Megan

49 and I honestly don't know how I'd even start the sentence. Like, do I just casually drop into dinner conversation that things have changed down there and I'm dreading intimacy now? My husband is lovely, genuinely, but I have said nothing. For months. Because I don't know how to say "it hurts and I've gone completely off it" without him thinking it's about him or about us. I've been writing things down before my GP appointment next week because I know I'll go blank the second I'm in the room. Dryness, discomfort, the UTI feeling that comes from nowhere, the way I just feel sort of... shut down in that part of myself. It's harder to write than I thought. Has anyone actually managed to talk to their partner about this? Not a big emotional sit-down, just... said it? I'd love to know how you found the words. x

49 and I genuinely don't know how to start this conversation with my husband. We've been married twenty-two years. Twenty-two years. And I cannot find the words to explain that sex has become uncomfortable in a way I don't fully understand myself yet. It's not that I don't want to be close to him. It's more that something changed without asking my permission and now I'm sort of bracing for it before it's even happened, which probably doesn't help anything. He's not the problem. He's lovely actually. That almost makes it harder to say out loud. I've been writing a few things down before my GP appointment next week because I know I'll go blank the second I sit down. Dryness, discomfort, that sort of low-level UTI feeling that comes and goes. And the libido thing, which feels like the most embarrassing one to put on paper even though I know it shouldn't. I keep crossing it out and rewriting it. Has anyone here actually managed to bring this up with their partner in a way that felt okay? And did anyone find their GP took it seriously first time? I'm half expecting to be told it's just part of getting older and to get on with it. x

Jun 20 · Liked post

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Hello everyone. I've been lurking here for a few weeks and I finally feel brave enough to ask this because I genuinely don't know how to handle it. I have a GP appointment coming up and I really want to talk about dryness and some discomfort I've been having, but every time I rehearse it in my head I just... freeze. I'm 59 and I've been with my husband for over thirty years and I still can't seem to say it out loud to a doctor without wanting to disappear into the floor. Which is ridiculous, I know. It's not just dryness either. There's a sort of rawness that comes and goes, and a couple of times I've had what felt like a UTI but the test came back clear, which apparently can be a thing? I read something about that here last week actually. And the libido piece, well. I don't even know where to start with that one. My husband is kind about it but I can tell it's affecting us and I hate that. I've been writing things down so I don't bottle it when I'm actually in the room. Things like: when it started, how often it bothers me, what it feels like, the UTI-type symptoms. I want to ask about local oestrogen because I've seen it mentioned here a lot, but I don't even know if I'm using the right words or whether my GP will just brush past it. Has anyone found a way to bring this up that doesn't feel mortifying? Or even just a way of framing it so the GP takes it seriously? I'd be so grateful. x

Jun 20 · Liked post

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Lost the word "provisional" in a meeting today. Just... gone. Sat there smiling like I hadn't been using that word for twenty years while my brain frantically searched the filing cabinet and found absolutely nothing. My colleague filled it in for me and I wanted to disappear under the table. I'm 51 and I've always been the one people come to when they need something explained clearly. That's been my whole thing at work. And lately I'm stumbling mid-sentence, reading the same email three times, leaving meetings with no memory of what was agreed. I don't know if this is peri or just burnout or both at the same time having a party. But I've started going to bed at a fixed time no matter what, even if I lie there staring at the ceiling for a bit, because the days when I've had genuinely broken sleep are the days my brain is completely offline by 2pm. That much I've noticed. Also trying to eat something with actual protein in the afternoon rather than biscuits. Today it was a boiled egg and some oatcakes from my desk drawer. Felt slightly less desperate by 4 o'clock so maybe something in that. I'm seeing my GP next month and I want to describe this properly, not just say "I'm a bit forgetful" which sounds nothing. I've been jotting down actual examples. Today's will be going in. Does anyone else do this? x

