Denise

48 next month and my periods have basically lost the plot. Last cycle was 19 days. The one before that was 38. And the heaviness... I genuinely had to leave a meeting last week and I don't want to talk about why. I've started keeping a little calendar on my phone, just marking when it starts, when it properly kicks in, when it eases off. Nothing fancy. But I've got my GP appointment in a few weeks and I am NOT going in there empty handed again to be told it's "just one of those things". Also been trying to eat more iron-rich stuff on the heavy days because I am absolutely floored by day two. Lentil soup, spinach with everything, that kind of thing. Whether it helps I genuinely can't say but it's something I can actually control. Anyone else tracking their bleeding pattern for a GP appointment? What did you write down, what did they actually find useful to know? x

48 and I genuinely thought I knew my own body by now. Apparently not. My periods have gone completely rogue in the last six months. Used to be like clockwork, four or five days, manageable. Now I have no idea when they're coming, how heavy they'll be, or whether I'll need to change every hour or barely at all. Last Tuesday I bled through onto my work chair. I am a grown woman. I wanted to cry. I've started keeping a little calendar, nothing fancy, just noting when it starts, how heavy each day feels on a rough scale, and whether I needed extra protection. I feel a bit daft doing it but I've got a GP appointment coming up and I am absolutely not going in there empty-handed and getting told it's probably just stress. Also trying to eat more iron-rich food because I am floored on my heavy days, like properly can't-function tired. Lentil soup, tinned sardines on toast, that kind of thing. Easy stuff because cooking anything complicated on those days is not happening. Does anyone else track theirs this way? Wondering what's actually useful to bring to the GP versus what they'll just glance at and ignore. x

48 next month and I genuinely thought I was prepared for perimenopause. Hot flushes, mood stuff, fine, I'd read about all of that. Nobody warned me about THIS. My periods have gone completely rogue. I had a fairly regular 28-day cycle for about twenty five years and now it's anyone's guess. Last month it arrived nine days early and was so heavy I went through everything I had at work and had to ask a colleague if she had anything spare. I am 48 years old. Standing in a toilet cubicle feeling like I did at thirteen. So I've started writing it all down. Dates, how heavy (I've been doing light / medium / heavy / sending help as my four categories 😂), how many days, any spotting in between. I've got a GP appointment in six weeks and I want to walk in with something concrete because last time I mentioned my periods changing she said it was normal for my age and moved on. I need her to actually see the pattern, not just hear me say "they've been heavy" and nod. Also been trying to eat more iron-rich stuff on the bad days because I come off a heavy period absolutely floored. Lentil soup, spinach with eggs, that kind of thing. Low effort because that's all I can manage honestly. Anyone else been through this with their GP? Did having actual written records make a difference? I want to go in prepared not dismissed x

48 and my body has apparently decided that the rules no longer apply. I had a cycle like clockwork for literally thirty years. Now I genuinely do not know when it's coming, how heavy it'll be, or whether I'll be caught out in the middle of Tesco with absolutely nothing in my bag. Last month was light and almost normal. This month I've gone through more pads in four days than I'd usually use in an entire period. I feel like I'm twelve and learning this all over again which is both hilarious and absolutely exhausting. I've started keeping a calendar on my phone, just writing down when it starts, how heavy, any clumping (sorry, but we're all in this together). Partly because I've got a GP appointment coming up and I know from bitter experience that the minute you sit down opposite someone in a white coat your brain empties completely. I want to have actual dates, actual patterns, something I can point to. Also trying to get more iron-rich food in on the heavy days because I feel absolutely wiped. Lentil soup has become my friend. Spinach in everything. Not a miracle but it feels like I'm doing something rather than just lying on the sofa wondering if this is my life now. Anyone else gone through this kind of unpredictability? Does it eventually settle or does it just keep being a surprise every month? x

48 and my periods have basically become a separate, unpredictable entity that does whatever it wants with zero input from me 😩 Last month: nothing for six weeks, then absolute carnage for ten days. This month: turned up early, heavy from day one, soaked through at work on Tuesday and had to do that mortifying walk to the loo with my cardigan tied round my waist like I was fourteen. I genuinely cannot tell you when my next one is coming. Could be Thursday. Could be August. I've started keeping a little calendar on my phone, just marking when it starts, how heavy, how long. Felt a bit pointless at first but I've got my GP appointment in three weeks and I want to actually be able to say "look, this is what's been happening" instead of sitting there going "erm, it's been a bit all over the place" while she nods and tells me it's normal for my age. Also been trying to eat more iron-rich stuff on the bad days because the tiredness afterwards is something else. Lentil soup mostly, because I cannot be bothered cooking anything that requires more than one pan when I feel like that. Anyone else tracking their cycle for a GP appointment? What did you find useful to note down? x

