Bridget

Three in the morning again. Heart going absolutely mental, that weird fluttery thudding thing where you lie there convinced something is actually wrong. I sat up, put my hand on my chest, tried to breathe slowly, told myself it was probably hormones. Probably. That word is doing a lot of work at 3am. I've started writing down when it happens. Time, what I'd eaten or drunk, how the sleep had been before it woke me. Partly because I want to bring something useful to my GP rather than just saying "my heart does a thing sometimes" and getting a shrug. Partly because it stops me spiralling quite as badly if I'm doing something with the information instead of just lying there catastrophising. I've cut my coffee right back this week. Was on three or four mugs a day without really noticing. Now it's one in the morning and that's it. Don't know yet if it's making a difference but I'm noting it anyway. What I actually want to know before my appointment is what tests are reasonable to ask for. Like, can I ask for an ECG? A Holter monitor? Blood tests to rule things out? I don't want to walk in sounding like I've been on WebMD all night (even if I have, a bit) but I also don't want to leave without actually knowing what's going on inside my chest. Does anyone have experience pushing for proper investigation rather than just being told it's anxiety? x

Three in the morning and my heart is doing that thing again. Not racing exactly, more like it keeps... skipping? Thudding? I don't even have the right word for it and that makes it worse somehow because then I'm lying there googling and we all know how that ends 😩 I'm 51, been in menopause about eight months officially, and these episodes have been happening for maybe six weeks. Always at night. Always when I've just woken up from a flush and I can't tell if the palpitations wake me or the flush does or if they're arriving together as a lovely little package from my useless hormones. I've started writing down the time when it happens because I read somewhere (possibly on here, I lurk quite a lot) that clinicians find it useful to know the pattern rather than just "it happens at night sometimes". So now I've got this sad little notebook on my bedside table. 2.47am. 3.15am. 4.02am. Three nights last week, nothing the two nights before. I've also cut back on tea after about 4pm because I wondered if caffeine was involved, though honestly I'm not sure it's making a difference yet. Too early to tell. I've got a GP appointment in ten days and I really don't want to walk in and be fobbed off with "anxiety, have you tried mindfulness". So can I ask, those of you who've pushed through with this, what tests did you actually ask for? I know there's an ECG but is that enough? Is there a monitor thing they can do at home? I want to go in knowing what to ask rather than just nodding along and leaving with nothing. Any help gratefully received x

It's 2am and my heart is doing that thing again. That lurching, skipping, racing thing that makes me sit bolt upright convinced something is actually wrong. I've had three of these nights this week and I genuinely don't know anymore whether I'm anxious because my heart is misbehaving or whether my anxiety is causing the palpitations. Chicken and egg and I am exhausted by both of them. I've started writing down when they happen because I need something concrete to show my GP rather than just saying "my heart goes funny sometimes at night". So far: always after a hot flush wakes me, usually between 1 and 4am, lasts anywhere from two minutes to what feels like forever but is probably ten. I've been cutting back on coffee too, switched to one cup before noon, mostly because I read something on here and thought it couldn't hurt. My appointment is in two weeks and I want to go in prepared rather than just weepy and vague. Does anyone know what tests are actually worth asking about? I keep reading about ECGs and 24-hour heart monitors but I don't know if that's me catastrophising or whether those are genuinely things I should be requesting. I don't want to be fobbed off with "it's just anxiety" when I haven't had anything properly checked. x

Right, this is embarrassing to admit but last Tuesday at about 2am I was absolutely convinced I was dying. Heart just going absolutely haywire, lying there in the dark counting beats and catastrophising. Woke my husband up twice. He was very patient about it but I could tell he didn't really know what to say. I've had palpitations on and off for months now and the night-time ones are a different beast entirely. During the day I can at least distract myself. At night it's just me and the racing heart and my brain going to the worst place immediately. I've started writing down the time when they happen, how long roughly, what I was doing before, whether I'd had anything with caffeine after about 2pm. Not sure it'll amount to much but I feel slightly less out of control having it written somewhere. Last week I cut back on the afternoon tea and the evenings do seem a bit calmer, though I'm not reading too much into a week's worth of data. When I finally get to see my GP I want to ask what tests would actually tell us something useful. ECG I assume? But is there anything else I should be pushing for? I don't want to go in and just get told it's anxiety and sent home. It might BE anxiety, fine, but I'd like someone to actually rule things out first. x