Jun 20 · Liked post

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46 and I have genuinely been lying awake since half two wondering whether this is just... life now? Like is this stress or is something actually happening to me hormonally? I cannot tell anymore. The 3am thing has been going on for months. I wake up, heart going a bit, nothing specific in my head, just wide and alert like someone flicked a switch. Then I'm exhausted all day and absolutely useless by 7pm. I started going out for a walk after dinner last week. Thought I'd try anything honestly. No idea if it's helping the sleep or if I'm just tricking myself into thinking I'm doing something. Maybe both. The bit I'm dreading is the GP. Because what do I actually say? "I wake up at 3am and feel anxious but I don't know why"? That sounds like I need therapy not hormones. I'm worried she'll just nod and refer me somewhere and that'll be that. Does anyone have any advice on how to describe this stuff so it doesn't just sound vague and a bit pathetic? I want to say the right thing but my brain goes completely blank the moment I sit down in that room x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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42 and I keep opening period tracking apps and feeling like a complete alien. They're all pastel colours and fertility windows and "trying to conceive" tick boxes. I am not trying to conceive. I am trying to work out why my cycle went from 28 days like clockwork to 24 then 31 then 22 in the space of four months with no explanation whatsoever. But then I come to spaces like this and everyone seems to be talking about hot flushes and HRT and I think... am I even in the right place? I'm 42. Surely that's too young? Except apparently it isn't. I've been reading back through posts here and honestly it's the first time I've felt less like I'm imagining things. What I've started doing, very quietly, is just writing down when my period arrives and roughly how I felt the week before. Not in an app. Just in the notes on my phone. Because I've got a GP appointment next month and last time she asked "have your cycles changed" and I said "I think so?" and she sort of moved on. I want to actually be able to say yes, here's what changed and when. Not sound vague. Not get fobbed off. Also started eating something proper before I leave the house in the morning because apparently running on coffee until noon was not, in fact, fine. Jury's still out on whether it's helping the 11am crash but it feels like the sensible thing to try. Anyone else in this weird in-between age? x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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Right so this is a bit of a milestone for me and I'm writing it here because I need to mark it somewhere. I have an appointment with my GP next Thursday. And for the first time in about three years of quietly suffering through what I can only describe as my body becoming a completely alien thing, I have actually written down the symptoms I'm too embarrassed to say out loud in a six-minute appointment. Dryness. Real, uncomfortable, sometimes honestly painful dryness. The fact that intimacy has changed in a way I haven't known how to explain to my husband, let alone a doctor. The UTI-like feelings that come and go. The way I've sort of just... quietly stopped wanting things I used to want, and told myself that was fine, that was just getting older. I wrote it all down on a notes app last night. Took me about twenty minutes because I kept deleting sentences and rewriting them in slightly less mortifying language. But it's there now. I've even got a question about local oestrogen because I read something in a thread here a few weeks ago and it stuck with me. I don't know if anything will come of Thursday. I've been fobbed off before with 'that's just how it is' and I've smiled and nodded and gone home and cried a bit. But having it written down feels like I'm taking myself seriously, even if nobody else does yet. Small step. Enormous for me personally. Just wanted to say it somewhere. x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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I've been meaning to post this for a while because I made such a mess of my first GP appointment on this subject and I don't want anyone else to do the same. I went in and said something like 'things feel a bit different, intimate-wise' and then went completely blank when she looked at me. I came out with nothing useful and felt embarrassed for days. So before my next appointment I sat down and actually wrote things out. Not in vague language. Specific things. When the discomfort started. Whether it was constant or only at certain times. Whether I'd noticed anything with UTI-type symptoms even when tests came back clear. Whether my confidence had changed, not just physically but in how I felt about myself generally. Writing it down in plain language before I got into that room made an enormous difference. I didn't perform being fine. I handed over my notes and said 'I've written it here because I knew I'd forget.' She read them. We had an actual conversation. I also wrote down the question I actually wanted answered, which was whether local oestrogen was something worth discussing for my specific symptoms. Having it written meant I didn't bottle it. If any of this is familiar and you've been putting off the appointment, I'd just say: write it down first. The private stuff especially. You don't have to say it out loud if that's easier. x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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52 and I've started writing things down before I even get to the waiting room because the last time I sat in front of my GP my mind just went completely blank. Like, I had been awake at 3am for six nights in a row and somehow when she asked how she could help I said "I've been a bit tired" and left with a leaflet on sleep hygiene. Not this time. I've got a notes app open on my phone that I've been adding to all week. Times I woke up, how long it took to get back to sleep, whether the sweating came before or after the waking (honestly still can't tell), how I felt by mid-afternoon. It looks a bit obsessive written out like that but I genuinely cannot hold this stuff in my head anymore. The thing I really want to ask about is HRT and whether it could help with the sleep specifically. I've read a bit and I know oestrogen is involved somehow but I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like I've diagnosed myself off the internet. Has anyone managed to steer a GP conversation towards that without being fobbed off? I keep rehearsing it in my head and then worrying I'll just go quiet again the second she looks at her screen. Appointment is Thursday. Fingers crossed x

Jun 19 · Liked post

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Okay so can I just ask... did anyone else's cycle just start doing whatever it wants with zero warning? Like I've had a 28-day cycle basically my whole adult life and then this past year it's been 22 days, 35 days, 26 days, 19 days. NINETEEN. I'm 41. Nobody told me this could start happening at 41. I went down a rabbit hole at midnight (classic) and kept landing on perimenopause content and honestly my first reaction was denial because I thought that was a 50-something thing. But the more I read the more I was like... oh. Oh no. I've started keeping a little calendar on my phone. Just the cycle dates, plus whatever I'm feeling that week. Anxious for no reason. Exhausted even after a full night. Snapping at my kids over nothing and then feeling awful about it. I don't know what's connected to what yet but writing it down feels better than just white-knuckling through each month wondering why I feel like a different person. I have an appointment coming up and I'm genuinely nervous my doctor is going to look at my age and shrug. Like how do I even bring the cycle changes up without sounding like I've diagnosed myself off TikTok? I want to show her the pattern without her dismissing it as stress. (It might also be stress. I have a lot of stress. But it's not ONLY stress, I don't think.) Anyway. Hi. First post. Glad this place exists.