48 next month and I swear my periods have just decided to do whatever they want now. Last month, three weeks late. Month before, two weeks early and so heavy I had to leave a meeting at work to sort myself out. I sat in that cubicle thinking, I am a grown adult, how is this my life. I've started writing things down on a little paper calendar I keep in my bedside drawer. Dates, how heavy, how many days. It feels a bit daft but I figure if I ever get a GP appointment that lasts longer than eight minutes I want to actually have something to show her instead of going "erm, it's been bad, I think, maybe since last summer?" Also wondering if anyone else is knackered in a way that feels different to normal tired? Like bone tired. I've been trying to eat more iron-y things, lentil soup, a lot of spinach chucked into pasta, tinned sardines which I pretend I don't mind. Not sure if it's helping but it's something. Anyway. Just needed to land this somewhere x

Right. So I've been 'irregular' for about eighteen months and I thought I had a rough idea of what to expect each month but the last four have been absolutely all over the place. Cycle length jumping from 22 days to 47 days and back again. And when it does arrive it's like it's making up for lost time. I had to leave a work meeting last month and I'm 48, not 14, I shouldn't be planning my diary around whether I might need to sprint to the loo. Started keeping a rough calendar on my phone just so I can at least see the pattern, or the complete lack of one. Eating a lot of lentil soup and spinach on the bad weeks because I read somewhere it helps and honestly I'll try anything at this point. Going to show the calendar to my GP and see if she takes it seriously. She might. She might not. 🙄

Can I just ask how other people are actually keeping track of all this? Because my periods have gone absolutely rogue in the last year and I genuinely cannot predict them anymore. Used to be like clockwork. Now I might get something that's barely there, then the next one has me changing every hour and cancelling things. I've started keeping a rough calendar on my phone, just noting when it starts, how heavy, how many days. Feels a bit obsessive but I don't know what else to do before I go to the GP, I want to be able to actually describe what's been happening rather than just saying "it's got worse" and getting sent away with leaflets. Also trying to eat more iron-rich stuff on the bad days because I am completely wiped out afterwards. Lentil soup, spinach, that kind of thing. Nothing fancy, I haven't got the energy for fancy. Is 48 too young to be dealing with this? Everyone I mention it to says oh it's just your age like that's supposed to help. I'm so tired of it being treated like a minor inconvenience. x

Denise, 48. Right, I need to get this out because I feel like I'm going slightly mad. My periods have become completely unrecognisable. I'm talking soaking through in an hour on day two, then nothing for six weeks, then arriving out of nowhere on a Tuesday when I'm wearing pale trousers at work. I have a bag in my desk drawer now like I'm fifteen. It's humiliating and I hate that I find it humiliating but I do. I've started keeping a calendar because my GP appointment is coming up and I know from experience that if I walk in there and say "my periods are all over the place" she'll nod and send me away. Last time I came out with literally nothing. So this time I want actual dates, actual flow notes, the lot. Day one, day two, how heavy, did I need to double up, how wiped out I was afterwards. The fatigue on heavy days is something else. I made lentil soup last week because I couldn't face cooking properly but I knew I needed something with iron in it. That's where I am now. Planning meals around blood loss. Never thought I'd be typing that sentence. Anyone else tracking this stuff before appointments? What did you actually write down that turned out to be useful? x

Denise, 48. Genuinely embarrassed to be writing this but here we are. My periods have gone completely feral. I used to be a 28-day clockwork woman. Now I genuinely don't know when it's coming, how long it'll last, or whether I'll need to double up on everything or nothing at all. Last month I bled for eleven days. The month before, five. I've started keeping a little calendar on my phone just so I can show my GP something concrete because I know if I go in and say "it's been unpredictable" she'll nod and send me away. The exhaustion that comes with it is the bit I wasn't prepared for. I'm dragging myself through the school run on the worst days and just... functioning on the bare minimum. I've also started writing down what I actually eat on heavy days because I read something about iron and I've been trying to have lentil soup or spinach with eggs when I can manage it. Whether it helps I genuinely couldn't say but it feels like doing something rather than just suffering. GP appointment next week. I want to go in with actual dates and patterns, not just a vague feeling. Anyone been in a similar position before their appointment? Did the specifics actually make a difference to how you were heard? x

