Elena

Nobody warned me. That is the thing I keep coming back to. I am 47 and my cycles have been doing something completely different for about eighteen months and I genuinely thought I was just stressed or run down or not eating properly or all three at once. They are shorter now, sometimes 24 days, sometimes 31, one time 19 which properly scared me. My GP ran bloods and said everything was "within normal range" and that was sort of... it. No follow-up. No mention of perimenopause. I had to google my way here at half eleven on a Wednesday. I started keeping a rough note on my phone, just cycle dates and how I feel the week before, because I realised I had no actual evidence when I tried to describe it to anyone. The sleep stuff is new as well. I wake up at about 3am and cannot get back off, and I have noticed that if I have had coffee after two o'clock it is worse. Not revolutionary information but I had not connected it before. The breakfast thing sounds daft but I started eating something proper before I leave the house and I feel less like I am running on fumes by ten. Whether that is related to any of this I have no idea. I want to go back to the GP with something concrete. Like, here are my cycle dates for the last year, here is what changed, here is what is different compared to two years ago. Because "I feel a bit off" clearly got me nowhere x

47 and nobody warned me about this bit. My cycles have just gone... weird. Like 24 days, then 34 days, then 27, then nothing for six weeks and I thought I was pregnant (I am not). I have been a 28-day-like-clockwork woman since I was 15 so this has completely thrown me. I've started writing it down because I couldn't keep it in my head and I wanted something concrete to show my GP rather than just saying "things feel off". Also tracking when I sleep badly and how much caffeine I've had that day because I noticed the nights I have a second coffee after 2pm are the nights I wake up at 3am staring at the ceiling convinced I'm dying. And the mornings after those nights are... not good. Brain fog doesn't cover it. I basically need a proper breakfast or I'm useless until noon, which I never used to need. I keep second-guessing whether any of this is worth mentioning to my GP. Like will she just say it's normal variation? But the changes since last year are pretty stark when I write them side by side. So I'm going to bring the notes and see what she says. Bit nervous honestly. x

the commute is doing something to me

Forty minutes on the subway this morning and I sweated through my shirt before we even hit 14th Street. Nobody said anything, which is either polite or they just did not notice, and I genuinely cannot decide which is worse.

Jun 20 · Liked post

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61 and postmeno and the 3pm thing has been going on for months now. Not tired exactly, more like someone pulled a plug out. I can be absolutely fine at lunch and then by mid-afternoon I'm useless, foggy, slightly snappy, reaching for biscuits I don't even want. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I want to mention it but I'm worried she'll just say eat less sugar and leave it at that. Has anyone managed to get actual bloodwork out of their GP for this kind of thing? I'm going to write down roughly when the crashes happen and what I'd eaten beforehand, just so I'm not sitting there going "well it's sort of... in the afternoon... sometimes" like a complete numpty. On the practical side I've been trying to sort out dinner properly for a few nights at a time because I think some of my crashes might be connected to not having eaten much that day. Budget is tight so I'm not doing anything fancy, mostly things like lentil soup with eggs stirred in, or tinned fish with whatever veg needs using up. Nothing Instagram-worthy. But having something actually ready seems to help me not skip lunch, which I suspect is part of the problem. Anyone else been down this road? What did you actually change? x

Jun 20 · Liked post

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Right. GP on Thursday and I am absolutely not going in there and going blank again. Last time I sat down and she asked how I was and I said 'fine, bit tired' and walked out having achieved nothing. I was furious with myself for about a week. So this time I've actually written things down. Like, properly. Dates, what woke me, how bad the 3am thing was, whether I managed to get back to sleep or just lay there catastrophising until 6. I've gone back through my phone notes (I send myself voice memos at stupid o'clock apparently, I found four I didn't remember recording). I've written down when the anxiety spikes with no obvious reason, because that one is hard to explain out loud without sounding like I'm just a bit stressed about work. I'm also going to mention the postmeno bit because I think she forgets I'm past periods now and I want to actually ask about HRT and sleep specifically. I've read enough on here to know that's worth raising. The evening walks have helped a tiny bit honestly. Not fixed anything. But I come home slightly less wired, which means I'm not lying there replaying emails at midnight quite as much. Wish me luck for Thursday. I am going in with my list and I am not apologising for it 🤞