I've been trying to work out how to have a useful conversation with my GP and I keep going round in circles, so I thought I'd ask here. A bit of background. I'm 51, been in menopause for about eighteen months now I think, though nobody has actually confirmed that in any official way. The night sweats are the thing that started all this off. They were bad last year, properly soaking, and I'd be up at two or three in the morning changing my top and lying there wide awake with my heart going. That's improved a bit, or maybe I've just got used to managing it. Fan on, lighter duvet, cotton everything. But what hasn't improved is the anxiety. I've always been someone who worries. I know that about myself. But this is different. It's not worry exactly, it's more like a low hum of dread that sits in my chest most of the day. Sometimes it spikes and I can't really explain why. I'll be in the garden doing something completely ordinary, deadheading or whatever, and suddenly I feel like something terrible is about to happen. It passes. But it keeps coming back. I went to the GP about eighteen months ago and she was kind but the appointment was ten minutes and we talked about sleep and she mentioned antidepressants and I left feeling like I hadn't quite explained what I was actually experiencing. I didn't mention the night sweats properly. I didn't say the word menopause. I don't know why. I think I was embarrassed or I thought she'd just tell me it was normal. I've got another appointment next week. I've been making notes this time, properly, in a notebook. Night sweats, frequency, the anxiety, how it feels different from ordinary worry, the heart stuff at night. What I want to know is: did anyone here actually get their anxiety taken seriously as a menopause symptom? Did you have to push for it? Did your GP connect the dots or did you have to connect them yourself? And if you came in with a list, did that help or did it feel like you were being difficult? I'm not asking anyone to tell me what to do. I just want to know what other people's experiences have been. Going in better informed feels like the only thing I can control right now x

Jun 20 · Liked post

Community post

Right. GP on Thursday and I am absolutely not going in there and going blank again. Last time I sat down and she asked how I was and I said 'fine, bit tired' and walked out having achieved nothing. I was furious with myself for about a week. So this time I've actually written things down. Like, properly. Dates, what woke me, how bad the 3am thing was, whether I managed to get back to sleep or just lay there catastrophising until 6. I've gone back through my phone notes (I send myself voice memos at stupid o'clock apparently, I found four I didn't remember recording). I've written down when the anxiety spikes with no obvious reason, because that one is hard to explain out loud without sounding like I'm just a bit stressed about work. I'm also going to mention the postmeno bit because I think she forgets I'm past periods now and I want to actually ask about HRT and sleep specifically. I've read enough on here to know that's worth raising. The evening walks have helped a tiny bit honestly. Not fixed anything. But I come home slightly less wired, which means I'm not lying there replaying emails at midnight quite as much. Wish me luck for Thursday. I am going in with my list and I am not apologising for it 🤞

Jun 18 · Liked post

Community post

Right. Small win and I'm claiming it. Had what I can only describe as a horror show of a period start on Tuesday. Normally that would have meant a complete disaster by the time I got to school pickup. This time I'd actually planned ahead. Spare clothes in the bag, pad sorted before I left the house, left ten minutes early. No incident. Kids collected. Nobody knew. I've been keeping notes on timing and heaviness for the past two months to take to my GP and I think it's actually helping me feel slightly less ambushed. Not less angry that this is my life now, but less ambushed. That's it really. Just wanted to mark it somewhere. x