Forty-eight and my periods have basically lost the plot. Last month it arrived nine days early. The month before that I bled for eleven days straight and went through so many pads I had to do an emergency Boots run at half nine on a Thursday night like some kind of teenager. I genuinely stood in that aisle feeling embarrassed and I am nearly fifty years old. I've started keeping a rough calendar on my phone, just jotting down when it starts, when it stops, how heavy each day feels on a rough scale. Mostly because I've got a GP appointment coming and I don't want to sit there going "um, it's been quite heavy I think" and have her nod and send me away with nothing. That has already happened once and I am not doing it again. Also trying to eat more iron-rich stuff on the bad days, lentil soup, tinned sardines on toast, that kind of thing. Nothing fancy, I'm not cooking a roast on day two when I can barely stand up. But it does seem to help a bit with the bone-tired feeling, or maybe I'm imagining it. Anyone else gone to their GP with actual written evidence and found it made a difference? I want to walk in prepared this time. x

Right so I know this is tiny in the grand scheme of things but I have to tell someone who will actually get it. I slept through until half six this morning. No 2am wide awake wondering if I'd somehow flooded the bed. No lying there doing the maths on how many hours I had left. Just. Sleep. For context, the last two months have been absolutely grim. Periods arriving when they feel like it, lasting forever, heavier than anything I've dealt with since my twenties, and me dragging myself through the school run and a full day at work on about four hours and a lot of denial. I've been keeping a little note in my phone of the worst days, just dates and a rough sense of how bad it was, because I've got a GP appointment coming up and I didn't want to go in and say "it's been a lot" and have nothing to show for it. I also started making sure I eat something with iron in most evenings. Nothing fancy. Lentil soup, a bit of spinach thrown in wherever it'll fit, that sort of thing. I don't know if that's doing anything but I feel like I'm doing something, which helps my brain. Anyway. Last night. Slept. Woke up and actually felt like a person. I know one good night doesn't mean it's fixed. I know next week could be a disaster. But I wanted to put a small hopeful thing here because I spent a lot of time reading this lot at 3am feeling like it was never going to ease up, and maybe someone else is doing that right now. It does ease up sometimes. Even just for a night. And that's enough for now x

48 and I genuinely cannot predict my own body anymore. Last month, 19 days. The month before, 34. This month started with absolutely no warning while I was in the middle of a parent's evening. Dark trousers, thank god, but still. I sat there talking about my son's maths progress while quietly dying inside. The actual flow is different too. Not just heavier, it's like the first two days are a completely different level to anything I had in my thirties. I've started keeping a note on my phone, not because anyone told me to, just because I kept turning up at the GP going "erm, well, it's been heavy" and that's it, that's all I had. Felt like an idiot. So now I'm writing down when it starts, how heavy (I use a 1 to 5 scale, very scientific), and when it stops. That's it. Basic. Also been trying to eat more iron-rich stuff because I'm shattered and I read somewhere that heavy periods can tank your levels. Mostly lentil soup and the odd handful of spinach chucked into whatever I'm already making. Nothing heroic. Got a GP appointment in three weeks and I want to actually go in with something useful this time. Has anyone else put together a bleeding diary before a GP visit? Did it actually help them take you more seriously? x

Right so I'm 48 and my periods have gone absolutely feral and I don't know what else to call it. Two years ago I was like clockwork. Now I genuinely cannot predict when it's coming, how heavy it'll be, or whether it'll last four days or nine. Last month I went through so much in a single day that I had to leave a work meeting and I wanted to cry in the bathroom but I was too tired even for that. I've started writing everything down in a little calendar on my phone because I kept turning up to the GP going "it's heavier" and she'd ask how heavy and I'd just sort of wave my hands around uselessly. So now I'm actually noting the days, the flow, when I'm flooding vs when it's manageable. It feels a bit grim but I have an appointment in three weeks and I want to actually be able to say something concrete. Also I've been making more effort to eat properly on heavy days because I feel completely wiped out and I read somewhere that lentil soup and spinach are good for iron. I don't know if it's doing anything yet but it's easy to make a big batch on a Sunday and at least I feel like I'm doing something. Anyone else been through this with their GP? Did having the pattern written down actually help or did they still just shrug? x

Jun 20 · Liked post

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Right. GP on Thursday and I am absolutely not going in there and going blank again. Last time I sat down and she asked how I was and I said 'fine, bit tired' and walked out having achieved nothing. I was furious with myself for about a week. So this time I've actually written things down. Like, properly. Dates, what woke me, how bad the 3am thing was, whether I managed to get back to sleep or just lay there catastrophising until 6. I've gone back through my phone notes (I send myself voice memos at stupid o'clock apparently, I found four I didn't remember recording). I've written down when the anxiety spikes with no obvious reason, because that one is hard to explain out loud without sounding like I'm just a bit stressed about work. I'm also going to mention the postmeno bit because I think she forgets I'm past periods now and I want to actually ask about HRT and sleep specifically. I've read enough on here to know that's worth raising. The evening walks have helped a tiny bit honestly. Not fixed anything. But I come home slightly less wired, which means I'm not lying there replaying emails at midnight quite as much. Wish me luck for Thursday. I am going in with my list and I am not apologising for it 🤞