Jun 20 · Liked post

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Right so I finally started actually writing it down instead of just thinking I'd remember. Every day I'm noting how heavy, whether I needed to change plans, how tired I felt by 3pm. Nothing fancy, just a notes app. Two weeks in and I can already see a pattern I couldn't have described out loud before. The fatigue isn't random, it tracks pretty closely with the worst days. Obvious in hindsight but I genuinely hadn't clocked it. GP appointment next month. At least now I'll have something to show her instead of just saying "it's a lot" and hoping she believes me x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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Right so I got my DEXA results back last week and I've been sitting with them ever since trying to work out how I feel. Osteopenia. Not osteoporosis, the GP was keen to point out. But also not fine. And I think I needed to hear something concrete because I've been vaguely worrying about my bones for about two years and doing absolutely nothing about it. I'm 57, been postmenopausal since 53, on HRT the whole time. I genuinely thought that meant I was sorted on the bone front. Apparently it's more complicated than that, which my GP did explain but I'm not sure I fully took in at the time. So now I've got a list of questions for my next appointment. Things like: what does this score actually mean for fracture risk over the next decade, when do I need another scan, is my current HRT doing what we hoped, and is there anything else I should be doing alongside it. Meanwhile I've started walking every day. Not dramatically far. Just actually doing it instead of meaning to. And I've been thinking about food differently since the scan, more calcium-rich stuff, sardines, fortified oat milk, cheese (genuinely delighted that cheese is on the right side of this), and trying to get outside for the vitamin D even when it's grim out. I don't know. It's not a crisis. But the scan made it real in a way that the vague worry never did. Anyone else had a DEXA that kind of woke them up a bit? x

Jun 18 · Liked post

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Sixty-one. Periods stopped eight years ago. You'd think sleep would have sorted itself out by now, wouldn't you. It hasn't. I still wake at 3am, sometimes 4, sometimes both, lie there for an hour thinking about absolutely nothing useful, then drag myself up exhausted. My GP looks faintly baffled when I mention it. Like I've wandered into the wrong department. What has actually helped, and I say this cautiously, is the strength training I started last spring. Not because it cures anything. It doesn't. But I sleep a bit heavier on the days I've done it, and I feel less like I'm made of wet cardboard the morning after. I go twice a week with a friend from the village, which is the only reason I've kept it up if I'm honest. The other thing I've been thinking about is protein. I read something about muscle loss speeding up after sixty and it quietly terrified me, so I've been trying to actually eat breakfast with some protein in it rather than just a coffee and good intentions. Whether it's making a difference I genuinely don't know yet. I've got a GP appointment next month and I want to ask properly about bones and heart. Long-term stuff. I've been on HRT for years and I want an actual conversation about where I am now, not just a repeat prescription and out the door. Anyway. Just nice to be somewhere that doesn't assume menopause stopped being relevant the moment the periods did. x

Jun 18 · Liked post

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Started a notes doc for my GP. Cycle changes, mood stuff, the 3am wake-ups. Feels less dramatic written down than it does in my head at midnight. 🤞

Jun 18 · Liked post

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Right. Sixty one, postmenopause, and the three o'clock wall is absolutely flooring me at the moment. Not tired exactly, more like someone's pulled a plug somewhere. I used to just push through it but lately I genuinely cannot think straight by half two. I mentioned it to my GP last month and she nodded and moved on, which was helpful. I'm going back in a few weeks and I want to actually be useful this time, so I've been scribbling down when it hits and what I've eaten beforehand. The pattern I'm seeing is that on days I've had a proper lunch I'm slightly less wrecked. Slightly. It's not a miracle but it's something. Food-wise I'm on a tight budget so I can't do the whole buy seventeen different seeds situation. What I've started doing is cooking a proper dinner three nights a week, something with actual protein in it, eggs, lentils, tinned fish, that sort of thing, and making enough to have leftovers for the next day's lunch. It's saved me from eating toast at one pm and then wondering why I'm face down on the desk by three. Has anyone else tracked the crash and actually found something that shifted it? I don't want to go to the GP with nothing. I want to be able to say here's what I've noticed, here's what I've tried, what should we look at. x

Jun 17 · Liked post

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Okay totally off topic but I need help. I have two teenagers, it's been a week, and I have approximately zero bandwidth left for dinner decisions. What are you all actually making on the nights when you're running on fumes and one wrong comment from a family member away from losing it completely? Bonus points if it involves minimal dishes. Double bonus if nobody complains. (I know. I know that's not possible. But a woman can dream.) Seriously though. Hit me. 🙏