Jun 18 · Liked post

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Right so I've been putting off writing this for weeks but here we go. I have a GP appointment next Thursday and I genuinely cannot decide how to start the conversation. The thing is every time I go in, I end up talking about the sleep and the hot flushes and the brain fog and by the time we've done all that the appointment is basically over and I've said nothing about the other stuff. The stuff that's actually affecting me and my husband more than I let on. I don't even have the right words for it. Like, how do you say "everything feels different and not in a good way and I'm not sure I recognise my own body anymore" without it sounding dramatic? I've been trying to write it down beforehand which helps a bit. I've seen people mention here that they literally hand their GP a list and I'm thinking I might actually do that this time because left to my own devices I will absolutely chicken out and just nod when she asks if everything else is fine. I've written "dryness, discomfort, not wanting to" on a piece of paper and then folded it up and put it in my bag. Progress I suppose. Has anyone actually managed to have this conversation with their GP without wanting to dissolve into the floor? Did they take it seriously? I'm on the NHS so I know time is short but I'm hoping if I go in with notes she'll understand I've thought about this and I'm not just being dramatic. I'm 49 and I feel like I've been quietly managing this for two years and I'm a bit tired of that now. Any words of wisdom gratefully received. Or just solidarity. Either works x

Jun 16 · Liked post

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Okay so. First post here. 49, perimenopause, and I've been dealing with dryness and what I can only describe as intimacy becoming... complicated. My husband is patient but I genuinely don't have the words for what's happening, which makes the OBGYN appointment I keep postponing feel even more daunting. I've been writing things down privately so I don't blank when I'm actually in the room with a doctor. Symptoms, timing, the UTI-feeling that comes and goes. I've been reading threads here for a few weeks and it helps more than I expected just knowing other people are navigating this too. Not looking for anyone to fix it. Just finally said it out loud. Hi.

Jun 16 · Liked post

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Right. I've been wanting to write this for weeks and I keep closing the app. Here it is. Intimacy has changed completely and it happened so gradually I didn't even notice until it was just. different. Not a conversation I've managed to have properly with my husband because honestly I don't have the language for it yet. I feel like my body made a decision without consulting me and now I'm supposed to just carry on as normal. I'm not in crisis or anything but I am lonely in a way I didn't expect. Going to write some things down before my next GP appointment because I always go blank in the room. Just needed to say it somewhere that might understand x

Jun 16 · Liked post

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51 and something shifted this year that I can't quite explain. I've always been the one in meetings who remembers everything, who finishes other people's sentences, who catches the thing nobody wrote down. And now I'm the one who stops mid-sentence and just... floats there. Yesterday I completely lost the word 'procurement'. I work in procurement. I've worked in procurement for eleven years. I smiled and said 'sorry, brain's a bit slow today' and everyone laughed and moved on, but inside I was mortified. It's happening more and more and I'm starting to dread speaking up in front of senior people in case I just go blank. I've been wondering whether this is peri or whether I've just burned myself out, because honestly it could be either. Maybe both. I don't know. I started keeping a little note in my phone before meetings, just words I might need. Feels a bit ridiculous at 51 but it genuinely helps. Also trying to sort out my sleep because I read somewhere that's where memory consolidation happens and I've been getting about five broken hours which can't be helping. Has anyone actually gone to their GP and described it in work terms? Like specifically said 'this is affecting my job'? I feel like if I just say 'a bit forgetful' they'll tell me to drink more water. But if I said I nearly lost my thread presenting to the board last month, that feels more... real? I'm trying to frame it properly before I make an appointment x

Jun 15 · Liked post

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51 and genuinely cannot tell if this is burnout or perimenopause or just... being me now. The brain fog is the bit that scares me most. I used to be sharp. I was the person in the room who remembered everything, followed every thread in a meeting, came out with the exact word. Now I'm standing in front of my team going "the, um, the thing, the document with the... figures" and my junior colleague is filling it in for me with this very kind face that makes it worse somehow. I've started writing things down in a notebook obsessively. Not because I'm organised, because I'm terrified. Every word I blanked on, every moment I had to ask someone to repeat something simple. I'm building up a little log of it because I've got a GP appointment next month and I want to be able to say "here are actual examples" rather than just "I feel foggy" which sounds like nothing. This week I've been trying something with lunch. More protein, less of the sad desk sandwich I'd been eating. I don't know if it's doing anything yet but the 3pm crash has been slightly less catastrophic the last couple of days. Slightly. I'm not making any claims. Just noticing. Is it peri? Is it five years of stress? Both? I genuinely don't know and that uncertainty is its own kind of exhausting. x