Jun 20 · Liked post

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The anxiety thing is the bit I can't explain to anyone. There's no trigger. Nothing bad has happened. Work is fine, kids are fine, nothing is on fire. And yet at about half six most evenings I get this low-level dread that just... sits there. Like waiting for news that never comes. My husband looks at me like I should be able to name the reason and I genuinely cannot. I'm 50 and I've started wondering if this is hormonal rather than me just falling apart psychologically. Someone on here mentioned it a while back, the anxiety that doesn't have a story attached to it, and that phrase has stayed with me. I've got a GP appointment coming up and I'm going to try to ask about HRT and whether it can help with sleep and this formless dread specifically. I always forget half of what I want to say the moment I sit down in that room so I've been writing things down this week. Not symptoms exactly, more like... the texture of how I feel. Hoping that's useful. Also started eating a proper breakfast with eggs or something substantial because I read it can help with the afternoon energy crash. Too early to know if it's doing anything but I've managed it four days running which for me is practically an achievement. Dinner has been whatever's fastest. Pasta, beans on toast, leftovers. I cannot be doing with cooking properly when I feel like this and I've stopped pretending I will. x

Jun 20 · Liked post

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51 and something happened in my appraisal last week that I still haven't fully gotten over. My manager asked me to summarise the project outcomes and I just... sat there. I knew what I wanted to say. It was all there somewhere. But the words came out in the wrong order and then stopped altogether and I ended up saying "you know, the thing, the data thing" like an absolute liability. I've worked in this field for nearly twenty years. I don't know if this is perimenopause or burnout or both happening at the same time and honestly I'm not sure it matters because the effect is the same. I sit in meetings now and I write everything down in advance because I genuinely cannot trust what will come out of my mouth if I wing it. Pre-meeting notes, mid-meeting notes, post-meeting notes. I am essentially a one-woman paper trail just to function at the level I managed effortlessly five years ago. The other thing I've started noticing is the 3pm wall. Not tired exactly, more like someone turned the brightness down on my brain. I've been keeping a bag of mixed nuts and a couple of oatcakes at my desk because I read something about blood sugar and cognition and I'll try anything at this point. Genuinely no idea if it's helping but it gives me something to do that isn't panicking. Sleep is the other piece. I've started going to bed at the same time every night like a child, no screens after half ten, which my teenagers find hilarious. But the nights I actually sleep properly I am measurably better the next day. That much I'm certain of. Going to the GP next month and I want to explain how this is affecting my work specifically, not just "I'm a bit fuzzy". Has anyone done that? Brought actual examples? I keep wondering if they'll take it more seriously if I come in with a list of concrete incidents rather than just describing a vague feeling x

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48 and I've been tracking my cycles for about four months because they started doing things I didn't expect. Shorter, then longer, then a 19-day one that made me think I'd miscounted. I have an appointment next month and I want to actually ask useful questions instead of just nodding along. Does anyone have a list of things they brought up that made the conversation feel productive? I tend to either over-explain or go blank. ETA: I'm not sure if I want bloodwork or just answers. Both maybe. I just want to not feel like I'm being dramatic about a thing that is clearly a thing.

Jun 19 · Liked post

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Trying magnesium this month. Just that. Writing down whether my sleep changes. Not buying anything else until I know. x

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Right so I've been meaning to write this down somewhere and this feels like the right place because at least someone might read it and I'll feel accountable. I'm not calling this a plan. I've had enough of plans. Plans make me feel like I'm already failing before I've started, and the last thing I need right now on top of everything else is another thing to fail at. So this is just an experiment. A quiet one. A nobody-needs-to-know-except-this-forum one. Here's what I'm trying this week. I'm going to write down how I sleep each night, just a quick note on my phone, nothing fancy, not an app, not a spreadsheet, just a few words. Woke at 2, hot, couldn't settle. Or slept through, bit groggy. That kind of thing. I've noticed over the past few months that I can't actually remember what a good night feels like versus a bad one, they've all blurred into this general fog of not-quite-rested, and I want to see if there's actually a pattern or whether I'm just catastrophising on the tired days. I'm also going to try eating something proper before I open my laptop in the morning. Not a full production, just something with a bit of substance to it. I've been skipping breakfast or grabbing something on autopilot and then wondering why I feel terrible by eleven. I'm not making any claims about what that will or won't do, I'm genuinely just curious whether there's a connection for me personally. And the third thing, which feels almost embarrassingly small, is a short walk after dinner a few nights this week. Not every night, I'm not setting myself up like that. Just a few nights. Ten minutes maybe. Enough to get outside and feel like I did something. I'm writing this here partly because I know myself and if I don't tell someone I'll quietly abandon it by Wednesday and pretend I never said anything. And partly because I remember reading something on here a while back, someone doing a similar kind of low-stakes logging thing, and it made me feel like this kind of careful, gentle noticing was actually allowed. That you don't have to overhaul everything at once. I'll come back and say how it went. Even if it went nowhere. Especially if it went nowhere, actually, because that's useful information too. x