Jun 17 · Liked post

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right so i'm 39 and i feel like i'm slowly losing my mind but in a very boring, administrative way. cycles are all over the place. i'm tired in a way that sleep doesn't fix. i googled it at midnight again last night and ended up on a forum for women in their 50s which, fine, maybe that's where i belong now?? i don't know. i feel too young to be here but my body clearly didn't get that memo. not even sure what i'm asking. just needed to say it somewhere x

Jun 17 · Liked post

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Hi all. I've been lurking for about three weeks and finally made an account. I'm 44, two kids, working full time, and my periods have gone completely feral in the last year. Heavy, unpredictable, and I'm back to carrying spare clothes in my bag like I'm fifteen. The exhaustion is the part that's really getting to me though. I keep thinking I'm just tired from everything else but I'm starting to wonder. Glad this place exists. Thanks for having me x

Jun 16 · Liked post

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I have an appointment on Thursday and I have spent the last hour trying to write down what's actually been happening. Which sounds simple. It is not simple. Every time I try to describe it I end up writing something vague like "discomfort" and then crossing it out because I know that's not going to get me anywhere with a GP. So I've been sitting with a notebook trying to find the actual words. Dryness. Pain during sex. The way I now sort of dread it rather than want it. That last one took me about twenty minutes to write because even in my own handwriting it felt embarrassing. My husband doesn't know I'm going. Not because I'm hiding it exactly, more that I don't know how to start that conversation yet. He's kind. He hasn't said anything difficult. But I can feel us both sort of tiptoeing around something we used to just... have. Fifty eight years old and I feel like I'm failing at a thing I never expected to fail at. Anyway. The notebook exists. The appointment is Thursday. I've written "ask about local oestrogen" at the top of the page and underlined it twice so I don't bottle it and talk about something safer instead. Has anyone else had to basically coach themselves through saying the actual words to their GP? I don't want to come out with a leaflet and nothing else. x

Jun 16 · Liked post

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Been reading patch vs gel discussions on here for weeks and I'm genuinely none the wiser about which one my GP will even entertain, so I'm not here for advice, just... does anyone want to swap stories? Like what it actually felt like day to day? I'm 50, probably peri, and I've been writing down how many flushes I'm having each day before my appointment next month. Currently averaging about 8 during the day and then god knows how many overnight because I lose count when I'm half asleep. I figure if I walk in with actual numbers she can't just shrug at me. The food thing I've noticed (again, not saying cause and effect, just what I wrote down) is that a big hot meal in the evening seems to tip me over into a worse night. I've been doing lighter stuff, cold things, bits and pieces rather than a proper cooked dinner and the last few nights have been marginally less dreadful. Could be coincidence. Probably is. Anyway. Patch people, gel people. What was your first few weeks like? Not asking you to tell me what to do, I just want to hear real experiences before I sit across from my GP trying to sound like I know what I'm talking about. x

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Right, 57 and postmenopausal and I am absolutely done with the 3pm wall. Every single day, round about half two, something just... drops. Like someone pulled a plug. I've been reading back through some older threads on here and a few people mentioned what they eat at breakfast making a difference so I've been paying attention. I used to have toast. Sometimes just toast and a coffee and I thought that was fine, I'm not a big breakfast person. But the last few weeks I've been forcing myself to have eggs or some leftover chicken or whatever protein I can find quickly and honestly the crashes feel... less dramatic? Not gone. But less like I need to lie down on my keyboard. I've also started making sure dinner has a proper protein anchor, not just pasta with a bit of cheese on top. My husband thinks I've lost the plot because I'm reading the back of every packet now. The bit I want to ask my GP about is whether these crashes are worth mentioning. Like is this just tiredness or is it something she'd want to look at with bloods. I don't want to go in there and have her tell me to get more sleep. I want to know if there's something actually going on. Anyone else pushed for that conversation and got anywhere useful? x