Jun 18 · Liked post

Community post

I want to write this down while I still remember it because I usually only notice the bad days. This week I did three evening walks. Not long ones, maybe fifteen minutes each, just round the block after dinner before I sat back down in front of the television. I wasn't expecting anything from it. I'd read something here a while back, someone mentioned it helped with the post-dinner slump, and I thought fine, it's free, I'll try it. And the evenings were just... calmer. I don't want to make big claims because I've been here before where I think I've cracked something and then Thursday happens and it all falls apart. But I slept a bit better on two of the nights and I didn't have that wired-tired thing where I'm exhausted but my brain won't stop. I'm writing it down here so I can look back at it when I inevitably forget. The other thing I did was actually cook a proper dinner on Sunday and portion some of it out for two other nights. Nothing fancy, just a traybake with chicken and whatever vegetables needed using up. It meant on Tuesday when I got in late from visiting my mum I didn't just stand in the kitchen eating crackers over the sink, which is what normally happens. I'm 58 and I've spent a lot of years either dieting properly or not at all and I'm so tired of both of those things. I'm not trying to lose weight this time, I'm just trying to feel less like I'm running on empty by Wednesday. These two small things didn't fix anything but they made the week slightly more manageable and that feels worth noting. That's all really. Just wanted to say it somewhere x

Jun 18 · Liked post

Community post

Hi all. 58, post-menopause, finally feeling cautiously better after a rough few years. Here to listen more than talk but glad to be here x

Jun 17 · Liked post

Community post

Right so I don't even know how to start this because I'm not sure I belong here yet. I'm 43. My periods have gone a bit... weird. Not absent, not dramatic, just sort of off. Last month was 19 days, the month before was 35. I've started writing them down because otherwise I'd never remember and my GP always asks and I always just go blank. But here's the thing. I'm also just. knackered. Like properly bone-tired in a way that doesn't shift after a decent night. And anxious in this low-level hum way that I can't really explain to anyone without sounding like I need to get a grip. My husband thinks it's work. My mum thinks it's the kids. My brain thinks it's probably everything and also possibly nothing. I keep googling at midnight and ending up on perimenopause forums and thinking "that sounds like me" and then thinking "but you're being dramatic, loads of women feel like this at 43, this is just called being alive." Do I even ask the GP? And if I do, how do I ask without sounding like I've self-diagnosed off the internet at 1am? Because I kind of have. Also on a completely different note, does anyone else's weeknight cooking just completely fall apart by Wednesday? I used to actually make things. Now it's whatever requires the least decisions. That might be related to everything or might just be Wednesday. Hard to tell anymore. 😩

Jun 16 · Liked post

Community post

Nobody told me surgical menopause was just... overnight. Like a switch. I don't fit any of the timelines I keep reading about and it's isolating.

Jun 16 · Liked post

Community post

47, postmeno, and I've been doing these little walks around the block when I get home from work. Not power walking, not "steps goals", just... walking. And honestly? My mood is noticeably better on the days I do it vs the days I don't. It doesn't fix the fatigue, it doesn't fix the weight stuff, but something shifts a little. I also finally tried two of those beginner strength videos this week. The ones where the instructor isn't screaming at you. My joints were not thrilled but I got through it. The thing I want to bring to my doctor though is the fatigue piece, because I genuinely don't know where the limit is. Like how much am I supposed to push through vs how much is my body actually telling me something? Some days a 15 minute walk wipes me out and I feel like that can't be normal. Trying to write down when the crashes happen so I actually have something concrete to say at my appointment instead of just "I'm tired all the time" which, same, me too, but I want a real answer this time.

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

Quick question that isn't really a question. I'm on my third patch type in eighteen months (GP keeps switching things around at reviews and I never quite understand why) and I've started writing down the change dates with a little note about how sleep went that week. Not because I'm being scientific about it, I just got fed up of not being able to remember what was happening when, you know? Anyway I'd love to know if anyone else went from one patch to another and found the night sweats shifted, got worse for a bit, then settled, or didn't settle, whatever. Just the actual experience. I spoke to a friend who swapped to gel instead and she reckons it changed everything for her but she's also one of those people who swears by whatever she's currently doing so I don't know how much weight to give it 😂 I've started avoiding red wine completely on patch-change weeks which is a genuine sacrifice and I need someone to acknowledge that. Cold pasta salad for dinner like some sort of defeated person. Anyway. Just here for the stories x