Jun 18 · Liked post

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42 and somehow I have ended up with seven different supplement pots on my kitchen counter and I genuinely don't know how that happened. Every time I see something on Instagram I think oh maybe that's the missing piece and I buy it and then nothing changes and I just have more pots. So I've stopped. Cleared the counter. Going back to basics for a bit, eating actual proper food first, more protein, more veg, not glamorous but I haven't been doing that consistently so it feels dishonest to keep adding pills on top of a patchy diet. If I'm still struggling in a few weeks I was thinking of just trying one thing, probably magnesium because it keeps coming up, but ONE thing and actually paying attention to whether my sleep shifts at all. Writing it down so it's not just vibes. Also want to ask my GP about interactions before I add anything, I'm not on HRT yet but conversations are happening and I don't want to just casually mention six supplements at the last minute. Does anyone else bring a list to their appointment? Does it help or do they just gloss over it? x

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42 and genuinely caught between two worlds here. Downloaded one of those cycle apps last year and it kept suggesting I track "fertile windows" and sending me little seedling emojis. Thanks, no. But then I look at menopause forums and everyone seems to be talking about things that feel years ahead of where I am and I quietly close the tab feeling like a fraud. My cycles have been... odd. Not dramatically odd. Just odd enough that I've noticed. Used to be like clockwork, now it's 26 days, then 34, then 29, and I can't tell if that's just my body being 42 or something actually shifting. My GP last year said "that's within normal range" and moved on fairly swiftly. I've started keeping a little notes doc on my phone. Not anything fancy, just the date my period starts, how I felt the week before, whether the anxiety was bad. I want to be able to go back to my GP with something more than "I just feel a bit off". Because every time I try to explain it out loud it sounds like I'm describing being a normal tired working mum and I end up half-apologising for being there. Also started making sure I actually eat breakfast before anything else in the morning. Genuinely helps the 11am wobbliness. That's the whole revelation, sorry 😂 Anyone else in this weird in-between bit? x

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Okay so can I just say how disorienting it is to not fit ANY of the standard timelines. Like I had my ovaries out at 42 and everything hit me within a week. A WEEK. And then I'd read these articles about perimenopause being this gradual transition over years and I'd just sit there like... that is genuinely not my story at all and I don't know what to do with that. I've been keeping notes on my phone because my follow-up with the specialist is next month and I don't want to show up and forget half of what's been happening. Hot flashes at 2am that wake me up completely soaked, mood stuff that comes out of nowhere, appetite that is just... weird. Some days I'm not hungry until like 3pm and then I'm starving. I've been trying to get protein in earlier when that happens, like eggs or Greek yogurt, not because I read it somewhere life-changing, just because it seems to help me feel less unhinged by noon. The thing I want to ask my doctor and keep forgetting to write down: is what I'm experiencing now even comparable to what the research talks about? Because most studies seem to be on women who went through this gradually and I feel like I'm in a completely different category that nobody has a pamphlet for. Anyone else surgical who felt like the whole language around menopause just... didn't apply to them?

Jun 18 · Liked post

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Been lurking here for ages and finally typing something out because my GP appointment is next week and I'm absolutely bricking it. I want to ask about HRT properly this time, not just get fobbed off with "it's probably just stress" again. Last time I left with literally nothing and cried in the car park. So I've been trying to write stuff down beforehand. Not in any organised way, just... when I wake up at 3am absolutely drenched and furious I grab my phone and type a note. I've got about two weeks of those now. Flush in the night. Flush before lunch. Heart going mental on the bus for no reason. That sort of thing. What I'm less sure about is whether to ask specifically about patches versus gel. I've read bits and pieces here and elsewhere and I genuinely don't know what questions to even ask the GP. Like do you ask them to explain the difference? Do you say you've heard gel might suit some people better? I don't want to come across as difficult but I also don't want to just accept whatever they hand me without understanding it. Also I've noticed I'm much worse after coffee and honestly devastated about that. Been cutting back this week and writing that down too, just to see. Did anyone else make a list before their first proper HRT conversation? What did you actually put on it? x

