mood every morning this week. Just to see. Not calling it anything official in case I jinx it x

Jun 11 · Liked post

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51 and something happened in a meeting on Thursday that I keep replaying. My manager asked me a direct question, something I genuinely know the answer to, and I just... sat there. The word I needed was completely gone. Not on the tip of my tongue, not anywhere. I eventually said something vague and moved on but I could feel my face going red and I spent the rest of the afternoon convinced everyone noticed. This is not who I am at work. I've been in this job eleven years. I used to be the person who had everything in her head. I've started writing things down before calls now, like actual bullet points of what I want to say, which helps but also makes me feel like I'm compensating for something I shouldn't need to compensate for yet. I'm 51, not 81. Sleep is all over the place as well and I wonder how much of this is that rather than something hormonal, or whether they're the same thing. Genuinely don't know. I'm trying to get to bed at a consistent time this week, just to see if it changes anything, but three nights in and I've woken at 3am twice so. Also been noticing I crash badly around 3pm and end up eating whatever's in the vending machine. Trying to keep something with actual protein in my bag now. Feels like I'm managing symptoms of symptoms at this point. Does anyone else feel like they need to document these things before a GP appointment? Like I want to go in with actual examples, not just "I feel a bit foggy sometimes" because I know how that sounds. x

Jun 10 · Liked post

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Has anyone actually managed to say the words out loud to their GP without going bright red? I'm writing it down before my appointment so I don't bottle it again x

Jun 9 · Liked post

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43 and genuinely not sure where I fit. The period apps all talk to me like I'm 27 and trying to conceive, and the menopause forums feel like they're for my mum. So I've just been... hovering. Reading. Not posting. But my cycles have been weird for about eight months now. Used to be bang on 28 days, now it's anywhere from 24 to 35 and my GP basically shrugged and said it was probably stress. Maybe it is. I have a full-time job and two kids under ten and a house that is actively falling apart so yes, stress, sure, fine. What I've started doing, mostly because I couldn't sleep at 2am and needed to feel like I was doing something, is writing down when my period starts, how long, and roughly how I felt that week. Also started noticing that the weeks I drink a lot of coffee I feel genuinely awful by Thursday. Not a conclusion, just a thing I noticed. Dinners this week were absolute chaos, by the way. Two nights of pasta with whatever was in the fridge. Zero apologies. I think I want to go back to the GP but I don't know how to say "my cycles changed" without it sounding like nothing. Does anyone have a way of framing it that doesn't make you sound dramatic? x

Jun 21 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Orla. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 18 · Replied to Community post

Thank you Andrea, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 10 · Replied to Community post

Thank you Andrea, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.