Jun 15 · Liked post

Community post

Tiny win to share because I feel like I only ever post when I'm frustrated. I've been keeping a very basic note on my phone, just time of day, how bad (1-5), and whether I'd had coffee or wine beforehand. Nothing fancy. And when I went back to the GP this week I had actual examples to show her instead of just saying "loads, really bad, all the time" which is what I usually say and which, honestly, probably sounds vague. She actually looked at it properly. First time I've felt like I wasn't being fobbed off. Still early days but I'm noting this down as a thing that helped. x

Jun 14 · Liked post

Community post

Patricia, 46, peri. Can I just ask what people are actually eating for breakfast because I am so bored of myself. I have been the same weight for two years and then suddenly in the last six months I have gone up about half a stone without changing anything obvious and I genuinely do not know what to tell my GP when she asks. Like, has anything changed? No? Sort of? I don't know how to explain it. Anyway. I am not looking for a diet. I really, really am not. I cannot face another thing that involves a spreadsheet or cutting out entire food groups or spending forty quid on protein powder that tastes like chalk. What I am actually trying is just having something with a bit more protein in the morning rather than toast and hoping for the best. Eggs when I have time, which is not always. Sometimes just a bit of leftover chicken on toast which sounds grim but actually keeps me going until lunch without wanting to eat my own hand. Trying to keep it cheap because we are not flush and I have two kids who also need feeding. If anyone has genuinely budget-friendly ideas that are not a complete faff I would be so grateful. Nothing fancy. Just real food that doesn't cost a fortune and doesn't require me to become a different person. x

Jun 14 · Liked post

Community post

Okay so I keep trying to explain this to people and nobody gets it. My surgery was August 14th. Hot flashes started August 15th. Like, I went to sleep one person and woke up someone else entirely. There was no perimenopause, no gradual anything, no time to adjust. Just. Gone. And every article I read, every podcast, all of it talks about "the transition" like it's this slow drift. I didn't drift anywhere. I got dropped. I have a follow-up with my specialist next week and I've been writing out a timeline, basically a document with dates, because I realized I kept saying "it started a few weeks after" when actually I can tell her exactly when. August 15th. I have it in my phone. I think having the actual dates matters more than I thought it would. Also someone here mentioned eating enough protein when appetite is off and I have been doing soft scrambled eggs and Greek yogurt because I genuinely cannot face much else right now and weirdly that has felt manageable. Anyone else feel like surgical menopause is almost a different category that just gets lumped in with everything else?

Jun 14 · Liked post

Community post

The 3pm thing is killing me. Every single day, somewhere between half two and four, I just... fall off a cliff. Can't concentrate, want to eat everything in the kitchen, feel vaguely awful. It's been going on for months and I kept blaming bad sleep or stress or just getting older but I'm starting to think it's actually got something to do with what I'm eating earlier in the day. I've been a toast-and-coffee person for about thirty years. Works fine, doesn't it. Except apparently now it doesn't. I had eggs on Monday because I had a bit more time and the crash didn't happen, or at least it wasn't as bad. Probably a coincidence but I've been paying attention since then. Also trying to plan three proper dinners a week rather than just winging it every night and ending up having cereal at 8pm because I couldn't decide. That's a work in progress. My GP appointment is coming up and I want to ask about bloodwork because my weight has shifted quite a bit over the last two years, not dramatically but steadily, and I'd like to understand whether that's just life or whether something's actually changed hormonally. Does anyone know what to ask for specifically? I never quite know how to have that conversation without sounding like I've been googling too much (I have been googling too much). x