Jun 18 · Liked post

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Hi all. 58, post-menopause, finally feeling cautiously better after a rough few years. Here to listen more than talk but glad to be here x

Jun 17 · Liked post

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Hello everyone. So I've been lurking here for a while and I had to share this because the supplement aisle was genuinely making me anxious. Every week there's a new thing on Instagram, some influencer with glowing skin telling me I need this powder or that capsule. I decided to just pick one thing and track it properly for a few weeks before adding anything else. I've been keeping a little note on my phone, nothing fancy, just how I slept and whether the hot flushes felt different. Early days but honestly just having a method has calmed me down more than anything in the cupboard has so far 😊 x

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Sixty and standing outside my local gym last Tuesday like a complete muppet, coat on, bag on shoulder, just... not going in. Watched three women probably half my age bounce past me and thought nope, turned round, went home and had a biscuit. I know that's not the story anyone wants to hear but there it is. I've been reading about strength training because everything I've come across says it matters more after menopause, not less. Which is annoying because I genuinely thought I'd earned the right to stop caring about this. But my joints have been awful and my GP mentioned that building a bit of muscle might actually help with that long term. So I'm not doing this for aesthetic reasons, I want to be clear about that. I just want to be able to open a jar without wincing. What I have actually managed, which is more modest: I've been doing some gentle mobility stuff before bed. Hips mostly. Ten minutes off YouTube, nothing dramatic. And honestly it's the one thing I've kept up because it doesn't require leaving the house or wearing trainers in public. My sleep has been slightly less terrible on the nights I do it. Could be coincidence. Could be the fact that I'm finally just lying still for ten minutes before I expect myself to sleep. Who knows. The gym thing is still hanging over me. I'm not ready to walk back in and pretend I know what I'm doing. But I have a GP appointment next month and I want to ask properly about where my fatigue levels actually sit before I push myself too hard. Because last time I tried to "get back into exercise" I went too hard too fast and then crashed for a week and felt worse. I don't want that again. Has anyone here started strength work really, really gently? Like embarrassingly gently? I'd find that reassuring. x

Jun 16 · Liked post

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Right so I don't even know how to start this because I'm not sure I belong here yet. I'm 43. My periods have gone a bit... weird. Not absent, not dramatic, just sort of off. Last month was 19 days, the month before was 35. I've started writing them down because otherwise I'd never remember and my GP always asks and I always just go blank. But here's the thing. I'm also just. knackered. Like properly bone-tired in a way that doesn't shift after a decent night. And anxious in this low-level hum way that I can't really explain to anyone without sounding like I need to get a grip. My husband thinks it's work. My mum thinks it's the kids. My brain thinks it's probably everything and also possibly nothing. I keep googling at midnight and ending up on perimenopause forums and thinking "that sounds like me" and then thinking "but you're being dramatic, loads of women feel like this at 43, this is just called being alive." Do I even ask the GP? And if I do, how do I ask without sounding like I've self-diagnosed off the internet at 1am? Because I kind of have. Also on a completely different note, does anyone else's weeknight cooking just completely fall apart by Wednesday? I used to actually make things. Now it's whatever requires the least decisions. That might be related to everything or might just be Wednesday. Hard to tell anymore. 😩

Jun 16 · Liked post

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47, postmeno, and I've been doing these little walks around the block when I get home from work. Not power walking, not "steps goals", just... walking. And honestly? My mood is noticeably better on the days I do it vs the days I don't. It doesn't fix the fatigue, it doesn't fix the weight stuff, but something shifts a little. I also finally tried two of those beginner strength videos this week. The ones where the instructor isn't screaming at you. My joints were not thrilled but I got through it. The thing I want to bring to my doctor though is the fatigue piece, because I genuinely don't know where the limit is. Like how much am I supposed to push through vs how much is my body actually telling me something? Some days a 15 minute walk wipes me out and I feel like that can't be normal. Trying to write down when the crashes happen so I actually have something concrete to say at my appointment instead of just "I'm tired all the time" which, same, me too, but I want a real answer this time.