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Right, I want to ask about resistance bands because they keep coming up whenever I search for beginner strength stuff and I genuinely cannot tell if they are actually useful or just something people buy and shove in a drawer. A bit of background. I'm 55, postmenopause, and I've been trying to ease back into some kind of movement after a long stretch of doing almost nothing. I'm not interested in the gym, I've said this to myself many times, the whole vibe of it makes me want to immediately go home and sit down. I've been doing short walks and that has honestly helped my mood more than I expected, but I want to add something that works on strength because I know that matters more now and my joints have been complaining. I've been looking at beginner strength videos online and a lot of them use resistance bands. They seem low-impact, you can do them at home, and they don't require me to stand next to someone half my age doing something impressive. That appeals. But I've also bought things before that seemed like a good idea and then became very expensive guilt objects on the back of a chair. So, has anyone actually used them consistently? Are there particular types that are better for someone whose knees and hips are a bit unhappy? I've seen flat ones and looped ones and tube ones with handles and I have no idea what the difference is in practice. I'm not looking for a full programme, just something I could do for ten or fifteen minutes a few times a week without needing a lot of equipment or space. Honest experiences only please, including 'don't bother, here's what actually worked instead'. I'd rather know x

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Okay so I keep trying to explain this to people and nobody gets it. My surgery was August 14th. Hot flashes started August 15th. Like, I went to sleep one person and woke up someone else entirely. There was no perimenopause, no gradual anything, no time to adjust. Just. Gone. And every article I read, every podcast, all of it talks about "the transition" like it's this slow drift. I didn't drift anywhere. I got dropped. I have a follow-up with my specialist next week and I've been writing out a timeline, basically a document with dates, because I realized I kept saying "it started a few weeks after" when actually I can tell her exactly when. August 15th. I have it in my phone. I think having the actual dates matters more than I thought it would. Also someone here mentioned eating enough protein when appetite is off and I have been doing soft scrambled eggs and Greek yogurt because I genuinely cannot face much else right now and weirdly that has felt manageable. Anyone else feel like surgical menopause is almost a different category that just gets lumped in with everything else?

Jun 14 · Liked post

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First post! 43, LA, perimenopause I think. Periods went from manageable to absolutely unhinged in about six months. So glad this community exists.

Jun 14 · Liked post

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44 and my ovaries are just... gone. Like, medically gone, not gradually winding down the way every article and podcast assumes. So when I try to use any of those "track your cycle to spot patterns" tools I just stare at them because there is no cycle. There is just: before surgery, and then this. The symptom diary I started is helping a little but I had to basically build my own format because everything out there is designed for someone whose body is doing a slow fade. Mine did a hard stop. I'm logging hot flashes, sleep quality, and what my mood actually felt like (not just "good" or "bad", like actually what flavor of bad) because I have a follow-up coming and I refuse to sit there and say "I don't know, it's been fine I guess." Food is weird right now. My appetite comes and goes and when it's gone it's really gone. I've been making myself eat something with protein even when nothing sounds good because I noticed I bottom out hard by afternoon if I don't. Eggs, Greek yogurt, whatever. Nothing exciting. My list for the appointment is getting long. Mostly questions about what "normal" even means for surgical menopause specifically, not the general menopause stuff, because I keep getting handed information that doesn't quite fit. Anyone else had to push for that distinction? Would really like to know I'm not the only one rebuilding the map from scratch.

Jun 13 · Liked post

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Wore dark trousers all week. Didn't have to think about it once. Tiny victory but I'll take it 😂

Jun 13 · Liked post

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39 and already deep in perimenopause apparently, which means I've spent the last four months being absolutely bombarded by supplement content the second I googled one symptom. One search for 'sleep perimenopause' and now my entire feed is someone selling me a £65 powder with a before/after that is clearly just better lighting. What I actually want is someone to tell me what they spent, whether it did anything, and how long they waited before deciding. That's it. Not a transformation story. Not a discount code. I've started writing down what I'm already eating before I buy anything else, because honestly I think my protein is embarrassingly low and fibre is basically nonexistent on a busy week. Feels like sorting the foundations out first makes more sense than adding a sixth supplement on top of a bad diet. Also I'm making a list of everything I'm currently taking to bring to my GP because I have no idea what interacts with what and I'd rather ask than assume. Has anyone done this? Did your GP actually engage with it or just shrug? x

Jun 13 · Liked post

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Right. Tiny victory. I remembered the word 'arbitrary' mid-sentence in a meeting today without having to do that thing where you just gesture vaguely and hope someone fills it in for you. I've been keeping a rough note of sleep and caffeine for a few weeks now mostly out of desperation and I think I can see a pattern forming. Not going to jinx it. But brain fog has been marginally less catastrophic this week and I'm taking that. 42 and celebrating remembering a word. This is my life now 😂 x

Jun 19 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Susan. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 12 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Susan. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.