Jun 13 · Liked post

Community post

Hi all. I posted here a while back when I was in a really dark patch, couldn't sleep, flushes every couple of hours, felt like I was disappearing into myself. I said I'd come back if things shifted and, well, things have shifted a bit so here I am. I don't want to be one of those posts that makes it sound like everything is fixed and perfect, because it isn't. But I had a week last week where I slept four nights in a row without waking more than once. Four nights. I actually cried on the Thursday morning because I'd forgotten what that felt like. What I've been doing differently, not saying any of this is the reason, just noting it for myself really: I've been keeping a sleep and mood diary. Just a notes app, nothing fancy. It helped me go to my follow-up appointment with something real to show rather than just feeling like I was catastrophising. I've been trying to eat something proper in the evening rather than picking at whatever's easiest. Simple dinners, nothing complicated. I noticed I sleep worse when I skip a proper meal and I don't fully understand why but I've written it down. I'm still on HRT and we've been tweaking things. I won't go into detail because everyone's situation is different and I really don't want to accidentally nudge anyone in a direction that isn't right for them. My GP has been much better since I started bringing notes. There's still stuff that needs attention. Energy isn't back fully. Mood is better but fragile. I've got another appointment next month and I've already started a list of what still needs looking at. I just wanted to say to anyone who's in that really frightening early bit: it felt permanent to me. It doesn't feel permanent now. That's all. x

Jun 13 · Liked post

Community post

So my GP asked me last month whether I thought it was stress or hormones and honestly I just stared at her. Because how do I know? I've been managing a team for six years, I've handled restructures, I've done 7am calls with the US office. I am not someone who forgets words. And yet last Tuesday I sat in a meeting and the phrase I needed, something I use literally every week, just... wasn't there. I ended up saying "the thing where we check the numbers" like a toddler. My colleague finished the sentence for me. She was kind about it. I wanted to cry in the car park. I genuinely cannot tell if this is burnout (quite possible, it's been a brutal couple of years) or whether something hormonal is shifting. My periods have been a bit erratic since last spring but I always assumed I had ages yet. 44 feels young for peri doesn't it? Or maybe that's just what I told myself. What I've started doing, and it's not a system or anything, just survival, is writing everything down before I go into any meeting. Not just the agenda. The actual words I might need. The names of projects. Phrases I might reach for. It sounds mad but it's stopped me blanking twice this week. I'm going back to the GP next month and I want to go prepared this time. Has anyone actually listed out their cognitive slips for their doctor, like specific examples? I'm wondering whether to write it down properly, dates and what happened, so it doesn't just sound like "I'm tired and a bit vague". Because it's not vague to me. It's very specific and it's frightening.

Jun 12 · Liked post

Community post

So I switched from patches to oestrogel about eight weeks ago and honestly I keep going back and forth in my head about which was better. Not asking anyone to tell me what to do, just... curious whether other people have thoughts about their own switch? The patches were fine except I kept forgetting the change day and then wondering whether that explained a rough few days, so I started writing the change day on my phone calendar with a little note about how I slept that night. Three weeks of that and there was definitely something in it for me. The gel feels more fiddly somehow but I like being able to adjust the timing. Sleep is still all over the place if I'm honest. I've got a review coming up and I want to actually describe the sleep thing properly this time, not just say "not great" and have her nod and move on. Last time I said I was tired and she suggested a blood test. I need better words. How many flushes, how broken the sleep actually is, does it take an hour to get back off or three. That kind of thing. Anyway. Just musing really. If you've had a patch-to-gel journey and want to share how it went for you I'm all ears 😊

Jun 12 · Liked post

Community post

ok so this is small but I'm posting it anyway. I've been tracking my cycle for about six weeks now, just in the notes app, nothing sophisticated. And for the first time I actually spotted a pattern in my mood before it happened instead of after. Like I saw it coming. That has literally never happened before. I know that sounds basic. But when you've spent months feeling like you're just randomly falling apart with no warning, having even a tiny bit of predictability feels enormous. Still not sure if this is peri or just my life being too much. probably both. But at least I have something concrete to show my GP now instead of just vibes 😂 x