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Twenty-nine years married and I honestly thought I knew my own body. Then somewhere around eighteen months ago things just... shifted. Quietly. No fanfare. My husband hasn't said anything unkind, he wouldn't, but I can feel myself pulling away and I hate it. It's not him. It's that it hurts now sometimes, and I don't know how to explain that without making it into a whole thing. I've got a GP appointment booked for next Thursday and I've been trying to write down what I actually want to say, because I know I'll go in there and say "I'm fine, just a bit tired" like I always do. So I'm writing it here first, as practice I suppose. The dryness is real and it's affecting us. There's sometimes a burning sensation afterwards that can last a day or two. Intimacy feels different in a way I can't quite describe, like my body is somewhere else. My confidence has gone sideways in a way I didn't expect. I want to ask specifically about local oestrogen. I've read a bit and I want to know if that's something she'd consider. I want to not be fobbed off with "it's just your age" this time. Also, completely separately, I've been making more effort with food lately, just trying to eat things that don't leave me feeling foggy, more protein, less of the afternoon biscuits, and it genuinely seems to help my energy a bit. Not everything, but something. Anyway. That's more than I've said out loud to anyone. x

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Has anyone actually brought up the caregiving piece at their OBGYN appointment? Like, does it even register as relevant? Saving this question for mine next month.

Jun 15 · Liked post

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Okay so today's self-care achievement was sitting in my car in the driveway for four minutes eating a protein bar before going inside to be needed by literally everyone. My mom called twice during those four minutes. My teenager texted asking where her hoodie was. I did not answer either of them. I just sat there. Chewing. In silence. Is this what boundaries feel like? Because honestly? I might be getting good at this. 😂 ETA: the hoodie was on her floor. Obviously.

Jun 14 · Liked post

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The 3pm thing is killing me. Every single day, somewhere between half two and four, I just... fall off a cliff. Can't concentrate, want to eat everything in the kitchen, feel vaguely awful. It's been going on for months and I kept blaming bad sleep or stress or just getting older but I'm starting to think it's actually got something to do with what I'm eating earlier in the day. I've been a toast-and-coffee person for about thirty years. Works fine, doesn't it. Except apparently now it doesn't. I had eggs on Monday because I had a bit more time and the crash didn't happen, or at least it wasn't as bad. Probably a coincidence but I've been paying attention since then. Also trying to plan three proper dinners a week rather than just winging it every night and ending up having cereal at 8pm because I couldn't decide. That's a work in progress. My GP appointment is coming up and I want to ask about bloodwork because my weight has shifted quite a bit over the last two years, not dramatically but steadily, and I'd like to understand whether that's just life or whether something's actually changed hormonally. Does anyone know what to ask for specifically? I never quite know how to have that conversation without sounding like I've been googling too much (I have been googling too much). x

Jun 14 · Liked post

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Okay so I'm not after anyone telling me what to do, genuinely, I just want to know if other people have noticed a difference between the patch and the gel in terms of how hot they actually get. Like the physical heat of a flush. Because I've been keeping this slightly obsessive little temperature diary since January (yes I know) and when I look back at the weeks I was trialling one versus the other there does seem to be a pattern in my flush frequency but I honestly can't tell if that's real or if I'm just finding shapes in clouds. The diary thing started because my GP kept saying "how often are you having them" and I'd just go blank. Every time. So now I write it down. Morning, afternoon, night, how bad on a rough scale of one to three, whether I woke up or not. It's quite a lot of paper. Also I've started eating differently in the evenings, cooler stuff, less faff, mostly salads and cold things because I can't face cooking when I already feel like a radiator. Whether that's doing anything I have no idea but at least dinner isn't making it worse. Anyway. Patch or gel. That's all I'm really wondering about. Not what I should do, just what other people noticed. x

Jun 21 · Replied to Community post

Right, slight different angle here because my cycles went irregular and heavy at the same time so my GP focused a lot on the bleeding pattern rather than hormones straight away. If yours are changing length but also changing in terms of flow or how you feel during them, worth mentioning that too, not just the dates. Not saying that's your situation but it changed what they looked at for me. x

Jun 20 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Elizabeth. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 20 · Replied to Community post

Thank you Elizabeth, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 20 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially Siobhan. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 19 · Replied to Community post

Hi! I'm still very much in the thick of it so hearing from people on the other side is genuinely reassuring. Cautiously better sounds wonderful from where I'm standing. Welcome x

Jun 19 · Replied to Community post

Not on HRT yet so I can't compare the two properly, but I just wanted to say the flush diary idea is genuinely brilliant. I've been trying to work out whether my symptoms are getting worse or whether I'm just noticing them more, and I think I need to actually write it down rather than trying to hold it all in my head. Also the wine suspicion is extremely relatable. x