Jun 14 · Liked post

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Has anyone here actually compared the different lubricants available on the NHS? Asking for myself, obviously. Honest opinions only please, no need to be polite about it x

Jun 14 · Liked post

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Right. I am sitting here trying to write down my symptoms before my GP appointment next week and I cannot believe how hard it is to put the words on paper. Dryness. Pain. The fact that intimacy has quietly become something I dread rather than want. Twenty-two years with the same man and I feel like a stranger in my own body. He's been kind about it, which almost makes it worse somehow. I keep starting the sentence and deleting it. Anyway. It's going on the list. That's all.

Jun 13 · Liked post

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39 and already deep in perimenopause apparently, which means I've spent the last four months being absolutely bombarded by supplement content the second I googled one symptom. One search for 'sleep perimenopause' and now my entire feed is someone selling me a £65 powder with a before/after that is clearly just better lighting. What I actually want is someone to tell me what they spent, whether it did anything, and how long they waited before deciding. That's it. Not a transformation story. Not a discount code. I've started writing down what I'm already eating before I buy anything else, because honestly I think my protein is embarrassingly low and fibre is basically nonexistent on a busy week. Feels like sorting the foundations out first makes more sense than adding a sixth supplement on top of a bad diet. Also I'm making a list of everything I'm currently taking to bring to my GP because I have no idea what interacts with what and I'd rather ask than assume. Has anyone done this? Did your GP actually engage with it or just shrug? x

Jun 12 · Liked post

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Karen, 55. Nobody warned me it would just... stop. Not gradually. Not with some graceful winding down. One year things were fine and then they weren't and I genuinely thought something was wrong with me, or with us, or both. My husband hasn't said anything unkind but I can feel him being careful around me and honestly that almost makes it worse. I've finally written some things down to take to my GP because every time I've sat in that chair I've somehow talked about my sleep and my mood and then left without saying the actual thing. So this time I have it on my phone. Dryness. Discomfort. The fact that I'm avoiding something I used to want. That I feel like a stranger in my own body in this particular way. I've also been trying to eat properly again, not because I think a bowl of spinach is going to fix this, but because when I'm eating well I feel slightly more like myself, slightly more present. It helps with the brain fog at least. Has anyone actually managed to say all of this to their GP without going bright red and leaving half of it out? Because that is my current challenge and the appointment is Thursday. 😩

Jun 12 · Liked post

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Something I wish someone had told me earlier: write down the symptoms you're too embarrassed to say out loud, before you get in that room. I spent two appointments skirting around the dryness and the fact that intimacy has just... stopped feeling like something I want. Kept waiting for the GP to ask the right question. She didn't. I left both times without mentioning it. This time I wrote it down. Actual words on a list. Dryness, discomfort, the UTI feelings that aren't UTIs, the bit about my husband and how distant I feel about all of it. Just seeing it written made it feel less shameful somehow. I'm going to hand the list over if I lose my nerve. That's my plan. If anyone else is putting off saying this stuff, you're not alone x

Jun 10 · Liked post

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Okay so I started taking photos of my part every few weeks because I kept second-guessing myself. Like, is it actually thinner or am I just catastrophizing in bad lighting? Turns out, having the photos side by side is both useful and deeply unpleasant. It's definitely thinner at the front. I've been writing down roughly when I noticed changes and what else was going on at the time, just to have something concrete for my OBGYN because I always blank when she asks. Also started paying more attention to protein and healthy fats, not as a cure, just curious if it does anything over time. Tracking that too. We'll see. Anyone else doing the photo thing? Solidarity if so.

Jun 9 · Liked post

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Hi all. I've been lurking here for a few weeks and finally feel brave enough to post. I'm 55, postmenopause, and the thing I can't seem to say to anyone in real life is that intimacy has just... changed. Without warning really. It crept up on me and now I feel like a different person in that part of my life and I don't quite know how to explain it to my husband, let alone my GP. I've got an appointment next month and I'm actually writing things down beforehand because I know I'll go blank the moment I sit down in that room. Dryness is on the list. The discomfort. The fact that I keep getting what feels like a UTI but isn't. Just relieved this room exists honestly. Thanks for having me x

Jun 11 · Replied to Community post

Thank you Anna, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.