Jun 12 · Liked post

Community post

Right so I'm not here to overhaul my life. I just need to stop arriving at 4pm feeling like I've been hit by a bus and then eating half the kitchen before tea. I've been trying eggs at breakfast instead of toast-and-nothing and honestly. Honestly. I don't know if it's the protein thing or just that I'm actually eating a proper breakfast for once in my adult life but I'm less mental by lunchtime. Scrambled eggs, whatever's in the fridge, done in four minutes. Not fancy. Not expensive either which matters because the food shop is already eye-watering. The bit I'm trying to figure out though, because I've got a GP appointment coming up, is whether the weight creeping up around my middle is a perimenopause thing or just. life. I've not changed what I eat dramatically, I've not suddenly stopped moving, but something shifted in the last 18 months and I can't tell if that's relevant to mention or if she'll just say eat less and exercise more and I'll have to smile and nod. Has anyone actually tracked when it started, like written it down with dates? I'm wondering if I should go in with something more specific rather than just "I've put on weight and I don't know why" which sounds vague even to me x

Jun 12 · Liked post

Community post

55 and I want to say something to anyone who is where I was eight months ago, absolutely terrified, crying in the car park after a GP appointment that went nowhere, convinced something was seriously wrong because surely normal life couldn't feel this relentless and frightening. It can get better. That's all I want to say really. I'm not going to list what I'm doing because what works for me might do nothing for you and I'm not that person. But I will say that having a follow-up appointment where I actually brought written notes changed everything. I'd scribbled down what had improved, what hadn't, what I wanted to ask. The GP took me seriously in a way she hadn't before. I think turning up prepared made me feel less like I was just complaining and more like I was managing something. The other thing is dinner. I know that sounds ridiculous. But I stopped treating the evening meal as an afterthought and started cooking something with actual protein in it, nothing fancy, just eggs or fish or chicken with whatever veg needed using up. I don't know if that's part of it or just coincidence. Sleep is still not perfect. But I had four nights in a row last week where I woke up once instead of four times. I nearly cried. If you're at the beginning and you're frightened, you're not imagining it. And it doesn't necessarily stay this hard. x

Jun 11 · Liked post

Community post

Okay so here's where I'm at. 48, perimenopause, newly single after 14 years, and I went on an actual date last Saturday. I spent the whole week beforehand doing this thing where I'd look in the mirror and just... catalogue everything that's changed. The softer belly. The skin that doesn't quite bounce back. The way I sweat now at completely random moments. And I kept thinking, how do I show up for this man when I barely recognize myself? But here's what happened. I put on the dress I bought on impulse six months ago and never wore. I walked three miles that morning because movement is the one thing that makes me feel like I'm IN my body instead of just stranded in it. I ate something real beforehand so I wasn't running on anxiety and half a granola bar. And I was... fine? Like actually present. Not performing confidence I don't have, not pretending the hot flashes aren't real, just showing up as this slightly flustered, kind of funny, genuinely interesting 48-year-old woman. He texted the next day. I don't know what any of it means yet. But I'm writing this down because I want to remember that I didn't have to pretend. That part felt important. Also I need to actually talk to my doctor about the dryness situation before this goes any further because THAT is a whole other conversation I am not ready to have with a stranger 😅

Jun 11 · Liked post

Community post

55 and I went on a date last Thursday. Actual date. Sat across from a man in a wine bar and tried to remember who I was before I started disappearing. The thing is I looked alright? I wore the green dress I'd written off as "too much" and my friend said I looked brilliant and I almost believed her. I did not flush (miracle). I did not cry in the loos. I talked and laughed and he was fine, perfectly fine, but that's not the point. The point is I drove home and sat in the car and felt proud of myself in a way I haven't for ages. Not because of him. Just because I went. I'm 55 and divorced and my body is doing whatever it likes and I've spent two years feeling like the version of me that men might find attractive has quietly retired without telling me. And maybe she has, I don't know. But Thursday felt like evidence that something is still here. I've been writing down the days I feel okay about myself, genuinely okay, not performed okay. It's more often than I'd thought. That's the thing I'm holding onto at the moment. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I want to talk about the confidence stuff, the way anxiety has eaten into how I feel about my own body, not just the physical symptoms. I don't know how to say that without it sounding vain. Is it vain? It doesn't feel vain. It feels like survival. x

Jun 16 · Replied to Community post

Thank you Clare, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 10 · Replied to Community post

Thank you A.A., and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 3 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Greta. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.