Jun 18 · Replied to Community post

Snap! The unpredictability is what gets me, I can handle a lot but I cannot handle not knowing. One month nothing, next month absolute carnage. For your appointment I'd say: write down the heaviest day in actual numbers (pads or tampons, how many hours), write down how tired you are on a scale if that helps, and yes ask for ferritin, thyroid, and a full blood count not just a general iron check. Also ask about a referral if they fob you off. Don't leave without something concrete. x

Jun 18 · Replied to Community post

This is exactly the kind of win that needs marking. Properly. The fact that you had to plan like a military operation just to do school pickup is enraging, but the planning worked and that matters. I started keeping notes too and honestly it changed my GP appointment completely. She actually listened when I had dates and amounts written down. Claim that win loudly. x

Jun 18 · Replied to Community post

This is lovely to read. The decision fatigue thing is something I never would have thought of but it makes complete sense. My mornings are chaos and I'm basically already depleted before I've left the house. Might steal your breakfast plan. Hope Thursday goes well x

Jun 18 · Replied to Community post

Welcome! 48 here and the "I'm just tired from everything else" thought kept me going in circles for about two years if I'm honest. The periods going unpredictable was the thing that finally made me take it seriously. There was a thread on here recently about what to track before a GP appointment, worth a look when you're ready. x

Jun 17 · Replied to Community post

Snap. Genuinely snap. I had a similar appointment a few months back and came out feeling a bit daft for having made such a big deal of it, even though I knew I hadn't. Someone on here mentioned recently about asking for a follow-up specifically about hormone levels, which I'm trying next. Not advice, just what I'm doing. Still here too. x

Jun 16 · Replied to Community post

I could have written this word for word. The unpredictability is what gets me, I genuinely cannot plan anything anymore. And the exhaustion afterwards isn't normal tired, it's a different category entirely isn't it. I'm a bit behind you on the GP prep front if I'm honest, I keep meaning to start tracking properly and then the week passes. You've shamed me into actually doing it 😂 Definitely ask about ferritin, I've seen it mentioned in a thread here recently too, seems like a lot of us are in the same boat. Good luck with the appointment x

Jun 16 · Replied to Community post

Oh love, the sitting in the car thing. I did that for months and just thought I was being pathetic. I wasn't being pathetic. Neither are you. The folder idea is exactly right. I went to my GP with a printed calendar, colour coded by flow and fatigue, and honestly I think it's the only reason she actually listened instead of saying "have you tried going to bed earlier". Bring the receipts. Every single one. x

Jun 16 · Replied to Community post

Thank you Elizabeth, and everyone who replied. This is exactly why I posted. Reading these has made me feel much less ridiculous, and I am adding a few notes before my next appointment.

Jun 16 · Replied to Community post

I could have written this word for word, minus the post-menopause bit. I've been meaning to track properly for months and keep putting it off because it feels like a lot of effort. But you're right, 'I'm tired' gets you nowhere with a GP does it 😩 The exercise hunch is interesting. Let us know what you find x

Jun 16 · Replied to Community post

Right, the cardigan round the waist in 2024 is not something any of us should have to do and yet here we all are 😂 The notes thing is such a good idea. I wish I'd done it before my first GP appointment because I went in and just said 'it's been really heavy' and she nodded and basically sent me away with nothing. Numbers and dates are much harder to brush off. Go in armed. x

Jun 15 · Replied to Community post

Oh I could have written this word for word before my last appointment. What actually helped me was writing down the worst three or four days in plain language, like 'soaked through in two hours, couldn't leave the house' rather than trying to be clinical about it. Clots absolutely worth noting separately, size and frequency. And yes, push for iron AND ferritin specifically, because ferritin can be low even when haemoglobin looks 'fine' and that's where the barely-functioning feeling lives. Good luck Thursday x

Jun 15 · Replied to Community post

I could have written this word for word, honestly. The unpredictability is what gets me. I can cope with heavy if I can at least PLAN for heavy, you know? The phone notes are brilliant, I'd also say if you can note down how many pads or tampons on the worst days that really lands with GPs, more than 'a lot' ever does. Also the bone tiredness, yes, absolutely yes. Hope your appointment goes well x

Jun 15 · Replied to Community post

Just popping back to say thank you, especially A.A.. I read all of these with a cup of tea and had a little cry, in a good way. This community is such a relief sometimes.

Jun 15 · Replied to Community post

The printing agendas thing made me laugh in recognition, not at you, absolutely with you. I've started writing myself little cue cards for things I used to just know. It's a lot. I think going to the GP with examples is exactly right. I went in once and just said I was exhausted and forgetful and it went nowhere. Second time I had specific things written down and it was a completely different conversation. Worth the effort. x